I come to my senses with a splitting headache and an excruciating pain shooting through my shoulders and arms. I try to move but I find my wrists are tied together and pulled up over my head, I am practically hanging from a hook in the wall and I can only reach the floor with the tips of my toes.

I look around but the room I'm in is dark and seems unfamiliar, I start to whimper because of the pain and the fear I'm in but I dare not to make a loud noise.

I hear a sound and notice someone entering the room through the door on the opposite wall.

The tall figure stays by the door he wears a cap and a hood and I cannot see his face but he seems familiar. He pulls off his hood and I recognise the man that I have been running away from all this time.

It's Tom. Tom DeLonge. We met when I was working for Soundwave in Australia, it was my first job in the music industry and I was Assistant Stage manager at that time.

Tom had been my idol for as long as I could think and I was mesmerised when I first met him. Although he was in his thirties and married we started an affair, which turned into an addictive and abusive relationship for the both of us.

I was torn apart by the constant extremes of pleasure and pain, of fear and affection that Tom put me through. He is the kind of person that is always living on the edge and going over the limit.

I started to hate myself for not being able to stop it. We broke up a couple of times but we could not stay away from each other. The only possible way I figured was to just walk away and change my home, my life, my job. so that's what I did.

It took him two years and a stupid stage appearance of me to track me down.

"Do you remember me?," he asks in a low voice coming closer. "Two fucking years" he growls through clenched teeth and his fist hits the wall right beside my head. I flinch in shock and my shaking gets even worse. I know that my fear, my whimpering and crying turns him on even more but I can't help it. I'm terrified.
"You just left me, no goodbye, no letter, no call, fuck, not even a text that explained why. You just walked out of my life without leaving a trace. I have been missing you every single fucking day of these two years." He wipes his eyes with his sleeves.

"Did I ever do something to you, that you didn't want?" He brings his face close to mine and his voice gets even more dangerous. I turn my head because I don't want to look at him. "Answer me! Did I ever do something you didn't want?" He takes my jaw in a hurtful clench and turns my head so he can see into my eyes. "N-no" I stutter. I look into his eyes and see that he is high on something, that minimises my chances of reasoning with him. But I also see the boy with the lost look that I fell for once, the broken hero that I wanted to heal. And I turn my eyes away to not get caught in the spell of this again.

"Please Tom, I can't do this anymore, it was tearing me apart, it was destroying me, let me go, please." I plead through tears.

He slaps my face hard yelling. "It was killing me, every single day of this two years, it was driving me crazy. I need you. I will not let you go, now that I found you again." I don't cry at the pain but he suddenly takes my head in both his hands and plants kisses all over sobbing.

"I'm sorry Gi, I don't want to hurt you, I just can't stop myself. You bring out the best and the worst in me." He is a complete mess. Then his lips find mine and he starts to kiss me hungrily, it doesn't matter that I don't kiss back because he just takes what he wants. I can feel that his anger resides and he gets turned on by this. I am paralysed, the different emotions fighting inside of me.

He pulls out a knife and I inhale sharply in shock and horror at the sight of the long, pointy, shining blade. He presses himself against me and slowly starts to cut my clothing from my body. Ever so often the tip of his knife scratches my skin and a thin line of red appears which he kisses and murmurs apologises for.
It is a wicked game that he plays with me and it fucks with my head. I am still terrified but also excited and I can't stop looking at him.

In the end I hang there completely naked and he steps back and takes his time to study my body. He is still sniffing and tears stream down his face as he drops the knife. "My god, I had forgotten how beautiful you are, Gi." His eyes have a crazed expression.

He undoes his belt and pulls it out of the loops, folding it in his hand. He stares into my eyes and I know he is about to hit me.

I yank on the rope that cuts into my wrists in vain, trying to free my hands. And I start to panic. The only thing that pops into my head is one word!

"Rollercoaster" I shout at him. It has been our safe word although I never had to use it before. I can only hope he can still remember.

His head shoots up. "What?" He asks me in disbelief. He seems to snap out of a trance and his eyes loose their dark gleam.

"Rollercoaster, Tom, please, remember, Rollercoaster." I am crying again by now and my body is shaking with uncontrollable sobs.

He looks at me as if he doesn't know me and then turns and leaves.

I am left alone in this dark room and all my fears find me and bite on my soul to try and break me, I whimper silently and start to pray to whoever is out there to help me in this dark hours. I don't know for how long I was hanging there when I am pulled out of my daze by Tom returning.

He slowly picks up his knife and comes closer again. I squeeze my eyes shut and duck my head in defeat as my breathing stops. This is it. I will end here.

I can feel him close and suddenly my arms fall out of their restraint as he cuts the rope putting my whole weight back onto my feet unexpectedly so that my legs give in and I fall to my knees.

He falls with me holding me in his lap stroking my skin with one hand and holding my head against his chest with the other, mumbling excuses into my hair.
"I'm so sorry, Babe. Believe me I didn't want this. I love you. This is horrible. I hate myself for it. I hated myself every time I put you through it. I have been loosing it completely since I have found you again. I don't know what to do. Please help me get rid of these demons, Gi."

We sit like this until I recover then I start to calm him down, I hold his head and run my fingers through his hair and he just hides his face in the crook of my neck and cries holding me close. I cannot hate this broken boy, there is too much we went through together and despite all I still have feelings for him.

"Tom, only you can fight your demons, I want to be there for you but not the way we used to be. I can't do this anymore. I love you but I have to keep myself safe. Do you understand?"

I look into his eyes and he nods and bends forward to give me a soft kiss. I kiss back because that feels like the person I fell in love with. He brakes the kiss and stares into my eyes. Time stands still as I can see the reflections of all our memories in his eyes. The addictive magic is still there and I am about to get entangled in it again. I lift my hand and cup his cheek. "Tom"

"No, don't." He whispers, then he pulls away suddenly and presses a cloth against my mouth and nose and the ugly smell fills my senses again, my eyes roll backwards and everything goes black again.

Notes

Mhm, maybe a bit heavy? What do you think?