I'll Tell You Stories Bruised & Blue
Bury Me In Memories
"Jessica, I am speaking to you!"
My head snapped in the direction of my first period teacher. She had a glare on her face and a book in her hand, which she had clearly been reading from. I haven't been feeling myself much these days, to the extend that I actually did attend all of my classes but I didn't make an effort in any of them. I had already gone to court of this matter, just a few days ago. They did, in fact, charge me with truency. My mom could have gone to jail over the matter, so that very day she enrolled me in the home school program. Today would be my last day at public school, I'd come here only to say goodbye to everyone, but as I locked eyes with the irritating teacher, I felt myself begin to snap.
"You know what?" I sighed, slamming my book shut as I began packing all my things into my messenger back. "I don't feel like dealing with this today. Did you not get the memo that this is my last day? Seriously, woman, you're one to talk about not paying attention."
I stood up and let my bag fly over my shoulder, now taking the stack of papers I was supposed to fill out and tossing them in the trash. My feet had carried me half way to the door when the teacher's voice boomed again.
"Sit down and finish this lesson, Jessica!"
"No, I don't think so," I spun around, staring at all of my frozen classmates. I really did enjoy some of these kids. "Look guys, I've had a really hard time these last few months and I've made the decision to pull myself out of public school. You guys have been great, and funny, but I'm not doing anyone any good by being here. If you want to catch up with me, you can ask around for my number, and if you want to hang out, you can usually catch me hanging out with Adrian. Its been anything but a blast. Until next time!"
I had just opened the door when the loud mouth of the class climbed up on his seat and started clapping for me, which made the entire class follow in suit. Our teacher was yelling at everyone and telling them to shut up, but I blew said boy a kiss and waved goodbye to my friends, closing that door for the very last time. I took my time leaving the grounds, walking from one building to the next just so I could remember what this place looked like. This was it - the end of my true high school career, I was going to let it all pass me by. I would graduate, but not with my class. I wouldn't get a cap and gown nor would I get to walk the stage. With a hint of regret in my mind, I shuffled across the parking lot towards the strip, pulling my jacket close to my body as the chilly Fall air smacked me in the face.
"Goodbye, High School," I whispered, taking one last glance of the place. "You can burn down for all I care."
I was almost off of the property when I heard a pair of footsteps chasing after me, then a bubbly blonde started screaming my name as she threw her arms in the air. I stopped at the edge of the parking lot and stared at Adrian, wondering how she got out of class and how she found me.
"Jesus," she breathed, grabbing my arm to steady herself. "I got a text. You're leaving now?"
"Yeah.. I just can't do this anymore, Santa. I'll see you tomorrow, though, right?"
"It's Friday, I have no other plans. Let me get my car, I'll take you home."
It took Adrian fifteen minutes to get her car and sneak the both of us off the grounds. The moment we were out of town, we lit up a cigarette, rolled down the windows (with the heat blasting) and let the music take us away. I was thankful I had Adrian, she was quickly becoming the only person I had left. When we arrived at my house, Adrian followed me inside and we shuffled into the den. Mom wasn't home from work and wouldn't be for about six hours, so we had the day to ourselves. Adrian helped herself to turning on the television to pick a channel and I sat on the stairs rolling a joint.
The den was the eaiest place for us to hang out because of how large it was and the fact that we had easy access to the kitchen from here, but whenever I looked at the couch or the chair, my mind would go racing back to the forth of July. In the very seat Adrian's butt is on, Alex told me he loved me for the first time. With a frown on my face I shoved the joint in my mouth and lit it up, choking down the smoke to catch a buzz.
"Here," I breathed to Adrian, the smoke falling from my lips. "I'm gonna get a beer."
Adrian smoked pot, but she'd never touched pills and she was only a social drinker. We were very different but very much alike, and I suppose for the time being, she was my new Stephanie. So much had happened recently that I couldn't even keep up with what day it was. Stephanie was gone. Just fucking gone. Dennis brought her over later that night, the night that he broke up with my mom, and let her say goodbye to me. We cried together for at least an hour, making promises and talking of old times together. She even gave me a letter to give to Jack because she didn't have it in her to tell him goodbye to his face. That night, Dennis loaded my two favorite girls up and took them to West Virginia, where they would live with their mother and finish school with strangers. I was devestated. When I wasn't in school, I was home getting drunk. My efforts to hang out with Alex were even falling short. I'd seen him twice since Steph left. Once, so he could take me to Zack to buy pills and to see Jack to give him the letter, and one other time so I could spend my night wrapped up in him.
But something had changed when Stephanie left. My rage came back and I had no one to blame any of this on but Kelly. It was her fault everything when to shit and every single time I looked into Alex's eyes, I saw her staring back at me. When we were on the phone and I could hear my old friends in the background, I blamed Kelly for the fact that I didn't live near them anymore. I think a part of me knew it was time to close the door to my past and start moving forward with my life.
"Took you long enough to get a beer," Adrian giggled, passing me what was left of the joint. "I vote we stay in tonight and go out tomorrow. Ten bucks says your phone is going to blow up tonight and everyone is going to want to see you again."
"I don't doubt that," I giggled, tossing the roach in the ashtray on the table. "Thanks for bringing me home, Santa."
"You're my best friend, Jesus. Don't mention it."
It was strange to hear those words come from anyone's mouth but Rae's. Was I her best friend? There was no question that she was becoming mine quickly. Heck, before Steph left we'd become a trio, and when Rae would call while Adrian was over the three of us would talk instead of just the two of us. The I told Adrian that Steph was gone she cried almost as hard as I did. In some way, I think we needed each other. I didn't know Adrian's story in full detail, but I knew that her life wasn't easy and I had faith in the fact that she knew my past and still wanted me in her life.
Hours passed and eventually Adrian and I ended up getting stoned, watching lame movies and having random conversations until she passed out around nine o'clock. I assumed my mother had gone to a bar because she wasn't home yet. The time I had to myself was enough to make me think about everything in far more detail than I should have. Nothing seemed to feel right anymore and I was anything but content with my life. Something had to give, it had to chance, or I was going to kill myself with these crazy thoughts.
My phone hung loosely in my hand as I waited for him to answer. I knew he was out getting drunk with his friends. Alex was just like me in that aspect of our lives, but finally, he answered, making my heart sink. What was I doing?
"Hey baby! Whatcha up to?"
"Just sitting here with Santa. She passed out on me."
"When it comes to smoking, even Steph could hang longer than her," Alex chuckled, making my heart break. Fuck, I missed Rae. "Zack and Rian just left. It's just me and Jack now and he's building a fort out of empty beer cans."
"That sounds just like him," I laughed half-heartedly. "So Alex, I think we need to talk."
"What about baby? I know you've been upset over Stephanie but Jack and I fully intend to come get you tomorrow and take your mind off of it. His idea, he says he needs someone who understands right now."
"Believe me, I know the feeling," I bit the inside of my cheek. Tears were pooling in my eyes. "But I don't think that's going to work."
"Why?" The phone went silent for a moment and I heard a door close. "Jess, you're scaring me."
"I love you with all of my heart, Alex. By now I hope you know that, but I just can't let this go. I tried being with you again, I tried just being your friend again, but every time I look at you I see Kelly and I feel that betrayl again.."
"Baby, don't do this. It just takes time. We'll get through it, I swear we will. Kelly is gone. It was a mistake and I regret it everyday, but we have each other. We can make this work, Jessie."
"I tried to make it work, Alex. I love you with everything I am and maybe our paths will cross again one day. Until this, I have to let you go. I'm so sorry, Alex."
"No, no, Jessie, please; no." I'm not sure what happened, but I heard gravel shift and the next thing I know, Jack is on the phone. My tears were spilling over now and I felt like a heartless bitch. "Jess? Alex is losing it. Like, really losing it. I don't know what happened but I hope it doesn't stay this way. Love you, girl."
"Love you too, Jack. And Alex, God, I love Alex."
Before Jack could speak again, I hung up the phone and tossed it in the floor. Losing Alex had never been a part of the plan, but you cannot heal from a wound if you let it stay open. My scar needed to form, the pain need to consume me and I needed to figure out how to let everything go and learn from it.
With a broken heart, I curled up beside Adrian on the couch and buried my face in her back. She grumbled slightly in sleep and her hand somehow found mine. It wasn't the same, but my future was shifting. It was time to greet my new life.
My head snapped in the direction of my first period teacher. She had a glare on her face and a book in her hand, which she had clearly been reading from. I haven't been feeling myself much these days, to the extend that I actually did attend all of my classes but I didn't make an effort in any of them. I had already gone to court of this matter, just a few days ago. They did, in fact, charge me with truency. My mom could have gone to jail over the matter, so that very day she enrolled me in the home school program. Today would be my last day at public school, I'd come here only to say goodbye to everyone, but as I locked eyes with the irritating teacher, I felt myself begin to snap.
"You know what?" I sighed, slamming my book shut as I began packing all my things into my messenger back. "I don't feel like dealing with this today. Did you not get the memo that this is my last day? Seriously, woman, you're one to talk about not paying attention."
I stood up and let my bag fly over my shoulder, now taking the stack of papers I was supposed to fill out and tossing them in the trash. My feet had carried me half way to the door when the teacher's voice boomed again.
"Sit down and finish this lesson, Jessica!"
"No, I don't think so," I spun around, staring at all of my frozen classmates. I really did enjoy some of these kids. "Look guys, I've had a really hard time these last few months and I've made the decision to pull myself out of public school. You guys have been great, and funny, but I'm not doing anyone any good by being here. If you want to catch up with me, you can ask around for my number, and if you want to hang out, you can usually catch me hanging out with Adrian. Its been anything but a blast. Until next time!"
I had just opened the door when the loud mouth of the class climbed up on his seat and started clapping for me, which made the entire class follow in suit. Our teacher was yelling at everyone and telling them to shut up, but I blew said boy a kiss and waved goodbye to my friends, closing that door for the very last time. I took my time leaving the grounds, walking from one building to the next just so I could remember what this place looked like. This was it - the end of my true high school career, I was going to let it all pass me by. I would graduate, but not with my class. I wouldn't get a cap and gown nor would I get to walk the stage. With a hint of regret in my mind, I shuffled across the parking lot towards the strip, pulling my jacket close to my body as the chilly Fall air smacked me in the face.
"Goodbye, High School," I whispered, taking one last glance of the place. "You can burn down for all I care."
I was almost off of the property when I heard a pair of footsteps chasing after me, then a bubbly blonde started screaming my name as she threw her arms in the air. I stopped at the edge of the parking lot and stared at Adrian, wondering how she got out of class and how she found me.
"Jesus," she breathed, grabbing my arm to steady herself. "I got a text. You're leaving now?"
"Yeah.. I just can't do this anymore, Santa. I'll see you tomorrow, though, right?"
"It's Friday, I have no other plans. Let me get my car, I'll take you home."
It took Adrian fifteen minutes to get her car and sneak the both of us off the grounds. The moment we were out of town, we lit up a cigarette, rolled down the windows (with the heat blasting) and let the music take us away. I was thankful I had Adrian, she was quickly becoming the only person I had left. When we arrived at my house, Adrian followed me inside and we shuffled into the den. Mom wasn't home from work and wouldn't be for about six hours, so we had the day to ourselves. Adrian helped herself to turning on the television to pick a channel and I sat on the stairs rolling a joint.
The den was the eaiest place for us to hang out because of how large it was and the fact that we had easy access to the kitchen from here, but whenever I looked at the couch or the chair, my mind would go racing back to the forth of July. In the very seat Adrian's butt is on, Alex told me he loved me for the first time. With a frown on my face I shoved the joint in my mouth and lit it up, choking down the smoke to catch a buzz.
"Here," I breathed to Adrian, the smoke falling from my lips. "I'm gonna get a beer."
Adrian smoked pot, but she'd never touched pills and she was only a social drinker. We were very different but very much alike, and I suppose for the time being, she was my new Stephanie. So much had happened recently that I couldn't even keep up with what day it was. Stephanie was gone. Just fucking gone. Dennis brought her over later that night, the night that he broke up with my mom, and let her say goodbye to me. We cried together for at least an hour, making promises and talking of old times together. She even gave me a letter to give to Jack because she didn't have it in her to tell him goodbye to his face. That night, Dennis loaded my two favorite girls up and took them to West Virginia, where they would live with their mother and finish school with strangers. I was devestated. When I wasn't in school, I was home getting drunk. My efforts to hang out with Alex were even falling short. I'd seen him twice since Steph left. Once, so he could take me to Zack to buy pills and to see Jack to give him the letter, and one other time so I could spend my night wrapped up in him.
But something had changed when Stephanie left. My rage came back and I had no one to blame any of this on but Kelly. It was her fault everything when to shit and every single time I looked into Alex's eyes, I saw her staring back at me. When we were on the phone and I could hear my old friends in the background, I blamed Kelly for the fact that I didn't live near them anymore. I think a part of me knew it was time to close the door to my past and start moving forward with my life.
"Took you long enough to get a beer," Adrian giggled, passing me what was left of the joint. "I vote we stay in tonight and go out tomorrow. Ten bucks says your phone is going to blow up tonight and everyone is going to want to see you again."
"I don't doubt that," I giggled, tossing the roach in the ashtray on the table. "Thanks for bringing me home, Santa."
"You're my best friend, Jesus. Don't mention it."
It was strange to hear those words come from anyone's mouth but Rae's. Was I her best friend? There was no question that she was becoming mine quickly. Heck, before Steph left we'd become a trio, and when Rae would call while Adrian was over the three of us would talk instead of just the two of us. The I told Adrian that Steph was gone she cried almost as hard as I did. In some way, I think we needed each other. I didn't know Adrian's story in full detail, but I knew that her life wasn't easy and I had faith in the fact that she knew my past and still wanted me in her life.
Hours passed and eventually Adrian and I ended up getting stoned, watching lame movies and having random conversations until she passed out around nine o'clock. I assumed my mother had gone to a bar because she wasn't home yet. The time I had to myself was enough to make me think about everything in far more detail than I should have. Nothing seemed to feel right anymore and I was anything but content with my life. Something had to give, it had to chance, or I was going to kill myself with these crazy thoughts.
My phone hung loosely in my hand as I waited for him to answer. I knew he was out getting drunk with his friends. Alex was just like me in that aspect of our lives, but finally, he answered, making my heart sink. What was I doing?
"Hey baby! Whatcha up to?"
"Just sitting here with Santa. She passed out on me."
"When it comes to smoking, even Steph could hang longer than her," Alex chuckled, making my heart break. Fuck, I missed Rae. "Zack and Rian just left. It's just me and Jack now and he's building a fort out of empty beer cans."
"That sounds just like him," I laughed half-heartedly. "So Alex, I think we need to talk."
"What about baby? I know you've been upset over Stephanie but Jack and I fully intend to come get you tomorrow and take your mind off of it. His idea, he says he needs someone who understands right now."
"Believe me, I know the feeling," I bit the inside of my cheek. Tears were pooling in my eyes. "But I don't think that's going to work."
"Why?" The phone went silent for a moment and I heard a door close. "Jess, you're scaring me."
"I love you with all of my heart, Alex. By now I hope you know that, but I just can't let this go. I tried being with you again, I tried just being your friend again, but every time I look at you I see Kelly and I feel that betrayl again.."
"Baby, don't do this. It just takes time. We'll get through it, I swear we will. Kelly is gone. It was a mistake and I regret it everyday, but we have each other. We can make this work, Jessie."
"I tried to make it work, Alex. I love you with everything I am and maybe our paths will cross again one day. Until this, I have to let you go. I'm so sorry, Alex."
"No, no, Jessie, please; no." I'm not sure what happened, but I heard gravel shift and the next thing I know, Jack is on the phone. My tears were spilling over now and I felt like a heartless bitch. "Jess? Alex is losing it. Like, really losing it. I don't know what happened but I hope it doesn't stay this way. Love you, girl."
"Love you too, Jack. And Alex, God, I love Alex."
Before Jack could speak again, I hung up the phone and tossed it in the floor. Losing Alex had never been a part of the plan, but you cannot heal from a wound if you let it stay open. My scar needed to form, the pain need to consume me and I needed to figure out how to let everything go and learn from it.
With a broken heart, I curled up beside Adrian on the couch and buried my face in her back. She grumbled slightly in sleep and her hand somehow found mine. It wasn't the same, but my future was shifting. It was time to greet my new life.
Lol yes sequel!!!!!! :D <33333
9/3/13