Welcome To My Life

I opened my eyes, only to close them again because I was blinded by the light. After a few seconds I opened my eyes again and let them adjust to the light room I was in. It didn't take long for me to realize where I was: the hospital. I had woken up in a hospital so many times I'd lost count so it'd be strange if I didn't recognize it.

I tried to sit up, but didn't have the strength to push myself up. I noticed someone sitting next to my bed. I couldn't sit up far enough to see who it was though.

"You're awake, thank god!" I heard a familiar voice say. Alex.
"Alex..." I muttered.
He stood up. "You're in the hospital and..."
"I know why I'm here. The question is why are you?" I cut him off.
Alex didn't seem to know how to reply to that.

"Uhm, because we saved your life, maybe?" another voice said. Jenna.
I turned to see her enter the room.
"I get why you're pissed at Jack, but what did we do? Besides save your life?" Jenna asked.
"Maybe I didn't want to be saved" I replied, my voice sounding thin.

Neither of them replied.
"You should've just left me there" I muttered.
"Shut it. Of course we wouldn't leave you there" Jenna replied.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because we care about you!" Alex exclaimed.

"Why? I'm nothing but a waste of space" I replied.
"Don't say that" Alex said pitiful.
"Why not? It's true" I said.

Jenna looked at me intensely. "You really feel that way?"
I nodded without looking them in the eyes. I knew stuff like this was usually considered a cry for attention but I really felt like a useless piece of shit right now.

"But why?" Alex asked.
Both of them sat down on either sides of my bed.
I let out a dark laugh. "Where do I begin?"
When neither of them replied, I figured it might be the right moment to just spill it all. Tell them everything. That I'm not okay. How messed up I really am.

I sighed. "My entire life I've been bullied. I've always been different, dressed different, acted different, I wasn't like my peers, which made me an easy target. I hoped to catch a break when I went to high school but I had no such luck. The bullying continued and now it wasn't children anymore, no teens are way more vicious. Oh, and on top of that, my parents divorced when I was 8. My mum found a new boyfriend who was both physically and sexually abusive towards me. My mum knew about it, but she never even tried to stop him. He died in a car crash while he was drunk driving shortly after my 13th birthday, but not before he knocked up my mum. She went crawling back to my father when she found out she was pregnant and surprisingly enough, they got back together again, raising my half brother together. But with the abuse and the bullying, the damage was already done. My peers and mums boyfriend managed to make me feel so low about myself that I resorted to other ways to pain myself, just so I wouldn't have to deal with the emotional pain."

I stopped talking for a moment to look at Jenna and Alex, who were both listening in silence, no judgement in their eyes.

"I started cutting myself, sometimes so bad my parents had to take me to the hospital. A couple of times getting so close to killing myself the doctors almost gave up on me. My parents forced me into therapy and it worked, I was doing better, until a couple of months ago. I had picked up my half brother Ethan from school and was driving him home. I still don't know how it happened but I was crossing a road and all of a sudden this car appeared on my right side. Neither of us could brake in time, so the car hit mine right where Ethan was sitting. My car tumbled over from the impact and I lost my consciousness as well, but when I woke up in the hospital, I was okay to go home while Ethan was in a coma fighting for his life. My four year old little brother was fighting for his life, thanks to me."

At this point I couldn't hold back tears anymore. I hadn't talked to anyone about this, because I didn't think I'd be able to without having a mental breakdown.
"At that point he was basically braindead and after two months my parents decided to pull the plug as the doctors didn't expect him to wake up and if he didn't there was no saying in which state he would be. I killed my little brother, and I'm not okay. I can't deal with it and up until now I haven't had to. I hardly came out of the house ever since the accident because as soon as I did, I'd hear people talk. 'Isn't that the girl whose brother dead?' 'Yeah, I hear it was her fault'. My parents couldn't take it anymore and moved me to Baltimore and well, that's where we are now."

Jenna and Alex were at a loss of words, which I couldn't blame them for. Then they both pulled me in for a hug which, really, was the only thing I needed in that moment.

Notes

Sorry this one is so short, it was 11:30 PM when I started writing it and I have to get up at 7, but I didn't know if I'd be able to write throughout the weekend and I didn't want to make you wait for 3 more days, so here it is :)