I was up early today because I didn't party last night and started to work. Jeff and Max had filled in a lot for me the last days because of the recent events, they told me they didn't mind but I felt bad and wanted to show them that I was capable of doing my workload on my own.

I was currently checking the catering area because they had run out of cooking gas for the stoves, I was on the phone with a local company to try and source someone who would be willing to supply us with gas on a Sunday morning. I paced outside the kitchen area discussing prices and delivery times when I bumped into someone.
I looked up only to find Alex standing there with a sour look on his face grabbing my free wrist and holding me, obviously waiting until my call was ended.
I shot him a nasty look but he didn't move and just rolled his eyes at me.

After everything was settled I ended the call and shoved my phone into my back pocket turning, taking a deep breath to start and argue with him, when he just placed his hand on my mouth to keep me quiet.

"Gi, shut up and listen. I am not stupid. I have seen you dodge several times to avoid me the last days. But I am not waiting any longer. I have to talk to you. So I will hang on to you until you agree to hear me out." He holds up his hand that still clings onto my wrist as to prove his point.

"Umph." I mumble through his other hand. And it takes him a moment to realise I cannot answer so he takes his hand from my mouth. "Do I have a choice?" I sigh exasperated. He shakes his head.
"Then let's get it over and done with."

Alex drags me across the venue and we get a few weird glances because I make no effort to actually walk beside him but more let him pull me along like a dead weight. He puffs a bit when we finally reach his bus and he turns to me. "God, Gi you are so childish." He grumbles.

"Ha!" Is all I answer to that. How come he thinks he is in the position to be angry about anything? I want to kick him right there and then, but I don't because he is not worth it.

We enter the bus and Alex shoots glances to Zack and Rian who chill in the front lounge. "Guys can we have some privacy here?"
Wow, he really is in a shit mood!
Zack gets up and leaves without a word whereas Rian huffs and rolls his eyes when he walks past me. I look at him and shrug, circling my finger at the side of my head to gesture that I think Alex has lost his mind and Rian can't help but snort at that.
Alex turns around to me. "I have seen that!" He shoots. As if I care!

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, obviously he has been doing that a lot lately because his hair looks like shit. I have to giggle at the thought, weirding Alex out even more. I think he can't understand why I'm not a crying mess due to the fact he has broken my heart.

He pushes me down to sit on the couch and asks. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Jack Daniels" I try, earning only a bitter laugh from Alex.

"Oh no, Gi. I am not pouring you Whiskey in the early morning. How about a coffee?"

"Whatever." I don't want to make this easy for him but I guess he has figured that out by now.

A couple of minutes later he places a mug full of coffee on the table and sits down across from me taking both my hands in his.

"Gi, before we start I want to say, I'm sorry for everything. Please let me try to explain and apologise before you kill me." He looks at me as if I am supposed to laugh at his lame joke. I don't.

He is still holding both my hands so I bend down to the coffee mug and just slurp a sip off the top. His brows shoot up in surprise then he understands and let's go of my hands as if they are on fire. "Sorry" he mumbles. I take the mug in my hands and take another sip and look at him expectantly. I mean I haven't got all day.

He messes up his hair a little more and starts. " Gi, do you remember when we first met?" I shrug not being able to recall exactly.

"Well I do. It was on Warped last year. You were called in because the whole main stage was out of power and our set was about to start. We were all cursing and shouting, creating nothing but a big chaos, then you came in with a tech guy.

He started to work on the electricity and you came round introducing yourself to each of us, you were smiling, so relaxed and happy and I instantly felt better when you told us everything would work out just fine. When Jack threw a tantrum you hugged him rubbing his back although you had just met and he relaxed instantly.

At that moment I wished I could be in his place. I have wished that every time I saw you getting along so easily together. I was fascinated by you but I knew I couldn't get close to you because I was in a relationship. That was the reason I used to be so cold and awkward to you. I wanted to keep my distance because I was afraid I would be falling for you.
Well we played only a few dates and I managed to stay away from you.

When we were asked to play Warped this year I got all excited because it meant I would meet you again. Then on the first day I see you making out with fucking Ben Bruce at the BBQ. I got all jealous and then I started to watch you every chance I got. So many guys tried to get close to you and you were everybody's darling and it was eating me on the inside.
I wanted to be the one that you hugged and cuddled, that you kissed." At that point he wipes his eyes with his sleeve and looks down at the table when he continues.

"I told Jack how I felt and he said he would not try anything with you. You were just friends but still I envied him for being able to just hang out with you. Then we had this fight and I kissed you, I was so angry at you but the moment we kissed I seemed to forget everything, I was just feeling you and it blew me away.

But you hated me for all the shit I had called you. I couldn't stop myself when I saw you lying on the grass at that party I needed to kiss you again and when you kissed me back I wanted it to never stop.
The same night you come into my bunk and I was able to hold you in my arms. But in the morning you run away and I find you sitting in Tonys lap singing with Vic.
Now your voice isn't particularly good but it was holding so many emotions that it sent shivers down my spine. I ask Jack to try and persuade you to sing with me and he does.
The rehearsals are nearly unbearable for me, because we sing together and you act on stage like you actually care about me but you won't let me talk to you so I start drinking and by the time the set comes up I'm wasted. I fall off stage. The guys tell me you were crying so hard thinking it was your fault. So at least you stop being angry at me.
I can't help it I need to feel you close so I come into your bunk the next days. I wanted you, I needed you, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I had a girlfriend but would you believe me when I tell you I forgot about her when I was with you? But it's the truth. It was wrong to get you to sleep with me but I don't regret it because it was unbelievable. It kills me not being able to touch and kiss you anymore."

Here he stops and looks at me pleadingly.

That was it? A lot of what he told me wasn't really news to me. I mean I've been there all along. But what does he expect me to do? That's what I ask him now.

"What do you expect me to do, Alex? Just continue sleeping with you until the end of the tour when you return to your girlfriend and the both of you live happily ever after? Have you, only for one second, considered how I must be feeling. That's the thing with you guys, you are all so self centred, it's always about yourself, you don't give a shit how much you hurt other people, it's always what you want or need. Well, let me tell you how it feels for me.
I had no idea why you were so awkward every time we met, I always tried to be nice but you acted like you hated me. When I finally try to talk to you, you flip out and start insulting me, then you kiss me and expect me to instantly fall in love with you. Well I don't and you make a big drama out of it, drinking yourself into oblivion. Then you have an accident and of course I feel responsible. After that you suddenly start being nice to me and I am stupid enough to believe you. We cuddle, we kiss, we have sex, it is awesome but the next day I meet your girlfriend and she is really nice and beautiful and doesn't deserve such an asshole. And I am left alone with a wound the size of Alaska where you ripped out my heart and tore it to pieces and guess what, nobody cares about it."

I can't help but sob at the last sentence and Alex who has his face hidden in his arms on the table shoots up and I see he has been crying as well. He sits beside me and takes my face in his hands.
"You're right. I'm an egoistic irresponsible idiot and I'm sorry I have hurt you so bad. Please, I just want to be able to be near you, I will have to sort things out with Lisa when I come back from tour which has nothing to do with you, I don't expect you to forgive me or to take me back but please stop hating me and let me be around you and care for you." He brings our foreheads together and I can't stop my tears from falling now. He kisses them away and then he just holds me close to his heart until I am done crying.

When I have calmed down I get up and wipe my eyes. "I don't hate you Alex, I have never done so, and maybe we can try being friends but I don't know, it will take time I guess." I turn to the door. "I have to go work now." He gets up and walks me outside.
I look up at him and he bends down and gives me a soft kiss and strokes my cheek. "Bye princess, see you later." He mumbles sadly.

I turn to walk away. Do I feel better now? No, not really, I guess.

Notes

Okay, Alex is a douche but I still feel sorry for him. Awww.
please comment, I haven't decided about the end yet! :)))
have a lovely day:)