He shouldn’t have done that! What the hell was he thinking! It’s Jack and he can’t do that to Jack, but there’s something about this whole human world that makes him feel different. Yes, maybe Alex wanted some comfort but that’s no excuse to give Jack some hope or something. He’s not even sure if angels are allowed to get so close to their human. Or any other human. He has never heard of that. Maybe because their worlds were always separate but now…many things can change.

What makes him feel even worse about himself is that Jack didn’t even say anything to him as he and Rian left. He kept mumbling ‘shut up’to Rian and then they both left. Rian waved to him but Jack just looked, turned away and left, leaving Alex alone with dirty plate in his hand. What if he made Jack angry and he throws him out later?

It might help if he would have someone to talk to. Someone who is not Jack and knows more about his situation. It might also help if he wouldn’t be so damn tired all the time but it seems that he just can’t get enough of proper sleep. Almost every time he sleeps he dreams of them. He sees how they come closer to him. He sees his parents. He feels the pain. He sees his own blood. Every time he wakes up he has this exposed feeling. Like he wouldn’t have wings again.

He needs to talk to Zack. He went through the same pain and maybe the same dreams. Or better call them nightmares. Zack would know what to say him. About Jack and his nightmares.

He needs to somehow get to Zack but he doesn’t even know where he might be at this time of the day. He might find his apartment. Maybe. But first he would need to get to that park. From there he would definitely find Zack’s place but from here… Maybe he should go to that hospital. But what if Zack is not there when Alex gets there? He might ask Jack’s friend about that, he sounded to know more about Zack than Jack. But then he’ll need to ask Jack to somehow contact his friend.

God, it’s all so frustrating! He hates this place! Well, not Jack’s apartment but this world. Everything is so complicated with people.

---

“What was that today?” first words that leaves Jack’s mouth when he finds Alex in his bathroom in front of his mirror and experimenting with his hairspray, “and what are you doing now?”

“You didn’t say that I can’t touch your stuff today so…I just wanted to see how it works. If it really does what they write…” Alex is fast to put hairspray back and look at Jack. Waiting for him to throw him out or yell or something.

“You don’t have them?”

“No, they’re bad for environment,” he said, eyes glued to hairsprays shiny bottle.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right but you didn’t answer my first question – what was that today?” he folds his hands over his chest and looks at Alex expectantly.

“Umm…you mean the morning or…or when Rian was here?” he looks at the white sink like it would be the most interesting thing in the world.

“Well, I meant when Rian was here but the morning would be a good start too.”

“I…I don’t know if you’ve noticed but…I have nightmares and…they remind me of…” fuck, he can’t tell Jack what happened to him! Not today and probably not ever! “well, everything that happened and…sorry.”

“Okay…you don’t need to explain that if you don’t want but…what was that with Rian?”

“With Rian? We just talked. I thought that’s what you do when someone visits you.”

“Yeah, that’s what you do but you know what I mean. Why did you need to be so close to me? Rian thinks that we’re a couple now and that I’m hiding something from him. Which is kind of true, I am hiding the fact that you’re angel but…that’s not what he thinks I’m hiding. He didn’t shut up all the way to his place about how cute we looked and how he could imagine you making me dinner or cleaning apartment because you looked like really domestic type and…whatever…that’s not what you needed to know,” he muttered, looking at Alex and seeing him wearing shy smile, still staring at sink, probably not even seeing it anymore, “what I want to know is why you did it?”

“Sorry, I…I didn’t mean it like that. I just…you know…I didn’t feel that great this morning and…you’re the only one I know here and despite the fact that Rian was cool I still…well, I didn’t feel that comfortable around him and…yeah, sorry about that,” he mumbles, tracing invisible patterns on slightly wet sink. And that’s not completely lie but also not the whole truth, but that should be enough for Jack. For now.

And now Jack feels bad. He should’ve guessed that. He still clearly remembers how uncomfortable Alex looked in the park, how he didn’t look around, trying to disappear. He should be happy that he at least came out of the bathroom and talked to Rian.

“Yeah, sure. Nightmares are never good, especially if they involve your past. They can ruin all day. Come here,” he stepped closer to Alex, waiting for him to come closer as well, but all he got was confused look. With a sigh he pulled Alex closer and wrapped his arms around him, “sorry, I should’ve guessed that you didn’t feel that good today,” he waited a while, while Alex got used to Jack’s arms around him and returned the gesture by wrapping his own arms around Jack’s frame.

That’s what he needed. Actually they both. They both needed someone to comfort them and now they have this someone. Kind of. Alex knows that Jack needed this hug just as much as he did, if not more. He knew everything about Jack but Jack knew only those few stories that Alex shared with him. And only half of them were completely true and he felt bad for hiding the real truth from Jack. He deserves truth.

“You have a little bit too much of this things,” Jack breathes in freshly sprayed hairspray from Alex’s hair.

“Yeah, I guessed that but it didn’t look how I wanted so I needed to keep going,” his voice was a bit muffled by Jack’s shoulder, “you know something about Zack? Is he still at the hospital or not?” he asked, thinking that it’s better to ask now and not wait for better moment. This is the best moment he could’ve asked for.

“Why do you need to know this?” Jack pushed Alex back by his shoulders and looked him in the eye. Alex didn’t look back, his eyes were glued to Jack’s shirt. It even looks like he is very uncomfortable by holding eye contact with someone, “Alex?”

“It’s…nothing…” he dropped his hands from Jack’s waist.

And then Jack put everything together. Alex’s reaction this morning when he heard Rian mentioning Zack’s name, his question now and Zack’s interest in Rian.

“Is he angel too? He’s Rian’s, right?”

He earned a worried look from Alex, “Umm…yeah, he kind of is. But I didn’t know he’s Rian’s till he mentioned him today.”

“But how do you know it’s him? There is plenty guys whose name is Zack.”

“I don’t know,” Alex shrugged, “I just know. Plus, I know that this Zack I know works in the hospital so…there can’t be that many Zack’s.”

“Mhm…I could take you there,” Jack said, finally releasing his hold on Alex’s shoulders.

“Umm…yeah, sure but you’re not coming in. You don’t need to know what we’re talking about.”

“Angel stuff?” Jack smirked, leaving bathroom and heading to kitchen to grab a can of coke before leaving apartment.

“You can say that, yeah,” Alex followed him.

---

“How come he has a job and a place to live but you don’t?” Jack asked once they both were in his car and driving to the hospital.

“That’s…not important right now…” Alex quickly looked over at Jack. He really should tell him everything. The whole story. Without important details left out of it.

“Right.”

The rest of the ride was quiet. Alex thinking about everything he needs to talk with Zack, Jack returning to the idea of Alex being not completely normal.

“So, I wait you here?” Jack asked as he parked in front of the building.

“Y-yeah,” Alex eyed the building. How is he going to find Zack there!

He stepped out of the car and quickly made his way towards the big glass doors that led inside of the building. Everything was covered in white or beige color, the white being almost shiny from how clean it was kept here. Doctors wearing white and nurses light pink or something. They looked good. The patients – not so good. He could swear to his wings that the man standing next to him smelled like sweat and blood and that is not the best combination.

He walked closer to registration. He could just ask for them to tell him were Zack is. Zack, Zack, Zack…something…something with M…

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Alex jumped hearing Zack’s voice from behind.

“Fuck, don’t do that!”

“You’ve definitely picked the best habits from Jack,” Zack laughed.

“Ha ha, very funny,” he glared at Zack, “you said I can come talk to you, so I came.”

“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

“Okay, so one thing is that…I’m tired as hell and I can’t sleep normally because I’m having nightmares. About that…thing,” he looked around, eyeing people but it seemed that no one is paying any attention to them, “it feels like they’re doing it again and again every night and when I wake up I feel…like I wouldn’t have wings and it scares me. Like I’ve grown close to those wings and even if they don’t feel so comfortable as my own, they’re still…mine, I guess.”

“Mhm, I get what you’re saying. The same thing happened to me. I think it has something to do with those drugs they give us, before the ceremony. Some kind of hallucinogens that stay in our blood system longer than we would like to. I have some pills home that helped me. I could bring them to you tomorrow.”

“Great!” that was more than Alex expected from him.

“Something else?”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s weird and I don’t know if I should even talk about that but…there is something…something I feel towards Jack. I know I shouldn’t and it’s weird because I’ve known him my whole life and I have never felt anything like that…”

“You liiike him,” Zack said in that annoying teasing voice. Probably that’s how Rian talked to Jack today. I can understand why he was so annoyed by that.

“I don’t! Is that even allowed? Between human and angel?”

“Didn’t you go to school?”

“I…I did.”

“Then I guess you didn’t listen! It is possible but usually that doesn’t last long because of the way we function, you know.”

“Mhm,” Alex nodded. He knew.

Angels are connected to their human more than one would like to admit. Feeling human’s emotions means that they feel every emotion, including love. The one people likes to call true love. Angels find their real life partner only when their human has found his or her true love. It’s complicated to have relationship if you know that it won’t last until your human finds the real person. Most of the angels doesn’t even bother with relationship. They just wait for that feeling because they know it will come.

“You think Jack have found it?” Zack’s voice was quiet but loud enough for Alex to hear.

“What?” his eyes widened, “he hasn’t gone out since I’m here and before that I didn’t feel like now.”

Zack arched his eyebrows questioningly at Alex.

“You don’t think that…noo! He would’ve said something.”

“He might not see it himself yet but it might be there. You know that humans are blind especially the ones like Jack.”

Notes

hope it's not all over the place and makes sense ^^