Chapter 14 – Alex

Me, Jack, Zack and Rian roadtripped to the Warped Tour in Cleveland. It was amazing and I never in a million years imagined I'd see so many bands I like in only a few days. My anxiety levels were pretty high, I was constantly nervous, I felt like something bad was going to happen. On the last day of the tour, we were dancing and jumping all around and I fell and sprained my ankle. Well, at least it was on the last day, I couldn't take it if I spoiled the tour for the guys.

After that the days were passing me by like seconds. College was right in front of me and you know when you sometimes just can't find a solid reason for feeling bad? That was happening to me a lot. Mom said it's a sign of depression but I already knew that. I spent hours googling it. I couldn't solve this problem easily like I was used to and I was afraif I'd scare Jack away. I mean college is stressful enough on it's own, why would he bother with taking care of me if he has other options? Maybe this is just a high school thing.

I was sitting in my room, packing my suitcases. My mom and dad will give me and Jack a ride to the dorms tomorrow morning. We decided to get there at least a week before classes start, just to get used to it a bit. I was folding my shirts when I found my old clothes, when I was a fatty. I used to wear t-shirts 2 sizes bigger. I took one from the box and just stared at it. Maybe Zack was right all along and I fucked myself badly. I mean Jack promised me he'll always be with me and that he loves me. But I couldn't even explain it. I believed him but I was just so anxious that I can't bring myself to be sure that we'll make it through college together. I've seen this so many times, solid high school relationships breaking in a week in college. What if after a month in, Jack says he wants to see other people? What am I gonna do without him?
My eyes started tearing and I threw my old t-shirt into the closet. I threw myself on the bed and buried my face in the pillow.

What if I lose him? What if we're too young to last? What if, what if, what if...

I woke up and checked the time. I was asleep for two hours, shit. I had a missed call from Jack and a message from Zack. He asked me to call him when I can.

''Hey Zack, what's up?''
''Hey man! Finished packing?''
''Almost, why?''
''Cool. Wanna grab a drink with me in 20?''
''Sure, come on over, I'll get ready.''
''Alright. See ya!''
''See ya!''

Zack is my best friend and I'm gonna miss him like crazy! I decided to talk to him about the state that I'm in. He knows me so well and he always finds a way to help me.
30 minutes later, we were sitting at a local bar we used to go to all the time.

''So, the little bird is finally leaving the nest.'' He joked.
''Yeah, I don't know man, I'm so scared.'' I admitted.
''Why? I mean, you've got Jack now.''
''Well, yeah, but...''
''No buts Alex. I'm sorry I didn't support you when it came to Jack, but at that time, I just think you weren't ready.''
''No, no... please. You were right. I'd crash and burn if I tried something earlier. I appreaciate it, really.''
''But he's a great dude, now that I got to know him better. You're different with him.''
I blushed.
''Am I?''
''Dude, are you kidding me? You're glowing like a pregnant lady, haha!''
''Wow, that must really look illuminating, lol.''
''Is everything alright? You seem a bit off.'' Well, he sure knows me well.
''I don't even know Zack. I mean everything's fine with Jack, it's just me. I'm the broken one.'' I looked down and took a sip of my sprite.
''What the heck are you talking about?''
''I might be depressed and I'm scared.''
''Of what?''
''That Jack will get sick of me in college, you know. There are a lof of people there, people 10 times hotter and better than me. What's holding him back?''
''Alex, don't be silly. The guy has mad love for you, where is this coming from? Don't overthink.''
''I don't know. I was packing today and I just had this horrible feeling and I feel so helpless because I can't find the reason!'' I buried my face into my palms. ''I'm a mess!''
''Alex, you're an 18 year old that's about to head to college, it's okay to be a bit paranoid and messed up confused. You think I'm not scared? Think again!''
''Really?''
''Yeah. Scared shitless. I'll be staying with my aunt, yes... but I don't know anyone else there. You have Jack. Sure you're not in the same dorm, but you can work things out. The important thing is you have him there 5 minutes away, even sharing some classes. I'll be at fucking Florida!''
I never thought about it that way. I was just paranoid and thinking about how I'll be missing everybody. I felt a bit better.
''Thank you Zack. I know I'm an asshole sometimes, what will I do without you in New York. I'll miss you.''
''I know man, I'll miss you too. But we'll Skype all the time, for sure.''
''You bet!''

God, I'll really miss Zack.
I remembered I have to call Jack back.

''Hey Jack, you called?''
''Hey Lexie pants, where are you?''
''I'm walking home, I grabbed a drink with Zack.''
''I'll meet you at home, I have to talk to you.''
''Okay... what is it?''
''Tell you later. Kisses.'' He hung up.
''Okay....''

Okay, now I was worried.

Notes

Here it is! The next chapter, right before college! Thank you for being such loyal readers, you inspire me! Love you all! Enjoy the story :)

[ credit for the title goes to: My Chemical Romance ]