Dear María

“María, calm down”
“I can’t fucking calm down right now, Jack”
“Yes you can”
I shrugged and groaned in frustation.
I’ve been out of hospital for three days now and my slight fear of Stella hasn’t decreased. My ribs have gotten a bit better under Jack’s care, so they hurt a bit less, which was something, at least.
Today, lovely Jack, told me to wear something comfy and I picked up a cute but simple outfit, and we were in February.
He blindfolded me and told me he was driving me somewhere special. The road was straight, at first, but then it began to have curves and I guess a roundabout and I was starting to get nervous when he turned right and parked.
When he removed the blindfold I found muself in front of two big words written on a wall, next to big wooden door. Hipica Collserola.
So right now I was crying, for no reason, just crying like crazy, in the passanger’s seat of my shitty car and trying not to take very deep breaths.
“Jack, I’m not ready, please” I begged whilst he got out of my car, closing the driver’s door behind him and walking around my car to open my door and squat in front of me.
“Babe, listen to me” I looked at him slowly, “The sooner you do this, the better. It’s just a shock, almost an illusion, and you’re so much better than that” he said, choosing every word carefully, so my mind wouldn’t find any double and negative meaning in his words, “I believe it’s very hard for you right now, but once you get this over with, you won’t regret it, I’m sure” he squeezed my hand reassuringly and kissed it. I rolled my shoulders to straighten up and took a small deep breath.
“I guess you’re right” I smiled at him. He stood up and bent so he could kiss my lips sweetly.
“That’s my girl” he chuckled.
I got out of my car and hugged him as he almost dragged me inside and led me downstairs, and across the outdoor corridor.
“But I’m doing this for you” I held up one finger.
“You can think that, if you want to, but in reality you’re doing this for yourself” he said almost to himself, “You’ll thank me later” he smirked.
We came to the five paddocks and we walked to the last one. I saw Desmona stompt the floor and I saw a bicolour mane move. I took a deep breath.
Just an illusion. Just a shock reaction. I repeated to myself.
Jack squeezed my waist carefully and kissed my temple when we came to Stella’s paddock. She looked up at me with those brown, almost black eyes of hers, with a concerned expression and walked slowly to me. My heartbeat increased and I started to panic.
“Should I say ‘don’t panic’ or you’ll throw a stone at me?” Jack chuckled.
“You’re such an idiot” I said quietly.
“Yeah, but I’m your idiot” he smirked.
Stella was at the door now, waiting for me to walk or something. Even though I was scared shitless, I managed to swallow my pride and walked to her. Jack stood where he was. That’s when Stella pinned her ears to her sides, not back, but she lowered them in a straight line. She was sad. She closed her eyes slightly and blinked slowly. I was scared and half in shock, but seeing my baby like this was fucking enough.
She’ll kick you. She’ll bite you. And buck you off. Try to break your head. Step on you. Oh, please, not like she hadn’t done it in the past.
I opened the door and walked to her neck and hugged her. I was still scared and my brain was still processing my actions, but I still hugged her tighter until I felt my ribs hurt and loosened a bit. She curled her head around me very carefully and I broke down, letting my arms loose around her neck. I put myself between her neck and shoulder and sobbed for what felt like hours.
“I’m so fucking sorry” I told her, “I’m just in shock, it’s all an illusion” I spoke to myself, loud enough for her to hear, but not to listen clearly, “I’m not scared of you” I tried to convince myself over and over again.
It wasn’t until the sky started to turn to a brighter blue I noticed Jack wasn’t around anymore. I didn’t blame him, though. Instead, Oriol looked at us with a weak smile on his lips.
“I thought you were never coming back” he joked.
“Jack dragged me here” I said with a smile.
“Yeah, I’ve talked to him. He’s in the café, by the way” he informed me, “How are you feeling?”
“My ribs still hurt” I touched my torso lightly. “And relieved” I said, smiling at Stella.
“I’m glad you are” he stepped into the paddock. “I have an idea” he smirked.
“What is it?” I smiled at him and he just wiggled his eyebrows.
The next thing I know, I was somehow convinced to jump on Stella again bareback, in the paddock, with only the head stall on and put my hair up in a messy ponytail. Oriol brought a small step-ladder to help me up, before the accident I could’ve jumped on Stella without help perfectly, but that meant crash my ribs, so yeah…
Oriol closed the paddock door and leaned against the fence whilst I positioned myself correctly on Stella’s back and patted her neck. I’m not scared of her. I kicked her sides a bit, the way a scared and unexperienced rider does. It’s just a shock. I kicked harder, earning a sort of surprised reaction from Stella and I froze. It’s an illusion. I moved my hips carefully. I’m not scared of Stella. I kicked her side and moved my hips. Just a shock. She started to walk, but I felt her falling asleep and about to stop, so I kicked harder this time with a more energetic hip movement. Just an illusion.
I don’t know why, but she started to trot slowly and I pulled my heel down, hugging her sides, and relaxed by abdomen so my pelvis wasn’t rigid and I didn’t bounce as much.
I was pressing my left leg just next to her elbow and I draw my right leg back a bit. I was basically moving her with my legs and hips, and sometimes voice.
My right leg slip a bit back and I pulled her mane to me, holding her neck to keep balance and she started to canter very softly. She took the opportunity to raise her knees sassily and I smiled. My forever-sassy Stella.
I didn’t know how many laps I did around her paddock when I heard someone whistle. I shushed Stella and she slowed to a walk.
“I brought you here to hug and kiss and do whatever with Stella, and I come here to find you cantering in Stella’s paddock” I heard Jack’s mock irritated tone and turned Stella around. Now I noticed my ribs were hurting. “Please someone explain me that” he raised his hands dramatically. When he put them down he chuckled and smiled at me.
“Oriol’s fault. Go and blame him” I pointed Oriol with my finger. I walked to them and Jack opened the door and walked to us. He found the small step-ladder and put it in my left side and held out his hand.
“My lady” he winked.
I chuckled and moved down Stella’s back, on her coupling, and slid my right leg to meet my left leg. I moved back to Stella's back and I took Jack’s hand with a smile. I felt my cheeks burn as I slided down her side and went down the small steps.
He pulled me into a hug and kissed my temple.
“I knew you could do it” he smiled at me. I smiled back and kissed his lips.
“Thanks" I said quietly.
“Anything for my girlfriend” he whispered in my ear and kissed me back.
“Ugh… guys… I’m still here” Oriol waved his hand and we chuckled. I felt myself blush again.
Stella touched my shoulder and I turned around and hugged her neck, putting my hands right behind her ears.
“I’ll come and visit you more often, I promise” I kissed her forehead and then placed another kiss between her nostrils. She pinned her ears forward and shook her head happily when I pulled away.
“Goodbye, cutie” I messed with her forelock and closer her paddock, blowing a kiss in her direction and giggled.
I didn’t fear her. I couldn't anymore.

Notes

Stella's back!
Second update!
All good news! :D
What do you think about these last two chapters?
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Title credit: The Final Episode by Asking Alexandria.