A Little Therapy

After the little “episode” that Jack had in the canteen, an influx of people he’d never met in his life were asking him 24-7 if he was ok; either they wanted to appear nice, were looking for some form of attention or were just so uneasy around him now they were aware he was volatile, that they had to be informed that this didn’t happen often. Thankfully no authority in the school had been educated in his situation as he’d hate too have to explain to his father that he was a sensitive person, as if he wasn’t a big enough of a failure already. Not for the first time, he wondered how long he would get too pack his bags if his father found out he was a fag.

The brunet was still at a loss as to why Kellin and Alex had turned up and how either of them knew he was having a panic attack. He also wondered if the charcoal haired boy realised that it wasn’t because of his words that calmed him down, it was his touch. See, this confused Jack to no end because he was intending to avoid Kellin like the plague, in fact it was the number one on his ‘to do’ list, this situation obviously made it more complicated. He knew how dangerous the other could be, he knew the list of hearts he’d crushed and people he’d upset extended all the way from a shy Mexican boy…too his own best friend. The cerulean eyed other didn’t even care that he’d broken Alex, why would he care about a socially awkward anxiety kid?

And there’s the third part to Jacks thought train, how on Earth did either of them know what to do? When he finally saw them again, Thursday after school when they waited for (and ambushed) him after class, he got his answer. “Alex has anxiety, he breaks down like that all the time,” It was so flippant like neither of them really cared, even though the younger saw the lighter haired of the two tense a little at the mention of his problem. But Jack cared, he cared a lot. Strong, sensitive, independent Alex, who took no shit from anybody, was not only broken by his best friend, but also said friend knew he had a mental disorder and completely dismissed it?

At that point for no reason whatsoever, the darker haired brunet saw red. “D-don’t you th-think that was probably Alex’s s-secret to tell?” Silence; all that could be seen was Kellin raising his eyebrows underneath the mussed tangle of his curling hair, and Alex’s faint smile as he turned his head too look out the window. A shrug from the paler boy, once again completely dismissive, and Jack just gave up, sliding into the back of the truck and allowing him to be whisked off with the two once again.

When Kellin was too high to remember, his two friends rested against each other on the bed with the elder watching smoke curl from his own nicotine cigarette. For the most part however, Jack was just watching him whilst the ebony haired boy on the other side of the room hung out the window and talked about flying pigs. Alex was oblivious to the world around him as he smoked with desperation to drain his life force with that one stick of self-mutilation. “Am I messed up Jack?” he asked finally, “I’m such a fucking sadist, I know he’ll never have me, it’s almost like I enjoy the rejection,” The smoke chased the form of the words which now rang true in the younger’s head. ‘Yeah, probably, I mean it’s kinda what I’m doing to you,’ he thought, maybe a little bitterly too himself, but didn’t voice aloud for obvious reasoning.

“it’s hard to fall out of love,” He said finally, and confiscated the rest of the cigarette in hope to try and do the whole blissful and stunning thing that worked for Alex whenever he put the suicide stick between his lips. Instead he coughed up every inch of his guts and thrust the smoking cigarette back to the other with a shake of his head. The philosophy that exited his mouth surprised even him and not for the first time he wondered if he’d always been this…he didn’t want to say gay, that was stereotypical. But anyone can get his direction of thought.
“I was never in love,” Alex insisted, but both were very aware that he was lying before they were interrupted by a shout of glee. They glanced over at Kellin, who looked like he was trying to fly, before the ashes of his blunt tumbled outside; a frown and pout crossed his childlike expression, startling blue azure eyes so very nearly watering even though there was only a sliver of colour around those dark, dilated pupils.

“Love you Lexy,” The boy with freckles like constellations across his cheeks muttered unobtrusively, reaching for an exasperated Alex who was just trying to throw his cigarette end out the window. It wasn’t until Kellin grabbed his best friend and pinned him against the wall that anyone really paid any attention (Jack mostly) as he watched the eldest boy push forward.

“Fuck off Kels,” Alex sighed, and pushed him away but there was an insignificant tremble to his fingertips that went by unnoticed by the intoxicated dark haired boy. He grabbed a frozen coke and pressed it against his best friend’s neck, watching as his eyes shot open and he whimpered, shying away. “Are you gonna go home looking like that?” The caramel eyed boy tilted his head in clear amusement, watching as Kellin opened the door, and even further amused by his response.

“Na, jus’ gon’ take a shower,” Jack was confused for a second at why the Essex born was piercing his lip with his teeth in attempt to hold back a laughter as the more boisterous of the two disappeared out of the door, when a shout ricocheted off the walls back to them.

“Fuck, cold, it’s cold!"

Alex dissolved into his sleeve, where he buried his mouth too hide the waterfall of laughter that tumbled from his delicate lips. God dammit those lips, what was more enticing was the crinkle around his eyes and nose that for some reason Jack couldn't tear his eyes away from. He was... beautiful, stunning, far too precious to be hurt. But he was hurt, he was being hurt and hurting himself by pining after a boy who didn't even give a shit about his health. But, the younger wouldn't say anything, the speeding of his heart would mean nothing to Alex anyway, and perhaps Kellin would be aware of people's feelings one day.

One day.

Notes