Dear María

Two months. Two fucking months watching TV to keep an eye on my girlfriend. Oh, wait, ex-girlfriend.
I missed her more than anything and I regretted not asking her softly about Mikel. How could I be so stupid? The second time we were together she mentioned a Mikel, I knew it was a touchy subject she didn’t want to talk about, but NO, I just had to walk to her, scaring her off and scream at her who the fuck was he. I was mad, but that was not an excuse.
When I saw her break down like that on TV I knew that something bad happened. It almost seemed impossible for a person who loved horse riding so much, to have such a breakdown like that; stopping in the middle of the arena and having to be dragged out that way.
"I’ve completely fucked up." I said to myself.
“Stop blaming yourself, Jack” I heard Alex walk through the bus.
“But it is my fault! God, I came to her and screamed at her” I almost cried, what was this girl doing to me? “Not even when she started to cry, I didn't stop” I murmed. Alex sat beside me with a glass of beer in head hand and handed me one.
“You should call her” he suggested.
“I know! But what do I say? ‘Oh, hey, María, sorry for not talking to you in like… two months, nearly three? But how are you?’ Not likely”
“No, just tell her what you feel about all of this. Text her, don’t even call her, but contact her”
“I don’t know man, what if she hates me?”
“She doesn’t” he stated.
“How do you know?” I turned to him.
“I know, trust me” he said and stood up, leaving me to think.
I pulled out my laptop and started to look for some interviews when I came across a subtitled interview of María.
I sometimes thanked her catalan fans for putting subtitles to her interviews. They normally will put in their description something like “And by the way, if you are María and want me to delete this, let me know” she never did, in a video she explained that if she was a fan of youtuber and wanted to know what he said in an interview, she’d like to understand it, so she never asked them to delete those videos.
I already watched that one, so I scrolled down until I saw a recent interview with Oriol. This one looked more interesting. I clicked it an put my earbuds in.
The video started with a flahsback of María’s fall in Glasgow. And a narrator started to speak.
“María Mussons, a famous youtuber and horsewoman, two days after breaking up with her boyfriend Jack Barakat, suffered from a bad fall in Glasgow.
"The spanish girl said she was completely fine, and didn’t break anything. But what impressed us the most was the fact that, unlike other riders, her instructor, Oriol Fusté didn’t run to her after her falling and her horse, Stella, didn’t let anybody get close to her whilst her owner was lying on the floor.” After that, there was a small brunette girl next to Oriol in front of the arena. Was this recorded whilst María fell? Probably, these people knew that each movement could mean something, especially considdering we were talking about horses, animals who the very least move could mean something different from another.
“Today we have the pleasure to be with Oriol Fusté, and ask him a few questions. Are you ready, Oriol?” he nodded.
“Well, let’s start. First of all why didn’t you even move a bit when she fell?”
“Well, Stella’s quite over protective with María, especially when she falls or something, she doesn’t want anyone to go near her, it really pisses her off” he held back a chuckle.
“Do you think she’s capable of kicking someone for walking to her in a moment like this?”
“Hell, yeah, she even kicked me twice! That’s how I learnt not to get near them” he chuckled.
“But aren’t you scared of Stella kicking her or stepping on her? From older videos, we’ve seen that, with other horses, you had to trot to María and, kind of, scare the horse away…” the interviewer trailed off.
“Well, yeah, but every horse is different, and Stella is one hell of a mare” I chuckled. Hell, yes, she was.
“Since Stella came to Hipica Collserola seven years ago, she and María had a very strong relationship. When she started to be ridden, she was a bitch, to everyone. To me, to María… everyone.
“But I don’t know what happened, but… One day, María and Stella were training with some easy jumps and Stella normally stopped before jumping, like today, but in a way María would go over the jump, literally bucking her off.
"But that day they jumped and Stella got pissed or something and bucked María off and pushed her against the fence, then stepped on her arm, breaking it. María automatically stood up and I ran to her, but when Stella saw that she’d broken María’s arm and she was still standing up, she galloped to me and cut me off and then trotted to María. From that moment, every time María has fallen down, she always had to be the first one to see her”
“What if she was hurt or something-?”
“We have our methods to know. For example, when she falls, she normally lands with her body completely on the floor, but with her knees up. That’s almost a vital sign to look for in María” he chuckled again, “Then, if that fails, we look for movement, and finally conciousness. If she’s hurt, Stella normally stands up on two legs to call our attention or something” he explained. Wow, I didn’t know that. Well, I knew a part of the story, but not the vital signs stuff.
The interviewer nodded but looked a bit shocked from his answer. I was surprised, but not completely, it was Stella we were talking about.
“I’m sorry, but now I need to see María” Oriol excused himself. The girl nodded and smiled to the camera, waving goodbye.
I sighed when the video finished. There was so much more I needed to know about María… I pulled out my phone and logged into Twitter. I scrolled past my notifications when something caught my eye.

@alltimemew: @jackalltimelow please watch this, I filmed this #mariaandmikel

There was a link to it. A video. I turned to my laptop and opened Twitter. I looked for the tweet and opened it.
It had a poor quality, but I could see a blonde figure against a wall in a small alley and an hispanic figure beside her. Suddenly the blonde figure recieved a slap, followed by some more and then the taller figure started to punch her.
I couldn’t watch it any longer and closed the tab. That hashtag started to make me sick.
That blonde figure was María and, according to the hashtag, the tall figure was Mikel.
That’s why she didn’t tell me, that’s why she flinched everytime someone named him. Suddenly everything fell in place.
What the fuck have I done? I just re-opened some old memories she wanted to forget. No wonder why she hadn’t texted me or anything!
I closed my laptop and turned to my phone.

@alltimemew thanks, that meant a lot to me :)

I closed my phone and paced around the bus. Fuck, how could I’ve been so stupid? Shit.
“You should call her”
Alex was right. Zack and Rian were right. Matt and Vinny were right. I had to fucking call her. But how? I walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s; if I couldn’t do this on my own, I could always rely on some alcohol to help me out.

Notes

Don't start thinking this is going to change the story to a happy thing now, I still need to throw more shit on these two. But don't worry, it'll be worth it!
I wonder what'll happen next chapter? :)

Title credit: Therapy by All Time Low.