It's Such A Shame That We Play Strangers

The year had past so fast. The holidays for Christmas were approaching and everyone was going home to see their family. I will be too. I am excited to see my parents. It’s been a while.
I moved back into my old dorm, joining Alex once again but I keep out of his way and he keeps out of mine. We have casual conversations about homework, if he starts struggling and he asks me how I am but that really is all.

Alex’s words are stuck in my head, is this what Tyler would really want? For me to be stuck over him forever. Tyler wanted me to always be happy and Alex did make me happy but I just can’t help but fall in love so quickly. I haven’t felt that emotion in such a long time that I think I was really loving the idea of it other than being in love with Alex.

Alex really is a good guy. He still only sits with Rian and occasionally Josh but he seems lonely still. I can’t help but not blame myself for his misery. I feel like he’s built up a wall that he never seemed to have. He was never quiet, shy and nervous and all of a sudden, he is.

Alex will be here on his own for Christmas, refusing to go home and see his family. I started up the conversation, he seemed to enjoy that one. I might try to become his friend again. He wants that. I know he does, otherwise he would stop trying.

‘Hey Alex. How are you doing?’ I asked as I was slowly packing a suitcase.

‘Yeah, not too bad. Just working on some songs. I thought I will get a couple done while you are away, that way I won’t bother you with my guitar playing, while you are trying to study.’ He replied, looking up from his desk.

‘You can practice and play any time you want Alex. There is no worries. I like your guitar playing. It’s beautiful.’ I replied.

‘Thanks Jack. So, how long are you gone for?’ He questioned.

‘I will be gone for a week. I get back 3 days before school starts again.’ I replied.

‘Awesome. Are you excited to see your family?’ He asked.

‘Of course. I will get to see my sister for the first time in a while. She and her husband are coming down with their new baby. It’ll be an amazing time.’ I answered.

‘That’s nice.’ Alex said. I noticed he looked back at his desk. I could sense something was wrong.

‘Are you okay?’ I questioned.

‘Yeah, I told my mum that I wasn’t going to be home for Christmas and I mean, I feel bad. Because we’ll both be alone for Christmas. I will skype her on Christmas and we’ll eat a meal together but it won’t be the same. You know.’ He replied.

‘I’m sorry. But at least you are going to skype with her. That’s what counts. You’ll still be together but it will feel different.’ I replied.

Alex went quiet and began writing on his paper. I looked down at my suitcase before closing it. I will finish packing later. I had to go into town for a Secret Santa present. I had to buy for Rian, whose name I picked out the bucket. I have an idea what I am going to get him, it’s the matter of finding the right store.

As I walked through the cold air, hands tucked into my jacket, I couldn’t help but imagine what my spot would look like this time of year. We finally have some snow and it’s that cold that the water could freeze up. I might go see it before I leave.

I finally reach the music store I stumbled across and opened the door, removing my hands from my pockets. I walk to the drum section and stand in front of the drum sticks. I observe all the ones when I see the perfect pair. They have names engraved on them. I search through the R’s before I come across a pair with the name Rian on them. I grab them and walk to the counter.

‘Hi, just these please.’ I say as I hand them over the counter and smile to the girl behind the counter.

‘That will be fifteen dollars please.’ She says. I hand her the money and receive my change.

‘Would you like a bag?’ She questions. I nod my head and grab the bag when it’s given to me.

‘Have a good day.’ I say as I begin to walk away.

I walk out the store and make my way back to the school. Once there, I walk to the room and put my present on my bed, finding a beanie so my head is a bit warmer. I find one and look to Alex’s side of the room, seeing him not there. I assume he is with Rian.

I walk back out my room, walking to the back of the school and other the back door. I smile to see the dumpster has been moved so I guess I know where Alex is for real now. I crawled under the gate and walked along the path. I reached the log and saw Alex sitting there.

‘I’m glad you find peace out here too.’ I said, making Alex jump. He looked to me and smiled, laughing a little too. I looked down and kicked the sand below my feet, smiling.

‘Yeah, it helps me think. You can join me up here if you want.’ Alex offered. I accepted and made my way up the log and sat down next to Alex, a good distance apart. A distance friends would sit. We sat in silence, soaking up the beauty when my mind drifted to other places.

I couldn’t help but imagine Alex and me sitting on the log, a blanket hung around our shoulders as we looked out into the forest cuddled into each other, the snow slowly falling above us, hitting the tips of our noses. My hand would be in his. He slowly looks to me and smiles. His nose red of coldness, his eyes shining, tears forming from the coldness also. Then… he leans in, softly kissing my lips before pulling away and telling me he loves me for the hundredth time today.

‘You know Jack, seeing as I started long ago, a lot of things have happened. I mean, what happened with me, the Tyler thing with you, Vic affecting both of us. I just hope next year is way better than this…‘ Alex said, breaking the silence.

‘I agree. But within the bad things there is a bunch of good things that have come out of this. I started being social again, talking to people, being who I was once before, thanks to you. I have realised that I do need to move on from Tyler and that you were right, Tyler wouldn’t want me to be like this. I am sorry for everything that happened.’ I said, looking to Alex. Alex look at me and he smiled.

‘It’s okay Jack. It’s not all your fault. I’m glad that you are who you once were before. I like that about you. I also liked dating you.’ He smiled and looked to the forest again. ‘But I don’t think we were ever right for each other. Or we could be right for each other but the time wasn’t right. I think it’s time to go on with our lives.’ Alex said.

Alex looked to me and I nodded my head, agreeing. It was time to move on. I smiled to him before leaning forward kissing his cheek with a smile peck.

‘Goodbye Alex.’ I said before getting myself of the log.

I heard Alex sniff, not too sure if he was crying or just cold. But I didn’t look back, fearing that I was going to cry also. I curled through the fence for the last time that year and walked back through the back door to my room and opening my door.

I reached my suitcase and opened it so I could finish packing. I saw a present sitting on top of all my clothes. I frowned and took it out of my bag slowly. I sat down on my bed and held the present between my hands. I slowly opened it, unexpected of what I would find.

It was a photo frame with the picture of Alex and me in it. Attached was a letter. I opened the letter and it read;

Remember us. Remember that I love you. Merry Christmas Jack.
Alex

I folded the piece of paper and placed it on my bedside table. I put the photo frame on top of it and smiled to it. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to be with Alex again.

Notes