Distance Makes the Heart Grow (Wings and Fly Away)

I remember this day as if it was yesterday. The memories are still vivid in my mind. The hurt I felt when I came home is all too real, I can still feel it in my chest, my heart crushing, breaking in two, or millions of pieces seems more right. I remember logging in on Tumblr as soon as I got home, the need to forget about this horrible day being the only thing I could think of. But this time, it was different. When my dash appeared, on the screen of my laptop, I could see I had a message. So, I opened it, excited to see what it was.

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His brown eyes couldn’t stop looking at the screen in disbelief, reading the message over and over again.

“Hey, I saw you reblog a lot of my stuff and I decided to check out your blog and I can see that we have a pretty similar taste in music. We should talk some time.”

It was simple and it shouldn’t be something hard to believe but what made it unbelievable for Alex was the blogger who sent it. blink-fucking-182. He clicked on it. Maybe it wasn’t the same, but the familiar blog came up on the screen. He went back to his messages and decided to answer it.

“Hey, I think you look like a really cool person too. It’d be great to talk one day.”

He typed and quickly sent the message before having the time to realize how stupid it sounded. But this was one of the kind of famous blink-182 blogs and it was Alex’s favorite blog. This all seemed unreal. But when another message popped up on his screen, he wanted to jump around his room in excitement.

“Hey, my name’s Jack. What’s yours?” Alex couldn’t stop smiling at this point. A couple of minutes ago, he was rushing up to his room, his heart completely crushed in his chest and tears forming in his eyes, the hateful words of the bullies, the only thing in his mind, and now, he was smiling bigger than ever, a weird feeling of happiness filling his chest and one word in his mind, repeated over and over, Jack.

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This was the first time you made me happy but, it was not the last. There was one time that seemed to stick in his mind. I hadn’t been so happy in so long. We had been talking for a while and other than knowing that your name was Jack, I also knew that you were 17, just like me, that you lived in Baltimore, Maryland, which was on the other side of the fucking ocean and that your favorite band was Blink-182 even though you also loved Green Day and New Found Glory which were my favorite bands. We had really bonded but that day, you decided that you wanted more and so did I. If only I had known. I should’ve really stuck to my “relationships suck” mentality.

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“You don’t have a girlfriend right?” Jack asked through another message on Tumblr.

“No, even though I’m more into boys.” Alex sent the message, not even thinking that the younger boy could reject him. Everything was so much easier with Jack.

“I know that we don’t even live in the same country but would you like to be my boyfriend?” The younger asked, his heart hammering in his chest as he waited for the answer.

“If you would like that, then I clearly would too.” The reply came and Jack smiled, looking at his laptop screen and wondering how this could even happen.

On the other side of the ocean, in England, Alex sat in the couch with the biggest grin on his face. He had never felt so happy in his whole life. Maybe things did get better.

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It went on like this. We were happy together and it felt like I had found my other half. You made me happy and I didn’t care about the bullies anymore. The long-distance thing was hard though and we longed to see each other so I decided to make you a promise. One that would keep until I didn’t need to anymore.

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“I hate the distance…” The younger boy typed. “I just want to be with you.”

Alex had already checked everything and knew that in a couple of months, he’d have enough money so, he decided to tell Jack about what he wanted to do.

“I checked everything and I’ll be 18 in a few days so as soon as I have the money, I’ll buy a plane ticket and come see you. I promise we’ll see each other before next summer. I’ll make it happen.” Alex typed, sending the message to Jack.

“Fuck! I love you so much!” Jack sent.

Alex smiled to himself. “I love you too, that’s why I’m doing all of this.”

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And it was true. I loved you and I would have done anything for you. I also felt like I could tell you everything. There was some stuff going on with me that I wished I could tell anyone but I couldn’t find anyone to talk about it to. But with you, it was different. I could tell you everything. When you told me about your scars from self-harm, I knew I could trust you with what I kept a secret from everyone except one person.

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Alex pondered the possibilities before he typed his next message. He used to have a friend and he thought he could trust him but when he told him about this thing, this guy ended up leaving him. But this wasn’t Danny, this was Jack and Jack had gone through stuff too so Alex decided to tell him.
“I’ve been suicidal.” Alex typed.

He sent the message but quickly typed another one. He wanted to explain this and tell Jack how much he meant to him.

“I guess I still am but since I’m with you, I haven’t really thought about it much. I haven’t felt like killing myself because of how happy you make me. You keep me alive.” Alex sent the message, waiting for a reply.

“I’ll keep you alive then. I don’t ever want to lose you and if you ever feel like this again, tell me, talk to me.” The younger boy’s next message said.

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I was glad that I had found someone who would love me as much as I loved them for once. We would talk every day and every time, I couldn’t help but smile. But at some point, we started talking less and less, until one day, I woke up to my phone telling me I had a new message from you.

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“We need to talk.” The message said.

Alex sat up in his bed and replied with “Okay, you can talk to me, I’m awake.”

He had a feeling that he would not like this, something was wrong.

When the reply came, he knew he had been right. “This long distance thing isn’t working out. I can’t do this anymore. It’s like we’re drifting away.”

“I know that we don’t talk as much but I still love you.” Alex tried desperately, tears immediately filling his eyes.

“I love you too but I think it needs to stop. I’m sorry xx.” Was Jack’s reply.

Alex fell back on his bed, clutching his pillow and trying to stop his sobs from coming even though it was no use. There he was again. Jack had stopped the pain but now that he was gone, the pain was back.

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I don’t know how long I stayed in my bed, crying, but I finally decided to get up. My eyes were bloodshot, I looked like a mess and my whole body ached but it was nothing compared to the whole you left in my heart. I had no motivation to do anything and I didn’t even think I wanted to live my life anymore. We both loved each other so why was it so hard? Obviously I still don’t know the answer but I know that what you gave me, the motivation, the love, the happiness, you took it all away with those few sentences. If only you didn’t love me anymore, maybe it would be easier. I should’ve kept believing that love sucks instead of telling myself that we could make this work. Once again, I’m the one who got hurt in the end.

Notes

Title credit: Underscore (This is Flyzik's old band for those who don't know...)
So this is me dealing with a break-up. Sorry if it sucks, I'm still a little upset over this but I needed to get this out...
Anyway, I wrote this really quickly today and realized that I had not written so much in so little time (even if this isn't really long but you know what I mean...) and I remembered that being upset as a great side, I have more inspiration. So, yeah, this is basically inspired of some stuff that has happened with my girlfriend, long distance not working out, Jack making Alex happier than he has been in a long time (just like she did for me...) and stuff, the part about Alex losing his only friend is also inspired by something that happened to me...
For those who read my one-shots, I'll go back to the prompts really soon, but this was just something that I needed to get out...