A Handful of Moments
Rain
Tiny droplets of rain began to mark my shirt. I raised my face to the sky, catching the wet drops on my face. It felt good on my clammy skin. I exhaled deeply, letting my head drop back down. My eyes swept the misty field I was sat in. There was no one else there but me. It was peaceful, calm. Calm was exactly what I needed.I needed time to clear my head, to try and get this through my brain. To wrap my head around the fact my sister was pregnant, and I knew Rina wouldn't abort it. So there was nothing I could do but accept it. I couldn't think about how this had happened... The guy at the bar.... I just couldn't. Every time I did my muscles would tighten and I would feel like I wanted to throw up. It was too much. Of course I understood it was my fault. I bought her the drinks, I left her alone in the club, I couldn't find her... I let it happen. What kind of a brother did that make me? I subconsciously began to pick at the bench I was sat on, breaking away tiny pieces of rotten wood. As I sat there I began to regret the way in which I had behaved, just storming out like that. I didn't even know who I was angry at. My number 1 priority should have been Rina, I should have been there for her. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling. But no, I flipped out. My knuckles were lightly grazed, complaining as I flexed them without thinking. Great one Matt. "They look sore" I had been so lost in thought I hadn't seen Rian approaching. He stood awkwardly in front of me, trying to decide if this was a good idea or not. "Can I....?" He asked, gesturing toward the bench. I nodded, dropping my eyes to the floor. Rian lowered himself down, the bench creaked under his weight. He sat there for a moment, probably waiting for me to speak first. But he soon realised that wasn't going to happen. "Everyone is going crazy back home with worry" Rian said softly. "Sorry, I just needed to get out. Clear my head, you know?" I told him honestly, keeping my eyes on the floor. "I know dude, we understand. It's a lot to get used to" "Nobody should have to get used to anything, they wouldn't if I hadn't of been such an idiot" I felt warm pools of water begin to fill my eyes as I reached the end of my sentence. I wiped them away before they broke. I felt Rian's hand on my back. I was glad he was there. "Don't get upset man. This isn't your fault. This kinda thing doesn't happen all the time and you can't watch over her 24/7. I'm pretty sure nobody wanted to be in this situation, but its the one we've got. We're just going to have to deal with it. Rina is strong and I know she can do this, but she needs our support. Yours especially" Rian was right of course. I nodded, lifting my eyes to face him. He smiled sympathetically at me, his hand still on my back. "Thankyou" I said sincerely, smiling a little back. He nodded once in acceptance before standing up. "I think we'd better get back" He held out his hand, which I took. He pulled me to my feet and we made our way out of the field. As I left I knew I would never forget that conversation.
:P
7/31/13