I Can't Live Without You Now, I Can't Even Live With Myself.
Why Are You Walking Away?
The car shakes as we both hop in and slam the doors shut. Jack didn't say anything whilst we left, he looked pissed off, and Rian had already gone home, I'm not completely sure. My heartbeat was racing insanely as Alex turns the radio full blast, making me jump a little.
"Alex?!" I try to shout over the noise. Dammit. I'll just turn it down myself. "You're not drinking that. I'm sure my brother and my mum want me home, not at a hospital." His face just gawks at me for a few minutes after I pull the bottle out of his hands. Eventually, he cracks a smile.
"I heard you're scared." He jokes, continuing to smile at me whilst pulling his seatbelt around his waist. It wasn't going to work on me. Scared. Scared? No, just sort of... educated. I dont think he's even drank that much, like one beer, right? I hide the bottle of Jacks in my bag and throw it onto the backseat, accidently hitting a mahogony acoustic guitar, similar to my own.
"You play?" I ask, I'm shocked, honestly. Finally, the engine fires up, he's still soundless for a few minutes as he pulls out onto the road.
"Yeah-" He says quietly, his eyes careful on the road as he changes gears.
"I overheard you and Jack by the wa-" Which I did,
"Jess," He sighs, oh shit. "Basically, you're the reason I'm not crashing this car into a lake. Well, you and the fact there's no lake close by." He releases a low chuckle, smiling at me but then looking straight onto the road, I hope he was joking. I respond with a small laugh though. "You wanting to go straight home?" He asks, changing the subject. His voice calm as the yellow glows from the streetlights shine on our faces every so often. I don't want to go home, I want to stay out, but I'm tired, and Drew- Oh for fuck sake. I have to go face Drew. I totally forgot.
"Yeah, I guess I should." I murmur, closing my eyes as I rest my head on the condensed window. I can feel myself drifting away into sleep, my eyes slowly becoming more and more heavier.
"M-Matt?!" Hot tears streamed down my face as I slowly regained my vision. Blue and red lights, lighted up his face as he was leant against the steering wheel. "M-Matt?" I sobbed, I quickly unstrapped my seatbelt and wiped my tears off of my cheek, only to realise it was blood. My hands shaking as I wipe his hair out of his eyes, "M-Matt, wake up p-please, d-don't do this t-to me."
His eyelids flickered at my shaky touch. Thank fuck.
"Jess? Wake up, you're home." I jump awake quickly to Alex nudging my shoulder, I gasp trying to catch my breath. I can feel the tears brimming. "You fell asleep, you're home now, come on, you should get inside." He murmurs with a weak smile as he grabs my bag.
"Thanks, you know, for actually inviting me out-" I say, while stepping out of his car, adjusting myself and my hair, and gently rubbing my eyes making sure I don't wipe my makeup everywhere. And tonight was actually really great. I'm going to see my favourite band, I've made myself a few friends, although the night has ended really quick, I'm sure we'll have many more fun times.
"They're usually a lot more fun, trust me." He walks around the car, hands in pockets and rolling his eyes. We eventually reach my front door, the air had become fresh and cold, with the 'blowing out the cobwebs' sort of feel to it. "I'm sure we'll be good friends-" He says, pulling me into a hug. His sent was intoxicating. Wow. Wait, what?
"M-hm" I agree because I don't know what else to say, I am literally speechless, I don't even know why. One minute he's a dick and then he's like this. Eventually I let go and he went home, leaving me alone.
My bed was cold, I had kept the Jacks and I didn't hesitate on drinking it. It was keeping me warm. I'm laid on my bed, alone in my room. I feel so empty. That dream, I just can't comprehend why I keep doing this to myself? The photo's, my old memories, this t-shirt, all these songs that a fond of making me remember my mistakes. I didn't say a single word to Drew when I came in, I just came straight upstairs. I turn to the clock, 9:27pm? I haven't spoken to anyone in two whole hours, this isn't how I thought life would be like right now. I can't come to grips with anything. My mind races all day everyday. I take the last sip of the bittersweet liqour, falling into a happy, deep and calming sleep, hopefully never to wake. This is the place I'm the happiest. Where I can be with Matt, feel his skin again, smell his scent again, look into his eyes again. I sink my face into my pillows and throw my quilt over my shoulder. I need my bestfriend here.
"Alex?!" I try to shout over the noise. Dammit. I'll just turn it down myself. "You're not drinking that. I'm sure my brother and my mum want me home, not at a hospital." His face just gawks at me for a few minutes after I pull the bottle out of his hands. Eventually, he cracks a smile.
"I heard you're scared." He jokes, continuing to smile at me whilst pulling his seatbelt around his waist. It wasn't going to work on me. Scared. Scared? No, just sort of... educated. I dont think he's even drank that much, like one beer, right? I hide the bottle of Jacks in my bag and throw it onto the backseat, accidently hitting a mahogony acoustic guitar, similar to my own.
"You play?" I ask, I'm shocked, honestly. Finally, the engine fires up, he's still soundless for a few minutes as he pulls out onto the road.
"Yeah-" He says quietly, his eyes careful on the road as he changes gears.
"I overheard you and Jack by the wa-" Which I did,
"Jess," He sighs, oh shit. "Basically, you're the reason I'm not crashing this car into a lake. Well, you and the fact there's no lake close by." He releases a low chuckle, smiling at me but then looking straight onto the road, I hope he was joking. I respond with a small laugh though. "You wanting to go straight home?" He asks, changing the subject. His voice calm as the yellow glows from the streetlights shine on our faces every so often. I don't want to go home, I want to stay out, but I'm tired, and Drew- Oh for fuck sake. I have to go face Drew. I totally forgot.
"Yeah, I guess I should." I murmur, closing my eyes as I rest my head on the condensed window. I can feel myself drifting away into sleep, my eyes slowly becoming more and more heavier.
"M-Matt?!" Hot tears streamed down my face as I slowly regained my vision. Blue and red lights, lighted up his face as he was leant against the steering wheel. "M-Matt?" I sobbed, I quickly unstrapped my seatbelt and wiped my tears off of my cheek, only to realise it was blood. My hands shaking as I wipe his hair out of his eyes, "M-Matt, wake up p-please, d-don't do this t-to me."
His eyelids flickered at my shaky touch. Thank fuck.
"Jess? Wake up, you're home." I jump awake quickly to Alex nudging my shoulder, I gasp trying to catch my breath. I can feel the tears brimming. "You fell asleep, you're home now, come on, you should get inside." He murmurs with a weak smile as he grabs my bag.
"Thanks, you know, for actually inviting me out-" I say, while stepping out of his car, adjusting myself and my hair, and gently rubbing my eyes making sure I don't wipe my makeup everywhere. And tonight was actually really great. I'm going to see my favourite band, I've made myself a few friends, although the night has ended really quick, I'm sure we'll have many more fun times.
"They're usually a lot more fun, trust me." He walks around the car, hands in pockets and rolling his eyes. We eventually reach my front door, the air had become fresh and cold, with the 'blowing out the cobwebs' sort of feel to it. "I'm sure we'll be good friends-" He says, pulling me into a hug. His sent was intoxicating. Wow. Wait, what?
"M-hm" I agree because I don't know what else to say, I am literally speechless, I don't even know why. One minute he's a dick and then he's like this. Eventually I let go and he went home, leaving me alone.
My bed was cold, I had kept the Jacks and I didn't hesitate on drinking it. It was keeping me warm. I'm laid on my bed, alone in my room. I feel so empty. That dream, I just can't comprehend why I keep doing this to myself? The photo's, my old memories, this t-shirt, all these songs that a fond of making me remember my mistakes. I didn't say a single word to Drew when I came in, I just came straight upstairs. I turn to the clock, 9:27pm? I haven't spoken to anyone in two whole hours, this isn't how I thought life would be like right now. I can't come to grips with anything. My mind races all day everyday. I take the last sip of the bittersweet liqour, falling into a happy, deep and calming sleep, hopefully never to wake. This is the place I'm the happiest. Where I can be with Matt, feel his skin again, smell his scent again, look into his eyes again. I sink my face into my pillows and throw my quilt over my shoulder. I need my bestfriend here.
Notes
Okay, so, finally the last chapter of this part, if that makes sense? Aw well. ANYWAY IM EXCITED NOW WOW OK THIS IS GOING TO be better soon I FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH IM SORRY sigh:(((( OK so basically most parts are Jess' POV, for instance, this is, but THATS JUST OBVIOUS GUYS COME ON NOW((I'm laughing at the differences between how I've written in the chapter and how I'm writing the notes I'm not even sorry thats the thing lyl)))))
hugs and kisses ye
ok calm
3/16/13