Isabelle's P.O.V
I woke up, slowly opening my eyes as the light was so bright. Once my eyes adjusted, I sat up quickly, not realizing where I was. That was until I looked down at the bed I was sitting on and the smell of disinfectant filled my nose.

I was in the school clinic.

I sighed and put my head in my hands.
"How did I get in here ?" I mumbled to myself.

"You had a panic attack dear." a voice said.

I jumped back, not realizing the nurse had walked in.

"What ?"

She sighed, taking a seat on the chair beside the bed. "Isabelle sweetie, you had a panic attack. You passed out and your friend, Kalie, I believe, brought you here. You've been out for almost 2 hours."

2 hours. What the fuck. I thought back, remembering what happened and shuttered at the thought.

"Do you know what could have triggered it ?" the nurse asked, her voice soft.

I knew exactly what did but didn't respond. Instead I fought back the tears once again today.

The nurse sighed, putting her hand on my shoulder. "Your mom is on her way to get you and your friend, Kalie, is outside the room. Would you like her to come in ?" she asked.

I nodded, not trusting my voice and watched her walk out of the room and return a few moments later with my best friend. Her eyes were puffy and red like she'd been crying. She looked exhausted. She ran up to me, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry." I said, my voice cracking.

"It's not your fault, Iz. Everything's going to be okay. Now let get you home, your moms outside waiting." she said before we made our way out of the school.

--

The car ride home was silent for the most part. Other than my mom asking if I felt any better. I told her I was but to be honest, I didn't. I felt like jumping out of this moving car but I wouldn't let her know that. I could tell she had been crying earlier and it was probably my fault.
Why did I have to react like that. To something as small as writing about my brother.

"Sweetie, we're home." my mom said, taking me out of my thoughts.

I got out of the car and walked inside my home. There was an overwhelming smell of bleach.
Mom had been cleaning again..She's been doing it a lot lately. It was sort of her way to deal with the pain, distracting herself. Her way was better than my way. So was Jack's, my other older brother. He would write music, we never got to hear it though, he kept it to himself.

I jumped at the feeling of two arms wrapping around me.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Jack said. His voice was raspy just like Kaile's had been.

I hugged him back, trying my best not to break down right in front of him.

"What happened ? Mom wouldn't tell me." He asked, as we pulled away. His eyes were red and puffy too, still glistening with tears.

"I-I had a pan-panic attack." I said barley audible. Jack didn't relax but got more tense.

"Why ?" he asked.

I couldn't hold back anymore and collapsed, almost hitting the floor, before Jack caught me.
"Shh, It's okay. Shh." he said, tracing circles on my back in attempt to calm me down but it only made me cry harder.

It was not okay. Our brother is gone forever. He's never coming back.

"Shh. Let's go watch something, get your mind off of this whole thing." He said.

I nodded and let him carry me to the couch, my mind not allowing me to focus on anything than the coffee table right in front of me.

--

I woke up once again but somewhere familiar this time, surrounded by warmth, seeing as I was covered in blankets, laying in my bed. I reached over for my phone on my nightstand, checking the time. It read 11:45 and I had a text from Jack.

Jack: Took you upstairs to your room when you fell asleep. Just thought I would let you know how you ended up there."

I got up, pulling a sweatshirt on and walking over to Jack's room.

"You awake ?" I asked, cracking the door open.

I got no answer and walked in, seeing Jack sitting on his bed facing with his back to me, with his knees up to his chest, staring blankly at the wall.

"Jack ?"
Still no response. The closer I got to him I could hear 'Mayday Parade' playing through his headphones. I tapped him on the shoulder and he jumped up onto the floor. Making a loud thump. I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction.

"You're gonna give me a heart attack, Iz!" he whisper yelled, holding his chest.

"Sorry." I said laughing when he took his headphones out. "Are you okay ?" I asked as I noticed he had been crying.

"Yeah, i'm okay." he said, putting on that fake smile I've seen too many times. "Are you ? You're the one who had a panic attack."

"I'm fine."

There was a couple minutes of silence before Jack broke it.

"Why did it happen ?" he asked, referring to the events earlier.

I took a shaky breath before sitting on his bed.

"Matthew." I whispered.

Jack's arms wrapped around me instantly.

"You know you can come talk to me, right ?"

I nodded my head. "I know, it's just hard now."

I looked up at him, he looked hurt.

"Why ?" he asked obviously trying not to cry.

I didn't answer, just stared at him as my vision blurred over with tears.

"Please tell me." he pleaded, a couple stray tears falling down his cheeks.

I looked down and played with my fingers.

"It's hard. You're not the same anymore. You're more distant and you do nothing but sit in your room and go to band practice. We barley talk anymore, Jack." I broke down. "I know I'm the same way but I hate it!" I rose my voice and slammed my fist into the bed.

"Hey hey hey." he said, taking my hand in his. "I'm sorry. I know I've been distant. I know." he took a deep shaky breath. "It's just..After Matthew.." his voice cracked.

"I know, Jack. You don't have to explain it to me." I said calmly. "I'm sorry too."

He nodded. "Thank's."
I gave him a hug and we sat there in silence for a bit while I played with his hands.

"Hey iz ?" Jack said.
"Yeah, Jay ?" I said, looking up at him.

"You said we've been distant lately..I know we have and I want to change that." he said.

"How's that ?" I asked.

"Well, you know I have band practice every day after school. How about you start coming with me to practice ? I'm sure the guys wont mind and this will give us a chance to be around each other more. I know how much you love music and maybe I can teach you how to play the guitar." he said with a small smile.

I was surprised that Jack invited me to come with him to practice. He was always on the down low with the band thing, like it was his thing and his thing only. It would be a great way to spend time with him but I hate meeting new people. I get way too nervous and start shaking and on top of that I stutter like crazy.

I looked back up at Jack, he looked hopeful and I didn't want to crush that, so I agreed.
"Okay, I'll come with you to practice." I smiled.

"Yay!." he said jumping up like a 5 year old who just received a piece of candy. Sure, Jack was a year older than me, 18, but It felt like I was the older one most of the time.

"You are such a dork." I said and he pretended to look offended. I laughed and punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow!" he said, holding onto his arm.

"You're so weak, Jay." I said still laughing.

"Okay okay. Enough insulting me. Go to bed." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

"I love you." he said, hugging me again.

"I love you too."

Notes