Holding On To Keep This Strong
Build Me Up
Today was it, his first day back at school and he was dreading it. Having first period with Alex was helpful and the elder had even walked with him to class. But being around so many people and not just at Alex's apartment by himself...that made Jack even more nervous.
He was actually rather scared of being around so many people at once, anyone could touch him or just get too close and throw him off kilter fot the rest of the day. He hated that he wasn't comfortable around more than just a few people anymore. He also hated that he was being forced to go see the school counselor due to his mother being worried. She'd already informed all of his teachers just vaguely of what had happened two weeks ago.
He saw no need for any of it though he knew her heart was in the right place. He was caught up on the vast majority of his work. Alex's class being the only one he was behind in since the elder had refused to let him work so much when he knew what he was going through. He had almost finished the last set of notes though and he planned on finishing it as soon as possible before the following Monday anyways. There was no reason for anyone to treat him differently other than giving him more space, maybe a little down time between classes but he had free periods for that. Especially since the second semester had started, he only had three classes, Calculus, English, and Music Theory seeing as he'd gotten all of his science credits prior to senior year.
"Guys, the bell rang five minutes ago, can we all shut up and get started!" Alex shouted grabbing his classes attention. "Thank you. Clear your desks, I know you guys are gonna hate me for this but, pop quiz. I meant to tell you guys there was one today but it slipped my mind, so I decided to make it open note if you have your notebooks with you." The teacher said as he walked around the room passing out quizzes, stopping at Jack's desk. "You can come sit with me and go over what you missed the past couple weeks, yeah?"
Jack nodded, gathering his things and bringing them with him up to Alex's desk.
"So you missed the last act of our last book but I'll let you off on the quiz, your mom called me and asked me to give you a break." Alex smiled almost teasingly which was enough to make Jack want to press his lips against the elder's. "I'm not even kidding, she called yesterday and practically told me to cut you some slack."
"Well what else did I miss?"
"Your notes, but you've already shown me what you've got done for that. So just read the third act, write a short summary for it and I can give you the prompts for the end of the years essay, nothing book based just your thoughts and emotions in four pages or more. The topics can switch just be sure that they stick to the prompt, I can give you the rubric too."
Jack nodded, Alex hadn't even mentioned the essay to him when they were at his place. He'd mentioned everything else, just not that particular assignment. He shrugged it off as unimportant though, Alex generally had a lot on his mind. And he'd become increasingly forgetful in the last two weeks, at least to Jack's knowledge anyway.
"So do I get any extra time on this stuff?"
"If you need it but I have a feeling the essay will be pretty easy for you to write, it's due next Friday. Graded on content and thought. Flow matters but I want to be able to follow your conscious so it can be a little messy, yeah?"
"Yeah, that makes sense. Is there anything else?"
"Not really, you're coming here sixth right?"
"And third, fifth, eight and ninth. I may be able to take the quiz with your other class."
Alex just smiled at that making it more obvious to Jack that he was fighting hard not to break his teacher character. And usually Jack would flirt with him making it harder on the older boy but today he just didn't feel like it. Probably because of how emotionally tired he'd been the past two weeks but he really didn't feel like making Alex's day any harder on him than it would already be.
"Maybe I should, uhm, start reading that act."
"Yeah, you can skip the notes at the end by the way."
"Alright, thanks Alex. See you later."
Alex nodded at the teenager smiling weakly at him. Obviously having something else to say but was holding it behind his teeth.
Jack only smiled back unable to do what he really wanted and wrap his arms around the teacher. He guessed that was just the price he'd pay for the next two weeks of hiding his and Alex's relationship from the world.
-
Alex put away the last of the quizzes he had graded and got up from where he sat on the bedroom floor. He still had to eat dinner with Jack and attempt to help him with his Music Theory homework. And normally he'd be completely calm about that and more than happy to help but tonight was a completely different story.
Joyce was coming over to talk with him about how the trial had went earlier that day. She'd been able to get Jack out of going to court until the hearing since he'd already gone through talking to everyone handling the case in terms of evidence and witnesses. Alex was nervous about the trial fir that very reason, Jack having not been there could have looked very bad for his case though no one could deny the physical evidence. Especially not after they'd found the same drug on Billie Joe that had been found in Jack's blood stream.
But none of that stopped Alex from worrying about the case and how the outcome no one but Billie Joe wanted could affect his boyfriend.
"Hey, have to gotten some of that stuff figured out?" Alex asked making hos presence known to the teenager who sat on the living room floor.
"Sort of...it's still a little hazy but I get it. I think I can finish it up on my own this time."
"Okay, want me to get dinner ready then?"
"Nah, I put my mom's lasagna in the oven...I figured you needed a break juggling work and taking care of me the past two weeks."
"Jay...I love you but you're the one who needs to be resting and keeping everything together with yourself. I've got the little things." Alex sat down next to the younger boy pulling him into his side. "Just take care of you and if you don't think you can do that I can do that too."
"I can hold it together Lex. Maybe I have been through a lot and I do wish I could just sleep the day away and sometimes I do cry myself to sleep maybe I even wish I could just erase every bit if memory I have if it...but I can handle putting something in the oven, okay? Just let me do that so I have control over something okay?"
Alex only nodded not sure how to respond. This was the most Jack had said to him, he knew that the younger was hurting but he'd been doing a pretty good job of hiding it. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not either, maybe hiding how he felt was a defense mechanism but Alex just didn't see any way that could possibly be healthy.
"Jay...I didn't know you felt, well I didn't know things were that bad -"
"They're not bad Alex. You saw me the first few days after, those were bad. Now I'm getting by. I don't want to hurt myself for what he did anymore, I'm not thinking about all the ways he could have possibly hurt me when I was blacked out...I'm fine compared to how I was."
"But Jay, hiding this from me it's not good. I want to know how you are. You don't have to tell me everything right away but just let me at least know if you're having a rough day."
"Yeah, whatever." Jack mumbled which completely deflected his actions, leaning into Alex and resting his head on the older boy's shoulder.
"You know I love you right? I'm not trying to push you...I just hate knowing that you're hurt. And it's not something that's just physical so I have no idea when you're going to really feel okay again. And I want that more than anything, for you to feel better than you do now."
"I will...I just need time, who knows how long. But I'm gonna get better and we're gonna be happy okay? I'm looking for the day when both of us are happy and I want it to be soon. Just let me get there my way, alright?" Alex nodded and turned his head to kiss the younger's hair. "Thanks Lex...I love you too."
-
Joyce made it over a few hours later greeting her son with a hug and Alex with a smile. She looked less distraught than the last time Alex had seen her but worry underlined each of her features. He hoped Jack hadn't noticed that but he couldn't be too sure about much with his boyfriend right now.
"Honey could you give Alex and I a couple minutes alone?" She asked, a look of urgency suddenly overcoming her face, which made Alex doubt that there was any good news.
"Mom this involves me...can you please just let me be a part of this?"
"Jack, please...I want to talk to you about it alone."
"Maybe he should talk with us? It's all things he's going to know anyways." Alex interviened trying to prevent the argument that he saw coming.
"Do you really think that's the best idea Alex?"
"Yeah. I don't think we should be giving him a censored version of all this anyways."
Joyce only shrugged clearly unsure of what to do herself.
-
"Wait so.. he's trying to get out of it?" Jack asked beginning to sit upright, no longer leaning into Alex.
"He already plead innocent but he's trying to back track now. They let me talk with him alone about the divorce, not that there's much to discuss." Joyce shook her head and turned away from the couple. "He says he wants to say sorry, talk to you...I told him there was no way in hell but you'll have to go in to talk to the jury soon. I want you to be prepared for that."
Jack only nodded this time, now sinking back into Alex's side.
"Hey, it's gonna be alright." Alex said hugging the younger with his arm that had been coiled around the teen's shoulders. "Im gonna be right there and he can't hurt you, you'll be fine Jay. Just like you always are."
Jack only nodded hoping that Alex was right. Because he knew he couldn't handle falling apart anymore than he already had. And Alex was well aware of it too knowing that Jack wouldn't be himself for a long time after this if Billie was able to get in his head. All they could do was hope which felt as useful as wishing on a dying star.
He was actually rather scared of being around so many people at once, anyone could touch him or just get too close and throw him off kilter fot the rest of the day. He hated that he wasn't comfortable around more than just a few people anymore. He also hated that he was being forced to go see the school counselor due to his mother being worried. She'd already informed all of his teachers just vaguely of what had happened two weeks ago.
He saw no need for any of it though he knew her heart was in the right place. He was caught up on the vast majority of his work. Alex's class being the only one he was behind in since the elder had refused to let him work so much when he knew what he was going through. He had almost finished the last set of notes though and he planned on finishing it as soon as possible before the following Monday anyways. There was no reason for anyone to treat him differently other than giving him more space, maybe a little down time between classes but he had free periods for that. Especially since the second semester had started, he only had three classes, Calculus, English, and Music Theory seeing as he'd gotten all of his science credits prior to senior year.
"Guys, the bell rang five minutes ago, can we all shut up and get started!" Alex shouted grabbing his classes attention. "Thank you. Clear your desks, I know you guys are gonna hate me for this but, pop quiz. I meant to tell you guys there was one today but it slipped my mind, so I decided to make it open note if you have your notebooks with you." The teacher said as he walked around the room passing out quizzes, stopping at Jack's desk. "You can come sit with me and go over what you missed the past couple weeks, yeah?"
Jack nodded, gathering his things and bringing them with him up to Alex's desk.
"So you missed the last act of our last book but I'll let you off on the quiz, your mom called me and asked me to give you a break." Alex smiled almost teasingly which was enough to make Jack want to press his lips against the elder's. "I'm not even kidding, she called yesterday and practically told me to cut you some slack."
"Well what else did I miss?"
"Your notes, but you've already shown me what you've got done for that. So just read the third act, write a short summary for it and I can give you the prompts for the end of the years essay, nothing book based just your thoughts and emotions in four pages or more. The topics can switch just be sure that they stick to the prompt, I can give you the rubric too."
Jack nodded, Alex hadn't even mentioned the essay to him when they were at his place. He'd mentioned everything else, just not that particular assignment. He shrugged it off as unimportant though, Alex generally had a lot on his mind. And he'd become increasingly forgetful in the last two weeks, at least to Jack's knowledge anyway.
"So do I get any extra time on this stuff?"
"If you need it but I have a feeling the essay will be pretty easy for you to write, it's due next Friday. Graded on content and thought. Flow matters but I want to be able to follow your conscious so it can be a little messy, yeah?"
"Yeah, that makes sense. Is there anything else?"
"Not really, you're coming here sixth right?"
"And third, fifth, eight and ninth. I may be able to take the quiz with your other class."
Alex just smiled at that making it more obvious to Jack that he was fighting hard not to break his teacher character. And usually Jack would flirt with him making it harder on the older boy but today he just didn't feel like it. Probably because of how emotionally tired he'd been the past two weeks but he really didn't feel like making Alex's day any harder on him than it would already be.
"Maybe I should, uhm, start reading that act."
"Yeah, you can skip the notes at the end by the way."
"Alright, thanks Alex. See you later."
Alex nodded at the teenager smiling weakly at him. Obviously having something else to say but was holding it behind his teeth.
Jack only smiled back unable to do what he really wanted and wrap his arms around the teacher. He guessed that was just the price he'd pay for the next two weeks of hiding his and Alex's relationship from the world.
-
Alex put away the last of the quizzes he had graded and got up from where he sat on the bedroom floor. He still had to eat dinner with Jack and attempt to help him with his Music Theory homework. And normally he'd be completely calm about that and more than happy to help but tonight was a completely different story.
Joyce was coming over to talk with him about how the trial had went earlier that day. She'd been able to get Jack out of going to court until the hearing since he'd already gone through talking to everyone handling the case in terms of evidence and witnesses. Alex was nervous about the trial fir that very reason, Jack having not been there could have looked very bad for his case though no one could deny the physical evidence. Especially not after they'd found the same drug on Billie Joe that had been found in Jack's blood stream.
But none of that stopped Alex from worrying about the case and how the outcome no one but Billie Joe wanted could affect his boyfriend.
"Hey, have to gotten some of that stuff figured out?" Alex asked making hos presence known to the teenager who sat on the living room floor.
"Sort of...it's still a little hazy but I get it. I think I can finish it up on my own this time."
"Okay, want me to get dinner ready then?"
"Nah, I put my mom's lasagna in the oven...I figured you needed a break juggling work and taking care of me the past two weeks."
"Jay...I love you but you're the one who needs to be resting and keeping everything together with yourself. I've got the little things." Alex sat down next to the younger boy pulling him into his side. "Just take care of you and if you don't think you can do that I can do that too."
"I can hold it together Lex. Maybe I have been through a lot and I do wish I could just sleep the day away and sometimes I do cry myself to sleep maybe I even wish I could just erase every bit if memory I have if it...but I can handle putting something in the oven, okay? Just let me do that so I have control over something okay?"
Alex only nodded not sure how to respond. This was the most Jack had said to him, he knew that the younger was hurting but he'd been doing a pretty good job of hiding it. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not either, maybe hiding how he felt was a defense mechanism but Alex just didn't see any way that could possibly be healthy.
"Jay...I didn't know you felt, well I didn't know things were that bad -"
"They're not bad Alex. You saw me the first few days after, those were bad. Now I'm getting by. I don't want to hurt myself for what he did anymore, I'm not thinking about all the ways he could have possibly hurt me when I was blacked out...I'm fine compared to how I was."
"But Jay, hiding this from me it's not good. I want to know how you are. You don't have to tell me everything right away but just let me at least know if you're having a rough day."
"Yeah, whatever." Jack mumbled which completely deflected his actions, leaning into Alex and resting his head on the older boy's shoulder.
"You know I love you right? I'm not trying to push you...I just hate knowing that you're hurt. And it's not something that's just physical so I have no idea when you're going to really feel okay again. And I want that more than anything, for you to feel better than you do now."
"I will...I just need time, who knows how long. But I'm gonna get better and we're gonna be happy okay? I'm looking for the day when both of us are happy and I want it to be soon. Just let me get there my way, alright?" Alex nodded and turned his head to kiss the younger's hair. "Thanks Lex...I love you too."
-
Joyce made it over a few hours later greeting her son with a hug and Alex with a smile. She looked less distraught than the last time Alex had seen her but worry underlined each of her features. He hoped Jack hadn't noticed that but he couldn't be too sure about much with his boyfriend right now.
"Honey could you give Alex and I a couple minutes alone?" She asked, a look of urgency suddenly overcoming her face, which made Alex doubt that there was any good news.
"Mom this involves me...can you please just let me be a part of this?"
"Jack, please...I want to talk to you about it alone."
"Maybe he should talk with us? It's all things he's going to know anyways." Alex interviened trying to prevent the argument that he saw coming.
"Do you really think that's the best idea Alex?"
"Yeah. I don't think we should be giving him a censored version of all this anyways."
Joyce only shrugged clearly unsure of what to do herself.
-
"Wait so.. he's trying to get out of it?" Jack asked beginning to sit upright, no longer leaning into Alex.
"He already plead innocent but he's trying to back track now. They let me talk with him alone about the divorce, not that there's much to discuss." Joyce shook her head and turned away from the couple. "He says he wants to say sorry, talk to you...I told him there was no way in hell but you'll have to go in to talk to the jury soon. I want you to be prepared for that."
Jack only nodded this time, now sinking back into Alex's side.
"Hey, it's gonna be alright." Alex said hugging the younger with his arm that had been coiled around the teen's shoulders. "Im gonna be right there and he can't hurt you, you'll be fine Jay. Just like you always are."
Jack only nodded hoping that Alex was right. Because he knew he couldn't handle falling apart anymore than he already had. And Alex was well aware of it too knowing that Jack wouldn't be himself for a long time after this if Billie was able to get in his head. All they could do was hope which felt as useful as wishing on a dying star.
Okay I normally cringe at student/teacher fics, but cuz it's a 6 year age difference, I gave it a shot. This story is so great! The ending is beautiful. My eyes are watering. Not even kidding.
2/28/16