A Little Therapy

Avoiding them was like stab in the heart, the further Jack pulled himself from Alex, the more he convinced himself that that boy with caramel eyes and honey coloured hair was possibly the first boy he had fallen for. It took a while for him to come to this realisation, yet really not long enough. What had started out as fun and games had now left him in a state that plucked tears into his eyes. The thought of Alex Gaskarth triggered smiles, with the thought of eyes that had haunted his dreams, tatted hands the snaked up his back and disappeared when he woke. Alex had made him unafraid of being what he was, unafraid of his parents.

The other ebony haired boy had had some form effect on him; after all, he had slowly been bringing him out of the cave he had buried himself in. That and given him the realisation of his sexuality after waking up at 3AM with a sheen of sweat covering his body and the image of ghostly tatted arms boxing in his body amidst hot kisses. Dreams were only dreams; the youngest boy was nothing to either of them except a heart to break and a shoulder to lean on. In fact, it was Kellin that scared him the most, he was afraid of letting the other get close to him in knowledge of what he had done to his best friend, never mind someone else. Alex could barely look at his best friend without this sadness, this dejected expression that tore apart the eyes of the outsider.

Leaving said outsider to trail away from his friends despite how much he wanted to stay, he couldn’t afford to give in to sin, to temptation, his father would kill him…kill them. Jack knew he would protect them with his hate and pushed them so far away that the distance called out for him to return. Instead of pondering his pain, he busied himself with a workload impossible for someone of his age, sleep would be either frequent or non-existent, and for a month so it continued.

It was here that Alex decided he wanted to know what had happened to his friend with sparkling yet saddened eyes and messy brown hair. He wanted to know why the pretty boy he had become so determined to protect was pushing him and his best friend as if he were afraid of disease. So the tall, slender man tracked Jack down; the first thing he noticed were the dark, grey bags under Jack's dark eyes and ruffled hair a little greasy and limp. He wasn’t sure if Jack knew he was depressed, but the hazel eyed man could see it.

“We need to talk,” Alex sighed, dragging Jack into a bathroom stall. “Sit,” He muttered, pulling the seat down, on which the younger sat timidly. “Why are you avoiding m-us, what have we done?” The fact that the older looked so defeated was worrying; he’d never looked this troubled before, and over a boy he’d known for what-two…three months?

“I…I don’t trust Kellin,” Jack finally admitted, after a good five minutes of patient silence. “I see th-things, the way h-he treats people and I-I can’t let m-myself become that,” There was a look on Alex’s face, as if a blatant realisation had hit him, as the older boy stepped back, the intensity leaving his eyes. Instead, his nimble fingers ran through his sunburnt hair a sigh tumbling from his lips and a dark look on his face, as if he were torn between decisions.

“Is this about Vic?” The fact the popular boy was attempting to understand warmed his heart, though he seemed to be able to tell by Jack’s expression that this was really about another. And if Alex’s heart was one he could fix. A shake of the boy’s head, his dark hair of burnt oak, moving with him, confirmed this. “Is this…could you tell…am I that obvious?”

Jack stood and reached for his best friend’s hand, holding it with reassurance before wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist, nodding into his shoulder. And just like that, the bad boy persona broke and snapped like the clicking of fingers. “What did I do wrong, Jack? I treated him so well and he just...broke me,” the younger boy remained silent and simply listened with his friend wrapped in his arms. “I just...Kellin was supposed to love me, but he doesn't love anyone,” He sniffed and pulled away, their silent language reaching out.

In a second,Jack remembered every dream of a kiss and brush of fingertips, every reach for his hand, every time his subconscious would memorise every dip and curve of Alex’s body, and mouth made bruises on his thighs. A low shudder ran down his spine, remembering once again that this wasn’t something he could follow through with. “Man must not lie with another man,” Rang through his skull, a look on his father’s face. But he could love Alex. Alex could love him.

“S-someone will, e-eventually, l-love you I m-mean,” But it was the look in Alex's eyes that made him pull away, he couldn't become that pain.

That pain he couldn’t bear, that Kellin Quinn had been given the most beautiful of those he knew, and had broken them without even an acknowledgement.

Notes