Save Me From Myself

I've been wearing the same fake smiles for years now, and nobody has noticed, i have built my walls so high, nobody can break them, and that was how i like it. Sure, i was broken, depressed and suicidal, but i was happy, happy in my own little bubble. But the HE came along, HE broke down my walls and made me believe in myself. But then HE left me, threw me away like a piece of trash and this is why im doing this, HE was the only one that was keeping me in this godforsaken place, and now that HE left me, i have nothing. Nothing to do, nothing to live for, i know i sound pathetic, but its the truth, I love you Jack Barakat, and i always will... I hope this doesn't hurt too much..

Goodbye

-Alexander William Gaskarth.

I'm not going to lie, i cried while writing that, but i knew it had to be done before i changed my mind.

I lay the note down on my bed and prepared the outfit i wanted to be found in, My favourite black skinnys, custom Green Day vans and.. Jacks Black amd red 'boner' shirt..

I'd change when i got back from what i had to do, and then I'd take my own miserable life..

I re-read the letter and laughed at the irony. He was the one that caused me all this pain, and the want to take my life, and yet, im still worrying about his feelings during last few hours.

The realization hit me like a truck, these are my last few hours in this miserable place, and then that'll be the end.. The end of me.

I opened the front door and inhaled deeply, taking in as much air as i could.

I clambered into the front seat of my blue 2007 chevy and stuck the key into the ignition, and turning it, making the car roar into life.

I pulled up on the curb of the last place i wanted to be right now.

Jack fucking Barakats house.

I ran up the front path and slid the envelope through the letter box and back to my car. It was addressed to Jack, and he should recognise my writing, so hopefully he opens it once its too late..

I don't want to be saved.

I all but raced back to my house and ran up the stairs like there was no tomorrow, where i pulled out the small box from under my bed and opened it, admiring the beauty, the lethalness, and the thing that's going to take my life;

A 9.mm pistol.

I picked up my clothes and got changed, and stalked over to my stereo, and blasted 'Adams Song' by Blink 182 hoping to drown out the sound of the shot.

I shakily got the gun out of the box.

I heard a distant slam, Great. The neighbours are fighting again..

I loaded it, my hands shaking the whole time.

I'm sorry mom.. Jack.. Rian.. Zack.. I'm sorry..

I put it to my head and cocked it

My door burst open.

I looked gawkingly at the panting man in my doorway.

He ran forward and the gun was hit from my hands.

"Alex, No!" Jack. It was jack.

I stood in the middle of my room, hand still raised to my head, frozen. Numb. Shocked.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He screamed, tears filling his beautiful brown eyes.

I stood frozen still.

"Alex. Please" he was sobbing by this point and i finally snapped out of it.

"Why Jack?" I screamed, tears trickling down my already tear-stained cheeks.

"Y-you.. Want.. What?" He was a blubbering mess, as was I.

I could feel myself shaking and my breathing quickening, and soon my vision began to blur.

Oh god, not now..

Next thing i knew i had collided with the dark grey carpet of my bedroom floor. Shit.

I woke up in my bed, in different clothes, and the room was clean, no pistol, no blood, no sign of my almost self destruction.

That was one fucked up dream..

I sat up and glanced around my light grey walls, lined with posters and pictures, and my eyes finally landed on a crumpled figure in the corner..

Jack.

"Jack, what are you doing here?"

I was completely clueless, why was Jack Barakat in my bedroom?

"Why am I here?..." he breathed out.

I nodded in response.

"I.. I got you're letter..." He sounded hesitant, an underline of a questioning tone.

"What letter?" My voice was shaking now. Could that dream--

"YOUR SUICIDE NOTE!" he screamed, leaving me to curl up in the corner.

"I... I.. What?" Was the dream... Real?

"You tried.. To kill yourself.. " His voice that was nothing more than a whisper, cracking in a few places

I was completely shocked.

"N-no.. Stop lying, you bastard!"

I went to punch Jack who was now standing in the middle of my room, but he caught my arm just as i pulled it back.

"Please don't so this Alex... Please.. Not because of me..."

Upon hearing that i shoved him away.

"BECAUSE OF YOU! DAMN FUCKING RIGHT. YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEART WITH 2 FUCKING WORDS! ITS OVER! ITS FUCKING OVER JACK! JUST LIKE MY FUCKING LIFE! NOW GIVE ME MY MOTHERFUCKING GUN!"
I just exploded, releasing all the anger i had been holding in for the past 2 weeks, which was also caused by him, and damn, it felt good!

Jack was still in shock, but the tears were flowing freely down his face.

"Alex, I'm so sorry. But please.. Hear me out.."
He was scared. I could see point blanc he was scared, and i could hear how his voice came out. It was wrecked, probably from all the shouting and crying he had done, i much the same, but i could still hear it. He would always have a little whiny tone while he was scared. And right now i could hear it loud and clear.

"Why should I Jack? Huh? Why the fuck should I?" I spat bitterly

"Be-because it wasn't as.. Easy.. As you Think... Please.. Alex." He was almost begging now.

"Alright. Tell me how 'uneasy' it was, Jack-o." I hissed. He hated when i called him Jack-o, always had.

Jack brushed off what i had said, and began.

"At the beginning.. Everything was great, everyone was happy for us,and supported us.. That's because we only came out to our close friends and family.. W-when the school found out, you know how bad it was, it was like hell.."

He trailed off, and i nodded, silently telling him to go on.

"It was like hell.. And then.. That's when Cody approached me.."

Cody was the football team captain, and he seemed nice enough, unlike most people at that school, he was nice to me. We considered ourselves acquaintance's, he would try to stop some of the bullies for me, but he never did anything physical, until he found Jack and I fighting one day in the corridor, a stupid fight really, it was about how Jacks ex, Riley, was all over him. Everyday. And then Cody walked by just as i screamed at Jack. Cody hit jack that day. That was the day Jack became Codys worst enemy, and he had it out for him.

"Well.. He approached me one day and threatened me, told me if i didn't leave you, he'd.. He'd.. Tell everyone to.. H-hurt you.. And i couldn't bare that, Alex, I'm so sorry. I did it.. I did it to protect you.."

A fresh batch of tears made its way down his cheeks.

I could feel my heart cracking.. I'm surprised i still have one after all this.. He did this to.. Protect me?..

"Jack..I wouldn't have cared if i got hurt.. As long as i had you.."

It was out before i could stop it.

Damn it, Alex..

"I knew you'd same some cute shit like that.."
He muttered that to himself but I still caught it.

It caused me to crack a small smile.

"So.. Will you protect me, Jack-o?" I said the nickname slowly, teasingly.

Jack also smiled a little.

"Yeah. But first.."

He got the small metal bin from the corner of my room and produced a lighter and small piece of paper from his pocket.

"..How about we get rid of this?" He finished the sentence with a weak smile, holding up the paper, which im guessing was my letter.

I nodded eagerly.
"Care to do the honours?" He held the lighter out to me.

I took it from his hand and flicked the lid of the Ravens Zipo up and flicked my thumb over the spiral thing, igniting the flame.

Jack held the letter out to me and placed the bin on the floor.

I grasped the letter and brought it to the flickering flame.

As soon as the paper caught fire i was mesmerized with the large flames and was only snapped out of the trance when a flame licked my arm.
I set the paper into the bin and watched it burn, smiling.

Jacks arms wrapped around my waist from behind and he buried his head in my neck.

"I thought I had lost you when i read that Lex, I was so fucking scared, I thought you were gone and that scared me, so, so bad.."
His breath tickled my neck.

"I'm sorry, Lex"

I just kissed his head, still mesmerized by the growing flames.

"I love you"
I heard Jack murmur softly.

I turned in his arms.

"And I love you, So fucking much.."
I replied, dragging out 'So'

Jack moved his head from my neck, to tap his nose to mine. We would do this whenever either of us were upset.

I smiled slightly at him.

"Hey Alex.. Will you be my boyfriend?"

He ducked his head, trying to hide his blush.

I don't care what Cody or his friends would do to me, as long as i have Jack at my side throughout it all.

"Of course"

And with that i joined my lips to his in an innocent kiss.

Notes

THIS WAS WRITTEN. ON MY PHONE. I think its good considering. :P My phone is really screwing up right now. ENJOY!!! XD