We're All Just a Walking Travesty

As soon as my foot hit the hard concrete I sighed. Walking out of Doctor Ashleighs building feels weird. I can’t tell if i'm relieved to be out of there, or relieved that in a way she’s helping me get better.
If you’ve ever been to a therapist you probably know what i’m on about. I know I need to be better, I know I need to be able to talk to a cashier at the store, I know I need to be able to ask a stranger for directions. But at the same time my only hope scares the shit out of me. Ashleighs great, don’t get me wrong, but i'm scared of her. I'm scared of everyone. Take Ariel for example. She’s my bestfriend and has been for years. She’s one of the only people I can actually talk to, and i’m still scared of her. I'm scared i’ll say the wrong thing and she’ll make fun of me or run away and find a new friend. Even though deep down I know she never would, theres always that constant fear. I know Ariel has similar anxiety to mine, but she’s had hers under control for a while. As far as i'm concerned she hasn’t had an attack in months.
A sudden buzzing sounded from my pocket as I pulled up to a stoplight.
Unknown: Hi. I hope this isn’t creepy, I got your number from Jack. Hi.
L: Who is this?
Unknown: Alex
I quickly put his number in my phone.
L: Oh. well hello.
A: i'm sorry if this is weird. I just uh yeah.
L: no its fine. no worries.
A: good, so i was wondering if you wanted to hang out?
L: Sure its only like, what two?

I glanced up from my phone and saw the light turn green, longest red light ever. I pulled to the left lane and saw my destination near. I turned down the road and saw the building come into view. I pulled into the parking lot and looked at Alex’s message. I got butterflies in my stomach when I realised he and asked me to hang out.

A: yeah, whenever you want to is fine with me
L: i just got to my sisters house, ill only be like half an hour ill text you when i'm done, is that alright?

I bit my lip, hoping he would say yes.

A: yeah thats sounds great, i gotta take a shower and get ready anyway, see ya soon x

A smile broke out on my face. I looked up and bit my lip to keep the smile from taking over my features. I looked back down and saw the ‘x’ at the end of the message, I gave up trying to hide my smile.

L: you too x

I hoped it wasn’t too forward. I put my phone in my pocket and got out of the car. Immediately feeling the affects of the Baltimore air as the wind blew threw my hair. I walked up the outside staircase and found my sister's door. I knocked quickly, eager to get inside.
“Hey,” She said opening the door, smiling at me.
“Hi Kate.” I hugged her quickly bouncing into the apartment.
“In a hurry?” She laughed.
“It’s cold. Where’s Kirah?” I asked.
“She’s in her room watching some cartoon.” I nodded and walked through the living room to the small hallway, opening the first door on the right.
“Hey sis.” I said walking in.
“Hi Nana.” Since she was one she’s called me Nana. Isn’t that what people call there grandmas?
“Whatcha watching?” She looked up from her cartoon and moved over on the bed. I sat down.
“Adventure Time.” I smiled.
“That’s my favorite.” She smiled at me this time and nodded her head.
“Mine too.”
“I’m gonna go talk to your mom okay?” She nodded turning her head back to the TV causing her blonde hair to swing across her face.

I walked into the small kitchen and laughed at my sisters position. She was standing on a step stool trying to get something out of her cupboard.
“Need some help short stuff?” I laughed reaching past her hand, pulling out the pan she had been reaching for.
“Stop showing off.” She pushed me after kicking her stool away. “What do you even want, legs?”
“I hate it when you call me that. I’m not even tall you’re just a midget.” She narrowed her eyes at me, then slapped my arm. “And, I wanted to give you a key to my apartment.”
“Does mom have one?” She raised her eyebrows, taking the extended key.
“Of course not, she has one to yours and you’re always complaining that she bursts in a lot.” We both chuckled. “And I want you to have it in case of an emergency.” She nodded, turning around to put it on her chain.
“Well I appreciate you gave it to me, and not mom.” She joked.




I walked out to my car, looking at the time and seeing it was about 2:30.

L: Hey lex, i'm done at my sisters if you’re ready.
A: Lex? and yeah i'm ready.
L: Oh uh um. nickname? and do you want me to come pick you up or…
A: I like it, Jack and the guys call me that whenever they're not mad at me. haha. and yeah sure ill just go to jacks after and make him take me home.
L: Address? I’m on my way.

He texted me his address and I started in the direction my GPS told me too. I pulled up to a two story house and made my way to the door.
I knocked on the door a few times and it swung open to reveal smiling man with like perfect teeth. Seriously why can’t mine be like that.
“You must be Leah? Alex said he’d be right down. He’s probably spraying himself with too much cologne.” I laughed at his joke, or at least I think its a joke. “I'm Rian. I live with Alex.”
“Leah, you already knew that. Are you in the band? Jack mentioned you and some other guy before..” I trailed off.
“Yeah, i'm the drummer. And the other guy is Zack. Bass.” He smiled again and I nodded.
“Rian stop harassing Leah.” Alex appeared behind him, pulling on a hoodie in the process. “And you should have let her in, its freezing!”
“Well. I thought you’d be right down.” Rian defended.
“It’s fine, we were just chatting.” Did I just use the word chatting?
“Alright, Rian i’ll be back whenever I convince Jack to bring me home. Come on Leah.” Alex waved at Rian and lead me to my own car.
“So where are we going?” I asked turning to him.
“Uh I don’t know. Coffee shop?” I nodded my head and headed toward the nearest one.


-
“So, uh, tell me about yourself,” Alex said, sliding into a chair across from me.
“Nice conversation starter.” I laughed. He smiled, shaking his head looking down, “I don’t really know what to say though.”
“Just, I don’t know random things about yourself.”
“How about this, you ask me a question and we both have to answer it. Then I ask a question and so on, we’ll be best friends in no time!” He nodded.
“Okay, where are you from? Or have you always been in Baltimore?” He asked.
“Well I was born in Indiana, basically grew up around a bunch of corn,” He laughed, “And when I was like thirteen my mom moved us all out here. By us I mean me, my sister, her baby and my brother. Your turn.”
“I was born in England, and when I was little my mom moved us out here. By us I mean me, my brother and my dad.” He mocked me.
“What's your brothers name?” I asked him.
(quick note i have no idea if this is right it really depends on what fucking site you’re on like everyone has a different opinion on what his name is okay? okay.)
“Tom. Your siblings?”
“My sisters name is Kate, and my brothers name is Zach.”
“What about your sisters baby?”
“Her names Kirah (key-ruh).”
“How old are they?”
“Kate’s 28, Zach’s 26, and Kirah’s 10. Your brother?”
(again idfk okay)
“30.”
“You’re the youngest?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Same.”
“Just tell me more random things about yourself.” He leaned back in his seat, sipping his drink.
“Well, I uh, I...uh” I began to stutter, feeling my face turn bright red. We’ve been here five minutes and I’m embarrassing myself!
Alex let out a small laugh. “That’s cute.”
I laughed nervously and scratched behind my ear.
“Okay, well, you know my name is Leah, I’m 25, and I do photography. I lived with my parents until like a week ago. My best friend since the womb is Ariel, she’s like a sister to me. We both have anxiety problems, but she seems to be completely in control of it since she hasn’t had an attack in over half a year,” I said, not thinking what just left my mouth.
Alexs eyebrows shot up. “Ariel has anxiety too?”
I widened my eyes, realizing what i just said. Ariel didn't want anyone else to know. shit.
“Er, yeah. i wasn’t supposed to tell you that, please please don't say anything to her about it, ok?” i begged him. He nodded, understanding. “so, uh, uh, tell me some things about you?”“I’m Alex, I’m 26, and I sing for this unpopular band called All Time Low. If it wasn’t for the band, the guys and I would all be living with our parents still. Jack is the coolest person, he’s like my brother. And, as you, I have anxiety attacks.”
“How do you keep your attacks under control?”
“I don’t.”
“Oh…” I took a drink of my steaming hot coffee and let it slide down my throat. “What else would you like to know?”
“Anything.”“Okay, well. My favorite color is green, as far as religious views go, I’m pretty much agnostic, and pop punk music is the best music in existence, no lie. Blink-182 and Green Day, preferably. I also like Panic! at the Disco.” I smiled at Alex and he smiled back at me. His face was so damn cute, I swear.
“No way, Blink and Green Day!? Those bands are my favorite! They were our inspiration to start a band!” he exclaimed.
“Did we just become best friends?” I laughed.
“Yeah we did.” He replied.
“Do you wanna go do karate in the basement?”
“Wait what?” He asked confused.
“You ruined it! Ugh, never mind you lose.” He frowned.
“I’m confused what just happened.”
“Step Brothers! Oh my god have you never seen Step Brothers?” I leaned forward slightly, my palms flat on the table. He shook his head slowly. “Alexander- What’s your middle name?”
“William.” He smiled.
“Alexander William Gaskarth! How have you never seen step brothers!” I threw my hands up into the air. He laughed and shook his head again, he does that a lot.
“We’ll have to watch it together some time.” My face turned bright red and I looked down, his laugh illuminating my ears. “So…” Alex trailed off.
“So…” I copied, we both chuckled and the waiter walked up to our booth.
“Can I get you two any more coffee?” He smiled at us, we both noded and he poured Alex’s into his mug.
He moved his position to get to my cup, but his hand slipped as he poured causing the hot liquid to seep into my skin through my sweater. He threw himself back, as I did, and quickly ran to get napkins from the counter. My shriek causing Alex to look up from his drink, his eyes widening. He hopped up as I peeled off my burning sweater.
“Are you okay?” Alex rushed rubbing off the burning substance with the towel the non-stop apologizing waiter brought.
“Yeah, I’m fine just kinda shocked I guess. At least now I’ll smell like coffee?” I tried to look at the bright side of the situation. The waiter quickly grabbed the bill sitting on our table and scribbled something down before apologizing again and walking away.
“Here, take my sweat shirt you’re freezing.” He took off the black hoodie, handing it to me.
“Thanks, but what about you?” I asked putting my arms in the holes.
“Not too worried about myself right now, hey look free coffee.” He pointed to the bill, that now read ‘on the house’.
“Good, I better get free coffee.” Alex laughed and the waiter made his way over to us again.
“I’m so sorry, I told my manager and he told me to bring you guys some free coffee in a to-go cup. I’m sorry again.” He handed us two large coffees, smiling nervously.
“It’s fine for the hundredth time” I laughed. He nodded and made his way behind the counter again.

-


“Thanks for letting me wear your sweatshirt, Alex. Do you want it back now?” I asked him as we reached my door.
“No, you keep it. It looks better on you anyway.” For the millionth time, I blushed. “You do that a lot.” He laughed at my red face. Jesus I look like tomato Gerard. I covered my face with my hands shaking my head. “Good-bye hug before I go beg Jack for a ride?”
“Sure.” I took a step into his open arms and molded my fingers into the back of his shirt. I breathed in his scent, hoping he didn't catch me.
“Did you just smell me?” He asked, pulling back but keeping me in his embrace.
“You smell good?” He laughed and hugged me again.
“Goodnight, Leah.” He said into my hair before pulling away.
“Night Lex.” We waved again before I closed my door.
I immediately took out my phone and texted Ariel.

L: ARIEL
L: ARIEL MAKE ALEX STOP
L: ARIEL MAKE ALEX STOP BEING SO CUTE BVREGJREHTFONMFBRHYRTGRDFRGH

After about ten minutes she still hadn’t replied, so I got up from the couch and crawled into bed. I pulled all my clothes off (not in a sick way you) and put on some underwear and Alex’s sweatshirt before drifting off with the intoxicating scent of Alex in my nose.

Notes

look guys i finished the chapter and have internet for the night
woo
here i feel weird about this chapter but its only because i wrote it without bae's help
~leanaaa