Zack didn't know how much more of this he could take, he didn't want to be in a world where Rian wasn't in it. After everything that happened between them, everything they done, all the words spoken to each other and it was all a lie. He didn't love me? Why would he do that to me? Zack thought as he lay in the guest bed that he was far to familiar with these days. A girl Alex and Jack knew called Tay stayed with him this afternoon, but Zack had to laugh he knew Alex was afraid he would do something to hurt himself but Zack would never do that, or would he? Tay was kind and didn't get mad at him for nearly crying again instead she calmed Zack and even made him smile a few times. Then she left. And everything came back to Zack, he shuffled back into the guest bed and crawled under the covers as light tears fell against the pillow case while Zack was surprised he even had any tears left at this point. In a way Zack knew how stupid he must seem about the whole situation but Zack really did love Rian, since the day he got put on their old football team, so to know the guy you had loved lead you on and never loved you back Zack didn't care how stupid he seemed. Lying in the near darkness of his room he could hear quite talking from outside the door, he wanted to get up and see what was happening or who was there but Zack couldn't find the effort. He didn't know how long he lay in the darkn room alone, debating if he should show his face and see what Alex and Jack where tal ing about just as he was about to get out the bed he heard muffled talking and then the door to the room opened slowly and some light spilled in to the dark room. Zack sat up from the bed and brushed his hair out his eyes expecting to see either Alex or Jack standing there but it wasn't them. Then the figure at the doorway spoke and Zack knew that voice anywhere.
"Zack?"
"Martin?" Zack whispered, as the figure shut the door behind him and turned on the lamp, the light showing one half of his features that weren't giving away any emotion.
"How you doing kid?" Martin asked as he sat at the edge of the bed and at the mention of the word 'kid' Zack lost it and flung his arms around the older boy tears spilling down his cheeks onto Martin's shirt.
"Please stop crying Zacky" Martin said wrapping Zack tight in his arms, his voice cracking slightly.
"I really did love him Martin! I didn't want to but I did" Zack sobbed looking up at the older boy and saw pain in Martin's eyes.
"Why don't you tell me what happened?" Martin carefully asked Zack not sure how he would react but he watched him take a deep breath and nod.
"I got the photography scholarship I wanted" Zack started and Martin smiled brightly knowing he was the one who made Zack hand in a portfolio.
"but it was over here in California and I knew Ri-he wouldn't want to move but he did and I couldn't ask for anything more. I knew how much staying in Baltimore meant to him but I can't be stuck there Martin! Once we moved things got worse, we never spoke, argued, he would go out drinking and get high and do whatever else it was he done and I had enough. Then I found out off Jack that he never really loved me and I think about everything I did for him and everything I gave him and it all meant nothing to him! Fucking nothing! Why Martin? Why him?" Zack sighed looking at him and Martin sighed looking at his hands before looking up at the boy beside him, knowing he would always love him.
"He was a douche Zack! He didn't know what he had and now he lost it! Do you know how it felt to see you with him that week at your summer house? To know that I had probably made the worst mistake of my life that night? I wanted to run in the other direction to go on pretending that I didn't still have feelings for you but seeing you with him made me realise that I lost one of the most important people I had. I know it hurts now but it won't last forever, there will be someone else who will come along and fix that hole he left. He will love you for everything you are and won't let you slip away like I did, I promise you Zacky" Martin said placing a light kiss to Zack's head forcing the tears to stay in his eyes and not spill down his cheeks, Zack was breathing quietly still wrapped up in Martin's arms taking a minute to process what the older boy had just told him.
"Can you remember that night we snuck out and decided that it was fine to sneak into the movies" Zack mused a small smile appearing on his lips and Martin chuckled.
"Yeah and that time you fell out the tree trying to prove that you had more balls than me" He said and Zack was grinning now remembering all the memories he had with Martin.
"Hey at least I climbed the fucking tree!" Zack said as Martin let out a small laugh before stopping and looking at Zack, his head resting just under his chin and his tear stained face showing a small smile with his arms wrapped around his waist. Zack looked up at him and grinned then before Martin knew what was happening Zack's lips were against his own, Martin knew this shouldn't be happening, he was only here to comfort Zack and push any of his feelings for the boy away. But what was he meant to do? When the boy he had never stopped loving is kissing him. Kissing Zack back for a second he pulled away and Zack looked at him confused but Martin sighed shaking his head.
"Zack. I-I can't do this right now, believe me any other day I would jump at this chance but your still upset over Rian. I just don't want to make this harder for you okay?" Martin said while Zack nodded, his eyes wide like a small child and Martin attempted to get up but Zack clung to his waist.
"Please, can you stay tonight?" Zack asked looking desperate, Martin hadn't planned on staying in California for long, a week at the most not realising just how broken Zack was.
"Of course" Martin said smiling and he felt Zack slump back down as he had held his breath waiting for Martin's answer. For the first time since Zack had set foot in the bedroon the large TV was turned on and Zack got under the covers with Martin and smiled as the older boy held him. He couldn't help but remember when they use to always do this during summer, Zack knew Martin had cheated but right there in that room Zack didn't care he felt his eyes drop and before he was fully taken by sleep he heard Martin whisper
"I love you Zack, I always have" then planted a kiss to his forehead thinking he was asleep. That night Zack slept without any nightmares and only woke once to find Martin there to comfort him, maybe he was the guy that would fix the hole in his chest?