I'll Tell You Stories Bruised & Blue

"Earth to Jessie!"

I don't know why they were even trying to talk to me. I knew they were there, I could hear their voices, but I felt so far away. My head was spinning, my eyes were heavy. Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure how I got here. To the couch, I mean. One moment I was on Steph's floor snoring some pills, and the next minute I was in the living room with all the local kids, and Kelly. What were we doing?

"Dude, she's so fucked up right now," Who I believed to be Jack, laughed. "Look at her eyes. She's looking at me, but she's not even looking at me!"

"What did she take?" Alex whispered, his face was a blur, but I think I saw him touch Steph's arm. "She's really dazed. Are you sure she's okay?"

"Take? She didn't take anything. She just smoked too much pot."

Was that true? Did I dream that I was snorting pills? No, I don't think so. Stephanie was so.. sweet, and pure, that I never wanted to intrude on her little world with the darnkess of my own. Though she was my best friend, I never told her about the ugly things that haunted me. I never told her about my pill problem. It would crush her quicker than I could crush the tablets.

"Here, Jess," I heard Kelly's voice boom over me. Before I could comprehed the fact that she was standing in front of me, she shoved a cold beer into my hand. "Now drink."

I couldn't remember how to lift my arm, seeming to catch on to that, she did it for me. Slowly, she lifted the beverage to my lips. I didn't realize how thirsty I was until the cold liquid hit my tongue, where I then chugged everything that was in the bottle. I dropped the empty glass to the floor and rubbed my eyes. Everyone was there, barely, but I could see them clearly.

Steph, Jack and Alex were on the floor together, while Kelly was back in the kitchen. I studied Jack first, seeing that he was by himself. Steph and Alex were pretty close on the floor, and to the right of them was a boy I didn't recognize.

"Who'reyou?"

"What?"

"You," I attempted to point. "Who?"

"Uhm. I'm Rian..." He siffed a laugh. "And I don't believe for one second you only smoked pot."

"Shh," I held my finger to lip. "Virgin ears."

"I have an idea," Kelly cleared her throat, staring at me with a sad face. "Let's all go outside so she can get some air. Come on, out."

They all stood up, following Kelly out of the door. If I was the one meant to get air, why did no one help me up? My body felt stiff, and though my mind was relaxed, it began to panic me. My chest was starting to feel tight. If Kelly hadn't have made me drink, I could be in a perfect state right now. Why did someone always have to ruin it?

"Jessie?" I looked to my right. Alex was standing by the door by himself. "Are you coming?"

"I don't think I can," I slurred, letting my head fall against the couch. "You go. Have fun."

"I'm not leaving you," Alex frowned. He slowly walked over to where I was and latched onto my hand. He used his strength to pull me off the couch, but my body instantly fell into his chest. I'd forgotten how to use my legs. "You worry me, you know that?"

"I worry me, too," I admitted, clinging to him for support. His hands went to my waist so he could help me balance. We stood there like that for a long moment, until he took a step backwards, and surprisingly, I followed. "Look, I can walk!"

"I've been here for at least an hour," his soft voice made my heart feel lighter. "So maybe whatever you took is starting to wear off.. What did you take, Jess?"

"Uhm." My head tilted sideways as I tried to remember the color of the pills and the order in which I snorted them, but I was drawing a blank. Knowing myself, it was probably just a handful of pills I'd collected over the last week. "Colors."

"You know what.." Alex averted his gaze. He was supposed to be a party boy, why was he judging me? "Forget it. Let's just get you outside, kay?"

I nodded my head sadly. I kind of liked that moment, just me and him, shooting the beeze. Except, maybe it would have worked out a little better if I didn't feel like I was drooling on myself. It also didn't help that Alex seemed to be taking pity on me.

"There she is!" Kelly grinned, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. She pulled me out of Alex's grip, and though her body was warm, I felt cold. "Thought you were going to pass out for a while."

"I don't pass out," I mumbled. My words still didn't sound right, but at least I could make them now. "Can someone get me a cigarette?"

"I have menthols," Rian offered, a big grin on his face. "It'll cost ya, though."

"Number one, I don't make deals of something like cigarettes. Number two, I'll die at my own pace, which means I will smoke cowboy killers before I touched a menthol. Thanks, though."

"Yep," Steph giggled, playfully pushing Rian. They were on the ground while I was on the porch with Kelly. Both Jack and Alex were on the steps. "She's back to Earth now. You can be so bitchy, you know that?"

"Watch your mouth, Rae," I eyed her. "Don't want to make you choke on those words."

Everyone seemed to pick up on the fact that I was being serious. Everyone but me. It was the sadness that filled my best friend's eyes that reminded me of what I had said. Instantly, I frowned and jerked out of Kell's grip. Making my way off the stairs, I paused long enough to apologize to her before I took off towards the road.

The air was filled with humidity. My lungs felt tight as I took a hit off the cigarette and I could feel my feet staggering as I made my way to the gravel road. Probably wasn't the best idea for me to wander off on my own when I was coming down from such a glorious high, but I felt bad about what I had said and I didn't think it was suitable for me to be around so many people right now. I got like this sometimes- Bitchy and mean, but I liked to blame it on the fact that I'm a Scorpio. When this happened, it was better for me to be by myself until the mood swing passed.

"Hey Jess, wait up!" Feet were crunching against the gravel behind me. Alex had decided to come after me. What a fool. "Are you okay?"

"Define okay."

"Are you good to walk?"

"My feet are moving."

"Come on, Jessie," Alex grabbed my arm to spin me around. "Stephanie told me how hard it is to get close to you. I'm not trying to do that because I don't want to ruin this friendship before it really starts, however, you have gotten under my skin so bad I can't stand it. What is going on in that head of yours?"

"Ugly things, Alex," my voice was no higher than a whisper. "Things you probably couldn't even fathom. You should stay away from me. It's better for your health."

"Fuck my health." Alex tightened his grip on me, almost as if he knew I was about to pull away and take off to a place he couldn't follow. "You need a hug."

Before I knew what was happening, Alex was holding me against his chest. All his body heat ran straight into my body, nearly knocking me on my ass. The flesh of his arms touched my own, making my breath come in short motions, while his tall body made me feel comforted from all the bad things I'd seen in this world. What was happening? I'm Jessie, I like no one and I trust no one. What was it about this boy that made all my common sense fall to the ground?

"Come on," Alex mumbled into my hair. "I think you could use some sleep."

"I don-" Sighing to myself, I had to agree with him. The least I could do was try to sleep. "Yeah, okay."

Alex led me back to the house, and by this point, everyone was already inside. Everyone but Kelly. She offered me a smile and I accepted it, saying goodnight to Alex as I entered the door. My friends were in the floor, gossiping over my attutide, their faces growing pale as I graced the room.

"Go ahead," I groaned, tossing myself on the couch. "I deserve it."

Stephie shook her head and joined me on the couch, pulling me into a hug. I could only hope that this new Rian kid hadn't given her too much detail over the fact that pot wasn't the only thing in my system. If she became worried, I would have to explain, which was something I didn't want to do.

Our hug was broken by her little sister storming through the house. Sometimes she was so quiet I forgot she was here, but other times, I wished she wasn't. Harsh to say, but when she wasn't being my cute 'little sister' she was being a snitch. No one likes a snitch.

"Where's Kelly?" She asked, her big, blue eyes burning with anger. "She promised she'd braid my hair!"

"She's outside, Kris..."

As soon as the door shut, my best friend leaned forward and warned Jack and Rian that they ought to leave. When Kris got mad, things got ugly. They didn't want to leave, but after ten minutes or so, they agreed. We shared in hugs - Yes, I even hugged Rian - then we parted ways. Kelly and Kris were coming in as they were walking out the door.

"Guess what, Steph!" Kristen was.. Oddly happy, given her mood ten minutes ago. "I heard Alex say he likes you!"

Well, there goes my chances of sleep tonight.

Notes