I was gonna do a cover myself for it but umm I am really sick so I used this link btw check her out she is really great we have similar voices youtube.com/watch?v=i9JNWZxVaTA
Warning this Chapter May have triggering Content in it to some people if you do please avoid after the first flashback please

Shaden's P.O.V.

11am Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
Last night I made and submitted my video I just made it for the deadline to be in the contest I so hope I am chosen.
I haven't been able to sleep I still can't believe I saved enough, and my strict parents are letting me go to warped tour this year I am so happy.
I have to wait 3 days tho to find out if I won.
It kinda sucks my Mom all she does is laugh when I practice my screaming, and tells me to grow up, My Step Dad hates my singing screaming all that I want to do he wants me to become a proper business woman, but for f sakes I am only 19, and just finished high school just under a year ago I just wish they would support me in what I do.

I got up, and got my clothes for the day went to my bathroom to shower. Turned on my iPod to full volume, and put on Black Veil Brides, and jumped in the scalding hot water my scabs on my wrist, and thighs were burning from last night. I just let the water run down me while singing savior hoping one day to find one to call my own since who I thought was mine wasn't by far he saved me at first only to throw me in deeper than I ever was I just wish I'd find my savior so I can finally leave the shit hole that is outside my home.

I finished showering after washing my hair jumped out, and wrapped my towel around me looked in the mirror, and saw what I hadn’t seen before I really didn't know who I was that’s when I remembered Scott my ex.’s words.

Flashback: Feb 19th, 2013 8:22pm
"Do you even know who you are anymore huh? Shaden do you?" Scott yelled in a questioning tone.
"Scott Stop this please don't leave me. You know I love you just don't walk away from everything we fought so hard to keep this going through everything I know right now I don't know exactly who I am, but we are both still young just please don't leave I really will be lost without you, you saved my life 2 1/2 years back does that mean nothing now." I said through my tears wishing he would stop. I looked at him hopeful my tears would stop this, so we could work this out properly. " I know you love me, but I can't love you anymore I don't even know who you are you just said you don't!! now take off the ring, or I will take it off you. we are OVER I DON'T LOVE YOU I HAVEN'T FOR A WHILE YOU WERE A TOY YOU NEVER SAW THAT, I HATE YOU, YOU ARE A WORTHLESS EMO BITCH I CHEATED 12 TIMES AND YOU STILL COME BACK WHY." He boomed making people stare along with all of our or well I should say my ex friends. "Because I really love you I gave up modeling, singing, baseball, gymnastics, martial arts, all of it for you I gained 110 pounds for you because I was too skinny *starts to cry really hard* I GAVE IT ALL UP FOR YOU!!! I EVEN SACRIFICED, FRIENDSHIPS, MY BAND, MY FAMILY LIFE, RISKED BEING SHUNNED FROM MY WHOLE STEP DADS FAMILY TO BE WITH YOU, I AM DONE BTW SCOTT CONGRATS YOU'RE GONNA BE A FATHER JUST LIKE YOU WANTED" I screamed back finally letting my emotions finally overwhelm me.

~End of flashback~

I just crumbled to the floor crying my eyes out I can't believe after all this I still love him I got up, and started to look for my razor.
When I found it all I could do was grip the thin cold piece of metal what has been holding on to my sanity for the last like 4 months together.
I looked down at my severely scarred forearms, and thighs inner, and outer I started to look where I could just hack away at where was clean, but I couldn't find any I guess since my stomach, and ribs healed now it’s the best area.

1 for being so stupid to believe he ever loved me.
2 for letting myself become this way.
3 for all the hate I hold inside me.
4 for being a worthless emo.
5 for all the bullies.
6 for all the Scars
WORTHLESS
BITCH
WHORE
UGLY
FAT
All that was circling my head same with his initials again it’s like I couldn't stop, but it made me feel free, and better I really miss the old him the one I met when I was in grade 11 the guy that saved me from an abusive relationship loved me for all of who I was even tho I had scars.

I got up cleaned up the floor, and decided I need to clean myself up, and get ready so I turned on Asking Alexandria The Final Episode so I could Scream, and release what was left in me.
I did my makeup, and hair then got changed into what I was going to wear today.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=98451011
When I got down stairs my Mom already had lunch ready guess I was in the bathroom later than I thought.
Mom :11015

"Hey hunny what are you up to today??" "Not sure yet umm tho gotta go get some more shorts, or maybe an outfit for warped incase I win the contest." I said giving her a fake smile hoping she’d let me just head out. "Okay well do you need a drive, or are you going with a few of your friends." She asked in her usual happy go lucky tone I wish I could be as happy as her with all shes been through in life. "Oh uh well you see I kinda wanted to go by myself, and get it. I know you'll let me, but you know how dad is he'll want to see it, and well he’s not a fan of how I dress." I said as I walked out of the kitchen hoping to leave before she gets me to eat. “I see your point have fun. By the way please eat something before you head out." Damn it knew it was coming. "I am not hungry, but I'll eat when I get back." ” You're not leaving till you eat something." She said in a stern tone telling me she’s dead serious. I tried hard not to heave a heavy sigh only letting a small one fall from my lips “Fine Mom." I walked up to the fridge, and nothing looked remotely good not that my mom is a bad cook no she’s a fantastic one it’s just I can't bring myself to eat so I just look for my yogurt drinks, and take two, and headed for the door. I called out to my mom, and little sister Melhanie. "Later Mom Bye Sis luv yeah."
I realized I was going to be late to catch my bus so had to run two blocks cause well the mall all tho not far at all, but I was going wanted to get to urban planet hot topic, and Spencer’s sooner.

(skipping boring bus ride)

Soon as I got to the mall I popped on my headphones well 'cause quite frankly I don't feel like hearing the latest rumors about me. I decided I need a smoke cause well I can't smoke at home, so I walked up to smoking area as the song was changing I froze in my tracks I'd know that deep rough, but smooth voice from anywhere I looked up through my long fringe, and saw Scott, and all I wanted to do was run the other way never let him see me hurt, or cry over him again, but me being stupid me takes out my smokes, and lights one up, and walks over to the smoking area blaring some Blood On The Dance Floor in hopes he would leave since he hated them of course he didn't I could still hear them talking about me, but like I'd let them know, but it hurt so I just quickly finished my smoke, and walked in like I never heard a word.

I walked down to Urban Planet first looked around found an awesome pair of ripped black jeans like Jake Pitts from BVB, and some nice vests like leather, and jean ones grabbed a few paid, and ran off to hot topic to find some awesome shirts, and accessories was looking at all the band tee’s, and found a few I could cut and make my own went, and paid for them, and went to Spencer’s for some new gloves I walked in, and saw Scott, my best friend, and the guy I am seeing/kinda dating (no I am not a whore he is one of my close friends, and I gave him a chance because he had liked me for years, but I was with a dick wad.) all three of them arguing Alicia spots me looks over, and I sneak behind some racks, and about 3 minutes later I see him coming my way I thought he left. I felt trapped because apparently Al, and Ri just left .
"Hey what's up whore fuck anyone new lately?." He seethed. "Scott just cause your girl friend is so loose you can't feel her doesn't mean you have to bug me now leave me alone I am too busy for this today." With venom dripping from my words I was in no mood to deal with him today normally I would just walk away, but for some reason today I had fight in me, but I never pictured what he would say next would send me so far over the edge, or ever bring this up. “Have it your way bitch by the way I don't see a baby bump what happened? Someone to much of a whore had to get rid of it so someone would fuck you" he said smirking with a victorious tone knowing that this was the one thing that would kill me. "Just leave me alone!!! That was your fault what happened to me, and you god damn well know it was." I said as I started zoning out.

~Flash back~

I was walking outside the mall went to as we used to call it the cave because there was no camera, and the wind was blocked so we could smoke when it was cold so I was sitting down listening to Day Of Wrecking by Escape The Fate, and I saw three guys come up in hoodies with weird smiles like I was in shit they asked " Hey are you Shaden Heart??."
"Yea why what's up?" I asked warily wondering what they could want with me. "Oh well here’s your warning" "warning on what?" I was so confused by this point. "Shut up whore"
next thing I knew I was being punched kicked in the head, and stomach, and ribs
then they turned to me when I was crying in pain, and said "Stay away from Scott, and Anne" one of the others spoke and said "that was also from them to you that’s your warning next time you won't live."

For the next two days I was in excruciating pain I lost the baby that’s what started me into this depression as bad as it is now.

~end of flashback~

Scott's P.O.V.
I was walking outside the mall with Anne because we needed a smoke I was talking to Anne when she looked away from me, and nodded towards the busses I looked over seeing Shaden coming up well today is going to be fun but she's got her headphones on so I guess it’s not going to really be much fun, even though the song has to change eventually she looked oblivious to me being there as she pulled out a smoke, and lit it up she's still kind of heavy set but she's losing weight fast I guess I have gotten to her I was pulled out of my thoughts by Anne' voice saying "I'm gonna head home babe I gotta get Angel from her stupid father that cool? Or you wanna come with?" I looked at her, I know she was just as bad as me for the making Shay to look bad, but seems like she's not into it today oh well "I'm going to stay baby I want to have some fun with all this." motioning to Shay as she headed into the mall I decided I should follow I gave Anne a quick peck on the lips taking off into the mall I saw Shay heading down, but I lost her in the sea of people oh well might as well check some of her usual stores

~45 minutes later~

How hard is it to find a girl with like fire red, purple, and black hair oh well I fuckin give up I am just going to go to Spencer's get a new batman shirt since I saw one a few days ago when I walked in I saw Alicia, and Shay's stupid boyfriend, or whatever he is all I know is Shay would have never known if he didn't tell her I was cheating or of his feelings to her. Alicia walked right up to me, and yelled “What the fuck are you doing here?" with venom dripping from her words. "Like it’s any of your business remember half of this is your fault" Rian turned to me "What do you mean it’s her fault she was only there for Shay when you hurt her just like I was there when you cheated on her the night you left her, and I downstairs at the party for her friends, and your first ex girl I know that Lynn has been my friend since I was in grade 9 when Shay went to school with me, and you were playing them." Wow these two really hate me well Alicia always has and Rian was always jealous, but that’s beside the point. I caught Alicia's attention slide to behind the racks I looked around, and saw red hair finally I looked back at the two in front of me. "Well then since neither of you seem to know the real her I'll just let you find out" With that said I walked off the other way till they left the store I wandered over to Shay behind the racks still ”Hey what's up whore fuck anyone new lately?."I asked her with a sly smirk on my face knowing this would bug her. She turned to me looking furious more than usual when I called her that.
"Scott just cause your girl friend is so loose you can't feel her doesn't mean you have to bug me now leave me alone I am too busy for this today."She said with venom seething from every word wow she really does hate me, and she has some fight for once, and wait! No one says shit like that about Anne. That’s it she is going to pay for that one she can insult me all she wants, but not my girlfriend. Well this one little trick should do it. “Have it your way bitch by the way I don't see a baby bump what happened? Someone too much of a whore had to get rid of it she so someone would fuck you" I said with an equal amount of hatred, and cue the water works in 3. 2. I was cut off with her yelling. "Just leave me alone!!! That was your fault what happened to me, and you god damn well know it was!!!!" she looked at me while saying this, and running off I feel a little bad, but she deserves all this.

Shaden's P.O.V.

I hadn't realized while having my flashback I ran out crying, and was now in the park next to the mall on the ground crying yelling "why didn't I die, I want to die, I hate you Scott. I fucking HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!!!"When Al and Ri came out, and saw me they ran over picked me up, and tried to console me I just can't believe what happened why he did? that still so many questions left unanswered something’s that never will be why does he have to hate me so much I miss him the real him so bad!!!

Notes