Five Years

Today was the last day of tour. Honestly, it was the most bittersweet experience of my life. On one hand I was happy to finally be getting away from Alex again, this tour with him has just drained me from wanting to date for a long time. But on the other hand I was sad to leave all my new friends, I share a bond with each of them and leaving just doesn’t seem right. I went around, hugging each and every one of them, making sure that no one was left out. They had already played the last show, now we were off to the airport so we could all go home.

I shared a cab with Zack and Jenna; I was forced to sit in the middle so I was squished between them. I rested my head on Jenna’s shoulder and I’m sure she was just as sad as I was. I wanted to spend more time with everyone, I didn’t want to stop being a roadie, but I just couldn’t be a roadie as long as Alex was there.

“How are you feeling?” Jenna asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.

“Fine,” I sighed. “I just don’t want to see you go back to Australia, I want you to stay with me forever.” I buried my face into her sweatshirt and she smiled, picking up my head as we pulled into the airport.

“You know that we will keep in touch, you hear me?” She asked as she squished my face with her hands. “I’m not gonna let you wriggle out of this friendship.”

“As if I would want to get out of this friendship,” I laughed and pulled her into a big hug.

We went around the back to grab our luggage, each of us going to a different place. In the cabs behind us the rest of the bands pulled up and they all had sad faces. We met up in a circle and had the biggest group hug ever and then we split off to go our own ways.

Unfortunately, I was the only one going back to Cleveland. And I don’t think that I can go back to being the girl who shut everyone out for her job, this trip has changed me more than I’d like to admit.

I went over to say my final goodbyes to the boys, ignoring Alex and heading right to Zack first. “I’ll miss you bro!” I said as I pulled him into a big hug. We were always close, even when I moved away, so saying goodbye to him was that much harder.

“Promise me that you won’t get into any trouble, okay?” He smiled when he pulled away from the hug. “I know that I’m your big brother but I don’t want to have to beat anyone up if they hurt you.”

Jack came up behind me and picked me up, his arms were wrapped around my waist and his lips were right by my ear. “I think I’m gonna miss you the most, Shay.” He laughed and set me back on the ground then he pulled me into a real hug.

“Right back at ya Jacky.” I smiled and squeezed him tightly before letting him go and walking over to Rian.

“Seriously though, no trouble, got it?” He pulled me into a hug and rested his chin on top of my head.

“I know, I know.” I rolled my eyes. I was really going to miss these guys, and I hope that they didn’t notice the tears welling up in my eyes. I looked over at Alex and he was looking down at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. I did a once over of the guys one more time before heading inside the airport, telling myself not to look back.

I went through security faster than I have before, leaving me a lot of time to myself at the gate. As I sat in the chair I thought about what happened through the tour, how I overreacted to what Alex did and everything between. Tears started to roll down my cheeks and that’s all it took for me to break down in the airport, I’m sure people were looking but I didn’t fucking care about them.

“Is everything okay?” A familiar voice asked. I looked up and saw Jake, wearing the same leather jacket and a sad smile on his face. He sat down beside me and offered me some tissues to wipe away my tears. After I was calm we had a nice chat.

“So I guess it’s pretty funny running into you here.” He chuckled and looked over at me, but I was still mad at him. After all, he did accept the money that Alex paid him with.

“Why did you take the money?” I furrowed my brows and shook my head, I just wanted to get to the bottom of all this because I know that there’s more to it than what Alex had said.

“So you found out?” He sighed and shook his head. “I really didn’t want to leave you that night, I was having so much fun with you and I knew that we were hitting it off really well. But when Alex pulled me aside and offered me the money I knew he was desperate. I mean, when I looked into his eyes I could tell how much he loved you. I didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever the two of you have so I just decided to take the money and go.”

I was surprised with what he had told me. I figured he was just a self-absorbed asshole in need of some cash but hearing that Alex loved me… Was it that obvious to some people?

“So, what do you think I should do about this whole thing?”

“Well it depends on what you mean, your past, and also your current goals and what you want in life.” He shrugged. “I honestly think that people need to live their life however the hell they want, and I don’t know how you’re going about that when you’re asking me for advice.”
I briefed him on the whole story, our past, my job, my hopes for the future. All throughout he was nodding and making little comments on my life. It was funny to think that the random guy I almost hooked up with is one of the wisest people that I’ve ever met. After I finished the story he placed a hand on my shoulder.

“You need to follow your heart.” He looked into my eyes. “If you go back to Cleveland and you feel like something is missing, you’ll know what to do. But if you go back to Cleveland and you know that it’s where you’re supposed to be, then stay and continue to do good things with Alt Press.”

I smiled and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you so much Jake, can we keep in touch?”
“Of course,” he pulled away from the hug and grabbed his backpack. I heard the flight attendant call for boarding and I got up to go onto the plane, waving at Jake as I did so. And when I sat down in my seat, I have never felt more conflicted in my life.

Notes