The Sadness Will Never End

1

Jack’s mother came upstairs to tell her son that the Gaskarths were coming over for dinner. She also reminded him that after dinner both pairs of parents were going out for the night and Alex would be staying that night here. Jack nodded his head and slumped down against his door. He was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and the last thing that he wanted was to be around someone; especially Alex.

Alex was a good kid. He had good grades; friends and he had everything going for him. Jack however was the opposite. His grades were only just a pass because he spent most of his nights crying himself to sleep or overthinking every action that he made that day. Jack didn’t like to talk to people. His theory was that the moment you opened your mouth and talked to someone you’d get attached to them and in the end people only bring you down. Jack was shoved into lockers and bullied by other students at his school, his parents didn’t know that. No one needed to know. Jack could handle everything by himself; or so he thought.

That night everything just hit Jack all at once. He’d never felt so bad in his life. Every bad memory that he had kept replaying in the back of his head, every insult that had ever been thrown at him replayed. His mind was collapsing on itself and he didn’t know how to stop it. Jack tried thinking of happy things but it wasn’t working because there wasn’t a single happy thing in his life. He had nothing to wake up to in the morning. His life was full of misery and he wanted nothing but for it to stop.

Alex’s parents hurried Alex out the door as they were already running late; Alex had trouble with his hair and he didn’t know what to bring with him for the night. The family slid into the car and began driving through the rain until they reached the Barakat house. Alex always wondered why he never saw Jack smile. At school Jack was next to invisible to Alex so he barely saw him. “We’re here.” Alex’s mom told him. Alex smiled at his mom and got his beaten up school bag that contained his clothes for the night out with him.

Jack heard the doorbell ring and he tried to pull himself together but it was useless. Jack tried to take deep breaths but it was no use. Jack pulled the hem of his jumper up to reveal his already scarred hips. ‘It wouldn’t hurt to add more’ Jack thought to himself. He searched through his dresser drawer and soon found the blade that he hated so much. He hated what it did to him but he needed this to feel alive.

Four. There were four next to deep cuts placed neatly on Jack’s hips. One for all the tests that he’d failed. Two for the amount of times that he’d be beaten up. Three for that time a girl asked him on a date as a joke. Four, because Jack was a walking joke.

He pulled his jumper down and thanked himself for wearing black that day. He pulled up the sleeve of his left arm and dragged the blade across his skin another two times. He hated every inch of his skin and he hated what he’d become.

“I’ll just go and call Jack down for dinner.” Mrs Barakat said to the Gaskarths as they sat down at the table. She walked up the stairs and placed her hand on her son’s room and knocked. “Jack, it’s time for dinner.” Mrs Barakat told Jack through his door and then walked downstairs to join everyone. “He should be down in a minute.” Everyone nodded their heads and waited for Jack to arrive.

Jack put his blade back where he found it and walked into the bathroom. He splashed his face with water and ran his hands through his hair. Jack sighed at his appearance and slowly made his way down the stairs; clutching his sleeves to his hands. Jack went and sat down in the empty seat that happened to be next to Alex.

Alex looked over at Jack and he could tell that something wasn’t right. He wasn’t smiling but that was usual for Jack. But this time something seemed really wrong. Alex kept his mouth shut for his and Jack’s sake and began to eat the plate of dinner that Mrs Barakat placed in front of him.

Looking down at his plate, Jack played with the food that was placed on it. He didn’t need the food in his system. Food only makes you gain weight and Jack hated himself enough. He knew that his mom and dad would think that something was wrong if he didn’t eat anything so he forced himself to eat at least half of the food on the plate. With every bite he hated himself even more.

“Alright boys, there’s money on the counter if you want to order pizza later on. We’ll see you in the morning.” Jack’s mom kissed his cheek as did Alex’s mom to Alex. The adults left the two teenage boys and Jack began to walk back up to the bathroom. He had to get rid of this food one way or another.

Jack forced his fingers down his throat and watched as the food poured out of his mouth. Tears fell from his eyes and landed on the toilet seat. He continued to force his fingers deeper until he threw up a small amount of blood. This time he’d gone too far. Jack flushed the toilet and looked at himself in the mirror; this time looking at every detail that traced his face. His eyes were sunken due to the lack of sleep that he’d been getting and all the crying that he’d been doing. His skin was a sick colour in between yellow and white because he was eating so little. There was no spark in his brown eyes, they were just brown. Nothing more.