Beat It

“Do you really like this girl or are you using her to get your mind off of Alex?” Mrs. Pam gives me a knowing look and I sigh. This woman can read me like an open book and it scares me how accurately she can determine things just by a few simple words that slip out of my big mouth.

“She’s great. Kira’s very chill,” I tried to cover myself up but only ended up looking like a bigger tool than before from my tone of voice. I was unsure about everything. I mean, Kira’s great but she’s better friend material than girlfriend material. I can’t just tell her that but I know if I don’t I’ll just hurt her and I’m so tired of hurting people and I just want everything to be ok but nothing ever is. I keep putting myself and other people in these ridiculous situations that should have been avoided all together.

“Jack, I hate to tell you this but you’ve got it bad,” she shakes her head at me and gives me a small smile. Mean what you wanted to mean.

“For Kira?” I asked hopefully. I knew she was talking about Alex. She knew I knew she was talking about Alex. A small part of me was hoping that it was about Kira.

“No,” she shakes her head.

“Maybe her keeping my mind off of Alex will be good for me, though. He’s my foster brother. I can’t have feelings for him. I think Kira is what I’ve needed since I moved here. She makes me happy when Alex isn’t around,” I say. For better or for worse, it never meant a thing. Maybe, just once, she’ll agree with me on something I say.

“What about when he is around?”

“I don’t know,” I slumped my shoulders and sank into the couch. “I’ve fallen way to hard for him. He’s upset about me being with Kira and he wont tell me why and I don’t like that I’m upsetting him and-” I stopped my rambling as tears sprung to my eyes. I’m hurting Alex by being with Kira and I’m hurting Kira by not giving her my all and I’m hurting Flyzik by liking Alex, even though he doesn’t know about it, and I’m hurting Zack and Rian by hurting Flyzik and I don’t know why they keep me around. “I can’t do this anymore, Mrs. Pam. I’m hurting so many people,” I cried.

She got out of her chair and sat next to me. I laid my head on her shoulder and she rubbed my back. “Everything is going to be alright. They care about you more than you let yourself believe,” she says. I just cried harder. That didn’t make me feel any better. If anything, now I feel worse.

“I don’t want to be this way anymore,” I replied as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“What way?” Mrs. Pam gives me a questioning look as I sit up and sigh again. I do that to much for a seventeen year old.

“I feel so shallow. It’s like everything I do affects someone negatively. Just me being me probably costs Flyzik a fortune. I can’t make myself happy without hurting someone else. It’s a chain reaction and I just want to be done,” I explained.

I walked through the front door of our house and started up the stairs before Flyzik stopped me. “You alright Jack?” I stopped mid-step and went back down stairs.

“I’m fine,” I told him. “Why?”

“You just seem more upset than usual. You sure your good?”

“Like I said, I’m fine.

“Just making sure. If you need me, I’m here. You know that right?”

“Yeah. Thanks,” I nodded and started back up the stairs. I went to my room where Alex was sat on his bed doing what looked like homework.

“Hi, Jack,” he waved at me without looking up from his books.

“Hey, Alex,” I replied. “Is it fine if I turn my stereo on?”

“Can we listen to Blink?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Then it’s fine,” he says. I smiled a little and put in Take Off Your Pants And Jacket. Anthem Part Two started up and I opened the window and started to go out before Alex said something. “You ok?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I looked back at him and arched an eye brow.

“You only go on the roof when something’s bothering you. I may not talk to you that much but I know your habits. You listen to a lot of music and sit on the roof with your journal when your pissed and when your upset you do the same thing but you leave the journal,” he notes and drops his pencil before looking up at me for the first time.

“You pay attention to me that much?”

“It’s comes with sharing a room with me. I notice a lot of things,” he shrugs. “Now, back to the question at hand. Are you ok?”

“I just had a long talk with Mrs. Pam. That’s all,” I said. I shut my window and sat on my bed. From the look on his face I know that if I try to go outside he’ll just follow me.

“Want to talk about it?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” I shook my head. I saw him tense a little at my words and furrowed my eye brows. Why did that bother him? Don’t be upset with me again, please.

“You’d be surprised at what I do and don’t understand, Jack,” he muttered. Say what you wanted to say. I don’t think I was supposed to hear him so I didn’t respond. I looked down at the floor in disappointment. I can’t do anything right with him. He sighs and I look up. He looks me in the eyes and says, “If you say so. Im still here if you need to talk, though.”

Notes

I've reduced Jack to a guilty, confused, angry teenage boy. Im a douche-bag.
How did you guys like this chapter? I feel like he opened up a bit more than usual and I kinda liked it. It probably wont happen like this again but you know... yeah.
Leave me comments please! I love you guys!