Cold rain and wind. I’m soaking wet and I have no idea where I am and where should I go. I’m cold and hungry. Even with my family I didn’t feel so hungry. After all, we got some food, father always got something, maybe not much, but it was food. Now I have nothing. How could I have been so stupid to let him see that! Of course, he wasn’t supposed to see that, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have been more careful.

It’s too hot. I feel my forehead covered with sweat, my chest, my back, my everything!As much as I would try to get away from it, it keeps coming back. That’s when I realize I’m trapped in a bundle of blankets. There’re so much of them, they’re everywhere! It feels like someone has tied them around me so I couldn’t get out of them. And then there’s something more or I could say someone! Who the fuck is in my room and worse, in my bed! I try to turn around as fast as I can, while trapped in blankets and see who is sleeping in my bed. It’s still too dark to properly see, but I make out dark hairs falling over this stranger’s eyes, quite big nose and lips. I have seen them somewhere before. Or kissed them.

“Jack,” I whisper, my throat sore, dry and raspy. It only makes me cough and when I have started to, I can’t stop. I feel my lungs growing smaller, not enough air to fill them. Someone’s hand on my back. Oh right, Jack.

“Here, drink it,” he hands me glass of water, which I thankfully take from him. It really does help a bit. My throat is not so dry and maybe not so sore too. At least while I’m not trying to say anything.

He pulls me back down, his arms around me, my face hidden in his neck. It’s hot, too hot. Why are there so many blankets?! I break out of his grip and sit up, trying to get rid of at least one blanket. My head spins and I almost fall back down, those hands griping tight around my shoulders. Why the fuck does this keeps happening?

“I’ll do it, just sleep, okay?”

Right, Jack was here.

“You’re sick! Haven’t you learned anything? Okay, I get it - you don’t listen at church, but at least listen to us, to your brother! Why can he be normal! We already have enough problems, but now you’re here and want us to accept this….this…just get out of my house! I don’t need you here!”

“But father, what has he done?” I’m too scared to look up, but I know it’s Tom.

“Don’t ask me that! I don’t even want to say that out loud! We all know that this is wrong! I didn’t raise you here to see you turning into…into someone…” he sighs loudly, his steps coming closer to me. I flinch, scared that he might hit me. He has never done that, but he also has never been so angry, so who knows what he could do. He grabs my chin with two fingers and makes me to look him in the eye.

“Can you imagine Tom doing something like that?” silence. Dead silence filling the room. With the corner of my eye I see confused Tom. My father’s face, bright red from yelling, just a few inches from my own face, his hot breath hitting my face, “Answer me!”

“We didn’t do anything like that,” I whisper, looking back down.

“Oh, but I guess you wanted, right? You both looked pretty desperate to get more out of it. How do you even imagine that to happen? You both are boys, you can’t do that!”

“Oh my God,” I hear Tom’s voice; I hear my mother catching a deep breath and then again silence.

“I want you to get out of my house. I want you out till dawn. If I will see you here after that, count yourself dead,” with that he leaves the room.

I stay where he left me, not taking my eyes off of the ground. I hear my mother’s sniffles and Tom’s quiet voice, saying something to her, but it is too quiet for me to hear.

“Alex, I…” Tom starts to say.

“I get it, I’m leaving,” I say, feeling my own eyes filling with hot tears.

It’s cold as fuck! Why the fuck is it so cold? My whole body is covered in a layer of cold sweat, cowers sticking to my skin and bright light shining in my eyes, which, if I can add, feel pretty sore too.

“Cold?” sleepy voice asks next to me, startling me. I look over to see sleepy Jack. Right, he’s here. You should remember this. He sits up and pulls over me one blanket, which, I assume, I had kicked off sometime previously. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to his warm body.

“You should get some sleep. You sound tired,” I say, ignoring raw feeling down my throat.

“Have you heard yourself?” he chuckles, “you sound more of a zombie, than you look like one. And by the way, it’s hard to sleep if someone next to you keeps stirring and kicking.”

“Sorry,” I mumble, pressing my forehead against his arm.

“Just get some rest. I don’t want to say – get some sleep, cause it sounds like that’s all you get through this night.”

“Mhm…”

“You can’t just throw him out of the house! He’s my little boy, you can’t do that to him!” I can hear my mother begging.

“Didn’t you hear anything at all? He likes boys! He wanted to do more with him than just make out with him! That was gross enough to see that, yet you want me to keep him in my house?”

I look around the corner which I’m allowed to call mine, but there is nothing I could take with me. Sure, I could take some clothes, but do I really need them? I should take some food. Probably will need to steal it, because father wouldn’t give it to me. There’s not much food here any ways, so why should he want to give me some? I could also take some….

“What I told you about dawn! I don’t want to see you here after that! Why are you still here?”

“It’s not dawn yet,” I turn around to face my father, standing in doorway.

“It will be soon, so you better get out of here!”

“You can’t do that to him! He didn’t mean it, he was just….”

Quiet knock, someone’s sigh, part of my warmness is taken away and then some muffled voices. My eyes flutter open to see Jack standing in doorway and talking to someone. If he could just scoot to the left a little bit, that would be just perfect! Just a little bit more! One more step and…No!

Of course he would take a chance to come here, while I can’t do anything about that! He’s just standing there, holding something and admiring my Jack! My mind is still full with feeling from my dream-memories and that makes me feel nauseous or maybe it’s just this weird smell. Like something fried. God, just close that door! I can swear that this smell is coming from there. Probably from downstairs. It should be around breakfast time so that would explain that smell.

And then he’s coming in. No, no, no! What the hell are you doing Jack! He locks his eyes with mine and he still has the guts to send my way that smirk.

“Get out,” it sounds too week, but that’s all I can do right now.

“Alex, you should be sleeping. It’s not good for you to be awake,” he coos, coming closer to my bed. Now I can see that he’s holding a plate, probably with those breakfasts from downstairs, “Arnold wanted me to bring this to you. He thought you’ll be still sleeping, but might feel hungry when you wake up.”

“Just get the hell out of my fucking room! How many times do you need to hear this! This is my private space and you’re the last person who I want to see here,” I could’ve never guessed I can yell with sore throat.

“Don’t worry, I’m outta here. Did what I was supposed to do,” he leans closer to my ear, “and saw what I wanted to see,” standing back up straight he winks and walks past Jack out of my room.

As he’s out Jack locks the doors and walk back to me, putting his hands on my shoulders,
“Shh, just calm down. About one thing he was right, you should be sleeping.”

“I don’t want to. All I keep seeing is my fucked up past and I don’t want to live through that again.”

“I don’t want to lie to you so I better not say anything, I just have no idea what I should say to you in this kind of situation,” he smiles lightly, “you want to eat that now?” he points to the plate on my bedside table.

I shook my head and close my eyes, “I think I’m gonna vomit again from that smell.”

“God, you sound like a pregnant woman,” he laughs, taking his hands off my shoulders and picking up the plate. He walks with it to my bathroom and after a while comes out of it without plate.

“What did you do to it?”

“Just left it there. So the smell would be further from you,” he crawls back in bed, “is it cold or hot now?”

I look at him with puzzled look. What does he means – hot or cold?

“How many blankets do you need now?”

“Oh, it’s normal, I guess. These are just fine,” I lie down again, resting my head on Jack’s shoulder. Peaceful silent is filling the room for a while. That’s just a little moment when I can figure out that I really love Jack. He stayed here all night, he didn’t say anything about me stirring, kicking and vomiting all night. He still stayed with me and helped me to win the fight with blankets. But this moment doesn’t last too long as my stomach decides, that even from bathroom, that smell is too much.

I kind of remember that Arnold put that bucket somewhere next to bed and I kind of think that it was on Jacks side of the bed. Ignoring that my head spins a little from my fast movements, I lean over Jack and let my stomach to clench as it pushes out the last bits of its contains.

I’m shaking. Again. I don’t think it’s because I’m cold, because I don’t feel like that. My body is just too week for that right now. I feel Jack’s smooth hand running up and down my back as I give up to hold myself over him. I fell down on him, my head still hanging over the bed in an awkward angle. Heavy breaths as I try to calm down.

“You’re done?” he asks in calm voice. It looks like nothing can break him. He still is calm, even in this situation. Of course, I don’t know what he’s feeling inside. Maybe he’s scared as shit.

As I nod, he pulls me back up as gently as possible, puts my head carefully on pillows and tucks me in the blankets.

Notes

God, it feels like forever since my last update! Well, at least that's how I feel ;D but to make up to you for this almost week I try to have another chapter for this week ^^

sooo, enjoyyy!!!! ;D