Long Live Us

*Jack's pov*

It was Wednesday, and Jack had just got home, and was going to get ready for Rian's mystery gathering. The tall boy threw his bag into the corner of his room, and quickly got changed. With New Found Glory blaring out of his phone, he quickly straightened his hair, before choosing which guitar to take. 'Ah shit, hardest decision...' He thought to himself as he scanned the rack tucked away inside his wardrobe. His eyes danced over each one, whilst he but on the side of his finger as he decided. 'My dark acoustic' Jack decided after a long moment, 'and my black electric.' He settled on the two, in case he needed both, so he carefully put them into their cases and checked he had picks. Checking himself in the mirror one final time, he grabbed his guitars and went over to knock for Alex. Jack still felt a little bit uncomfortable after Mondays events - he rarely cried, especially in front of people. It was weird, he felt like he could open up around Alex, he felt like he could trust him and that he would support him. Admittedly, he had expected the older boy too throw it all in his face and leave him and ignore him. But he hadn't. Or not yet anyway. Tentatively, Jack knocked on the door. He sighed angrily at himself for being so nervous, especially around a boy. The door swung open to reveal a very handsome looking boy. Alex was wearing the usual skinny jeans, a Green Day shirt and a grey hoodie. The taller boy suddenly found himself fighting raging homosexual hormones which wanted him too fling his arms around the boy and initiate a hot making out session. 'What the hell?' He thought to himself, thanking nobody in particular when Alex spoke which distracted Jack.
"Why do you have your guitars?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed together. Jack chuckled at how cute he was, before saying that Rian text him to tell him to, and asked why he didn't recieve the same text. Alex replied with another frown, saying he had nobody's number. Perfect. This was the opportunity Jack had been waiting for.
"Gimme your phone and get your guitar." When Alex left Jack with his phone, he smiled to himself at how smooth he was. 'You're so vain' he scolded himself, whilst adding himself as the contact "the sexiest person ever." After a minute or two Alex re-emerged, guitars in tow, and they pulled into the car. Jack being the tall and clumsy person he is, hit his head, ankle and hip on the way in, and ended up sitting hunched over with his knees up to his chin.
"This is why I hate being tall!" He exclaimed, pouting whilst Alex laughed at him. Jack couldn't help melting at the way Alex laughed, and the way his eyes scrunched up. 'For fuck's sake Jack, I thought you were straight?!' He asked himself as Alex moved his seat back for him. Jack was still ridiculously confused. Was he gay? Or was it just Alex? Would he get over it or should he accept it? Making a swift mental decision, he decided to get over it. Alex was probably straight, so there was no point anyway. The two would be best friends, just like planned. He chuckled along as Alex rolled his seat back, and Jack let out a loud sigh to emphasise the pain he had been in. Alex reversed out of the drive way, mumbling to himself about how to get there and various road names. On the other seat, Jack just tapped along to the beat of whichever song was playing, trying not too distract Alex too much. After a short while they arrived, clambered out the car and Jack skipped up to the door. Rian answered, greeted them and led them downstairs into the basement. Jack absolutely loved Rian's house. It was HUGE! The boys always invited themselves over too Rian's, and there was nothing more perfect that hanging out down in the room that the short haired boy had made his own. Jack hopped down the stairs, and saw the well-built figure of Zack. He squealed his name and leaped on him, engulfing him in a hug. He adored Zack. Although the boy was quiet, he was such a laugh, and him and Jack got on like a house on fire. He listened to the boy greet Alex, before suddenly being flung on to the floor. Jack was never sure whether he hated or envied Zack's strength. You wouldn't dare go against him, that was a perk, but Jack didn't think he'd be able to pull off the hard-buff guy look. Ever. As he sat on the floor pouting, Alex began to quietly laugh at him and Rian threw out the idea of them starting a band.
"So, like, you all know I'm a drummer. And Jack's soooo good at guitar, and Zacks well good at bass, and Alex can sing so like... I dunno, we could like, maybe, try and start a band...?" Jack knew his eyes lit up, as he leaped up and started bouncing around in excitement.
"Oh my god this is a great idea oh my god can we please guys oh my god!" He squealed, thrashing his arms around uncontrollably. Zack was standing with his arms cross, nodding thoughtfully, whilst Alex remained sat on the floor, eyebrows furrowed together. Jack wondered if Alex would back out, say no, say he couldn't do it, but the twinkle in his eye told Jack that the boy would try. Rian said they would have a go now, so Zack dragged him up the stairs to get whatever they needed. The silence in the room unsettled Jack, and he knew that a million thoughts and worries would be running through Alex's mind, so he decided to try and comfort him.
"Hey, you gonna be okay with this? You're great, you don't need to be nervous, especially around us." Jack murmured in Alex's ear, fighting the urge to wrap his long arms around his waist. He smiled at Alex when he turned around, his light brown eyes darkened with fear and worry.
"I dunno, Jack... It was hard enough singing just in front of you..." Before Jack could tell himself no, he did wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. 'Just friends. Just friends.' He repeated to himself in his head, as Alex relaxed.
"I know, but you'll have your guitar, and I'll be right next too you, okay?" Alex nodded, smiled, and turned around and gazed up into Jack's eyes. The taller boy found himself wondering about Alex. He suddenly felt like he wanted to know everything about him. His biggest dream, his greatest fear, his favourite colour, his middle name - everything. As friends or maybe more, Jack wanted too be in this boys life, and felt like Alex was needed in his own. Jack saw Alex give a tiny shake of his head, just as Zack and Rian appeared carrying a bass and food, so Jack took his arms back.
"Get your guitars out guys." Rian told them, his voice attempting to hide obvious excitement. Jack smiled at his friend, before gently removing his guitar from the case and putting the strap over his shoulder. He laughed to himself at the "BONER" sticker stuck on the back, which matched his shirt. The stickers were Jack's trademark, all his guitars had one - each one being different. When he was comfortable, he looked up, and his eyes locked with Alex's. The light haired boy was staring at him, and if it had been a girl Jack would have said that they were checking him out. He winked at Alex, he didn't know why - it just felt right, and turned around to see what was happening.
"So I figured we could try a cover, so I got -" Jack underestimated how loud his guitar was as he strummed a note to check it was in tune, loudly cutting Rian off. He shot the boy an innocent smile, so he continued. "Yeah I chose Umbrella by Rhianna because yeah why not..."
"Yeah more like because it's Cass's favourite!" Jack laughed, scoffing loudly at his friend, who shook his head at his friend's jibe. Chuckling to himself at how funny he was, Jack made his way over to the music stand set up for him. He was pretty sure he already knew the music, and had taught himself how to do both guitar parts together, so after a few seconds of reminding himself how easy this song was, he bounced and started playing. A few lines in he noticed nobody else was doing anything, so he looked up and saw Alex. He was staring at him, looking terrified, slightly intimidated, but his eyes were filled with admiration. Confused and upset, Jack realised nobody else was ready, and by starting he had upset Alex, so we mumbled he'd give them time and went and sat down on the beanbags. 'Why am I such a fuck up?' He asked himself, getting his phone out too look like he was doing something. Having a strop was Jack's way of dealing with things - everyone knew that. Jack felt awful. Why was he so stupid? Why did he have no patience? Why did Alex have too look at him like that? Why did Rian choose this song? He tried to put the blame on the other guys, but deep down Jack knew it was all him. It always was. He lived in his own bubble so much, he often forgot about what other people wanted, or how they would feel. And it killed Jack. The boys didn't know that, because Jack kept any feelings bottled up. They didn't need to know that he didn't want to fuck up, that he did care about them and their feelings. Nobody would ever understand how Jack felt. He felt alone. He felt like the only person on earth. He wished he could do something right. He wondered why anyone was friends with him.
'Why would you associate yourself with someone so shit?' Jack asked himself, frowning as he desperately tried to find anything good about himself. These thoughts reminded Jack about his depression. He had been clinically diagnosed with depression just before he started secondary school - so five years ago. It was triggered by his dad leaving, when Jack was ten. The man disappeared without a trace, and if he asked him mum she would say "it doesn't matter, he's gone and that's a good thing". His brother and sister moved out a few years later - both being a lot older than Jack, who found himself pretty much alone. From there, it just got worse, little things would happen and Jack found himself unable to deal with them. And somehow, as a young teenager, he began self-harming. It helped ease the pain - burning, cutting, whatever. It took Penny two and a half years for Jack to open up and attempt to stop. That's why Jack was so thankful for her - he feels like she saved him. He'd been completely clean for just over a year now, and was quite proud of himself. He was fine now, he'd been cleared of depression, but chose to remain at therapy just in case. However, nobody knew. Nobody new about anything. He'd managed to keep it a secret from everybody - except his Mum, Penny and Jenna to a certain exitent. And now he was sitting in Rian's basement, running his finger over the most prominent scar on his wrist, after hurting Alex and probably annoying the hell out of Rian and Zack. Great. His thoughts were interrupted however, when a small voice spoke from behind him.
"I don't need to play, Jack could do both right? I'll just sing - I think I can just about manage that." Slowly turning around, Jack saw Alex standing there, shaking slightly, fear and guilt filling his light brown eyes. Alex wasn't blaming himself for this, was he?! Jack instantly felt a need to protect the boy, to tell him everything was alright - he didn't care about this band or his guitar anymore. He just wanted to make Alex feel better. So he got up, and took the sheet of Alex. The older boy smiled up at him, and Jack felt the ice around his heart melt, and he returned back to 'normal Jack'. When he saw Alex was still shaking, he laid his hand over the shorter boys, and whispered "You can say no, it's okay, it's just us, we won't judge you or any crap like that." He smiled as he felt Alex's head lean into his neck, and once again Jack felt butterflies in his stomach. When Alex nodded, Jack let go of his hand and stood by his stand. Rian counted them in, they played, and Jack thought it was amazing. This was definitely his dream, it was where he wanted to be in ten years - on stage, with his guitar and three best friends. He really really hoped it would work, and that the others wanted it as much as he did.

After another hour of band practice, followed by hours of eating and xbox games, Jack and Alex were about to leave. Just as they finished loading the car, Jack heard a 'oh bum' coming from Alex. "What's up bro?"
"Mum told me not too come home if I was gonna be in after 7 - and it's already 8..." He sighed angrily.
"Stay at mine." Jack said, shrugging. He wasn't sure why he offered - especially on a week day - but his friend needed somewhere to stay, so why not with him? Alex looked up, obviously debating about the offer in his head.
"My mums not in, you can get any stuff you need in the morning, right?" He smiled at Alex, trying to persuade him. Rolling his eyes, Alex agreed and the two began their journey home. They drove in a comfortable silence, but Jack couldn't help but worry whether Alex would want too talk about what happened earlier. He knew he would probably open up to Alex one day, but today? Definitely not. He wasn't ready, he did quite trust Alex enough, surely the boy would understand. Or maybe he wouldn't ask. They pulled into Jack's driveway, grabbed their guitars and went in. Again, there was a small note on the fridge, saying 'be back in a few days, I left money in the pot, love you'. Jack ignored it, knowing what it said without looking at it, and offered Alex food or anything to drink. When he didn't reply, Jack turned around to see him carefully studying the note on the fridge.
"Did you see this?" He mumbled quietly, pointing at the note and frowning slightly.
"No but whatever, do you want anything?"
"How did you know she wasn't going to be here?"
"She never is." Jack replied shortly, bitterly, whilst grabbing two plates and two cups. "I've got pizza I think..." The tall boy, ushered Alex away from the fridge to open it and get the pizza. The shorter boy was still frowning, watching Jack with confused eyes. "What the hell Alex?"
"I'm worried about you.."
"Why? I'm fine! I'm always fine, okay?" Jack said, a little to quickly, and he felt his breathing speed up and his shoulders began to shake slightly. He'd only had three panic attacks before, but this was how they started. He desperately tried to calm himself down, fumbling with the pizza packaging to distract himself. 'Breath in, breath out, everything's going to be okay, isn't it?' He recited Penny's words, remembering her advice. Nothing seemed to work though, and Jack felt his skin heat up, and his palms got sweaty. A pain spread across his chest, and his head started pounding. He wanted to scream, but nothing came out, but he internally cursed himself for this happening in front of Alex. At that thought, he felt two hands on his shoulders, pushing him down into a chair. After a moment, one hand was holding his left, and the other was behind his neck - the only position that could calm Jack down. Confused, Jack realised only Jenna knew that... Was she here? Slowly, his breathing returned to normal, and his head became clearer.
"Jack? Jack?!" He heard a voice call, and he looked up to find himself looking into Alex's caramel eyes. The boy was shaking, his eye brows raised in worry.
'Is he okay? Do you need me? ALEX IS HE OKAY?!' Jack chuckled at hearing Jenna's voice boom from the phone on the table.
"I'm fine Jen." He murmured, smiling softly at Alex. Without returning the smile, the boy flung his arms around Jack's neck and sat on his lap, whispering quietly into his chest.
"Okay Jen s'all good, thanks for helping him."
'You scared me dude! Talk tomorrow okay? Call me if you need anything, okay?'
"It's fine, Alex is staying over we can look after each other." Jack stated, smiling down at the boy curled up in his lap.
"Hmm, okay. You better be on time tomorrow or ima hunt you down. Love you!"
"Love you too gorgeous!" And with that she hung up, leaving the two boys. Jack wrapped his arms around Alex's waist and gently kissed his head. "I'm sorry Alex..."
"No I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked I should've just left it I just-" he was cut off by trying to take a choking breath, his cheeks stained with tears. "I never realised how scary it is watching it happen to someone else...I thought people overreacted when it happened to me..." He put his head back on Jack's chest, still holding on like he was the only thing left. Jack lent his head on top of Alex's, letting the caramel hair tickle his nose and chin. His soft, honey scent filled his nostrils, but his body was still shaking slightly, and Jack could feel his shirt was wet from his tears.
"Come, I'll put that pizza on and we can watch a movie, yeah?" Alex nodded slowly, before getting up and leaning against the wall, watching Jack intently. As Jack fumbled about with the oven and the pizza, Alex finally began to relax, and returned to looking round the kitchen. Jack sighed inwardly, thankful he was relaxed again. He was ridiculously annoyed at himself for having an attack over absolutely nothing. Shaking his head, he told himself he didn't have a problem, but should probably tell Penny.
"Oh my god, is this you?" Alex's voice broke into Jack's thoughts, as he turned around to answer. The shorter boy was stood to the wall, facing the massive frame that was up. Inside the frame, was multiple photos of the Barakat family making up a bit of a collage - all baby photo's. Jack laughed, and could feel himself blushing, as he walked over to find out which photo had caught the boys attention. Alex pointed to one, that was indeed Jack, from when they were on holiday in Lebanon. His baby face was covered in chocolate ice cream, and he stood with a toothy grin plastered to his face and the remainder of the ice cream cone in his hand.
"Yes, that is me.." Jack chuckled, receiving a small 'aww' from Alex as his eyes scanned the rest of the photos. His gaze lingered on one in particular, and he gave Jack a questioning look. Taking a deep breath, the taller boy began to tell him about the photo he hoped he wouldn't ask about. "Well... The photo was taken at Thanks Giving, we did that stupid thing where you set the photo on a timer and then all run into position, y'know? Yeah, Ermm well it's my mum and dad, then me and my older sister May and older brother Joe. I think I was 8, so May was 16 and Joe 18..." Jack felt one tear slowly roll down his cheek as he looked at how happy they all were. He yearned so much too see May and Joe, too spend a proper night with his mum, to know why his dad left. He quickly wiped the tear away before Alex would noticed, but the boy was still oblivious, smiling softly at the pictures once more. His smile was contagious, and Jack found himself smiling at the boy smiling. 'Thats a bit weird isn't it..' Jack thought to himself, but didn't have any longer to dwell on it as the over beeper went off, signalling dinner was ready. Sauntering over to the oven, Jack took the pizza out, put it on a plate and cut it into slices, then grabbed two cans of Pepsi and led Alex to the living room. The latter sat awkwardly on the edge on one couch, waiting for Jack to sit down with his blanket of security. Jack smiled softly at Alex, putting the tv on and grabbing the remote. He sat down next to him, causing him to lean further back onto the seat, and pop open his drink. Jack began channel flicking, and his eyes lit up when he saw what was on. Not only did he absolutely love this show, but he could show it too Alex.
"Oh my god TOWIE's on! Alex look!" His light brown eyes watched the screen curiously, and Jack grabbed a slice of pizza and leant back to enjoy.
"The Only Way Is Essex? Really? Is that even a thing?" Alex asked, scrunching his face up as the title's rolled. Jack shot him a toothy smile, causing Alex to laugh, and grabbed himself a slice. The boys sat together eating and drinking, and Jack felt at peace once more.

"Is that really the stereotype? Oh my god I'm actually kinda of embarrassed to say I'm from Essex... I don't talk like that, do I?" Alex questioned Jack for the fiftieth time in the ten minutes since the show had ended. Rolling his eyes, Jack stood up and took the plate out. As he reached the sink, he heard the soft thudding of Alex's feet scuffle into the kitchen. "Do I-"
"No, Alex, you do not talk like that. Don't worry honey you're perfect." Jack cut him off, turning around to wink at him. It shut Alex up for a bit, which made Jack nervous, but before he could dwell on it more Alex broke it by going "shut upp" in the exact way Jack had done on the first day. Both boys broke into fits of laughter, Jack leaning on the side to stop himself collapsing. After a good five minutes, the boys took a deep breath in and returned to the living room. Glancing at the clock, Jack noticed it was nearing half ten, and considering they had to be up by seven tomorrow, he thought they should maybe call it a night.
"Hang on... Don't we have homework?" Alex asked, frowning as he concentrated. Jack smiled at the cute look on his face, and shrugged in return. "Lemme see your diary..." Alex mumbled, motioning to Jack's school bag which was on the floor.
"There's nothing in it." Jack replied, hopping up to grab his planner. He handed it to Alex, and watched the boys expression turn to sheer shock. Literally, Jack had nothing written in his diary. Never even bothered. He hasn't since at least three years ago. His name and form was written on the front in his messy, child-like handwriting, but other than that - nothing. "You haven't written anything?!" Alex finally stated, after checking every single page. Jack nodded, ruffling the boy's hair.
"Well done Sherlock!" This earned him a scowl from Alex, which Jack returned with a pout. "Anyway, stare at blank pages all night if you want, ima go bed. Are you driving us tomorrow because you're amazing and just amazing?" Jack asked, pulling his puppy dog eyes. Alex rolled his eyes.
"Yeah sure whatevs."
"Yay! Okay I'll set an alarm for what, six forty five?" Alex nodded. "Fab, we need to pick Matt up toooo." Alex frowned. "My friend, you need to meet him you'll love him." He nodded again, slowly, worrying Jack. "If that's okay? I mean we don't have too he can get the bus I know it's weird because you haven't met him, why haven't you met him? I should've introduced you how could - ow!" Jack was cut off by a cushion hitting his face.
"Shut the fuck up Jack it's fine! Now go to bed, can I get a blanket or something?" He said, shaking his head at Jack and puffing up the cushion again.
"Er don't be silly, we can share my bed." He thought he saw Alex freeze for a moment, but Jack grabbed his hand anyway. This wasn't going to help Jack with his feelings at all, but it was something all friends could do. He led Alex upstairs, and told him to grab whatever he needed from wherever. He ran out the room to grab an extra pillow incase Alex liked two, and came back in too find the boy staring at his guitars.
"Wooooow Jack holy crap!" He breathed.
"Shall I introduce you?" He asked, smirking, whilst the shorter boy shot him a look of confusion. Rolling his eyes, Jack did it anyway. "That's Suzie, Wendy, Jill, Caroline, Rudolph, and this is my baby who you met earlier - Sally." He finished, pointing to each guitar in turn, his hand lingering on his prize possession, Sally. Suzie was his dark acoustic, Wendy was his old acoustic, Jill was his purple electric, Caroline was a dark blue, and Rudolph was red. "Rudolph?" Alex question, chuckling.
"Bright red. Christmas present. Why not?" Jack replied, grinning.
"Why do you put stickers on the back? Boner? Really? I'm beginning to think this is your catch phrase." Alex laughed, looking at the pink stuck on the back. Jack shrugged.
"I dunno. I like it, makes them mine. And it is, you catch on quick!" He said, winking again. "Anyway I sleep only in boxers so don't freak out when I walk back in basically naked. Do what you must!" And he exited the room, quickly washing his face, brushing his teeth and stripping off. He removed his phone from his pocket, dropped Matt a text, replied to Josh about school work, and sauntered into his room. Alex was still stood in exactly the same place, playing with the end of his sleeve awkwardly. Jack gave his a questioning look, and Alex blushed. "I, er, I, urm, can I borrow I dunno like a shirt?"
"OHHH shit of course sorry!" Jack said, throwing his clothes into the floor, plugging his phone in, and getting Alex a pair of joggers and a t-shirt.
"Thanks Jack." Alex murmured, walking out. Jack wondered why his was acting so awkward and embarrassed. It was probably something he had done, but he couldn't put his finger on it, so decided the problem would solve itself and clambered into his bed. A few minutes later, Alex came in, his clothes folded up carefully in his arms, and Jack couldn't help but admire how good he looked. 'Damn it Jack, stop!' He scolded himself, smiling softly at Alex as he walked over. Jack moved up next to the wall to let Alex in, and the shorter boy hopped in. Without really knowing what he was doing, or why he was doing it, Jack flung his arm over Alex's waist, ensuring his hand landed up by the boy's chest.
"Thanks for today Alex, night night." There was silence for a few moments, and Jack was scared that he's freaked Alex out. However, his fears disappeared as Alex laced his fingers around Jack's, and whispered back, "no problem Jack, I'll always be here. Night."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cool breeze was ruffling Jack's hair as he walked down the road, waving a quick goodbye to Matt as they walked past his house. He liked Matt's company, especially if Jack wasn't in a talkative mood, because the boy would just ramble on and on and on about whatever madness was happening in his life. Jack stuffed his headphones in his ears, shoved his hands in his trouser pockets, and quickly walked home. Autumn was setting in, so leaves were beginning to turn golden and orange and brown before they fell to the ground. Jack loved stepping on the crunchy ones, and knew he looked like an idiot to passer by's when he would swerve to get a particularly enticing one. Today, however, there wasn't that many, so he managed to get home in the normal time. It was Friday, and somehow Jenna had persuaded him to have her, Tay and Alex over. He was almost certain Jenna had probably beaten him home, and was running around like a maniac, tidying up absolutely everything. As expected, that was exactly the case when Jack went inside.
"Jack! Oh my god finally! For someone so tall you walk so slow! Your mum was here, but had to rush off again, but she dropped off a load of alcohol I don't even know what but she said it's for you. And you need to tidy your room babe big time, and I brought in taco's and random other food because yeah." The blonde girl rambled as Jack walked into the kitchen, leaving his bag by the door.
"Hello to you too Jen!" He replied sarcastically, causing her too roll her eyes.
"Shush. Tay said she's coming at 6, so we have an hour and a half. Tidy your room, and put something half decent on... ooh maybe what I brought you? And don't leave your bag by the door!"
"Yes mother!" He retorted, chuckling as he walked out of the kitchen and going to his room - grabbing his bag on the way. Wandering into his room, Jack dumped his bag by the radiator and slumped on the bed. He sighed heavily, not really understanding why his room would need to be tidy, but he started anyway. Putting his phone music on shuffle, he started picking up all his dirty clothes and took them through to the basket, before coming back, making his bed and re-arranging his desk. He shoved all his books further into drawers so there wasn't loose paper coming out at all angles, and made sure his games and dvd's were stacked straight, and the controllers next to it. He fiddled with the bookshelf a bit, sliding things back into place. He didn't own that many books - loads about music, and some from when he was a kid and would read on holiday. He was certain some were May's, but put them in place anyway. Once he was content with how his room looked, he made his bed and decided to get ready. He slipped into the shirt, liking how it fitted, before pulling up the jeans - which required some effort because of how tight they were. He quickly checked there was no labels left, then brushed the old hair spray out of his hair, re-straightened and re-sprayed his hair. Standing in front of the mirror for a moment, Jack's eyes ran up and down his reflection.
'God I'm attractive' he told himself, shooting the mirror a cheeky wink before grabbing his phone and going downstairs to help Jenna.
"Finally you take so lo- wow..." The girl stopped as she turned around, looking Jack up and down. He stood awkwardly for a minute, he loved knowing someone thought he was good looking, he always got a tiny bit self conscious.
"Looking good Barakat, if only you were straight eh?" She said after a minute, winking, waltzing up to Jack and swiftly kissing his cheek, a gesture that he returned. "Right I'm gonna quickly get changed, keep an eye of the food." Jenna ordered, bouncing up the stairs. Jack laughed to himself at his friendship with Jenna, it was ridiculous. Normally, Jack was the outspoken and loud one - but not around Jenna. He loved the girl's confidence, and they shared similar senses of humour. They drove each other mad, but would never argue, because they both knew they would be lost without the other. Jack did as she asked, and removed the various food items from the oven when they were done, and put them all on the kitchen table with plates stacked up on one end. Why they were making such an effort, he had no idea, their two best friends were coming round, not the queen! Jack's phone buzzed, and he pulled it out to see a text from Alex.

From Alex Gaskarth: would it be alright for me too stay the night? Parents are being really really shitty...it's fine if it's not though?

To Alex Gaskarth: yeah that's fine :)

he replied quickly, before cursing to himself. Therapy. He would have to get them both out early, and off without Alex asking questions. 'How the hell am I gonna do that?' He wondered to himself.
"Wassup?" Jenna chirped, coming back into the kitchen. She was now wearing a loose white vans vest, with black leggings and her blue vans, her hair tied up in a scruffy bun - a look she made look elegant and effortless.
"Alex. I said he can stay round, but I've got therapy tomorrow..."
"It'll be fine he'll probably have his own thing to rush off too." She said, shrugging and putting her other earring in. Jack nodded, and made his way to the fridge and grabbed two beers, handing one too Jenna.
"Cheers, to being best pals." He said, clunking their glasses together. Jenna smiled up at him, before putting some music on and dancing madly, dragging Jack round with her. The two danced weirdly, laughing without a care in the world, before the doorbell rang. Jack ran to get it, opening it too see Alex stood there, and Tay was just getting out of her mum's car. The boy was stood in front of him, looking flawless as always, a small, shy smile on his face. He had a red checkered flannel shirt on, with black skinnies, worn red converses and a grey beanie on his head. Jack motioned for him to come in, and stood in the door until Tay ran in, giving him a quick hug. Her slouch black t-shirt was covered by a leather jacket, and her navy jeggins clung to her legs. She went in, greeted Alex and making her way to Jenna in the kitchen. Jack led Alex upstairs to depose of his bags. He set a black duffel bag and a guitar case down by the side of the bed.
"Don't I get a hug, Huh?" Jack asked, holding his arms out. Alex rolled his eyes and walked over, letting Jack engulf him in a short hug. "Why've you got your guitar?"
"Oh, yeah I've got music school in the morning so I'll have to dash off kinda early..."
"That's fine!" Jack breathed a sigh of relief, noting that - once again - Jenna was right. "Come let's get a beer and keep these girls in line!"

It was now the early hours of Saturday morning, and a tipsy Alex and Jack were sitting on Jack's bed. Jack had stripped off, ready for bed, but slipped on his zip up blink hoodie, and Alex was wearing an oversized Good Charlotte shirt with tartan joggers. The shorter of the two had decided he wanted too get too know the group of boys he had entered, so was questioning Jack. "Tell me about the others then, what should I know?" He asked, his words slurring slightly. Jack frowned as he thought of a good enough answer.
"Well, Josh, Dan and Max have English parents - so are English, and are trying to start a band with Josh's friend from football. He plays European football though... Anyway yeah... Erm Josh has an older sister called Elissa..." He trailed off, not knowing what else he could say. "Oo Dan wants to dye his hair blonde!" Alex laughed loudly, causing his eyes to scrunch up.
"Now tell me about you." He said, looking at Jack intently once he'd stopped laughing.
"Hmm, well..." The dark haired boy, frowned, working out what too tell him. "I'm Lebanese, I own lots of tops that say BONER, I love guitar, I have a baby called Sally, my birthdays in June and people think I need to get a massive tattoo on my chest because it's boring and I'm always naked." He finished with an innocent smile, which caused Alex to laugh again. "Your turn!"
"Well, I'm from Essex, as you know. I like singing and playing guitar but I'm not that great but you also know that. Urm my birthday is in December, I love the moon, I own a ridiculous amount of shoes and I like writing."
"Why didn't you take English?"
"I said I like writing, not that I'm any good!" He retorted, causing Jack to chuckle. "So, where are your family?" Alex asked quietly, like he already knew the question was going to hurt Jack. There was silence for a few moments. Did Jack want too open up to this boy? Deep down, he knew he did, but at the same time he was hesitant. When he felt Alex shuffle closer and lace their fingers together, Jack decided to go for it.
"Urm, well.. My dad left when I was ten and I have no idea where he went...I don't even know what my surname should be, we use Barakat - my mums maiden name. Urm, Joe and May are both at uni... I think...I haven't seen them in years either... Actually, they've probably both finished at uni. I wonder if they remember me..." His voice was a soft whisper by the end, as he desperately wished he could remember more about them, wished they'd stayed longer, wished he could contact them, wished his mum would let him contact them. He was torn away from his thoughts by Alex leaning into him, whispering quietly too him. "
Of course they remember you. They love you, you're their baby brother Jack." He nodded, rubbing his eyes roughly. "Hey don't cry, shall I, erm, can I tell you something?" Jack nodded slowly at the boy, confused, nervous and a bit scared. "I have a brother. Or well, had. Tom died a few years back... That's why we moved here..." Jack was stunned into complete silence. He felt pathetic for acting like this. At least his siblings were still alive! A massive wave of sorrow, pity, regret and passion crashed over Jack, and he wrapped his arms around Alex, whispering 'I'm so sorry' over and over again into his hair. He felt guilty, for some reason he didn't know, and wanted to protect Alex.
"I can't believe I've only known you a month... I feel like you're a brother to me already... Joe would like you I know he would." Jack told Alex, withdrawing from the hug and wiping tears off of his face and then off Alex's. The gesture was returned with a smile, so Jack decided to lighten the mood. He flicked Alex's nose, before tickling his sides, causing the older boy to double over and thrash about trying to get Jack off. After a few minutes, both boys were laughing too hard to do anything, so fell back onto the bed, lying next to each other laughing. "I hate you Jack." Alex breathed, clutching his stomach. Shooting an angry pout, Jack rolled over to pretend to ignore him. Soon after he felt Alex's arm snake over his waist and pull the boys closer. Jack smiled, enjoying the contact.
"You're my favourite." Alex slurred, tired and tipsy, before leaning his head on Jack's and falling asleep instantly. Jack chuckled quietly as he listened to the boy beside him snore gently. He was surprised at how much they had both opened up too each other, yet there was still so much that the shorter boy didn't know about him. Jack wondered if they would ever get too the stage where they knew everything about each other, and he hoped they would. Without being sure exactly what he wanted, Jack was certain of one thing: his life would get even better now he had Alex.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Half term is in three weeks, that's all I have to last.' Jack thought to himself as he doodled in his notebook. He was told he was a brilliant artist, and that his drawings were incredible, but he didn't think so. The tattered brown leather notebook was his saviour from boredom. It contained music he'd written, as well as various drawings. He'd written a few songs, but mainly wrote down chords that sounded good together or rifts he created that he thought were cool. Yet on some pages there was lyrics scrawled, with the music on the adjoining page. The pages that weren't music, were drawings. Jack liked to draw anything, everything. Nobody had seen his book, only things he drew on separate pieces of paper if people wanted him too. This was his little secret, sort of. Everyone knew about it, because he always had it out in class, but he wouldn't let anyone see inside. Right now, he was outlining a drawing of a wolf's head. He'd drawn in so only half the face was showing, and it looked like the animal was looking at you. He glanced up at the whiteboard, checking what the class was doing.
'Physics, yawn.' Jack thought as he skim read the writing about moving particles and crap. 'Whatever.' he shrugged, certain he knew it all. Glancing over at Alex who was seated on the opposite side of the table, a smile broke across his face at the site. Alex was frantically scribbling down notes, his fringe sticking up from where he had been it in frustration, his eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to understand.
'Bless him.' Jack thought, returning to his booklet to finish his drawing. By the time the bell went, Jack was just adding the pale cream coloured bits to the wolf's face, using his prized possession pencil set he took everywhere with him. Picking up the set and putting each one back in place, he heard Alex's voice. "
Er Jack, I'm gonna stay for help, you don't have to wait... This could take ages..." He laughed too himself, gazing to sir for confidence.
"No it's cool I'll wait." Jack said, smiling at Alex, and returning to his drawing. He noticed Alex smile shyly to himself as he turned to listen to Mr Wilkinson.
"Hey Jack, why don't you listen. Having a second person explain might help him." The teachers voice sounded from Jack's side, causing him too look up at the young teacher. He watched as he limped back to the desk, and re-started the slide show to go through it with Alex.
"What's got you a-limping?" Jack asked, curiously, tipping his head slightly to one side.
"Hip op. Anyway, Alex, what don't you get?" He answered, shrugging at Jack when he answered.
"I dunno all the triangle stuff everyone was talking about..." Alex frowned again, looking down at the paper.
"C'mon Jack, teach us." Sir said, motioning for the two of them to swap seats. Jack hastily closed his notebook and put it in his blazer pocket that was hanging on the back of his chair. Standing up, he quickly checked his shirt was tucked in, then swapped with the limping teacher.
"Right, so that's the force that way, yeah?" He started, drawing a quick sketch. "You need too know the horizontal component, and the vertical component, so you use SOH CAH TOA." Jack quickly explained the meaning behind this, before relating it to his diagram, and getting the answer he needed. He turned around, receiving a satisfied nod from the teacher, and Alex was also nodded slowly.
"You know what, I think I get it." He said, evidently proud of himself. A smile crept onto his face, so as always, one crept onto Jack's as well.
"Well, Jack, you're quite the teacher. Don't push me into early retirement!"
"Ew, wouldn't dream of it Wilko. The classroom is all yours!" Jack replied, getting a laugh from the teacher as Alex began to pack up. Jack made his way back to his seat and shrugged in blazer on and picked up his bag, leaning on the table to wait for Alex. When packed up, the two left the room, thanking Mr Wilkinson.
"Hey, erm, thanks to you too Jack...I'm not the brightest..." Alex laughed awkwardly.
"No problem buddy." Jack grinned. The two boys talked about music on the way home, Alex had started giving Jack and Matt lifts when he could, which the two boys adored him for. Nothing was worse that a packed bus in the morning, or after a long day at school. They both clambered into the car, and Alex pressed play on his mix cd that he always had on in the car. Know Your Enemy by Green Day came on, so the two boys burst out singing and air guitaring. To Jack, this was perfect. Laid back, fun with his best friend. What could possibly go wrong?

The next day, Jack was once again sitting in front of Penny, sipping on his Starbucks as the two talked. Penny was worried about Jack since the panic attack he had, and how the emotions had been brought to the forefront of his mind after opening up to Alex. Jack, however, was not worried. He felt safe and secure, not needing to turn to a blade or too his straighteners, or to the iron. He was fine, smiling and being goofy like the normal Jack.
"Tell me about this Alex boy then. I can tell you two get on like a house on fire." Jack laughed.
"Yes, yes we do. I feel like he's always been in my life. He's like a brother too me."
"So what about what you were feeling before?"
"Put it behind me." He said with a shrug. That was the truth, he liked best friends. That was good for him.
"And how's Jenna?"
"Yeah she's good. Bouncy and lively as always."
"You'll have to bring her again sometime." Jack chuckled, remembering. Jenna had persuaded Jack to take her with him to meet Penny, so she could say thank you for saving Jack. The two had hit it off right away, and spent the session talking about hair and clothes and shoes and other girlie things, whilst Jack had just sat there listening with no idea what was going on. It had been funny, to say the least.
"Definitely, a catch up on the latest fashion is totally needed!" The blonde women laughed, before collecting up Jack's papers and putting them back in the folder.
"Well Jack, that's our session done. I'm glad too see you happy, sweetie. See you next week."
"Thanks Penny." He replied, smiling at her. He stood up, grabbing his cup and pushed the door open. He drew out his phone quickly check what the boys were up too, but there was only a text from Ellie asking how he was. He replied with a quick 'fine.' Hearing a familiar laugh, Jack looked up, scared to go out into the waiting room. He couldn't pin point who's laugh it was, but he knew it. Somebody he knew was sat out there.
'Shit shit shit' was all Jack could think as he paced around, trying to build up the bottle to just walk out. After six small circles, he took a deep breath and went for it. Glancing up, Jack froze at what he saw. His eyes were locked with the caramel eyes he had come to trust and feel safe in. Alex's. None other than Alex was sitting on one of the chairs, between his parents, staring back at Jack with a confused expression - one Jack was sure he was wearing himself. The silence stretched out, neither boy sure what the other was doing there. Alex broke the silence.
"Jack? Hey..." It came out a confused mumble, just loud enough for Jack too hear. But rather than replying like he knew he should, his nerves got the better of him. With a quick shake of his head so his fringe covered his face, he ran. He bolted out of the door and down the street, running straight past the bus stop he should wait at. Tears began falling down his cheeks, but he kept running.
'What am I going to do now?' He asked himself over and over. Worry crept over him as he wondered how long it would take before he would have to tell Alex everything. Absolutely everything. Running wouldn't have helped, Alex would be worried now, and questioning not only Jack but himself as well. Once again, Jack felt like he had fucked up. He'd just run. Not even a Hello. He ran out the door and away. He ran out on his best friend. He ran out on Alex.

Notes

yeah Jack has anxiety too in this but like nowhere near as bad as Alex's basically, and his 'problems' aren't really going to be a big part in the story only a little bit but that's basically everything.
but ooo bit of a cliff hanger!
I probs wont update for a day or two, so comment and tell me what you think so far!:3