I'll Tell You Stories Bruised & Blue

"Walk away before I finish what you started!"

Stephanie's hand reached back and smacked me hard in the knee. I jumped, opening my eyes to realize exactly where we were. It was a warm, humid day, so we'd decided it was the perfect time to cool off on my four-wheeler. Today, I was feeling a bit loopy and didn't feel comfortable driving, so I gave Steph the keys and climbed on the back. My body laid flat against the bars in the back, my hand danling close to the exhaust, and I sang loudly with my music. This was normal for me.

There was a small ache in my back as I sat up straight so that my body was almost touching Rae's back. I knew there would be bruises forming on my back from the bumps in the road making my spine crack against the rails. This was also something I didn't mind, though. I lowered the sound on my iPod and plucked one earbud out of my ear, raising an eyebrow the trailer in front of me.

"You do realize we look like creepers right now," I poked her in the back. "No one is here, Steph."

"They are so," she huffed. "Just wait."

I shrugged and began singing softly to my music again. Two songs managed to play through before the familiar faces came out of the home. Jack was bouncing around, happy as ever, running to Steph to pull her chest into his own. Alex was more calm and collected. He sent a croocked grin in my direction, but didn't say anything. That was my own fault. I should have tried a little harder the other night.

"I thought you said you were giving us a ride back to your place?"

I leaned forward to see my best friend's face. It was pink, so she simply dropped her shoulders. If we were bringing other people, why didn't we pick them up on the truck? Steph seemed to be lost in thought of how we were going to do this. She wasn't the best driver when it came to my four-wheeler, so she she knew I wouldn't allow her to drive with more than one person on the back, but my head in the clouds today so I knew if I tried, we'd all end up in a ditch.

"Alex, can you drive?"

"What?" Alex stared at me with a 'would you actually let me touch your baby?' face. "Yeah, if you want."

"Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. Steph, take the left side of the back. Jack, take the right."

"Where are you going to sit?" Jack's big eyes were gleaming as he took his seat beside Steph. "Behind Alex?"

"No," I grinned, waiting until Alex cranked her. "The front is my favorite place to ride!"

It really was. I enjoyed hanging out on the front of the four-wheeler. The wind, the bumps, the fact that I could let go and get ran over. It was all really comforting to me. Alex was iffy about this, though, so he slowly put it in gear and made a u-turn back to Rae's place. I twisted my body around so that I was sitting sideways and smirked at him. He rose an eyebrow, so I stuck my thumb to his and forced him to give it more gas. Before he could really stop me, he had to switch gears. A moment later, we were in fifth.

Steph and Jack were comfortable where they were seated, not the least bit scared, and I was surprised at how well Alex was handling the curves with all the weight and the speed. We'd reached the straight stretch to Steph's house, the last curve would be her driveway. Alex was still steadily flying, so I took it upon myself to grip the front rack and pull my weight up. All the way up, in fact, so that I was standing in between the bars against the plastic on the front. My arms were high above my head and Alex was trying to see around my legs. If he were to swerve wrong or hit a bump, it could seriously injure me. Excitment pumped through my veins. Alex gently slowed down and rolled the four-wheeler beside of the truck. He killed the engine and instantly started to curse me out.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He grabbed my legs and yanked me down from the four-wheeler. "You could have died, you idiot!"

"You're not very free with yourself, are you, Alex?"

"What?"

"Jessie believes that whatever happens, is meant to happen, regardless of what she does," Steph spoke for me. "You think that's bad, you should see her at home. They have this big jump that they built, which her neighbor said is only intended for racing four-wheelers to jump, and we've measured her going at least six feet in the air."

"That's different," Alex groaned. "She's in control then."

"She's a free spirit," Steph shrugged, sitting on the back of the truck. "Ride with her. See her when she's happy and free."

By this point, I was already taking a long chug from an ice cold Bud Light. Alex seemed to pick up on how distant I was feeling today, but he stared at me with a questioning look. His eyes flicked from the four-wheeler to me, so I nodded. Climbing on the front, I had my beer firmly in my hands. Steph was grinning at me like a fool as I turned it on, while Jack looked scared for Alex's life. I shrugged, once more, and backed out slowly. Alex had his arm around my waist, so when I got to the end of the driveway, I looked back at home.

"Yeah. You're not gonna want to do that. See those bars? Grab them tight and don't let go. When I turn a sharp right or left, lean the other way to maintain the weight, got it?"

Before he could answer, we were on two wheels flying out of the driveway. I heard Alex grunt as I made my way to the last gear, fish tailing as I went around the curve. We were slipping, sliding, bouncing, going on two wheels every few seconds. All the while, I was taking long sips from my beer. When we made it to the end of the road (at least, as far as Steph and I usually went) I kicked it into forth and nearly threw Alex from the back as we made a dramatic turn. On this side of the road, there were several bumps in the gravel, so I held my drink high above my head and kept us steady with my right arm, still feeding her as much gas as she would take. By the time we made it back to Rae's, Alex had a pale face, and he climbed off my four-wheeler like he was drunk. I smirked to myself and laid back on the seat, staring at the sky.

"That's it," Alex groaned, sitting beside Jack on the truck. "I'm taking you out in my car the next night my mom works late."

"Do me a favor?" I lifted my head to stare at him. "Make sure my heart stops beating from the fear, or don't waste my time."

Silence grew around us, so I turned my iPod back on and let the music take me away. Steph and Jack were in the middle of what appeared to be a serious conversation, to the point where they left Alex alone on the truck to continue with their words. I watched them begin the short walk down the road and decided this would be a good time for me to pick my mood back up. Alex watched me carefully as I slipped off the four-wheeler and raced into the house. I knew if I didn't come back quickly, Rae would come looking for me, so I grabbed a few of the colored pills from my bag and darted back outside. I plopped back down on my four-wheeler and shoved the tablets into my mouth, chasing them with the bitter taste of my warm, shook up beer. Alex frowned at me, slowly standing up to come to where I was.

"What're you listening to?"

"Do you ever have a song that makes you feel less alone?"

"I write lyrics," Alex shrugged. "So yeah."

I nodded, holding out one of the buds for Alex to take. He did so, putting it in his ear so that he could drift away with me.

"Is it really that important that I settle down? Does it really even matter that I have my doubts? I search for the one who bleeds, I reach for the one who bleeds like me. I forget to dream in color, I am better off alone. Honest hearts are undercover, we are shadows on our own. We lose ourselves in open waters, always swimming back to shore, but my addictions have no bounderies, now I'm crying out for more. Can you tell, that I picked my poison, that I have no more to sell to you?"

Alex's eyes were locked on my body. He was searching my face for.. anything, but the pills were already taking over my being.

"I have my doubts, I have my doubts, I have my doubts; and so does everybody else. So help me take this all away, you gotta help me take this all away. Please help me take this all away, and bleed like me."

"You are so twisted," Alex whispered, his rough thumb reaching out to brush my face. "You're like this dark little demon that keeps haunting my thoughts."

My body became tense. I was driting further and further away by the second, but something about the smell of his body kept me glued to the earth. Why wouldn't he just let me float away? I could hover above us both and watch the color in his eyes.

"What happened to you, Jess?"

"Nothing happened to me," I spoke through thight lips. "I became me."

"Let me in," he whispered, clutching my leg with his hand. "I want to know everything about you."

"I'm not that hard to understand," I shrugged, forcing myself to swallow what was left in the brown bottle. "I'm just here."

"You're fucking crazy," Alex laughed lightly. "Are you even afraid of anything? It's like you welcome death."

"Death is but a darkness. I already live there, Alex."

"Can I see it?" His eyes were oddly honest. "Let me see the world the way you see it."

"I don't think you could handle it. As a matter of fact, I don't think I can handle it. I'm going to sleep now, okay?"

Alex's face dropped as I scooted him off the four-wheeler. I laid my body and and curled up into a small ball, the same peaceful feeling washing over me. I was slipping away, but I feared the slipping would continue, even when I woke.

Notes