TW: Mention of Death, Drugs

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Alex POV

“So, do you have a family? I saw a picture of you,” Jack asked with a small smile. My heart skipped a beat and I felt really really sick all of a sudden. Tears wanted to drown my eyes but I forced them to stay away. It burned and my throat felt as if someone was strangling me.

“I… That’s a story for another time I think,” I choked out, careful not to loosen up my control over my tears and voice. My voice cracked a little bit though and I hated myself for it. I hastily put back the things to where they belonged before faking a smile for Jack. I just wanted to cry forever.

“I’m going to be in the bathroom now, help yourself to whatever you want,” I managed to say, voice strangled. I hurried to get in the bathroom and I did hear that Jack mumbled an “I’m so sorry” but I couldn’t afford to look back. The tears were already breaking out, running down my cheeks as I shut and locked the bathroom door, breathing heavily. I let my tears run freely now as I crouched down on the floor. It hurt so badly.

I hated myself so much for having made this mistake; just a second more of paying attention might have saved her. But no, I had to talk about this dumb new law on drunk driving. I sobbed hysterically, still trying to be as quiet as possible though. I decided to run a bath since Jack wouldn’t hear me cry if the water was running. I stripped myself of all clothes and stood there on the cold tiles. I looked into the mirror but I didn’t actually see myself. I saw a picture of Elaine. She was laughing, holding her favourite stuffed animal, a striped cat named Stripy. Lisa was in the picture too, she was sitting on the ground behind Elaine. I sunk down on the tiles. This all was too much.

I opened my bathroom cabinet and got out the little orange bottle. Tranquilizers. I got one out and swallowed it. It would calm me down and help me sleep tonight. I got into the tub and lay down. I was still crying but it was impossible to hear. I sunk down so my face was covered by water and screamed. Jack wouldn’t be able to hear. I stayed underwater until I didn’t have any air left. I removed my head from the water and kept crying.

I stayed in the tub for a long time, other memories of Elaine on my mind. I missed her and also Lisa. But at the same time I wanted to avoid thinking about this woman, she had hurt me so badly. Losing Elaine had affected her very badly too and she had blamed me for Elaine dying. It had been a time full of ugly arguments and mean words. I was over her now and we lived in separate places. We had barely any contact anymore. Unbelievable that I once loved her.

Finally, the tranquilizers started to affect me. I was calmer and tired now. I decided to get out of the tub. I dried myself off and slipped into my cosy pyjamas. I didn’t even bother to brush my hair, I just went straight to my bedroom. There, I found a little surprise.

It was a small chocolate muffin, the kind which you make in the microwave. I picked it up and found a note.

“I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. Enjoy this muffin and sleep well. –Jack”

Notes

Don't you think Jack is cute? c:
Title credit goes to Rise Against.

-Laura