Jack

‘I could say the same about you,’ I smiled before putting the glass to my lips and taking a sip. I couldn’t help the content sigh that followed as the wine washed down my throat. ‘This is good. Proper good,’ I said, taking another sip. ‘Not like the pretentious drinks my family buys,’ I added.

‘Good to know,’ the guy answered and I could hear him take a gulp from the bottle.

Silence settled again and for the first time it wasn’t tense or anxious. Instead I took my time to think back to what the guy had shown me. I hadn’t known how much I had missed Rian until I saw his exhausted face on the news. I felt sorry for him because he seemed miserable and I knew I was the cause of that. I wished I could just tell him everything would be alright. I hoped James, whatever his real name was, would keep his promise and tell Ri I wasn’t about to die.

As for my parents, I found it hilarious to see my dad pretending to care. I knew he only appeared on the news because my mum had begged him to. Honestly, I hoped I could see his face when he finally realized his son was actually kidnapped. Maybe I’d even let the guys beat me up so that they could send him a beautiful image of me in blood. Then again, that would probably not be enough for him.

‘Can we play truth or dare?’ I suddenly blurted and even with the blindfold on I could feel the other guy pause and give me a look.

‘No.’

‘Right to the point. Jeesh. Never have I ever then?’ I asked, gulping down more of the wine.

‘No,’ he replied in the same monotone voice.

‘Oh, come on! Fine, you killjoy,’ I sighed before smirking at where I guessed the guy was still sitting. ‘Prepare to be amazed by my amazing story telling skills then,’ I warned him, moving my hand in the sassiest way without spilling the drink.

‘Oh God,’ I heard him mutter.

‘Hey, I did tell you I wanted to talk when I asked you to stay! You signed up for this, man! So, I’m gonna make this easy for you. I tell you a story in three sentences and you can give it one to ten stars, based on how fucking great it is.’

Another sigh. I grinned wider. ‘Cheer up, I’m, like, the best storyteller out there. Okay, okay, first one. When I was a sophomore, my music and art teachers got married and so we got a substitute teacher named Mr Wentz, or Pete as he asked us to call him. When I was a junior, I joined the music club, made friends with him and I noticed he would always be looking at this other senior in the music club and vice versa. So, when Friday came I stole the room’s key from Pete and locked the two of them in there for two hours, and needless to say, when I unlocked it later they were not expecting it. How about that?’ I finished with a laugh.

‘That’s a three,’ the guy said in an uninterested tone.

I gasped. ‘Excuse me, I was a great match maker, that deserves at least six stars!’ I said while sulking.

‘You locked your teacher and a student in a room for two hours.’

‘No, I locked my friend and his legal crush in a room where they proceeded to make out for those two hours.’

‘He was a student!’ he exclaimed.

‘Oh, please, like you care about what’s legal or not. In case you forgot, my other hand is still tied up. So, don’t judge and give me my six stars,’ I said with a smirk.

‘Four.’

‘Six!’

‘Five.’

‘Deal. Next story. I… Can we get more wine?’

‘Why? You planning on getting me drunk?’ he asked but this time there was something teasing in his tone.

‘No, I’m still thirsty and I’m craving more. So. Please,’ I said, pouting. I could feel him roll his eyes as he got up and exited the room. I heard some noises, words being exchanged, and then the guy was back, locking the door behind him with a huff. He walked over to me and I heard him settle down.

‘Two bottles? My, you’re moving fast. Will you make me romantic dinner next?’ I giggled and to my surprise he didn’t snap or growl at me to shut up. Instead, I heard an amused sigh and smiled at the sound. I held my hand out and he pushed the bottle towards me.

‘Right, okay. Next story. I was working in a pub for two months leading up to my graduation. They allowed me to play my guitar there every now and then, so it was a good deal. Anyway, uh, the three sentence rule starts here. So I was working there on a Saturday and I saw this dude getting something out and putting it in a girl’s drink. Me, being the spontaneous righteous hero I am, I thought I could kick him out but it comes as no surprise that I’m a lanky loser so I got punched right in the face and kicked in the stomach. My boss pulled him off of me and the guy was screaming that I was trying to drug his girlfriend, so I shrugged and said that unless she had a dick, I saw no point in trying to roofie her, and that’s the story of how I lost my job in a homophobic pub a week before graduation,’ I finished with a sarcastic laugh. ‘Man, that really got me down, I really liked that pub,’ I sighed. ‘So, what’s your rating?’ I smiled, taking a gulp from the bottle. When I didn’t hear a reply, I tilted my head. ‘Dude, please tell me you didn’t just fall asleep to my story. Or that you’re glaring at me.’

‘No, nope, just thinking. I think that one deserves eight out of ten,’ he mumbled.

‘What!? I got beat up and it doesn’t even get a ten. Oh, please.’ I faked a huff. ‘Okay, now that I’ve proven to you that I’m an amazing matchmaker and an even better badass, I think it’s time for dirty little secrets. Like that song, you know, by The All-American Rejects. Oh, man, I love them so much. Their new stuff has such great vibes as well!’

‘Jack,’ the guy sighed in fake annoyance and I giggled, pouring more wine down my throat.
‘Aw, are you actually liking my stories? Anyway, yeah, so, back in high school I was friends with these three guys, and by being friends I mean we were there to feed one another’s egos and by guys I mean douchebags, right?’ I laughed and heard the guy let out a breathy laugh as well.

‘In reality I think we always hated one another, even though they only found a reason to actually hate me when we were all seniors. I think I first pulled a prank on them start of junior year. Every time they would cause someone misery, I’d do something to secretly spite them. So, one time we were in Chemistry and that morning they had pushed this kid in the hallway and then teased another girl in History. Oh, man, this is well over three sentences but this is so good, just wait for it!’ I paused to down another gulp.

‘Anyway, they were all useless when it came to Chemistry and we were doing experiments that day, so while they didn’t see, I swapped two of their bottles,’ I laughed and tried to hold in a burp, my head already feeling a little fuzzy. ‘Them being the idiots they were, they just went for it. And that’s how they caused an explosion. Sadly, those stunts should never be pulled in schools because everyone’s really sensitive on the subject, so we were all evacuated from the school until the Chemistry teacher could prove to the principal that everything was fine. The strangest thing was, apparently there was an actual fire in the Chemistry lab, which couldn’t be caused by Ronnie’s explosion, so I’m pretty sure another kid nearly burned down the school. Now how about that?’ I threw my head back, finding the memory hilarious. Ronnie’s face had been so priceless, all eyes judging him.

‘Okay, that one… That one earns a ten from me. It had drama, it had explosions and it had fire. That’s all you really need from a story,’ the guy said in an amused tone and I grinned at that.

‘Have I earned a game of truth or truth yet? You said no to truth or dare, but I think I deserve this now,’ I said while gesturing with my hands. As if on cue, I nearly dropped the bottle.

‘Careful with that. I think you’ve had enough to drink already,’ he said, trying to pull the bottle from me.

‘M’nope. Let’s play truth or truth and take wine shots. Wine shots, oh God, that’s brilliant. I’m brilliant. Can we do that?’ I begged, trying to hold in a giggle.

‘Take shots for what?’ the guy asked.

‘Just, like, a reward for every truth. Come on, please!’

‘Fine, okay. We’ll have to use the glass though,’ he said and I tried to fist pump, nearly dropping the bottle again. ‘I’ll take that from you now,’ he said and with a laugh I let him take the bottle. I heard him pour a little into the glass from before and I took that as my chance to go first.

‘Okay then. Jimmy Fallon style. Truth or truth?’ I asked, trying to hide my grin.

I heard the guy sigh. ‘Truth, obviously.’

‘What is a name that I can use to refer to you, sir?’ I asked, trying to pull off a serious expression.

He seemed to ponder the question for a while and in the meantime I was biting my lip, hoping I hadn’t just crossed a line.

‘William,’ he finally said and I heard him have his drink before pouring some more into the glass. I laughed.

‘Nice one, Will. Okay then, Will. Will. Yeah, I’m fine with Will. Well, Will, I’m Jack. It’s nice to meet you properly,’ I giggled and held my hand out somewhere in the direction of where I thought he was. After a second he actually reached forward and shook it, and I slumped back against the wall, feeling content.

‘Well, Jack. What is your favourite song?’ Will asked and I used my free hand to pretend to facepalm.

‘You’re meant to ask if it’s truth or truth before you dive into the question. But really? I don’t… Like, music-wise, or lyric-wise, or-’

‘When I say favourite song, which is the first song that pops in your mind?’ he cut me off.
‘Adam’s Song. Blink. Yeah, Adam’s Song,’ I told him.

‘Oh,’ Will muttered. I tilted my head. Was he judging? I said that aloud while trying to find the glass of wine.

‘No, not judging, just surprised. Didn’t expect that. It’s a good one,’ he explained and helped me by handing me the glass which I gulped in one go. He filled it up again.

‘Of course it is. Blink are the greatest. Anyway, truth or truth?’

‘Ah, this is a difficult one. I’ll have to say truth,’ he teased and I snorted. Fuck, I was gone already.

‘Cats or dogs? This is an important one. Your answer will either earn respect or hatred,’ I told him, trying to point my index finger at him and probably looking like a fool.

‘Oh, I see. Well, better watch out because I’ll judge you based on this as well but… dogs,’ Will said and I pumped my fist in the air with a broken ‘yessss’ as I yawned. I heard him laugh at me before he asked me if I chose truth or truth.

‘I think we’re so far in this already… Hit me with truth!’ I exclaimed.

‘Are you depressed?’ he asked me and I felt like he had just poured ice cold water over me.

‘I-what? No. No, I’m not depressed,’ I replied. ‘I’m a lot of things but depressed is not one of them. Why would you ask that?’

‘Honestly, I don’t know. Fuck, I have no idea,’ he said and I could hear him getting stressed out.

‘No, no, it’s fine, I mean that’s okay, just… Didn’t expect that. Not exactly a first date quality question, right?’ I laughed, reaching for the glass and pouring the wine down my throat. ‘Do you wanna do the serious talk? I feel like this entire thing has been building up to it, actually. I’m at that point of drunk right now where I might as well start pondering the meaning of life,’ I admitted, trying to move around and make myself more comfortable.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. We’re drunk,’ Will mumbled and I let out a sarcastic laugh.

‘Oh, please, you started this. You wanna know how many shades of fucked up I am, and so do I,’ I told him, using my free hand to ruffle my hair.

‘Excuse me?’ he asked, his tone growing cold.

‘You wanna know my problems. You wanna know why I’m always complaining when it comes to my parents. You think I’m seeking attention, but now you’re drunk and you’re questioning it, you’re thinking maybe there’s more to it. So, why not? I want to know what’s wrong with you too. Plus, we’re drunk. We can always blame everything on being drunk,’ I explained, gesturing with my hand before blindly searching for the bottle. Will wasn’t saying anything so I huffed. ‘Fine, I’ll go first. Why do you hate me so much?’

I wished I could take the blindfold off to see Will’s face. Instead I settled for downing another gulp of the alcohol.

‘I don’t hate you. I dislike what you stand for,’ he said matter-of-factly.

‘How does that even work? You don’t know what I stand for,’ I laughed, unable to control myself.

‘You believe in the benefits of popularity, wealth and class,’ he explained, voice still serious.
‘You don’t know me at all. I’m not my parents. I couldn’t care less about any of those,’ I defended myself.

‘They all say that, don’t they?’ he asked.

‘They? Who’s they? I stand for what I’ve learnt to believe in. I stand for being able to pull yourself up from a dark pit, to prove people otherwise, to live for what you love, even if it causes you misery. I made my fair share of mistakes as a teen to know that I never want to go back to being mindless fool,’ I explained and heard a sigh. ‘Now, ask me something,’ I finished and started playing with my hair again, suddenly feeling nervous.

‘Right. Why do you keep refusing food?’

‘Some people think it’s an eating disorder. I don’t really think it is. I’m just never too hungry, especially if I feel stressed. I started losing my appetite end of my senior year, and it never really returned after that. I still eat, it’s just it sometimes take persuasion to take that first bite because that’s where the nausea hits,’ I told him with a shrug. ‘Do you have an anger disorder?’

I heard Will shuffle before he sighed. ‘You could say that. It’s more complicated than that,’ he replied and there was something in his voice that told me if I pressed any more on that topic, it wouldn’t end well. ‘What’s the deal with you and your parents?’

‘I’ve always had a strained relationship with them. My father’s looked at me as the disappointment of the family ever since I was a kid. My siblings don’t have a perfect relationship with him either, but at least it involves respect. I pulled this stunt on him once, right? I hid a camera on his bookshelf and it recorded the moment he slapped me and screamed at me. Then I used that footage to blackmail him into buying me a new guitar amp. It was a good deal,’ I added with a bittersweet laugh. ‘Okay, if you don’t hate me, why did you beat me up when I was already knocked out?’

‘I was having a bad day,’ he replied and I snorted before pressing my palm against my forehead.

‘Oh God. So you’re literally saying you beat me up because you could? Because I was giving you your chance at redemption here, you know.’ Silence followed and I sighed, ‘dude, you started this, don’t get pissed at me for being curious!’

‘I’m not. I just don’t know what you want to hear from me,’ he explained. ‘I did what I did, and I don’t regret doing it,’ he said coldly.

‘What you’re saying is that if you could, you’d beat me up again?’ I asked, suddenly feeling angry.

‘No. I’m saying that I don’t feel sorry for what I did,’ he repeated once again, still with no emotions behind his voice. ‘If you hated your high school friends so much, why did you stick with them?’

The question caught me off guard. I had not expected Will to ask me about my friends again. ‘Dunno. I felt protected, I think. At first I obviously thought that made me cooler than others. Respected. As time went past, I really had no choice but to stick with them. Once you join a crowd, you can’t just leave, especially with people like Ronnie. He just hated everything but he still cared about reputation. They found me kissing this guy once, Dallon, I think, and I ended up limping home. When I came to school the following Monday, it was like nothing had changed, they gave me fist bumps and all. Then lunch came and once we were away from everyone’s eyes, the abuse came back. It was weird like that but I let it slide to avoid drama,’ I shrugged.

‘You’re an idiot,’ Will stated.

‘Excuse me?’ I asked, furrowing my brows behind the blindfold.

‘You stayed friends with your bullies to keep your reputation. You are an idiot,’ he repeated.

‘I stayed with them because they were the only friends I had!’

‘You could’ve made new ones,’ he replied in the same cold tone.

‘I had two months left. Do you really think people would’ve believed that I had somehow magically changed into this tolerable nice guy?’ I asked.

‘Yes, that is exactly what I’m suggesting would’ve happened,’ he said.

‘Then you’re no better than a fool yourself! I didn’t just stick with them because I thought I wouldn’t make new friends, I stayed because I still thought they were my friends. Sure, that was an illusion, but we had been a group since the freshman year. I wanted to believe that if I had changed, so would they,’ I told him, feeling my throat close up.

‘That doesn’t make any sense,’ Will stated, his voice still void of emotions.

‘Jesus, what is wrong with you? I was alone, okay? My father hated me, my friends hated me, I had recently come to terms with my sexuality and who I wanted to be, I had no drive to fight back!’ I said, my voice getting louder as I got more annoyed. ‘I thought if I didn’t fight back, they’d understand that I still wanted them to stick with me.’ I admitted, my voice cracking. ‘I thought they’d come around, you know? I just had so much hope,’ I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from letting out a sob.

Pathetic. Again.

‘I made my move few days before graduation. I had become friends with Rian, as well as two other dudes, and they’d always pick me up after school for some jamming. They found me badly messed up one day and talked some sense into me. So, the next day I stood Ronnie and the other two up. Rumours spread like fire but I managed to avoid the guys for the rest of the day. Sadly, you can only avoid your problems for so long,’ I let out a shaky laugh. ‘I… I am an idiot, aren’t I? You’re right. I thought I was doing the right thing. If I had just stood them up when it started, it wouldn’t have ended so badly. I think I didn’t know it then but I was terrified. I thought I was losing my way,’ I sniffled and then let my head hit the wall behind me.

‘Oh, God, I’m a moron. Fuck. I should’ve done something epic, right? Like, key their cars or something. Paint their lockers in rainbow colours. Ah, that would’ve been great,’ I was full-on laughing by then, pulling at my hair with my free hand. ‘Maybe then I wouldn’t be such a mess. That would’ve been so good,’ I told myself, my voice dropping to a whisper as I kept pulling at my hair. Suddenly, there was a hand pulling mine away and a presence right next to me.

‘Breathe,’ Will told me quietly and I realized I had been on the brink of another panic attack. I tried to let out a laugh but instead it sounded like a broken sob.

‘I thought maybe I deserved it for all the bad things I had done. I didn’t fight it,’ I whispered, barely aware of the fact that Will’s hand was now playing with my hair even though there was still a comfortable gap between us. For the first time the touch didn’t cause me to tense up and instead I found myself pressing my head against the wall and focusing on my breathing, wondering just why the hell had I thought getting drunk was a good idea.

Notes

so i'm aware that i’m a butt for not updating either of my fics for a month. –cringe-
now can we talk about death of a bachelor being fcking amazing? and i’m seeing all time low and twenty one pilots next month. i'm crying, bye.

also i made a new twitter account and i’m lacking awesome people to follow so hit me up at @smolbuds cuz i'm very lonely.



guilty x