Long Live Us

*Alex POV*

The weather was cold, drizzly and generally quite dull. It mirrored how Alex had been feeling recently perfectly. Ever since Jack had run out on him in the therapy room, he'd been really crap. In his mind there was a constant battle between blaming himself and trying to work out what he did wrong.
'What DID I do?' He asked himself again, rolling over and staring at his alarm clock. He'd hardly slept, and really hadn't wanted this Monday morning to arrive. The clock reached six thirty, so Alex dragged himself out of bed and went for a shower. His dad had already left for work, and he could hear his mum in her bedroom, humming along to a song on the radio. Slipping his pj's off, he hopped into the shower, standing under the warm water. The flow relaxed him, and he decided he would turn the leaf over today. He didn't know why Jack was acting how he had been, and maybe never would, so why sit and be miserable about him all day?
'Today, I'm gonna go in and be happy and smile and talk like nothing's wrong.' Alex told himself, smiling a real smile for the first time in days. He got out the shower, pulled on his suit, styled his hair, grabbed some breakfast and drove to school. It was still weird not picking up Jack and Matt, he'd even started taking Ellie now and then - much to Jack's dismay. He laughed to himself at the memories he'd amalgamated since he'd arrived in Baltimore. It was a clear run to school, and Alex arrived quickly, shutting and locking the car and wandering down the drive. Fiddling with the headphone that wasn't in his ear, he negotiated his way around teachers driving in and the lower years milling around to get to the sixth form block.
"BOO!" Jumping slightly, he turned around too see a very smiley Josh standing there trying to look innocent.
"Aahhhh!" Alex faked a scream. Josh flung his arm over the shorter boys shoulders, and the two walked into the common room chatting happily. They joined Dan and Rian who were sitting in one of the middle tables. Max arrived soon after, looking tired as he did every morning.
"Ooh hang on guys. There's someone I want you too meet..." Josh said, quickly getting up and running out. The remaining boys shared a puzzled look, before Josh returned, followed by a boy of a similar height, with long dark down hair that he had strategically placed to cover his face. It was obvious he was nervous, even Josh looked a bit nervous, almost as if there was a lot riding on this introduction. "Hey guys, this is my new pal Chris!" He introduced the new comer, shooting him a massive smile, and Alex noted how Chris' eyes lit up.
'He seems nice.' he noted, while they all introduced themselves. Josh and Chris sat down, and they easily slipped into conversation, including Chris. Turns out he was also a guitarist, so music became a prominent topic of conversation until the bell went and signalled for registration. Alex and Rian walked together, discussing the new arrival to the group, which continued until they sat down. Moments after they took their seats, Jack waltzed in. Alex noted that he looked tired and worried. When he glanced up his eyes locked with Alex's, and he couldn't tell the emotion that was lingering in the raven haired boys brown eyes. So Alex smiled, just a simple, nice smile - his new happy positive start being put into action. Something in Jack's eyes flickered, and Alex knew what it was now. Guilt. Jack smiled a tiny smile back, before putting his head down and scurrying round to sit on the other side of Rian. 'Well, it looks like some bridges need to be built...'

Tay was stretching on the chair, her short fluffy brown hair ruffled by her arms. Her leather jacket was hung on the chair behind her, as was Alex's blazer on his. The two still didn't really have any idea for their performances, so we're doing some of their theory work. Despite trying to take their time, they both ended up finishing in the first ten minutes of the lesson so had gone back to talking - what they did every lesson, it seemed.
"Do you think If suit a nose piercing?" Tay queried, looking down at her petite nose. Alex hummed.
"Yeah maybe. Try get one of those fake ones to see." He suggested, remembering someone back in Essex who had been pondering over the same question and had brought a clip on one. Tay immediately took her phone out and googled where she could get them, and within minutes looked up at Alex and said "bitch we're going shopping" with a grin on her face. Rolling his eyes and putting his head in his hands, he acted like the idea made him want to kill himself, causing Tay to pout. He pouted back, causing her to giggle and Alex started laughing soon after.
"Hey guys, we're bored so decided to come over here." A soft, girly voice spoke, and Alex looked up too see Cassadee and Rian standing there, pulling chairs up to sit down. Moving slightly to open the circle, he greeted the pair. Cass was a beautiful girl, even as a gay guy he could acknowledge that. Her long brown hair was curled and still reached past her shoulders, her nose was dotted with freckles and her smile was almost as blinding as Rian's.
"Heyy bitches!" Tay exclaimed brightly, smiling at them. "What do you guys think, would I suit a nose ring?" Cass nodded instantly, whilst Rian moved his head from side to side and saying "hmm maybe". A few moments of comfortable silence followed, where the four of them ended up just on their phones, now and then starting a short conversation. The calm atmosphere was broken, when Tay brought up the inevitable question.
"Alex, what happened between you and Jack? You never told me..." Alex looked up, and all three of them were looking at him.
'Was it really THAT obvious?' He asked himself, knowing he couldn't tell them all. It wasn't really his thing to say. Firstly, it was obviously a secret why Jack had been there, secondly, he didn't really know what had happened, so he genuinely couldn't say. So he shrugged.
"I dunno." Tay gave him a disbelieving look, whilst Rian shrugged as well and Cass began to look disinterested.
"He's been down since it happened though, whatever did happen." Rian said, glancing over to Jack on the other side of the room. Alex followed his gaze and took in the boy he considered his best friend since moving here.
'How did I fuck that up by taking the doctors advice? Ha, lesson learnt I guess.'
"He'll perk up soon. Jack always does." Cass said, looking at Alex and Rian reassuringly.
"Maybe we should have a bit of a get together?" Tay suggested.
"OH! My Halloween party!" Rian squealed, throwing his arms in the air, looking very proud.
"Have you started planning it in?" Cass queried, receiving a shake of Rian's head. "Let's start now! Jen, Jack!"
Alex froze as she called them over, but quickly reminded himself to be happy and fine, and relaxed again. Jenna led Jack over, each grabbing a chair on the way. Jenna placed her chair between Tay and Cass, so Jack slowly and awkwardly, placed his between Rian and Alex. "We're gonna plan my party!" Rian announced to the new couples, who both nodded.
"How many people are coming? Fancy dress or not? We'll need to buy food and drink and decorations!" Cass started, throwing multiple questions as well as statements at Rian. It was weird that the two still weren't a couple, but it was obvious who would wear the trousers in the relationship, a thought that made Alex chuckle to himself. He felt Jack look at him, the taller boy had obviously wondered what Alex was laughing at. Unsure how to respond, he shot Jack a smile, before quickly turning round and joining in with the conversation. Alex noticed that Jack let out a heavy sigh, before re-joining the conversation himself.
'What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?' Alex wondered, his eyes discretely running over Jack's features. 'What is going on, hmm?'

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School had ended for half term the day before, and Alex was now lounging about on the sofa channel flicking. Last weekend Jack had come round and they'd built a few bridges, so things were near enough back to normal. Obviously there were questions hovering between them, neither boy wanting to address them. It was a week to go until Rian's party, and Alex was quite excited to say the least. Nervous, yes, but excited. He'd planned his outfit, deciding to go as the joker, and him and Tay were going together. He'd asked Vic to come, but the short boy said it wasn't his thing, which was fair enough. Alex had kinda of hoped him and Jack would try and pull off a couples outfit as a joke, but the tension hadn't settled enough. Stupidly, Alex found himself falling for Jack, and desperately hoping he was secretly gay or something. The tall boy was meant to be coming over too see Alex at some point during the day, but as the clock reached three he assumed Jack had forgotten. Or was probably still asleep - both very likely conclusions.
'Fuck I'm bored..' Alex said to himself, getting up and wandering into the kitchen to get himself a Capri sun. On the way back to the sofa, he saw his leather notebook in his jacket pocket, so decided he could do some writing. The book was a little worse for wear - scratches and various marks were scattered across the cover, and some pages were ripped and stained. He picked it up, before sitting back down. Opening the small book, he laughed at the first page, where he'd written his address - but there was now a big cross through his Essex home, and his American one written underneath in much better hand writing. His mind started remembering England and the people there, which made him sigh. He actually kinda missed it. He missed everyone as well, even if the people here were just as nice - if not better. Shaking his head, he flicked through the book to find a blank page, and when he found one, he sat and stared at it. Nothing came to Alex's mind, only Jack. Silently admitting that maybe he did like Jack, he decided he could try and write a song about him. However, just as he put the pen to the page, the doorbell rang.

Alex leaped up and reached the door, opening it to reveal a very handsome looking Jack. He was wearing a pair or black jeans and red trainers, with his black and red BONER shirt and his leather jacket. Alex let him in, and the boys went and sat on the couch - after Alex quickly hid his notebook.
"I thought you'd forgotten about me." Alex said, handing Jack a Capri sun with a smile.
"Oh I could never forget you! No I literally woke up 20 minutes ago." Jack told him with a laugh.
"Yeah that was my other guess." Alex replied, winking. Jack giggled and blushed, which brought butterflies to Alex's stomach. The more time they spent together, the more Alex got the vibe that maybe Jack liked him back.
'But that's a stupid, arrogant thing to think.' he reminded himself, going back into easy conversation with the raven haired boy.
"What you watching?" Jack asked, nodding his head towards the tv.
"Nothing."
"Good. Home Alone is coming on." He said with a grin, grabbing the remote and changing the channel, just as the adverts were on before the movie began. Alex rolled his eyes, and went to get snacks and drinks, knowing he would have too sit through the whole film. Placing soda and popcorn on the table, Alex curled up in the sofa with another Capri sun, fiddling idly with the top of his socks. As always, Jack was sat next to him mouthing every world, whilst Alex stared at the screen without really paying any attention. Removing his phone from his pocket, he decided to reply to his messages and check his twitter. Tay was (once again) talking about a nose piercing, Vic was just really bored, and then the last text was from Oli. A smile crept into Alex's face as he read the text.
From: Oli Bear
Hey so this is gonna cost me a shit load of money but I don't care because guess what? I don't pay my phone bill! Anyway I'm missing you big time buddy, please come visit me :( I broke my laptop again so I can't skype either (long story involving orange juice and dodgey dancing!) anyway, i miss you panda!
Alex had to bite his lip to stop tears. He really fucking missed Oli. They'd been friends for years - the only friend to have stayed true after he came out. They'd been inseparable, and it really sucked being thousands of miles away from him. He read the text once more and smiled imagining the incident with the laptop, before replying.
"What chu smiling at?" Jack said, watching Alex with his big brown eyes.
"My friend from England text me."
"Do you smile like that when I text you?"
"Ew no." He replied with a wink. Jack pouted.
"Hey! You're not allowed any friends except me. I'm meant to be your favourite!"
'Oh Jack you have no idea' is what came to Alex's mind, but he bit his tongue. "Well you might have to share me."
"Nope. All mine." Alex froze as suddenly Jack moved, and snaked his arms around his small waist, so they were basically cuddling. The taller boy then when straight back to the movie, as if nothing was happening.
'Well nothing IS happening..' Alex reminded himself, trying to slow his heart beat down. Why was Jack doing this? Was he actually jealous over Alex smiling at the text? Or was he joking? Frowning, he realised how weird this was, considering this time last week they weren't even talking. Jack shuffled on his lap, so that his chin was resting on Alex's thigh, arms still clung to his waist.
'Well this is kinda weird, but I could so get used to it.' Alex thought, shrugging it and finally accepting everything. Yes, Jack was cuddling him. Yes, Jack was his best friend. Yes, he liked that. And Yes, he was fighting hormones to stop himself making out with Jack right this second. But he couldn't exactly do anything about it. The two boys remained in that position until the end of the film, until the taller of the two sighed contently and sat up, inches away from the others face. Alex took a slow breath in to stop himself freaking out.
"Hey Alex, I'm urm, I'm sorry for like what happened before..." Jack murmured, and Alex realised he meant the whole not talking phase.
"It's cool I'm over it." He said with a small smile, which soon spread to Jack's. And as the boys dark eyes met Alex's, his black hair falling across his forehead, he couldn't help himself any longer. Leaning forward, he crashed their lips together. This was what Alex had wanted, to taste Jack, but there was no movement of the other boy's lips. He knew he'd fucked up, even more so when he fell backwards off the couch, landing with a 'hmph' on the floor, whilst Jack hastily stood up after pushing him away.
"Shit Jack I'm sorry.." He began, covering his mouth with his hand and looking up at Jack. He was certain that fear and regret would be filling his eyes, but Jack obviously didn't see it, because he looked pissed.
"What the FUCK Alex?!" He yelled, throwing his hands in the air.
"I just thought I dunno..."
"Just thought what, huh? That it would be fun to be gay for a minute? That I want to have my best friend's tongue down my throat? Are you taking the piss Alex?!" Jack shouted, pacing around the room. The air between them was filled with an angry tension, which was radiating violently off of Jack. Alex was getting more and more pissed off as he watched the lanky boy pace, so stood up so it felt more confrontational.
"Oh I'm sorry Jack, what was I meant to think when you're always fucking cuddling me and kissing my cheek? You tryna say it's not real? Well then you're fucking leading me on!" Jack's eyes narrowed as he looked at Alex.
"Leading you on? Haven't you noticed I act like this with pretty much everyone. And OH, one big thing: IM A GUY ALEX!"
"YEAH I KNOW AND I'M GAY, JACK!" He shouted quickly, instantly slapping his hand over his mouth again.
'Shit'. He'd just spilled his biggest secret. What the hell would he do now? Jack would tell everyone and they'd all leave him, like everyone did back in England. Alex watched as Jack's face when through all the emotions: shock, fear, confusion, unbelief, even denial. The silence stretched out, and Alex couldn't deal with it anymore.
"Okay, Jack, yeah. I'm gay. I'm a fucking faggot. Call me whatever you want, I've probably heard it before. I obviously got the wrong end of the stick, so..sorry." Alex spat bitterly, as Jack still stood in silence, just staring at him with wide eyes. After a few moments, Jack finally spoke, in a hushed murmur, "I erm... Alex...What ...Sorry...I can't do this.."
"Oh yeah, I get it. Can't be friends with me now that you know in gay." Alex retorted, getting upset as well as angry now.
"No no..not like that..." Jack whispered again.
"Shut the fuck up Jack. I thought you were better than them. Obviously I was wrong."
"Alex, I'm fine with you being gay?" He said, frowning. From what Alex could see, his eyes were brimming with tears, and were filled with confusion. "It's fine you're still you and we're friends it's just-"
"Get out." Alex cut him off, not wanting to hear it. "Get out of my fucking house." He said, louder this time and walking over the door and holding it open. Jack just stared blankly at him for a minute, before grabbing his jacket and bolting out the door. The last thing Alex saw was the tall boy turn around, tears flooding down his face, fear and confusion filling his eyes, before he pushed his way through the gap in the bush they had made for each other. Slamming the door, Alex turned around and stared blankly at the white wall on the other side of the room. Sliding down the door, he crouched on the floor, put his head in his hands and began to cry.
"What the fuck have I done...?"

Notes

woo new chapter, thanks for reading this guys! :3
I kinda like this chapter so I hope you do too!
comment & tell me what you think!

-- a friend of mine passed away today, RIP you gorgeous angel. Remember me, yeah? We were going to go and meet ATL in March.. I'll have to go myself now - help me from up there, yeah? I miss you. And this chapter is dedicated to you. I love you...