Alex Gaskarth sat on the cold, black pavement by himself. In the distance, he could hear the sound of Mayday's bus blasting music and an occasional yell from one of the band members enjoying the party. Normally, he'd be there, right beside them, drunk and dumb, but he'd sworn to himself he wouldn't party until he won Jack back. However, that didn't mean he couldn't get completely shitfaced and forget his troubles alone. Alex felt like he was standing in the middle of traffic, he could either run to Jack and leave Lisa on the crub, or he could run to Lisa and leave Jack on the sidewalk. There was also the option to stay right where he was, play in the traffic and most likely end up as road kill. Right now, the third idea was the most appealing.

He shifted his weight long enough to pull a small rock out from under his rear end. He held it up in the pale moonlight, examining it, while bringing a bottle of Whiskey to his lips. Taking a large swig, Alex chucked the rock across the parking lot. He watched it bounce across the pavement, until it landed on a pair of high-top shoes and Jack Barakat bent down to pick it up.

"Is there any reason you're out here getting drunk by youself?"

"Life," Alex shrugged, drinking more from the bottle. "I got nothin' else going for me."

"Coming from the lead singer of a band on a headlining tour. You're absolutely right, woe is you."

"Can it, Jack," Alex glared, sitting the bottle down beside him. One night, just one night to get really plastered and maybe get hit by a car - Was that too much to ask for. "Why aren't you at the party?"

"You know I'm not a fan of those things," Jack stepped closer to him, avoiding Alex's eyes. "Seeing as what happened last time I went."

"You shouldn't worry," Alex smiled, picking his bottle back up. "You're single. You don't have a thing to worry about anymore."

"Maybe I should go to that party. I bet if I got drunk enough, I could get someone to sleep with me, too."

Alex's face dropped. Admittedly, he deserved that. It came as a surprise to him that Jack wasn't out fucking every willing person he could find just to get back at him, idealy Alexa. But hearing Jack say it left the Whiskey tasting bitter. He was frustrated. Mentally, emotionally and even sexually. Jack had no right to dangle something so cruel in front of his face. He was paying for his mistakes well enough on his own.

"Piss off, Jack," Alex growled, pulling himself up off the ground with the bottle on his lips. He staggered as he took a drink, trying to remember how to get back to the bus. At least there, he could lock Jack out and drown in his misery alone.

"Come on, Al," Jack laughed, shaking his head. It wasn't a happy laugh. "You could fix this and you know it. All you have to do is call Lisa and tell her to piss off. If you did that, you and I could maybe work on what we used to have, but you've got your head shoved so far up her ass you can't think straight. What is it you're afraid of? The world finding out you're gay? Yeah, that really makes me take pity on you."

By now, Alex had already finished most of the contents in the bottle. His eyes were heavy and his words were loose. Jerking his body around, Alex glared at his ex-boyfriend. It was true, he kept in touch with Lisa nearly everyday, but she knew perfectly well how he felt about Jack and she didn't try to stand in the way of that.. Did she? No, there was now way, she was too good of a person. Much better than himself.

"You know what, Jack? I'm getting real fucking sick of you. Keep playing the fucking victim, see if I care. You're so wrapped up in people caring that I cheated on you, that you can't even see the shit I've been dealing with on my own! You know that I love you, you fucking know that, and yes, for the last time, I fucked up! I am sick and fucking tired of trying to make you forgive me. You don't want to? Fucking okay then! I. Give. Up! You are impossible!"

Jack stared at him for a moment, tears brimming his eyes. Alex had snapped at him multiple times before, but never like this. He'd never told Jack that he was finished trying to win him back. Never mentioned that the fight wasn't worth the prize. Still, Jack was angry, and he felt he had every reason to be.

"Fuck you, Alex," Jack spat, taking a step closer to his drunk ex-lover. "I have every reason in this world to hate you right now, and you're mad at me because I'm making you work for my attention? You don't deserve me. You don't even deserve a minute of my time! But guess what, asshole, I'm still here, and I'm only asking you to prove to me that you really care, that if I did something stupid like trust you again, I wouldn't regret it!"

"You know what?" Alex smiled, throwing his bottle across the parking lot where it smashed into tiny pieces. "You probably would regret it. I'm sick in the head, Jack. It's like a fucking bomb went off up there. I can't give you that picture-perfect life you've been dreaming of. You either take me for what I am, or you leave it, because I'm fucking done pretending to be something I'm not. You want me to tell the world I'm gay?"

Alex held his arms up in the air and laughed, spinning in a drunken circle.

"Guess what, world!" He shouted, nearly tumbling over. "I'm gay! My name is Alex Gaskarth and I'm in love with a prick named Jack Barakat!"

Jack took a step away from Alex, almost afraid of what the older boy was capable of. Finally, it was starting to make sense that there really was something wrong with Alex, and maybe he couldn't help the way he managed to let that insanity escape his mind.

"Oh, and Lisa?" Alex grinned, pulling his phone out. He held it up so Jack could clearly see it, and then he threw that on the ground, too. He smashed it as hard as he could with his foot. "Good enough, Jack?"

The younger boy stared at him with tears flooding his eyes. It was a little unorthodox, but the fact that he was even willing to do that meant a lot.

"I love you." Alex whispered, pushing hair away from his face. "I fucking love you, Jack. I'm a mess, I'm wreck, I'm the total opposite of perfect.. But I love you. Take it or leave it, now or never."

Jack wanted to say something, he really did, but no words could express what he felt. He was confused by his love for Alex, and Alex's love for him. He was to the point where he couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. What meant something and what didn't. He wanted Alex back, so deeply that it nearly killed him, but was he really ready to deal with all those sick and scary things swimming through Alex's mind? Would he even be able to help him, or would he get sucked in as well?

"Say something," Alex slurred, the alcohol taking over his body once again. He stumbled forward towards Jack, his eyes begging for some kind of response. "Please."

"I-I love you too, Alex," Jack forced a smile. "But I don't know if I'm good for you right now. I seem to only be making whatever battle you're fighting with yourself worse. I don't want you to think being with me will fix you."

"I don't need you to fix me," Alex mumbled, nearly falling on his face as he tried to move closer to Jack. Realizing he couldn't go any further, he reach out his hand. "Just take my hand. Just take me back."

Jack hesitated, but slowly lifted his arm so that his fingers grazed Alex's. The older boy grinned, wrapping his fingers around Jack's arm so he could pull his body close. He wrapped his arms around Jack's waist and squeezed the boy until he felt sick. The smell of Jack's cologne lifted his spirits. The feeling of having the lanky boy back in his arms made him weak in the knees. Maybe the time wasn't right, but he couldn't resist. Alex pulled his head away from Jack's shoulder and roughly pressed his lips against Jack's. Natrually, Jack kissed him back, their lips colliding so quickly that he thought he'd pass out from the pleasure. It felt so good to be wanted.

"I love you," Jack breathed, pulling away from Alex's lips. "Do you want to go back to the bus?"

"Yeah," Alex smiled, trying to walk with his almost-boyfriend, but the alcohol was seriously starting to mess with his head. He stumbled to the side a little bit, his body suddenly getting too hot and his stomach flipping with every breath he took. The world around him seemed to be growing dark, everything he saw seemed to be through tunnel vision. He held out his arm, hoping Jack would grab him, but his body landed harshly on the ground instead. "Oh fuck."

"Alex?" Jack screamed, running towards the drunken man. "Oh God, Alex."

He pulled Alex into his chest and began searching for his cell phone. He'd need someone like Zack or Rian to carry him back to the bus. As soon as his fingers began to dial the number, Alex's body began to shake. He rolled out of Jack's arms and began throwing up, and in an instant, he was unconscious.

Notes

Okay, okay. I know this is a serious chapter.. But! The whole time I was writing Alex throwing everything, I was totally rocking out to "Threw It On the Groud" by The Lonely Island. Needless to say, I had a blast. Mucho love<3.