The Good Life

Alex

We landed in Baltimore at little after six am this morning. Jack, Izzy, and I were staying with Joyce while everyone else was staying at a nearby hotel. The funeral wasn't until tomorrow so we were all probably going to hang out and relax today.

I still didn't want to go to the funeral. I thought of six different ways that I could hurt myself to get out of it, but I decided against it out of fear of Jack finding out I did it on purpose. I was just going to have to suck it up and go I guess.

It was around one am when we woke up. Rian and Cass came over to Joyce's with us. Oli and Hannah went to go have lunch with their parents. Joyce had made us brunch since we were craving breakfast food. Now we were sitting at the table eating and thinking of what to do. This was Rian and Cass first time being in Baltimore so the wanted to actually go out and do something.

"What did you guys do here for fun when you were younger?" Cass asked Jack and I.

"I went to the shopping center in Town Square with friends." Jack answered.

"Yeah same except I went with dates there instead." I said and Jack rolled his eyes at me.

"Your idea of a date was taking a girl shopping?" Izzy laughed.

"Yeah we would go shopping, I would buy her something, and she'd fall in love with me." I said and she laughed even harder. It's not my fault things were simpler when I was younger.

"I remember seeing you on those dates. It would always make me jealous." Jack told me.

"You were stalking me?" I joked and he hit my arm.

"No I wasn't stalking you. I would just happen to see you when I was at there too." He said.

"Un-huh of course." I said and he glared at me.

"If I would have known how much of a jerk you were in high school I wouldn't have liked you." He said.

"Oh whatever you would have probably liked me more."

"No I wouldn't." He argued.

"Yeah you would."

"Guys we're supposed to be thinking of things to do." Rian laughed and interrupted us.

"Oh yeah, I think Town Square, down town is our best option." I suggested and they agreed. It was perfect for them to shop, sight see, and buy souvenirs if they wanted.

"Mom can I borrow your car?" Jack asked and we all laughed.

"Yes, Honey." She chuckled.

Joyce had a Buick something that could seat us all comfortably. I texted Oli and told him that he and Hannah could meet us at Town Square when they were finished.

Being back in town brought back painful memories about Vinny. I didn't want to tell Jack because he would bother me about it. Talking about it would probably help, but I didn't want to just cry all over him. I decided it was best to try to ignore the memories while we were out today.

Oli told me they had made and where they parked. I parked in a parking spot near them and we all got out. Since it was the middle of the week people were home instead of shopping so it wasn't crowded.

"How was Mr. And Mrs. Sykes doing?" I asked Oli.

"Good they were really happy to see me because they didn't know I was coming." He smiled.

"Aw that's so sweet." I said using a baby voice and he rolled his eyes at me.

We walked to the outdoor shopping center and memories rushed into my head. Not just of Vinny but times I spent here with Lisa, Oli, and other friends. We walked to a map so they could see what stores they wanted to go too.

"Rian they have Kirkland’s!" Cass grasped and grabbed Rian's arm to drag him there.

"Someone please help me!" Rian cried.

"I would, but you told on me about the strip club so no." I told him and he sighed as he continued to let Cass pull him.

"Daddy! Papa! Can we go to Pink??" Izzy asked frantically.

"No Victoria Secret already has enough of our money." I told her. If I saw another 'VS' on one of my credit card statements I was probably going to lose my mind.

"Uncle Oli! Auntie Hannah! Can we go to Pink??" She asked them.

"Yeah of course!" Hannah told her. I shook my head at him as they went with her to the store.

"I guess it'll be just the two of us." Jack said once they were gone.

"Yeah now I can take you on one of those dates that made you so jealous." I chuckled and he blushed. I hadn't made him do that in a long time. I grabbed his hand and we began to walk around.

"Can we get hot chocolate?" He asked as we passed a Starbucks stand.

"Yeah." Of course I wasn't going to tell him no.

I stopped and ordered our drinks while he found us a bench to sit on. I paid for and grabbed our drinks and went to sit next to him. We were sitting across from Abercrombie & Fitch which was Vinny's favorite store to shop at when we were in high school. I stared at it and had flashbacks of him forcing me into the store because I thought I was too cool to shop there.

"Are you okay, Lex?" Jack asked, waking me up from the flashback.

"Uh yeah I was just thinking." I quickly answered.

"Was it about Vinny?" He asked and I looked down and nodded. "The wake is later on tonight if you want to go see him." He told me.

"No I don't want to see him like that." I said. I knew that once I saw Vinny's body I wouldn't be able to get the image out of my head.

"Okay. Well listen Lex, if you ever want to talk about him or anything just tell me and I'll listen. I know you think it makes you weak or less of a man if you talk or even cry to me about these things, but it doesn't . . . it makes you human."

"I know, but thanks Jack." I said and he kissed me.

"I love you." He told me and kissed me on the cheek.

"I love you too."

We sat together on the bench just talking for almost an hour. We walked around and shopped a little while we waited on everyone to finish up. Then everyone met us back by the front with shopping bags. Rian was holding a Kirkland’s and Dillard's bag for Cass. Oli was worse off holding bags for Izzy and Hannah. He had a mixture of Victoria Secret, Forever 21, and Sephora bags in his hands.

"Did you buy the whole shopping center?" Rian asked Oli.

"No just half of it." Oli said. "I love being able to pick and choose when to take Izzy shopping. If I had a kid and had to do this all the time I would be bankrupt." He joked.

"Welcome to my world." I mumbled.

***

After leaving there we went out to eat at a local restaurant that was Vinny’s favorite. I knew that he would have probably yell at me if he knew that I didn’t take everyone there to eat at least once. Then Jack, Izzy, and I went back to Joyce's and everyone else went back to their hotel. The day went by really quickly which was bad because that meant we were getting close to the funeral. No one else seemed to be stressing as much as I was, but they probably weren't thinking about. I tried to push it to the back of my mind but it was impossible. Almost everything in this town reminded me of Vinny or something Vinny and I did together.

Izzy was in May's old room getting ready for bed while Jack was in his old room. I was downstairs in the kitchen with Joyce. She was cleaning up while I sat at the table staring at my hands. I was trying to imagine how the funeral would go to prepare myself for it.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Joyce asked, and woke me up from my day dream.

"Um no not really." I said honestly.

"I know funerals can be hard, but we need them to give ourselves closure."

"I know. Jack told me the same thing. It's just . . . I already feel depressed when I think about him so the thought of getting through a whole event that's about him seems unbearable."

"I think that's because you're not letting yourself cry about him now. You keep bottling up your feelings and it's making this harder for you." She came and sat down in the chair next to mine.

"It's so hard not to bottle up my feelings especially when I'm with Jack." I complained.

"Oh God you remind me of Bassam.” She chuckled. “I’m going to tell you basically the same thing I told him multiple times. You don't have be strong for Jack this time. It's okay to let him be your rock that helps you through this. You don't have to force yourself to handle these emotions on your own. Do you understand that?"

"Yes ma'am." I mumbled.

"Good. Now go talk to Jack about how you're feeling. Tell him that you're afraid of going to the funeral tomorrow and why. And don't be afraid to let him see you cry."

"Okay." I said.

She kissed me on the cheek and I smiled at her. Then I took a deep breath and got up to go talk to Jack. I went upstairs and told Izzy goodnight before going to the room.

I walked in and saw Jack laying on his side of his bed. He was doing something on his phone and didn't realize I walked in. I slowly walked over and got in bed so I wouldn't disturb him just in case he was doing work. It was a minute or two before he finally sat the phone down.

"Sorry, I had to email David back." He told me.

"It's okay it didn't bother me." I assured him.

I laid down facing him and tried to think of the best way to start. He was staring into my eyes waiting on me to speak, he could always tell when something was on my mind.

"I am terrified of going to the funeral tomorrow." I told him. I didn't realize I was crying until he used his thumbs to wipe away a few of my tears. He nodded to tell me to keep going. "It's just...Vinny was my closest friend when I was in high school, I mean we were almost like brothers. And when he messaged me on Facebook that night I was really excited to be able to see him again. I thought it would be great to see him and catch up, you know? I thought that we would pick up where our friendship let off and we actually did that...for one day. I just had this idea of us actually staying in contact and visiting each other more. Slowly becoming part of each other's lives again and now we won't ever get the chance to. It will never happen, because he’s gone." I sniffled and Jack wrapped his arms around me. "He's dead, Jack." I cried against his shoulder.

"I know, baby." He sniffled. It was hard for me to hear Jack cry and not be able to coddle him. He wouldn't let me even if I wanted to in this situation. I just needed to follow what Joyce said and let Jack comfort me for once.

He soothed me for a few minutes before he spoke again. "We don't have to go if you don't want to." He whispered to me.

I thought about it for a second. "No I should go." I said and wiped my eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I lightly chuckled. "Vinny would be pissed off if I missed his funeral."

Notes

Alex needs a break from life. He'll get one soon hopefully!

Also sorry this is late, I tried to post it yesterday but the website was being difficult.