I'll Keep A Secret If You Keep Me Guessing

Alex's p.o.v.

I couldn't do it.

No way could I come out to the whole of the school. It's too much for me.

I know full-on what some people in this school do to homosexuals, and I should've remembered this before asking Jack out.

I've been ignoring him all day, in constant fear that someone will know that we're dating. I'm not ashamed of the fact we're dating, it's the fact of people knowing, and knowing what people will do if they know.

I know it was wrong to ignore Jack, but I couldn't get the guts to confront him that I was scared. I could never let him know I was scared.

I even left school earlier than him just to be sure no one was on our back.

I was doing this for Jack, though. I was trying to keep him safe, even if Danny and Drake are on his back. They shouldn't be a problem with Jack now, because I've told them straight at lunch, that I was not having them bully Jack, and that Jack wasn't gay because I knew him.

Even though that could give them some sort of clue that we were extremely close, I still said it.

But I said something so much, much, much worse.

I told them that Rian was a faggot,

and that he's been hitting on people.

Fuck, I don't know why I said it, but I did. God bless Rian's soul, because there's not gonna be much left of it.

Even though Danny was new, I knew he was exactly like Drake; extremely homophobic. The worst homophobes you could imagine. That's why Drake was kicked out for awhile, until his parents gave the school money to let him back in.

Fuck, I hated that kid.

I was currently sat at home, on the sofa, laptop on my lap. Mum was still at work, like always. I was scrolling down twitter until Jack arrived, dripping wet. It was raining?

I looked at him as his eyes found him. His hair was dripping with rain water, some of it stuck to his head. His face had a few raindrop trails, and his lips were wet and odd-looking.

"Hey, Ja-" He glared at me, causing me to stop. He then kicked his shoes to the side, walking straight pass me, and jogging up the stairs.

I closed my laptop, pushing it to the side with anger.

I've so fucked up.

I need to apologise to Jack, tell him I'm sorry.

~~~

"Why are you being such a sore ass because I won't hold your hand? I said I'm not fucking ready to come out yet. Why don't you grow a little more patient and wait for me instead of being a sensitive fucking prick?!" I yelled at Jack's face, waving my arms in the air as my anger took the best of me. So said I would apologise, but I sort of made it worse by making it seem like Jack's fault. Then he proceeded to yell at me, getting me really fucking mad.

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe because my dad beat me for basically my whole life because I'm a fag, and you don't want us being seen as a couple in public tells me that you're just like him: ashamed. Ashamed of me, that's what you are, Alex. Ashamed." Jack was choking on his words by now, tears streaming down his clean-showered face. I wanted to scream, punch something, but all I did was make it worse.

"It's your problem that your dad beat you, not mine! Don't fucking bring this all on m-"

"It's my problem that my dad beat me? It's my fault he made my life a living hell?! It's my fault, because I'm gay and he didn't like that, so it's my fault? You never even fucking cared did you?" Horrible, thick, fat tears came streaming down his face, and a heart-wrenching sob passed his mouth as he crumbled a part.

Why am I doing this to him? He doesn't deserve this! That boy poor ended up in hospital because of his dad, and I say it's his fault? What sort of person does that? What sort of monster makes a poor, broken, innocent boy believe that he was the problem, the failure, the person who held all the beatings and deserved it? Me. I'm a monster.

"Jack, I didn't mean it like tha-"

Jack cut me off once again, and I closed my eyes and wrinkled up my nose in frustration.

"You know what? Fuck coming out up your ass. You're just an asshole, and I knew that the first time I met y-you." He wiped his tears with the back of his hand, sniffing as his nose began running.

"Dammit, stop being so over-fucking-dramatic, Jack. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I need time, Jack. I need fucking time!" He growled, clenching my fists up, ready to rise them.

"So you didn't mean to ignore me all day, did-" I raised my fist at Jack, making him flinch and stop talking. His hands were in front of him, eyes closed, head ducked. A whimper came out his mouth.

I just raised my fist at Jack.

It went quiet, and I pulled my arm back to my side, looking down at the floor. Why did I fucking do that?

"Goodnight." I heard a whisper come out of Jack's mouth. My eyes started watering as he turned his back and walked out my room, turning right, going down the corridor.

As soon as the door shut from another room, I let the tears fall.

Notes

Whooooopps. You guys are gonna kill me.

I'm working on the last chapter now, so there will be updates everyday for the next three (?) days.

You are not going to like the ending.

At all.