Things Are Starting To Look Up

When I heard Bella cry the next morning, I decided to save Alex the hassle of waking up with her and so I got up before she could wake him. We tended to take things like this in turns anyway. Alex was so good with her. Looking after her came naturally to him and I will admit at first that it came a hell of a lot more naturally to him than it did to me. I could still vividly remember my first few nights of looking after Bella. She had only been six weeks old when she was placed in my care and to say that it was rough would be a total understatement. Sure, I knew how to look after kids; they wouldn’t have appointed me to be her legal guardian if they didn’t trust me.

Joe and Lissy were always so careful and particular about everything. Bella wasn’t even born yet when Joe sat me down and had the ‘if anything happens to us’ talk with me. I can remember thinking how they were going to be the typical worrying, first-time parents. They wanted everything to be perfect for the arrival of their kid. Nothing was being left to chance. There was backup plan after backup plan for every aspect of every little thing. The only thing that they were one hundred percent sure of and knew there couldn’t be any changes in, was the fact that they wanted me to be the one to look after Bella.

When we had that talk, Lissy was only six months pregnant. We didn’t know if the baby was a boy or a girl, and although I’m certain that had I known that they would have gotten to spend such little time with their precious daughter, my answer would remain the same as it did on the day we had that talk. I would do everything that I possibly could for their child. I would be the one to look after her should anything happen. I never once imagined that anything would happen; I just presumed that this was one of their precautionary backups, something that they needed to do to calm their nerves.

I can remember the day that we found out about the accident. Mom and I were looking after Bella while Joe and Lissy went for lunch and went to run some errands. What was probably the most heart-breaking coincidence of the whole tragedy was that day, before they died, they had finalised their wills which stated that I was to be her legal guardian. Bella had just gone down for a nap. I could remember spending the day watching in awe at how natural nurturing a baby came to my Mom. She could sooth Bella just by rocking her in a certain way; whereas I still worried that I was going to drop her every time I held her. I had under estimated how much newborns squirmed.

The first week was terrifying for me. I had stayed with my Mom but she was determined that bonding with Bella was something that I had to do on my own. Besides the fact that my Mom was in grief and rushed off her feet attempting to plan a double funeral, I knew that I had to do it on my own. I was thrown in at the deep end and there were many times when I would just look at Bella and become overcome with grief and how unjust the world was that a poor innocent baby would be orphaned at the newborn age of six weeks old. Knowing how important it was to Lissy and my brother that I look after her, made me even more determined to do everything that I could to become the perfect substitute parent to Bella.

It was not easy. Bella had already built a certain bond with them that I could not replace. It took her a full week before she realised that I was the one who kept coming to her but it had to be done. People couldn’t understand why I kept her to myself, why I was so insistent that regardless of what I was doing, I had to be the first one to pick her up if she cried. We needed to build that bond, a bond that now seemed unbreakable between us.

The first few nights when she slept in the cot beside my bed, I would wake up just to check that she was still breathing. It was a terrifying thought that I wouldn’t hear her if she got into trouble in night. My Mom always said that it’s a Mother’s instinct to wake when she hears her child cry but there never seemed to be any saying about Uncles / replacement Fathers. I quickly learned that the same could be said for them too.

Things got easier the more relaxed I became around her. She settled for me and I could allow myself to not be so uptight. To not freak out if she wasn’t near me. My Mom had passed on all her wisdom to me and I soon learned all I needed to know about looking after a baby. After two weeks, I was able to move back into my own house and look after her myself. There were times when I would ring my Mom in a panic because she wouldn’t eat for me or she wouldn’t stop crying.

Then Alex came along. I can remember trying to keep quiet about the fact that I was looking after Bella in case he thought that I wouldn’t have the time to tutor him. I recognised straight away that Lex needed my help and I was going to be the one who gave it to him.

I remember the first time that he met Bella. She wouldn’t settle for Matt and she ended up gate-crashing our session. Alex didn’t care one bit. He smiled and cooed over her as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I’ve come to learn that few things faze Alex. He can manage to stay so cool, calm and collected about everything.

Soon, he had built a bond with Bella. From the very first time he held her, she never fussed once. This was something that I had never seen happen with her before and still haven’t seen happen again since. Even now that she’s older, if someone new comes to her, she’ll become clingy to either Alex or myself and even more recently will use her new favourite word ‘no’. Yep, she really likes the word ‘no’.

I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I felt on Friday night when she called Alex, ‘Dada’. One thing for sure, I felt ten times better than I had felt when she first called me ‘Daddy’. Alex and I had never discussed what she would call him. We knew that we were a family that much was certain but I didn’t want to scare him off by discussing things like whether he wanted her to call him ‘Dad’ too. I feared that would have been too much for him to handle; he’s only just turned twenty.

Things sorted themselves out before they could become awkward, Bella started to call him ‘Lala’ and the thought never crossed my mind again. However, Bella inherited a lot of her Father’s traits and one of them definitely has to be Joe’s cunning nature, she managed to bring up the problem and solve it all by herself on Friday night. ‘Lala’ was replaced with ‘Dada’ and I have never seen Alex look so happy. His face still lights up when she says it. It’s still so fresh and new to him. It’s almost as if Bella understood that Alex loved her as if she was his own and she knew how to make it happen.

Maybe kids are as observant as people say they are.

~*~*~*~

“Babe, she’s gone back to sleep,” Alex announced his voice sleepy, as he rested his chin on my shoulder. “Are you going to come back to bed? It’s only four am.”

Sure enough, when I looked down I saw that Bella was sleeping soundly in my arms. I hadn’t even bothered to check the time when I went to get her. I was just programmed to automatically go to her if she was crying or calling for me. I could be absolutely exhausted but still manage to drag myself out of bed when she needed me. Alex was the same.

I placed Bella back in her crib and took Alex’s hand as he led me back into bed. The bed was still warm and cosy and having Alex immediately cuddle up to my side made it tonnes better. My arms found their place around his shoulders as his head rested on my chest. He placed light, sleepy kisses along my collarbone. I knew that when Alex was in this mood, all he wanted was to be cuddled and kissed. He was too tired for anything else.

“I love you, Alex.” I reminded him, kissing him once before closing my eyes and resting my head on the pillow.

“I love you too, Jacko; more and more every day.”

~*~*~*~

Bella’s wakeup call came about three hours later and this time, I knew it was for real. I wasn’t blessed to have her go back to sleep again. I slipped out of bed, not wanting to wake Alex up. He was wrecked tired; all of the work he was doing for University was seriously kicking his ass right now. I had enough time to feed and dress Bella before getting dressed myself and then we were driving towards the train station to collect Matt and Cass. Their train was due in at eight and I knew that they would be glad to see that we were there on time waiting for them, especially when the weather was so bitterly cold.

Traffic wasn’t too bad but then again it was before eight on a Sunday morning. New York might have been a bustling city, but the majority of its inhabitants were still asleep. I pulled into the bay outside of the train station that was especially for pickups and kept Bella amused as we waited. That was the easy part. She was sat in her car seat clutching a Mickey Mouse teddy and looking at one of those children books that made noise when the buttons were pressed.

“Daddy?” She chirped from her seat.

“Yes, Princess?” I replied, turning around to look at her. “What’s up?”

“No, Dada?” She asked and I could tell she was asking where Alex was.

“Dada is at home, Bella.” I explained. “He’s still sleepy. Uncle Matt and Cassie are coming to see us. Look over there, Bella; can you see who’s coming?”

Bella looked out her window and clapped when she saw Matt standing at her window, making a funny face. “’ook, Daddy!” She laughed, pointing Matt out to me. “Matt!”

Matt and Cass got into the car and Cass slid into the backseat beside Bella.

“Hey, bro. Thanks for coming out to collect us, I know that it’s early and all but we wanted to get as much time in as possible.”

“It’s no problem,” I replied, pulling back out into the traffic. “You know that you’re always welcome here anytime. I just need to stop off and get some things for breakfast first. I hope you guys are hungry.”

“Aw, she’s got the Mickey I gave her!” Matt cooed, twisting in his seat to see Bella. “Hey, Belles; is Lala at home?”

I put my hand on Matt’s arm, attempting to get his attention but Bella beat me to it.

“No Lala…” she replied, shaking her head. “My Dada.”

“About that… I meant to mention it to you on the phone but you were interrupting Home Alone time.” I explained as Matt and Cass smiled madly at me. “Bella decided to change things up on Friday night. She started to call Alex ‘Dada’, so now I’m ‘Daddy’ and he’s her ‘Dada’.”

We made one stop off at the deli for bagels and donuts for breakfast before getting back to the apartment. When we got back, Alex was still asleep. Who could blame him, it wasn’t even nine yet. When I was his age, I would sleep until all hours. I sat Bella in her playpen as Matt and Cass went to freshen up. Their train had left at five this morning so they needed a moment.

I walked into our bedroom which was on the other side of the apartment. Alex was curled up into my pillow snoring softly. He looked so peaceful sleeping but I knew that he would want to spend as much time with Matt and Cass as possible. I walked over to the bed knowing that what I was about to do could end badly. You never woke up Alex Gaskarth.

Alex loved his sleep and unless he was woken up by his alarm, then he had the potential to be a total grouch. Even if he had to get up for University, and even then I’ve seen the grouchy side to him. The only person who gets away with waking Lex up, is Bella. She can do anything; scream for him, throw a bottle at him and he’ll willingly get up with a smile on his face.

I straddled Alex, resting my legs on either side of his hips and shook his shoulders gently.

“Get off me, fatass.” Alex groaned, his voice sleepy as he swatted my hands away. I just grabbed onto his wrists and placed kisses on them which made him even whinier. “Jack, I’m tired. Go away or come back to bed. Let me sleep… actually, come back to bed, babe. I’m lonely and you woke me up; you better make it up to me. I hate you, Jack.”

I grinned at Alex, pulling him up towards me. Alex grudgingly obliged, grunting about how big of a douche I was for waking him up.

“I love you too, Lexy, and while the idea of making it up to you sounds good, I’ll have to do it later. You need to get up as Matt and Cass are here and our little girl has been asking for her Dada…”

Alex’s eyes flew open and his head shot up from where it was lazily resting on my shoulder.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me that they were here? I forgot they were coming,” he started, struggling to move from under me. “Jack, get your fat ass off of me and let me out. I need to put some clothes on.”

“You love my fat ass. This is the fat ass who bought you breakfast,” I pouted, still not moving from his lap. “I’ll let you go but first I want my kiss. I always get a kiss in the morning.”

Alex obliged, reaching up to place a kiss on my lips which I deepened. All too soon he was pulling away and I had no choice but to get off of him and let him get dressed. Damn, I wished he could just walk around topless. I wouldn’t complain that’s for sure.

Alex threw a pair of sweats and one of my t-shirts on before running a hand through his messy hair in an attempt to tame it. When he was satisfied with how he looked for now, he looked back at me, holding out his hand for me to take. I walked over to him, curling my fingers with his and placing a kiss on his cheek before we headed to the kitchen.

We found Matt in the living room, watching Mickey Mouse with Bella. He merely waved his hand at us as his form of hello before returning his gaze to the screen. Bella however, had other ideas. She looked up when she heard us enter and held her arms out to Alex. When he lifted her up, she curled into his neck and gabbled on about her Dada amongst some other baby talk. Matt didn’t pay any notice and instead, just muttered that he would be with us in a minute because the episode was nearly over.

Cass was in the kitchen making herself well and truly at home. She had already brewed a pot of fresh coffee and was putting the breakfast food out onto plates. Alex picked up a donut, automatically tearing some off for Bella, knowing that she would just grab the whole thing if he didn’t let her taste some.

“Jack!” Cass scolded. “Why did you wake Alex up? You should have let him sleep in some more; the poor guy looks wrecked. You should have given him breakfast in bed. Matt and I were perfectly capable of looking after ourselves and Bella. You suck for waking him up.”

Alex grinned up at me smugly as he put Bella into her high chair and started to get something for her to eat.

“Yeah, babe…” he grinned. “Cass is right, you should have let me sleep in and given me breakfast in bed. You never do that. You owe me big time.”

Notes