“Jack, is it okay if we check you over?” A paramedic asked.
I just ignored him and stared back at the wreckage.
“Jack?” He spoke again.
I nodded, continuing to keep my eyes on the scattered glass and firemen that huddled around my old car. They checked my head, where it was bleeding; they told me that it’s nothing too deep and serious so staples weren’t necessary. They told me not to go to sleep for a while either; I don’t know how long, I wasn’t completely paying attention.
The rain began to poor more heavily now, but it didn’t bother me, that was the last thing on my mind.
“Jack, are you sure you have nobody you can call?” The paramedic asked.
I shook my head. “No.” My voice wasn’t even a whisper, all of the trauma made me literally speechless.
“Jack, this is important. Does Alex have anyone he could call?” His words echoed around my head but I managed to shake them away.
“No!” I spat. “Can’t you all just leave me the fuck alone for one minute?!” I tugged on the hem of my sleeves and pulled my knees up to my chest. “The only person I have ever loved is dying in that car and there’s nothing I can fucking do to stop it, so please, just leave me alone, just for now.” I shouted up to him, the tears began to flow down my checks. I turned away and hid my face from them all, from everything.
“That’s understandable, Jack, we’re trying our best. This is for your own good. Just shout us over if you feel there’s anything wrong.” He nodded.
This is for your own good.
I don’t care about my own good, I care about Alex. I would prefer it if I was the one in that car instead of him – It should be me in that car, he should never have agreed to come with me and he should have never offered to drive.
I sobbed harder into my knees.
I couldn’t call his parents. I just couldn’t do it. It’s all my fault their youngest son could be dead because of me.

Notes

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