Alex tapped his fingers againt the cold hood of his beat-up car. The faux leather jacket pressed against his bare arms wasn't doing its job - The cold December air was brisk and dangerous, sending shivers down his spine - But his nerves were in such horrible condition that he welcomed the cold, at least there was a chance he'd go numb, then he wouldn't have to worry about feeling a thing. Alex watched as the ghost of the warm air in his lungs danced around his face. The street lamp just a few feet away from him flickered from the amount of snow piling on top of it. If it wasn't for the full moon, he feared he'd be left in the dark, alone and sad.


"Alex?" The crunching of feet in the snow caught his attention before the voice did. Of course he'd been waiting on Jack for at least ten minutes, but seeing the boy in the flesh made him almost regret the decision he'd made two hours ago. "What's up? It's freezing out here!"
Alex gently nodded his head, averting his gaze from Jack's puppy-dog eyes. The younger boy always had a wicked power over him. One look in those dark orbs and he'd melt like chocolate on a hot Summer day. He had to remind himself of why he'd called Jack at one o'clock, why he needed the boy alone in the chill of the night.


"Lex? Is everything okay?"


Shaking his head, Alex forced himself to look into Jack's eyes. It had been a struggle, to say the least, trying to keep things content in his relationship with Jack. The two had been mocked, beat up and down right tortured for their love. Where would they ever go with this thing, anyway? Marriage was out of the question. No one would allow them to happily adopt a child as they grew older, because most people in this town thought they were disgusting together, and Alex was honestly starting to get tired of even trying. Now if only he didn't love Jack so much, then this would be easier. But you know what they say; if you love something, set it free.


"I got jumped again," Alex sniffed, half because of the cold, half because he was on the verge of tears. "They didn't beat me up or anything, mostly because Zack was there, but they said some pretty hurtful things."


"Awe, it's okay, Lex," Jack took a step forward, offering his chest to the older boy. "We'll get out of this small town. We'll go somewhere where no one knows us, where people will accept us. Just a few more months till we turn eighteen, Alex. If we can survive these next few months, we'll be happy, I swear it."


"People shouldn't have to fight this hard to be happy, Jack," Alex's voice was bitter, his words like daggers. He could see in Jack's eyes that he was breaking his boyfriend's heart, but it needed to be done. "I, uh, got offered a job."


"What do you mean?" Jack's bottom lip quivered. That wasn't the plan. The plan was to sign the record deal for the band when they graduated. The deal was to start recording and touring until they were stable enough to buy that house, in a place where the people weren't so cruel. It was supposed to be Alex and Jack, Jack and Alex, for the rest of their lives. "You're not going to take it, are you, Lex?"


Alex shrugged, staring into the sky where they flakes were falling heavily. He was trying to slow his breathing to keep his tears at bay. Jack Bassam Barakat was everything he ever wanted to find in a person. Their love was a total accident. It started as friendship and just grew until it couldn't grow any farther. They fell in love, just like that, in the blink of an eye. And he was so madly in love with Jack that it broke his heart.


"It's a really good offer.." Alex sniffed again, his teeth digging away at the inside of his cheek. "This record company wants to hire me as a solo artist. I'd have a place to live and everything. I'd be signed with them for at least two years."


"T-Two years?" Jack was now starting to understand that something was horribly wrong. Alex would never agree to something like this, at least not on his good days. "What about our friends, Alex? The band?" He held his breath for a moment, fighting his own tears. "What about us?"


"This town is bursting with talent," Alex averted his gaze. The way Jack sounded when he asked what would happen to them, it damn near made Alex break down right there. "It wouldn't be very hard to replace me. Hell, Zack already does back-up vocals. Besides, who knows what might happen? I could get my name out there and then bring the band back together. We'd have a clean slate and a foot in the door."


"Don't even give me that bullshit, Lex. You know once people go solo they never go back." Jack's lip was quivering. He was trying so hard to be strong and talk Alex out of this insanity in his mind. "We don't want another singer, we want you. If you leave.. Lex, we could never be together if you left."


A silence grew over them. Alex's cheek was bleeding, the copper taste reminding him that he was still alive. His boyfriend, who stood only a few feet away from him, had tears lingering in his eyes. It was so sudden, but at the same time, it wasn't sudden at all. Alex knew in his heart his relationship with Jack would never last anyway. They were too young to know exactly what they wanted out of life. This was his escape, this was his chance to make a clean getaway and never look back. His future would belong to him. The choices he would make would reflect on no one but himself.


"A-Alex," Jack sniffed, holding a hand to his forehead. "Are you br-breaking up with me?"


Just like that, Alex's heart dropped to his feet. His ribcage seemed to explode in his body. Everything just hurt. It was a pain he'd never felt before. He honestly believed his heart was broken, shattered, and that his body was just going to fall to the snow-covered ground because it had no reason to go on. But nothing of the sort happened He stood there, just as he had before, with the bitter taste of air in his lungs and a shivering body.


"I love you, Jack," he whispered, pushing past the younger boy to get to the driver's seat of his car. "Please, don't ever forget that."


"So you are?" Jack's voice sounded just as broken as his heart. The tears were falling fast from his eyes than the snow hitting the Earth. "You can't just leave like this, Alex. So what, you had a bad day! It'll get better, Lex, you know it will. Please, just stop and think about what you're doing. You wanna be with me, I know you do, so just stay and be with me."


He refused to cry. Jack didn't need to see that, he didn't need to see that their hearts were equally broken. No, Jack needed to think that this is what Alex really wanted, so he could have some closure and move on with his life. Sourly, Alex swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled open the car door.


"What I want to do is be with myself. I'm sorry, Jack, but this just isn't working for me anymore."


That's when he lost it. Alex had shut himself inside of the car and started the engine, but Jack's fists were banging against the hood. He was screaming, begging Alex to just sleep on it. They were meant to be together, they were, they were just meant to be....


"Alex, stop!" Jack screamed, his feet chasing after the car as Alex backed away. "I'm begging you. I love you, Lex!"


But it was too late. Jack couldn't move fast enough in the snow and Alex was already gone.


Wait outside, I hope the air will serve to remind you that my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest.

Notes

Driving away from the wreck of the day & it's finally quiet in my head,
driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed,
and if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
if this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
on love.

I've seen so much fluffy jalex lately that I just had to write a sad one. Inspired by Jasey Rae & Wreck of the Day. Mucho love<3.