Alex

This was it. This was finally going to happen. After a year and a half I was finally going to meet Joe, the person I had fallen for – even though had never met – and the person who had fixed me. The possible love of my life.

You’re wondering what I’m talking about, right? Well, it’s actually a pretty long story, but I’ll try to be quick.

My name’s Alexander Gaskarth. I’m twenty eight years old, working as a singer in a bar in Baltimore. About a year and a half ago, my boyfriend, my fiancé Josh broke my heart into tiny fucking pieces. It was bound to happen, I guess, but I was too oblivious at the time, so it felt like everything I was and lived for had been sucked out of me.

Soon after that I moved in with my best friend Zack and decided to never deal with love ever again. I found a way to pour my feelings out and it was obviously through music – something that I had given up a while ago, but never forgotten.

I was finding my purpose once again, writing songs and performing them in front of people who enjoyed them. Zack, however, knowing me too well, knew I needed some company because I had 'somewhat distanced myself from him'. He made me a Facebook page – something I had never bothered to create before – and told me to friend some people. I only sent and received requests from people I knew, but soon enough I started getting more of ‘friend of a friend’ ones. Deciding it wouldn’t hurt, I added them all.

One day after work I came home to a message from one Joe Barakat, a person I had apparently added to my friends.

‘Hey. I see you like blink! Good choice, man’

I raised an eyebrow and decided to check the guy’s page. And if I hadn’t pointed out that he was the most gorgeous person I had ever laid my eyes on, I would have been lying. He was said to be living in Washington, he was a lawyer and he had a surprisingly good taste in music. I felt myself smile as I typed him a reply.

It was awkward at first, but we started relaxing soon enough, making jokes and talking about ourselves.

That’s how it happened. We started talking about everything. We texted each other when at work. We even called each other on several occasions, sometimes just chatting about nonsense before falling asleep with the phone call still connected.

And I finally felt like myself again. I felt loved.

Except it was a virtual relationship.

So of course I tried to change that. I asked him out on dates several times, but when the day actually came, something would come up and he’d have to cancel. I shrugged it off because, really, being a lawyer must be fucking exhausting.

But as time continued to pass, I couldn’t take it anymore. Which is the main reason why I was outside Joe’s house at the moment. Zack had found the guy’s address for me, using whatever damn illegal programme he knew of and here we were. I eyed the house.

“Maybe the guy is a liar. Maybe he isn’t even a guy – maybe it’s a she!” Zack babbled, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Zee, shut up,” I laughed, punching him lightly.

“Maybe the dude’s like married or something. A closet gay, perhaps,” he wondered and I rolled my eyes.

“Zack, shut up. Even if so, at least I’ll see him and get a closure to this whole thing. I just want to see the person I’ve fallen in love with,” I said. Zack smiled at me.

“I know, man. I just don’t want to see you get heartbroken again,” he mumbled and it was my turn to smile.

“Well, I’ll always have you to cuddle, buddy,” I chirped and Zack laughed, poking my arm.

“Get out, silly bastard. Keep the gayness to your man,” he shoved me lightly and I pouted, getting out of the car. Zack gave me a thumbs up and I took a deep breath, walking over to the house.

Joe’s house had turned out to be located here, in Baltimore, not in Washington, like he had previously said. I didn’t dwell on it, though, because maybe he was just trying to sound more successful or something.

Cautiously I walked over to the front door and rang the bell.

Fuck. What if this was all a joke after all? What if Joe was a married man? What if this wasn’t even his house? What if-

There was a shout from inside the house, something very close to a ‘M’coming’ and soon the door burst open.

In front of me was a skinny – more like lanky – boy with a silly, ruffled skunk hairstyle, dressed in a Blink shirt that was about two sizes too big for him and skinny black jeans. His eyes widened as soon as he looked at my face.

I considered running away because maybe this wasn’t Joe’s house, or maybe he lived here with his entire family – which would be fucking awkward – but I saw recognition and fear – fear? – dawn on the boy’s face and had to give it a go.

“Hello, uh. Does Joe live here?”

The boy stared at me with wide eyes, mouth agape. I pulled myself together and forced a smile on my face, waving my hand in front of the boy’s face.

“O-oh, yes, h-he, well, n-no…” the boy stuttered and his face went so pale it seemed he was about to faint.

“No?” I asked.

How foolish of me, I had probably messed up, maybe this kid was home with someone, maybe he wanted me to leave and-

“I, uh, um, A-Alexander?”

I blinked at the boy. Huh?

“Yeah? Sorry, I see you’re not doing well or maybe you’re just busy, but I need to know if Joe lives here or not. That’s all I’m asking from you,” I said, looking at how the boy’s expressions kept changing every few seconds.

“A-Alex, I’m.. I’m Joe..” the kid managed, biting his lip hard.

I stared at him. Surely I got that part wrong. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that, what did you say?”

“I said it’s me. I’m J-Joe. Well, no, m-my name’s Jack, but y-you’ve been talking to me,” he said quietly.

“You can’t be him,” I stated.

“Look, Lex, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean t-to.. Joe’s my brother, he lives in Washi-”

Before I knew what I was doing, my fist had collided with the boy’s face, sending him falling backwards. He quickly curled up against the wall, a sob leaving his lips.

“Oh. Fuck, shit, Jack, I’m sorry,” I said while crouching next to him. The boy looked at me with tears in his eyes, hiding his nose behind his hands. The fuck had I done? He was just a kid.

“Man, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” I asked, knowing the answer was obviously no. He didn’t answer, though, so I carefully pulled his hands away, looking at his bleeding nose.

My eyes probably showed the horror of what I had done because the boy bit his lip and it looked like he was about to cry harder.

“Come on, up you go. Where’s the bathroom?” I mumbled, pulling the almost weightless boy up.

“End of corridor,” he muttered, voice breaking.

-

After ten minutes of me cleaning his face up, we emerged from the bathroom into the kitchen. I took out a package of ice from the freezer and handed it to the younger boy.

“You ought to go to a doctor, just in case your nose is broken,” I stated.

The boy nodded carefully. “L-Lex, I’m sorry I l-lied, I didn’t mean t-to-”

“Yet it happened. You fucking lied to me. You made me believe in you. The person I fell in love with is not real. None of it was real,” I spat, anger boiling up inside of me once again.

“I was. It was me you talked to, I’m r-real, I just h-have a different face a-and-”

“But you’re not him,” I said.

“Lex-”

“Don’t call me ‘Lex’. Seriously, Jack, can’t you even see what you’ve done? You said you loved me-”

“But I do!”

I laughed a sarcastic laugh. “You’re just a kid, for fuck’s sake. I don’t think you even know the meaning of the word!”

“I’m turning 19 in six months!” he said, suddenly becoming defensive.

“Congratulations. You’re still ten years younger than me.”

“Lex, can’t you just-”

“No, Jack. In fact, don’t even try to talk this out with me. This is never going to work. I don’t want to hear from you ever again. You’re not my problem, I’m not going to deal with you,” I spat, ignoring the flash of hurt that crossed the younger boy’s face. He looked like a kicked puppy with his eyes reddish because of the crying he had done.

But before he could answer, I had rushed out of the house and climbed into the car.

Zack looked at me and thank God he knew me well because he didn’t question my state, only gave my shoulder a squeeze as we drove off.

I felt broken all over again.

-

Four days had passed and I was feeling slightly better. I suddenly felt very glad I had let most of my anger out while in the boy’s house, even if I wasn’t proud of what I had done to the kid’s face. Some sort of satisfaction was lurking in the back of my mind, though, but I tried to push it further away.

“Okay, I’m out. You’re staying in, yeah?” Zack’s voice called from somewhere downstairs. I climbed off my bed and walked down the stairs, a pout on my face.

“What else am I supposed to do when my boyfriend leaves me for a night out with his girlfriend?” I said, crossing my arms.

Zack grinned and gave me a hug, and I smiled.

“Alright, don’t burn the house down while I’m away, honey,” he said and kissed my forehead. I let out a laugh. Damn, I loved that guy.

“Off you go, heartbreaker!” I shouted and opened the door for him, as he ran to his car through the rainfall.

After closing the door, I settled on the sofa, turning in Doctor Who and snuggling up in a blanket. My mind, however, had different plans, wandering back to the kiddo who had played with my head and heart. I had been so foolish not to notice all the signs that had kept implying this Joe was a fake. I had been too optimistic and too in love to care. And I didn’t want to think about this anymore. I groaned and hid my face in the pillow.

The doorbell rang a minute later and I cursed. “Don’t tell me you forgot your wallet again, Zee,” I whined loudly, stomping to the door.

When I opened the door, though, my eyes landed on a soaking figure with blonde and black hair glued to his forehead.

“S-s-sorry, c-can you h-help me?” as soon as the words had left Jack’s mouth, his eyes rolled and he fell.

Notes

Surpriiiise! Hope you enjoyed the visualization of Jack being awkward, because I know I did.

It's that time of the night again..
*cries over band members*