Long Live Us

*Jack pov*

The peace and tranquility of beaches always seemed to have a calming nature on Jack. He could sit for hours and hours on end, watching the waves roll backwards and forwards, sifting the soft sand through his fingers as he thought of nothing. The clouds always looked fluffy, the pure white colour rather than various shades of grey. The sand dunes would wave in the gentle sea breeze, dancing as the salty air filled the area. The beach was perfect. It was one of the few areas left that hadn’t been polluted and ruined by human activity. Everything was just natural. Every tiny detail had its own role in keeping the place no perfect, and nothing ever seemed out of place.

Maybe Jack did, though, as he sat hunched up – despite the sunshine – in his leather jacket and black jeans, hugging his knees close to his chest as his eyes gazed blindly out to the sea. He was the only person there, he always was, and he didn’t know what brought him back to this place. It had been years since he took the familiar path, past the well used beach hut and into the much more secluded and secretive part of the sandy abyss. The man running the hut recognised the dark haired boy, shooting him a supportive smile, seemingly well aware that Jack only came here when he needed too. When his mind was shouting at him and he wanted to silence it. This was the only place that could happen.

Despite this, Jack let his mind wander to what it was that brought him here. He loved the place, yes, but it held so many haunted memories. The first time he stumbled across this place was when he was young – way too young to be this far from home by himself – running away from an argument at home. He couldn’t even remember what the argument was about, or who was even arguing, but he needed to get away. So he did. And the place became his getaway for all those years to follow, all those times where life became too hard to bear, he came here. What had brought him this time, however, was something that his younger self would never have predicted. A boyfriend. It was still weird to remember how much of a “ladies man” he was previously, and now he wouldn’t even look at girls. It was strange, a plot twist, something unpredictable. Initially it had been the best thing that had ever happened to him, meeting the one person he could imagine spending the rest of his life with. The one person who he didn’t want to kick out of bed in the morning, who’s arms made him feel safe, who’s smile could make his whole day.

But now?

That same one had taken his mind back to the darkest times he knew of, had made him crave the touch of something he hadn’t needed in months, had caused him to flee his home in floods of tears. Was this meant to happen? Was this planned by some greater power, to teach Jack a lesson? Or was this the end of the happiest time of his life? Was he always destined to return to the version of himself that he wished he’d never met? The version of him without Alex?

Alex.

The first tear since arriving left Jack’s eye and his boyfriends’ name crossed his mind, bringing all the images rushing back. Seeing the brunette, who hadn’t smiled in weeks, laughing and joking without a care in the world – with another guy. It just made Jack remember the image of the two pushed together, tongues twisting together with fingers knotted in the others hair. Morgan’s hands in his favourite brunette hair. His Alex’s hair. Maybe that’s what was going on behind closed doors. Away from the prying eyes, away from the coffee shop... away from Jack. Images of the two boys together, their naked bodies pressed together as they fought each other, wanting to know every inch of the soft skin beneath their fingertips, desperate for that little bit more, their dark secret making the session more intense, more risky, adding more fire to what was already and burning pit of hormones and sexual need.

“NO!” Jack screamed when he couldn’t take anymore, pulling harshly at the strands of his hair and his few tears became sobbing once again. His legs thrashed around as he fought himself, wanting to escape his mind as the images still swirled around, silently reminding him that he obviously was never good enough for Alex, that he couldn’t make him stay, that he wasn’t even worth telling the truth to. He wasn’t worth anything.

When Jack felt a body slip into the sand next to him, he assumed he was sleeping, finally escaping his living nightmare in some way, still in the peaceful place he loved so dearly.
“Hey, bud.” The sleeping hypothesis was confirmed when Jack’s ears were filled with the sound of his best friend’s, a voice he had longed after for so long, wishing to be back in their warm embrace that he so desperately needed.
“Josh?” his voice was a whimper, and he turned his head to see that, yes, it was the English boy. Sheer happiness filled him to the point he forgot he was dreaming, a grin breaking through his lips despite his tear stained face and aching heart. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you so much too, Jack. I’m sorry I couldn’t have come sooner.” Josh spoke softly, laying his hand on the taller boy’s knee.
“At least you’re here now, right? Why didn’t you visit my dreams before? I didn’t know we could do that.” The brown haired boy frowned slightly, the movement of his eyebrows forming small creases on his forehead as his eyes filled with worry, as he realised the true state of his best friend. Jack was confused at Josh’s confusion, watching as he worked everything out, taking in every detail that had changed about his best friend.
“This isn’t a dream, you’re still awake.” He told him softly, pinching Jack’s knee slightly to prove it. The dark haired boy stared at where Josh’s fingers hovered, realising that he had felt that pain, and nothing around him had changed. He quickly established he wasn’t dreaming, and was still sat upon the golden sand he had been for hours. The next thing to click was that Josh had pinched him. That meant Josh was here. Jack was with Josh.
“JOSH?!” Jack flung himself at the brunette, wrapping his arms around his neck and pushing him back into the sand, sobbing for a whole different reason now as he listed to the English boy chuckle slightly.
“I’m here Jack, everything’s okay pal.” He murmured softly, sitting them back up before returning the bone crushing hug, leaving both boys relishing in the feeling of the embrace they had both missed so dearly.

In that few moments the dark haired boy felt a piece of him that was missing had returned, his broken heart in his weeping chest slowly being glued back together. He didn’t really know what it was about Josh that meant he always made everything better, but he did, and his timing in coming to save the taller boy couldn’t have been better. With each breath they became easier, and soon Jack had total control over his breathing, calming himself down because his best friend was here, and he missed him.

“How comes you’re here?” Jack asked, his voice still quiet, but steady now. “Please tell me England wasn’t good enough and you’ve changed your mind.”
Josh chuckled at the remark, running his hand through his brunette hair as the boys shifted so they were sitting next to each other, facing out to the sea.
“I came to visit you, for your birthday – but holidays didn’t quite work out, so we’re a little late.” The English boy said, grinning happily.
“You travelled all that way just for me?”
“Fourteen fucking hours my friend.” Josh confirmed, grimacing at the memory of the long flight. “May I add that was fourteen hours next to Daniel ‘I can snore super loud and take up half of your space and not even batter an eyelid when we go through turbulence and Josh is freaking out’ Flint.” Josh shook his head and pulled an annoyed face whilst Jack burst into laughter, true, genuine laughs escaping his lips as he envisioned said flight. Josh pushed him when he wouldn’t stop laughing, before laughing with him, because he was just happy to see him happy.
“So Dan’s here too?” Josh nodded, regaining his steady breath as Jack sat up again. “Is he blonde yet?”
“He brought dye week before last and chickened out!” He responded, slightly louder than intended, shrugging and using his arms to emphasise, making Jack laugh again.
“Trust him! Where is he, anyway?”
“Over there,” Josh turned slightly and nodded to the hill-like feature that was seating Dan, “with Alex.”
“Why is he here?!” Jack noticed the brunette boy just as Josh pointed out where Dan was, and seeing Alex reminded him how he ended up here, why he had been crying for hours, why he couldn’t do it anymore.
“You ran off, Jack.” Josh reminded him softly, placing a hand over his denim clad knee, “He was worried. We all were. Jenna’s back at yours, waiting in case I had gotten it wrong and you came home.”
Jack frowned slightly, tearing his gaze away from Alex and returning his eyes to Josh, who was now watching him carefully, with a worried expression on his face.
“He doesn’t care.” The dark haired boy muttered, now looking back out at the sea as he fiddled with the hem of his jeans. He knew that wasn’t true, there were so many times where Alex had proved his love and devotion for Jack, but seeing the brunette in the coffee shop with someone else seemingly shattered all of that, leaving the nagging in his mind saying he was wrong.
Josh scoffed at that, however, sending Jack a disbelieving look, to which he just dropped his head like a kid that was about to be told off. Which, as they both knew, he kinda was.
“You’re trying to tell me that you think that boy doesn’t care about you?” Josh’s rant started, pointing over to where Dan and Alex were still sitting, his eyebrows slowly raising. “I walked into your house to him in panic induced tears, Jack! He was lost without you, and you’d only been gone ten minutes. He felt so helpless not knowing what to do. He’s meant to know everything about you, that’s what he wants, and this one little thing he didn’t know fucked with his head, man. He’s so in love with you, Barakat, and you know that, and you still try and say he doesn’t care? It’s not working, so you’re gonna have to spill what happened, because nobody has a clue.”Josh softened towards the end, frustrated with his friend, yet knowing that there must be something troubling his mind; otherwise he wouldn’t have come here. Jack just sighed, dropping his head further and staring at the sand between his crossed legs. Every word Josh said was right, and he knew that, which just frustrated him because he didn’t know which part of him was right.
“He’s been kinda... down and just, weird lately.” The dark haired boy started, sighing loudly as he recalled the blunt end of Alex he had been receiving recently, the lack of the happy flare in the boy hurting him as he tried so desperately to cheer him up. “Things just haven’t been normal. So I went into town to buy him flowers, because... I do that now...”
The two boys chuckled, Josh’s more genuine as he intently listened to what Jack was saying.
“And, well, I saw him in a coffee shop with someone else being... him. Being the happy Alex that he wasn’t being when he was with me....” Jack sighed again, rubbing his face roughly with his hands and tugging harshly on the ends of his hair. He wasn’t sure why he was beating himself up so much over this, he didn’t even have any conclusive proof that anything cynical or bad was happening, but he just felt so hurt.
“You really think he’s cheating on you?” Josh asked, his eyebrows together and raised as he gave the taller boy a disbelieving look, because although he hadn’t expected that to be the problem, he knew it wasn’t true. Jack sighed, again, and shrugged, admitting defeat because he didn’t know anymore. He didn’t know anything, nothing made sense, he just wanted things to be normal. Why was that always too much to ask?

“Will you two talk? For me?” Josh questioned, his voice holding a pleading tone as he gazed at Jack, who he knew would never go against anything the English boy asked. Jack shook his head in defeat, taking a deep breath and looking back over to where Dan and Alex were now watching them intently, the setting sun leaving their shades of brown hair glowing. If Jack hadn’t been in such a bad mind set, he would’ve fallen in love with Alex all over again looking at him like this, his glowing hair and bright eyes – even from this distance – his worried expression as he hunched over himself slightly, begging for his boyfriend to come back to him. They both wanted the same thing, that was now obvious to Jack, and despite being unsure of whether he wanted to hear the truth, in case it was bad, he agreed anyway, wanting Alex back, and definitely not wanting to go against Josh’s wishes.
“Okay.

Notes