Beat It

It normal for me to avoid people. Hell, I do it all the damn time. When someone avoids me it bothers me, though. I know it makes me sound like a hypocrite, which I am, but the way I have one sided conversations with Alex bothers me way more than it should. Devil’s little sister.

He’s barely talked to me since what happened at the game and any time I try and talk to him he just gives me a look that says I killed him inside. I think looking at him like that and not telling him how I feel is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

That’s why when I got home from school I went straight to my room looking for Alex. He was sat on his bed with his earbuds in his ear and his iPod sitting in front of him. He looked up at me as I opened the door and I gave him a small smile. I motioned for him to take out one of his ear buds and he reluctantly did so.

“Can we talk?” I plead, scratching the back of my neck. He looks at me for a moment and I almost think he’s gonna ignore me and put his earbud back in. Thankfully, he doesn’t and turns his iPod off and heads towards the window. He pays more attention to my habits than I thought.

“What’s up?” Alex asks as he sits next to my spot on the roof.

I sit next to him and sigh. “I- I lied to you,” I tell him honestly. I avoid looking at him but from the way I heard his breath catch in his throat I know he’s pissed.

“About what?” I look back up at him sympathetically and his teeth clench. He knows what it was. He knew before I told him. I can tell. “You’re a fucking asshole.” The world ain’t fair, eat you if you let it.

That’s the reaction I was expecting. I knew he wouldn’t take it lightly and me telling him like this wasn’t the best idea but I knew I had to. I couldn’t have him so sad all the time because of me. Don’t give up.

“I know. Its a lot more complicated than what your letting yourself think, though,” I told him. “I want to do so many things with you but I can’t because your my foster brother and I have a girlfriend.”

“You can easily break up with her,” he shrugs like its not big deal. I rolled my eyes at him. It’s not that simple.

“No, Alex. I can’t,” I shake my head at him and look out at the tree. And here comes the interrogation.

“I don’t see why not,” he exclaims.

“I can’t hurt her. I may be an asshole but I don’t make it my goal to hurt people,” I replied calmly. “But by being with her I know Im hurting you and I never wanted that either.”

“You need to figure yourself out,” he shakes his head and laughs a little. “You’ve got yourself so stressed out over something that can easily be solved. I know you don’t want to hurt her but your doing that by being with her now. You aren’t giving her your all and when your in a relationship with someone your supposed to do that.”

“You’re right,” I nod.

He laughs. “I know.”

“So what now?” I ask.

He sighs and shakes his head. “Nothing until you break up with Kira,” he shrugs.

“Do you want to go back into the room?”

“I guess,” he says as he gets up.

I follow him into the bedroom where he goes straight towards his bed. I grab his arm, stopping him from going any further. He turns around and gives me a funny look. “Can I - can I lay with you?”

“After Flyzik and the guys go to bed,” he promised.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want,” I say. He smiles at me and my heart stops being so fast.

“I know,” he winks at me as he sits on his bed and grabs his iPod and earbuds.

I grab my cellphone and debate calling Kira and asking her to meet me at the park. I end up not doing it and decide that I wont make her go out of her way to get dumped. It isn’t fair to her that I used her the way I did so I wont hurt her anymore than I have to. You’re in a mess.

“You have a comfy chest,” Alex murmurs. I smile as I run my fingers through his hair.

We locked the door after everyone said their goodnights so no one would walk in on us cuddled up like this.

I tried to kiss Alex earlier but he moved his face and then told me that I wasn’t aloud to make a move on him until I break up with Kira. He’s right but I just really want to forget about her and do everything he wont let me do.

I don’t know if it’s the teenage boy in me or the fact that I have a growing crush on the boy in my arms that makes me this way towards him but if it doesn’t stop soon Im gonna have to take a shower. My thoughts are moving one hundred miles per hour towards a dirtier part of my head that shouldn’t be ventured with me this close to Alex right now. He might get mad at me.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask him to try and steer my thoughts away from my dick. We don’t need a boner right now. His grip tightens on me and my hand stops playing with his hair. “You alright, Alex?”

“Yeah. I’m fine,” he nods his head against my chest and nuzzles me.

“Something’s wrong,” I noted. He looked up at me and sighed.

“What if someone finds out?”

“No one will find out unless we tell them, baby,” I explained. I wrapped my arms around him in a hug and he hugged me back harder.

“You’re right. Im over thinking this,” he visibly relaxes and kisses my chest.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? It’s late and you seem tired.”

“Will you lay with me until I fall asleep?”

Notes

Drum roll please?

JALEX!

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