~Alex's POV~

i havent felt the same since the confrontation in the classroom. I could feel myself getting more paranoid about everything. I barely ate. I never really spoke, and when I did, it was just a simple sentence. I don't know what was happening, but I didn't like it. I felt terrible that Jack had broken his nose, for me. It was all my fault, because I couldn't even go for a piss without getting into some sort of trouble. I was pushing him away unintentionally, and I wanted to claw myself back, but I just couldn't, I didn't know where I would start. I also didn't know why Jack stayed with me. I was a mess, and everyone knew it. And although I was putting him down, he looked after me just like he used to. I didn't deserve any of this.

"Jack, I'm sorry." We were both sitting on the sofa. Jack had made us hot chocolates, but I didn't touch mine and was just staring blankly at the wall. I just felt numb.

"Sorry for what?" He asked, his tone gentle. He moved closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Everything." My voice came out as a whisper.

"I don't understand." Jack sounded confused now, and I could feel his gaze on me.

"Neither do I. I'm sorry. You're doing everything for me, and I'm just pushing you away. I don't mean to. I don't even know what's going on in my head anymore. I'm just sorry. You don't deserve me." That was the most I had spoken in 2 weeks, and it felt good to speak my thoughts.

"Lex, I know I don't deserve you. You're way too good for me." He squoze my arm. "I know you're going through a tough time, and I'm going to help you through it. I'm not going anywhere. You can push me away all you want, but I'm never giving up on you Alexander." Jack kissed my forehead and we just sat there in silence.

"Do you mean it?" I asked, moving my head so I could look up at him.

"Yes. Come here." Jack patted his lap, and I crawled onto it, giving his a quick kiss. "Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry if I offend you when I say this, and it's only an idea, so don't get worked up about it, but I think we should book a doctors appointment for you. I'm scared, Lex." Jay started to tear up. I had thought about going to see a doctor, but I had always put it off. I was scared. How was I supposed to spill all my feelings to someone I didn't even know?

"Would it make you happier if I go?" I asked. I didn't want to be selfish; Jack was my boyfriend and I had barely paid any attention to him recently.

"It would put my mind at ease, but I will be happy with whatever decision you make, you know that." Jack looked at me, biting his lip. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything.."

"No, Jay, it's fine. I've thought about it myself, actually. I'm just scared." I confessed. It felt better to talk about my feelings so openly. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"I would always go with you, if you wanted me there. But take your time. You don't need to decide right now. I won't rush you. Only you can make this decision, so it needs to be the right choice." There was a look of concern filling his mysterious, brown eyes. "You've had it tough, Lex. You do what feels right for you, and as long as you're happy, I'm happy." He smiled at me. God, I loved this boy. Wait, loved?! Did I love him? Was it too soon to decide this? I had only known Jack for 3 months, did I love him? It felt right when I said 'loved' in my head, but would it sound right if I said it out loud, in front of him? Ugh, my head was filled with questions, and I was mad of myself for thinking of the word 'love'. Sure, I could see a future with Jay, I basically dreamed about it every night, but what if he didn't feel the same way?

"Okay. I'll think about it. I like you, Jay." That was a pathetic compliment, but it was all I could say.

"I like you too, Lex. Come on, it's late, let's go to bed." He carried me up to my room, and it drifted off in his arms.

Notes

Hey, sorry it's not a very good chapter, I've had a shit day, and my mum is turning the wifi off in a minute so I had to be quick. Sorry.

Ellie x