Long Live Us

*Alex POV*

It was the last double lesson if the week, and Alex was sitting in maths. He didn't really have a clue what was going on. On his right, Jack wasn't paying any attention - as usual - and on his left, Rian looked just as lost as he did. At the end of the row, Cassadee was frantically scribbling down notes as Dr Cook spoke. In front of him, Josh was desperately trying to distract Max, and the really smart dude, James, was intently watching the teacher. Sighing, Alex turned to Jack to see what he was doing. However, the raven haired boy had positioned himself to perfection, so all Alex could see was the back on his head, and the pencil moving in his hand. Frowning, he wondered what his friend was doing, and why he was being so secretive about it. He had noticed Jack drawing and writing in a small notebook before, but why was he hiding it? Alex tried to sit up taller in his seat too try and see over Jack's shoulder, but stopped when Rian leant over and whispered.
"Don't, he'll flip at you." When Alex looked round, the short haired boy just shrugged and faced the front once more. Another ten minutes passed, and Alex was growing increasingly bored. The teachers voice wasn't even reaching his ears anymore, he'd totally switched off. Jack was still immersed in whatever he was doing, still intriguing Alex. Boredom taking over, he scribbled down a quick note and threw it over Jack's shoulder so it landed in his eye line.
'What you doing? I'm bored :(' Jack lifted his head slightly and looked at Alex, raising one of his bushy eyebrows, before shrugging slightly and putting his head back down. Moments later his hand moved slightly and a piece of paper was on Alex's table.
'Nothing, find something to entertain yourself then.'
'That's why I'm sending notes to you, bellend!'Jack laughed quietly when he read that note, making Alex laugh as well.
'What, shall we be teenage girls and talk about which boys we fancy and try and work out if they like us back? ;)' This note caused Alex to really laugh, but because he was trying to hold it in it came out as a really loud snort and a gush of air, making quite a few people turn around.
"Jack Barakat, are you distracting people again?" Dr Cook suddenly snapped from the front, wiping the smile off of Alex's face. Without moving a muscle, so his head remained on the desk, Jack replied.
"How can I distract him when I'm not even looking at him?" Alex noticed the teacher's expression change slightly, as she found herself in a dead end, now not really having a valid argument to argue, but she couldn't back down. This had become a regular occurrence, the disputes between the pair. Everyone was used to it, but it still put Alex on the edge of his seat, worrying.
"Have you been listening at all this lesson, Jack?" She snapped, crossing her arms.
"Nope." Jack replied with blunt honesty, still not looking up.
"Well, seeing as you think you're so great, do this question. Let's see who gets it first out of the class, shall we?" She said confidently, a sneer in her voice. Her blonde hair swished over her shoulders and she turned around to press the next slide. Jack let out a loud sigh and sat up, leaning his face in his hand, elbow on the table.
'A particle is on a smooth inclined plane...tow rope has tension of 50N...mass of 20kg...'
"40.8." Alex turned, mouth wide open and looked at Jack. How the hell had he managed to answer before Alex had even finished reading it?! The tall boy didn't look phased, not even smug or proud of himself, as the class - teacher included - remained in an awkward silence. After a few minutes, Jack just shrugged and put his head down, ignoring the lesson once again. Watching him, Alex envied how easily he found doing school stuff. Everyone treated him like an idiot, when in reality, he was wiping the floor with their asses. How could someone completely block everyone out like he did? How had he built walls so high? It was incredible, really. In that moment Alex realised he didn't know as much about the elusive lanky boy as the though he did, and he wanted to know a lot more.

It was a cold Friday night, so Alex stayed in, curled up on the sofa with the blanket over him. His parents were upstairs, his dad was working and from what he could hear, his mum was on the phone to her friend. Some cooking show was on, so Alex wasn't really watching it, and he decided to channel flick for something more interesting to watch. A documentary about Dolphins was on, so he pressed okay and half watched it, letting his mind wander and day dream. His mind, as always, went to Jack. The dark haired boy was almost his mind's default setting. Alex wondered about him so much, wanted to know everything about him, wanted to know every part of him. Sighing, he knew this wouldn't ever happen unless Jack rocked up at his door and decided he was gay - which Alex was positive would never happen. He remembered when he'd found out he way gay. Alex had been walking back from school, he was only about 13, and was with Oli and their friends Lisa and Katie. It had been rumoured for ages that Lisa had a raging crush on Alex, but he wasn't fussed. It was when Lisa had kissed him, and when Alex closed his eyes and had pictured Oli's friend Jake, that he knew. It had taken him four months to admit it to himself - confirmed when he kissed a boy at a party. When he told his parents, they just wanted him to be happy, which Alex was incredibly thankful for. It had gone well. Looking back at he tv, he sighed again, contently. His mind was disturbed by the doorbell going, so he stood up to answer it. When he opened the door, it was none other than Jack. The boy looked very flustered, his air ruffled as his hand ran through it.
"Hey Jack." Alex greeted, smiling.
"Sup. Do you know what a dish washer tablet is?" He asked shyly, laughing slightly.
"Er, yeah?" Alex asked, frowning and laughing as well.
"Could you show me one?" Jack asked, looking hopefully at Alex. He nodded and dashed into the kitchen, grabbed a tablet from under the sink and handed it to Jack. The tall boy took the small item from Alex and looked at it. He turned it over in his hands, his big eyebrows coming together as he studied the small package. The confusion on his face made Alex laugh, which in turn made Jack look up.
"Don't laugh at me you prick! Where does it go?"
"In the little plastic bit on the door to the dishwasher, there's like a little opening."
"You're even worse that Josh and Jenna." Jack said rolling his eyes and looking at the tablet again. "My adopted parents are busy. Are you free?"
"You're adopted parents?" Alex asked, looking at Jack skeptically.
"Josh and Jen. Papa Francheschi and Mumma Jen." He said with a grin, making Alex laugh. "Right. Even though your older than Josh, hmm? Yeah I'm free."
"Good, you can come with me!" He replied quickly, grinning again. Shaking his head, Alex stood back inside the house and grabbed his jacket.
"MUM! DAD! IM GOING NEXT DOOR!!" He called, shutting the door. The boys pushed their way through the gap in the hedge, and Alex followed Jack into the house. The older boy suddenly realised why Jack had come asking for help. The smell was awful - of dirty clothes and dust. Looking in the kitchen, Alex noticed plates and cups stacked fifty high, and a pile of clothes covering the floor by the washing machine.
"Holy shit Jack..." Alex murmured, looking around the room. "Where's your mum?"
"Lebanon." He replied bluntly, leaning over the open dishwasher, still holding the tablet. He fiddled about for a bit, and Alex heard a pop."Thank fuck. Found it, finally!" The boy said, pretty much to himself. Alex wandered over and watched Jack fumble with the packet to open it, then put it into the compartment."Now what...oh shit I was allowed to use that wasn't I?" Jack said, looking at Alex with worried eyes.
"Oh move you melon." Alex said, rolling his eyes. Jack immediately stepped out of the way, retreating half way across the room, as Alex pushed the buttons and got the dishwasher going. When he turned around, Jack was looking at him with a fearful look in his eyes and he nibbled nervously at his fingers.
"What's wrong?" Alex asked, concerned.
"I err... I don't urm like relying on people.. Especially someone I want too think of me as a nice, clean, independent perfect person." He replied quietly, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. Alex chuckled, blushing himself.
"You are perfect pal. Fill up the sink with hot soapy water, I'll get a wash going and we'll sort you out, okay?" Jack's eyes lit up
"Really? You'll help?"
"Of course I will!"
"Oh my god thank you thank you thank you I owe you my life!" He said quickly, hugging Alex violently. Laughing, Alex hugged back before letting go and pointing to the sink. An hour later, the mountain of dishes had disappeared, and the second amount of laundry was spinning around in the washing machine. Alex was knackered, so the pair had retreated to the living room and had a movie playing. Each boy was splayed out on a couch, and Alex was thankful for the soft cushions underneath him.
"Thanks for helping me Alex." Jack murmured, breaking the silence.
"It's alright Jacko." Alex replied with a smile, even though the boy couldn't see it. Being in the presence of the tall boy warmed his heart, he loved it. Another ten minutes of comfortable silence between them passed, the movie still playing quietly in the background.
"Alex?" Jack said suddenly, sitting up and looking over at the boy.
"Uh huh." He replied, stretching out his legs and closing his eyes.
"Can we talk? Like, a proper talk?" Alex opened his eyes quickly and turned to look at Jack.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, not really." He replied, his eyes flickering over Alex's face. The look that was plastered on the tall boys face unsettled Alex slightly, making his nervous. "When did you know you were gay?" Jack asked innocently, looking curious. Alex laughed, once again recalling the series of events.
"When I kissed a girl and imagined a boy." He said, running a hand through his fringe to hide his blush slightly. "Why?"
"If you weren't sure...how would you find out?"
"I dunno, kiss a guy? No idea.." He laughed, genuinely not knowing. He'd never been really had the whole "confused" phase that some people went through. Jack hummed in reply. Was he gay? Or trying to work it out at least? The thought made Alex's heart flip in his chest.
'Maybe I do have a chance..' he thought to himself, biting his lip.
"Was that your only question?"
"Hmm, think so." Jack replied, a frown still evident on your face.
"Then I have a question for you." Alex said, crossing his legs and sitting up to look at Jack. "Rian said you'd flip but ima try anyway. You know you're little booklet thing... What is it? What's in it?" He spoke gently, tipping his head slightly to one side. There was silence, and Alex thought that maybe Rian was right and he'd crossed a line. Once it was out, he realised that he would be reluctant to tell anyone about his own booklet. It was his little secret. It was the only thing nobody else had laid eyes on. Despite this, something inside him told him he would probably show Jack, if he asked. It was weird, this feeling of trust he had towards him.
"I erm it's... It's just my book...with things..." He finally said, shrugging.
"Don't worry, actually I get it." Alex said.
"No you don't."
"Yeah, I do. I've got one of my own."
"Really?"
"Yup." Jack looked up at Alex once more.
"If you want to see it, then I'll do a swap." Alex considered this offer for a moment, even know he knew he would say yes. So he nodded."Sweet. One more question..." The nervous look came back to Jack's eyes, so Alex took a deep breath in, not knowing what to expect. "What were you doing in the therapy room that day?"
'Oh, that...' Alex said in his head. He wasn't embarrassed or anything, Jack already knew about his anxiety, yet he found himself not wanting to admit it was as bad as that. But he went for it.
"My anxiety.. The doctor recommended it after I nearly had attack at school, you know, the day I met Josh and that lot?" He said, laughing a little. "I had therapists in England but they don't help me. It was a one off thing just in case." Jack nodded slowly.
"I'm sorry for running out that day..."
"It's fine."
"No it's not. We're friends. It just freaked me out that you were there. Only Jenna knows I go to therapy...and now you I guess..."
"Why, Jack? If you don't mind me asking?"
"I erm.. I'm not sure I'm ready to tell you that.." He whispered, looking into his lap, pulling his sleeves over his hands. Alex noticed he was fighting back tears, so got up and sat next to the tall boy, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. He leaned his face into his soft, black hair, keeping a silence between them for a few moments.
"That's fine, Jack, I'm always here if you wa-"
"No fuck this. If you're seeing the book I'm gonna grow the balls and tell you everything." Alex was surprised to be cut off and even more surprised by the sudden anger and emotion in Jack's voice. Jack wriggled out of Alex's grip and sat on the end of the sofa facing him. The taller boy took a deep breath in, and spilled.
"You know at our first band practice, I went and sat on the beanbag? Yeah I have this bubble I go in which is how I deal with shit. Rian and Zack know that so that's why they didn't do anything. So yeah, I was erm...diagnosed with depression when I was twelve, which sounds really fucking weird.. Erm we think it started when my dad...left. To this day I don't know where he is or why he left.. Then Joe and May left, and they were everything to me..and I felt alone.. So I ended up self harming, to escape the pain. I cut, burnt, everything. The darkness I was in would always fade when I had something pressing into my skin... I was fine at school, nobody knew. I learnt how to pretend to be happy. I was sent to therapy by the end of that school year, and after three ish years I stopped completely. And that's me a year and a bit clean... So that's how I ended up there... Little fucked up me.." He ended with a chuckle, wiping his eyes. Alex was stunned into silence, knowing he was crying himself. He couldn't believe that everything that was just said to him happened to the happy boy sitting in front of him. When he first met Jack, he would never have thought anything bad had happened to him ever. He was amazing, smiley, happy, bubbly. 'Wow.'
"Hey Lex don't cry!... I mean Alex.." Jack said, wiping Alex's face with his soft hands and awkwardly correcting himself. The shorter boy smiled at the nickname.
"I like Lex. And I can't help it. I hope you realise how perfect you are." He said, gazing into Jack's large brown eyes.
"Oh shucks. I know I'm amazing!" He said, winking and flicking his hair, making Alex laugh as he returned back to happy Jack. When his phone buzzed, he realised it was late and should probably go. As he reached for the door, Jack grabbed him.
"You forgot this." He whispered, handing Alex a small, leather booklet. For a second he thought it was his own, but then noticed this was in much better condition. Smiling, Alex took out his own and handed it to Jack. They quickly agreed to read them tomorrow evening, and to text if they had questions or whatever. The shorter boy stuck his arm out for a hug, which was quickly accepted.
"Thank you for staying strong. You're the best person I know." Alex whispered, before turning around and making his way back into his own house, happy he seemed to have broken down one of Jack Barakat's walls.
'That's something, right?'

-------------------------------------------------------------

"You soooooo like him!" Vic cooed, making kissing faces at Alex. It was early Saturday afternoon, and Alex and Vic were sat in a small cafe drinking hot chocolate. The cafe was nice, one of the small cute Italian ones. It had red and black decor, with paintings of towns and flowers and people hanging on the walls. Alex was sitting facing the short Mexican boy, and he has just admitted what he felt around Jack, and asked about the 'how did you know you were gay' question. Obviously, he didn't give away any other details of that night, just the jist to ask Vic for advice.
"Yeah okay maybe I do..." Alex replied, a blush crawling onto his cheeks.
"I think he likes you too. He's just confused." Vic said, smiling happily, looking like a child who had found the cookie jar. "I think he likes to be in charge, that's why he freaked when you kissed him." Alex nodded slowly, contemplating the possibility of that idea. It was a plausible explanation, he thought.
"Hmm I dunno, maybe."
"Anyway when do I get too meet this dude?" Alex shook his head at Vic's cheeky grin and shrugged.
"Whenever you want I guess."
"Yay! Anyway in other news, my band has an audition next week!"
"SHUT UP?! Oh my god Vic that's fucking awesome!" Alex yelled, a bit too loud considering where they were, but he didn't care. Vic's eyes lit up and he bounced up and down in excitement. "So you decided on a name?"
"We went with Pierce The Veil." He smiled proudly, blushing slightly. Alex leaned over the table and drew the small boy in for a hug.
"I'm so proud bro. You'll ace this and get out there."
"Promise me we'll produce a song together one day?"
"My band isn't even like, going anywhere Vic.."
"Yeah but you will be. I know you will." Alex smiled at the thought of touring the world with his three friends, but it was an unrealistic aim and he didn't want to disappoint. How could a boy with anxiety sing in front of thousands of people? Despite his negative thoughts, he did wish it could happen one day, so he looked back up at Vic.
"I promise." The long haired boy smiled, and them the pair descended into random talk about other, insignificant people at school, new music, teachers and homework - the usual random crap friends talk about. A few hours and four hot chocolates each later, the two boys decided to call it a day.
"See you in a fortnight, I'll text you but good luck for next week!" Alex said as they reached the busstop where he would part from Vic.
"Thanks Al, miss you already!" He called as he skipped onto the bus, waving. Alex giggled and shaking his, he walked the short distance to the car park to go home.

By the time Alex had got home, showered and done a few pieces of homework, it was seven. He was sitting in his room, music playing out loud from his phone, and some school work lying around him. Picking up his pen to try and do his only piece of physics homework, Alex sighed, knowing he couldn't and wouldn't do it. His eyes were constantly being drawn back to the small notebook that had taken residence on his bedside table. When would he get the okay to read it? It was killing him. Shaking his head, he looked back down at the diagram, swaying his head to the best of the song playing. However, as it often was, the boys mind was on default. Jack. Alex wondered how he was, he must have been at therapy this morning. He had liked Penny at his own session, but from the sound of it she and Jack has an incredible relationship. Alex still found himself wishing that he could have a bond like that with the taller boy. One where they could open up and trust each other, it would be Alex and Jack against the world. Laughing, he knew it was a hopeless dream.
When his phone vibrated, Alex felt he had never moved so fast to answer it. Flinging himself across the room onto his bed, he grabbed his phone and unlocked it, smiling happily when he saw Jack's name.
From The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
I'm ready. Let's go!
To The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
deal. Ready, set, go!
He suddenly got nervous, realizing that Jack was about to discover a lot about him, parts he had never shared with anyone. Admittedly, the younger boy already knew most of what was in there, but it was still like opening a door that had always been locked. But then again, he knew Jack was in the same position. Carefully, he picked up the booklet and held it in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he opened it. The first page was one exactly like in Alex's, with his name and address, a a small note saying he would kill anyone who read this without his consent. As he flicked through the booklet, his eyes were drawn to all the drawings. They were beautiful. There was everything - a guitar, a small dog, a sky line. He found one which he was certain was May, and another which was of a figure, with their back turned. That picture had a creepy, lonely feel to it, which made him think that maybe it was a self portrait Jack had drawn when he was in a dark place. There was two that caught Alex's eyes in particular. The first, was a picture of a wolf. It was drawn so you could only see half of the face, and it looked like it was staring out of the page. What caught Alex's attention further, was the date and footnote attached to this one: 'so I'm listening to my pretty friend learn physics and drawing this. I like the colour of his hair.' Frowning, Alex realized that it was the day when him and Jack stayed behind with Mr Wilkinson. And, the wolf was coloured brown, the exact same shade as Alex's. Realizing this, he blushed and couldn't help the smile that formed over his face. The second that he looked at more, was a rose. Just the flower, simple and beautiful. It reminded Alex of the ones they left at Tom's grave, because when he was alive he would always comment on how beautiful roses were. Recently, Alex had decided he wanted a tattoo too remember Tom by, and staring at this drawing, he knew it would be this. The drawing was already important to him, and Jack would never know. Alex needed to keep it, there was no way he was giving this back.
To The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
can I rip a page out? I know that's really shitty and arrogant of me but, please, I love it...
It was a few minutes before Jack replied, evidently he was busy with Alex's book.
From The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
only if I can finish a song for you in this
To The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
deal
Slowly, gently, he ripped the page out, making sure he didn't rip any other pages. Smiling when he was successful, he stood up and found some blu tac. He stuck the drawing onto his wall, next to his favourite picture of him and Tom.
"I miss you pal. I hope you like that as much as I do." He whispered, running his hand over the rose. Turning around so that he wouldn't start crying, he sat back down to continue reading. He wondered what song Jack wanted to finish, and figured he must write as well. Sure enough, Alex soon came across words and notes rather than drawings. A lot more notes than words, as three or four pages were purely guitar rifts or series of notes. Reading over the ideas on the page, they were awesome, reminding Alex how talented the boy was. He'd written four songs in total. One called 'Keep The Change, You Filthy Animal' which had a note at he end saying "yeah that was a fucked up relationship", and Alex thought the song was just very...Jack. There were no words to describe it. The second was called 'Let It Roll', which Alex could imagine the newly formed band playing. The third was unfinished, called 'Poppin' Champagne' and whilst reading it, Alex fell in love with the song. It was upbeat and fun, and it could definitely be taken somewhere. The fourth, 'Save It For The Bedroom' had a footnote saying "give this to Josh, it'll suit his voice". This made Alex smile, for a reason he didn't really know, but still. He flicked through a few more pages of notes, and a picture of the Blink bunny, to get too near the back. There was pictures of t-shirts covering the final pages, with different designs on each. The title was called "Glamour Kills (maybe one day...)". Frowning, he looked over the designs. His favourite was one that simply read 'who the fuck is Jack Barakat?' Laughing, he looked over the various "JAGK" ideas, which he thought was clever.
To The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
who are Glamour Kills?
He waited for the reply, looking back over the drawings again. There was one of an aggressive looking cats face, noted 'Alan Ashby retweeted this :D', and a few that Alex thought Oli would like too see, for tattoos or clothing ideas - either or. Closing the book, he decided to finish there, he answered his phone when it buzzed.
From The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
online clothing company, they're awesome check them out.
To The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
yeah I might do.
From The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
you finished it?
To The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
yeah, you?
From The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
think so. You're incredibly talented, you know that right? You're a fucking great guy, and I'm so glad you moved to Baltimore!
Alex smiled reading over the text, because he felt exactly the same. Yes, Alex had feelings above and beyond what Jack was talking about, but still.
To The Sexiest Person Ever Jack Barakat:
thank you, you too! Holy Crap! And I'm glad I met you too, couldn't ask for a better person to have shown me round ;) thanks for accepting me (:
He replied, putting his phone down so he could call it a night. Quickly changing and brushing his teeth, he plopped onto the bed and let his head fall onto the pillow. Staring at the ceiling, he wondered if he could ever tell Jack how he truly felt. It would ruin their friendship, that was almost certain, but then if the feelings grew, Alex would end up suffering. Rolling over, he then wondered about Jack, and his mysterious question yesterday. Was he confused, like Vic predicted? Or was he just curious? Inside, Alex felt that deep down, he knew the feelings would be uncovered. He didn't know when, or why, or where, but he felt it.
"One day you'll tell him, one day."

Notes

sup!
so yeah here ya go, enjoy :)
wrong band but still: who's got Cavalier Youth?
I met YMAS at a signing and they're perfect, what's everyone's favorite song? :3
comment pwwwweasee, much love xoxox