This World's An Ugly Place

That night Alex didn't wake up screaming like the night before, rather this time I woke up to him moving around in his sleep. His chest heaved up and down while his legs swung back in forth like he was running. His arms didn't move as much but they would jolt every now and then while he would also move from laying on one side to another.

I sat up, blinking my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Then, I reached forward and rubbed Alex's back softly. "Alex, you're dreaming. Wake up," I cooed softly on repeat until he stopped moving around.

He then sprung upwards, his chest rising and falling quickly with his breaths and his hair sticking to his forehead in sweat. The poor boy must have had some horrible dreams.

"It's okay," I murmured quietly, my hand still rubbing his back.

Alex didn't move, he was just letting his breathing calm down and then he turned his head to face me. "I can never sleep," he whispered, his voice wavering.

I bit down on my lip, scooting closer to the boy and wrapping my arms around him. "Of course you can, it will get better."

He leaned into my embrace, one of his hands holding onto my arm wrapped across his chest. "You don't understand, I can never get away from it."

I rested my head against his. "What do you mean?"

"I've had them ever since..." he trailed off, but I understood his reference. "They're just not getting any better." His voice was becoming more choked up and he ducked his head a bit.

"Believe me, Alex, when I say it gets better. When my parents died, I didn't know what to do with myself. They were two of my closest friends; dead. And then when I had to leave my home and come here, I was beyond done with my life but I kept living," I whispered, squeezing my arms around him.

"How?" he asked, his voice hoarse and I could feel some of his tears drip onto my arm.

"You just have to find a new reason to keep living," I explained. "It can be something so little, but something that means something to you."

Alex sniffed. "What do you live for?"

"A lot of things, actually."

He leaned backwards, taking both of us back to laying on the bed. "I want to hear them."

I sighed, letting one of my hands fall onto his chest while I thought. "The smell of outside after the rain, or the cool feeling in the air in the morning when the suns still rising and everything is still asleep," I whispered to him.

"I want to hear more," Alex whispered back, his voice becoming normal once again.

"The way the birds are always singing; no matter what. And how hearing a simple song could turn your day from bad to good," I spoke.

Alex was quiet, but he tapped my arm lightly to continue.

"The feeling of pride that surges through your chest when you first get a song down right on the guitar. Also how happy a dog is to see you every time you visit." He chuckled softly at that one, but I could tell his eyes were growing heavy in the darkness. "You want me to continue?"

"Mm," he responded, which I could only assume was a yes.

"How amazing it feels to take a sip of cool water after a hot summer day. The smell of freshly popped popcorn and the way soda feels all bubbly and nice going down your throat. And also how the trees creak on a windy day," I whispered, leaning my head against the tired boy.

"You should be a poet," Alex murmured, cuddling into my body. At any other time if a boy I just met did this, I would shove them off and be done with it; but Alex had the exception.

I chuckled softly and butterflies began to dance in my stomach. Being this close to a beautiful boy turned me into your average teenage girl.

"Go onnn," he begged, his breath swooshing against my neck.

I stifled a shiver and took in a deep breath. "How about the butterflies you get in your stomach when you're close to someone you like, or how one person makes you feel invincible; like you can accomplish anything around them," I offered.

"I know that feeling," Alex mumbled.

"Yeah, I think I'm beginning to know it, too."

***

We both fell asleep quietly together after that. There was something comforting for Alex when it came to having someone sleeping beside you; when I went through my depression fazes I felt differently. I would always push people away, while I guess Alex wanted to keep them close.

I woke up to the startling sound of Alex's alarm, but only to be found in his bed alone. After turning it off, I quickly ran my hands through my hair, already knowing what a rat's nest it must look like. My thoughts traveled to the empty space beside me: where was Alex?

I stood up, stretching my hands and arms above my head and yawning. He still set his alarm half an hour earlier than mine, so for Alex to already be up meant he got up a lot earlier than I usually did. Figuring he was just already in the showers, I chose to do the same. I walked into my room, grabbing my supplies, before running towards the girl bathroom so I could claim one of the two showers before the other foster-sisters did.

After blow drying my hair and applying my thick make-up, I finally left the showers. I dropped all my extra stuff into my bedroom, my mind still clouded with thoughts of last night and Alex. A blush crept on my face as I remembered I fell asleep with my head against his chest and his arm wrapped around me. I quickly shook my head, ridding myself of those thoughts; we were friends. Just friends. He needed someone there for him, and I just so happen to understand what he's going through.

I walked over to Alex's room now, figuring to check there before I went down stairs. I knocked quietly on his door, seeing as it was now shut.

"Who is it?" Alex's muffled voice came from inside the room.

"A robber," I responded, deepening my voice. "I've come to steal the precious Guns N' Roses CD."

I could hear a soft chuckle from inside. "Come in, Angel."

I opened the door, forcing a frown on my face. "I guess I need to work on my masculine voice, huh?"

Alex was sprawled out on his bed over the covers with his regular clothes already on. "Yeah, maybe just a bit," he said, looking up at the ceiling. He then went silent and I felt my chest tighten at that. Something was on his mind.

"Where'd you go this morning?" I asked, my tone becoming more serious as I walked over to his bed and sat down next to his feet.

"I kind of woke up again, not from a nightmare, I just...woke up earlier. So I went down stairs and helped Ms. Wendy make breakfast," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

A small smile formed on my face. "I'm sure she appreciates the help. She's always swamped with work around here, sometimes her sister will come over to help clean the place when she needs help," I told him, looking down at my hands.

"Yeah...she's nice," Alex said, his voice quiet.

"You okay?" I asked, turning to look at him.

He stayed silent for a few moments. "I don't know."

"...Alex?"

He sat up, a smile forced onto his face. "Don't worry."

I frowned at that. "Come on, you know you can tell me."

He sighed, shrugging. "It just feels weird to be so open with someone I just met..."

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I guess. But we've both been through some major crap, and you need to rely on someone, so why not be me?"

Alex blinked at that. "It's just.." he trailed off, breaking my eye contact and staring down at his own hands now. "I'm losing all my sanity with these restless nights."

I tentatively placed my hand on his leg. "Look, it's hard, you've just had a bad experience, so it's expected. They're not going to just disappear right away, trust me, if they could I would tell you how. You just need to learn how to control those thoughts and think about other things instead; peaceful things."

Silence filled the air for a few moments and I decided not to be the one to break it this time. Whatever Alex had on his mind, he wanted to keep it between himself right now and I had to respect that.

"Like think about the stuff from last night?" he asked, his eyes trailing up to mine.

"Yeah," I spoke gently squeezing his leg, "like that stuff."

Notes

Poor Alex ;o;