Sin
Thirty-one
Alex
You're just some pathetic church kid.
Jack was right. Who was I kidding? Smoking, motorbikes...band practice. Who was I trying to fool? All I'll ever be is Alexander Gaskarth; teachers pet, religious freak. Not 'Princess', not 'Lex". Not someone that people want to be around, I should stick with Patrick, get my grades and move on with life rather than dwelling on the past couple of months. But something inside of me was screaming at me to say sorry, to fling my arms around Jack's neck and just hold him there forever. But I can't, he's switched off from me, he doesn't care. And I don't think I've ever felt so unwanted.
It it was the next Friday afternoon and I was sat in last period, Music. Jack had turned up late as usual and sat the other side of the room, as far away from me as possible. How mature.
"Afternoon, guys!" Mr Amtrong...Billie...called out, catching the class' attention. "We've had a while to settle in to the class now and time to start talking about...exams!"
Everyone instantly groaned and Billie clapped his hands together, signalling that he wanted silence.
"Your final grade at the end of the year will be made up out of three parts; Theory, which we'll be covering in class, Performance, where you'll record you playing or singing a song, and Composition, where you'll have to write your own song, this part will be done both in and outside of the classroom, so c'mon guys, put the effort in at home too."
I tuned out the rest of the class, not being able to concentrate for more than ten minutes and darted out of the room as soon as the bell rang. I went straight to my locker, which was unfortunately the other end of the school, where Patrick was already waiting, leaning against it casually and tapping furiously on his phone.
Patrick meeting me at my locker after school was the new routine now that Jack and I weren't talking to one another. We'd walk back together too seeing as my place was on the same route that he walked anyway, not that I'd know after riding on a bike for so long.
"Hey Pat, whatcha doing?"
He carried on tapping, his mouth stretching into weird shapes and then he sighed in frustration, stopping what he was doing. "It's this new game I have, it's impossible!"
"New game?" I chuckled.
"Yeah, Flappy Bird."
"Flappy Bird? Sounds like a baby game..." I said, opening my locker and grabbing my bag, slinging it over one shoulder.
"It sounds easy....but nothing could be harder."
I smiled to myself, knowing Jack would have found that hilarious and making it sound sexual. No Alex, stop thinking about him, he left you.
Yeah, that would have been great advice if Rian and Jack himself weren't walking past me to leave. I shot Rian a weak smile, which he returned, but Jack merely held my gaze for a few seconds before dropping it and walking out of the door.
"C'mon, let's go."
Sell me out I'm yesterday's old news
Phrases left on paper
Black ink bleeding through
The pages where we made our history
Call me foolish
I feel helpless
-
Take me, show me
The corners of your empty room
The trouble we could get into
Just fake it for me
-
I'm finding me out
I'm having my doubts
I'm losing the best of me
I was now sat in my room, trying to get a start on the Music Composition, but I could barely put a verse together, and quite frankly it was pissing me off.
"For fuck's sake!" I whisper yelled to myself and threw my notebook across the room.
"Alex! Sweetheart!" My mom called from downstairs.
I leapt up from my desk chair and jogged down the stairs, finding her in the kitchen.
"Yeah?" I asked, hoping she didn't hear me swearing and throwing things.
"Could you pop down the the shop for me? We've ran out of a few things and I'm busy cooking dinner."
"Of course."
She handed me a list of the items and the money and I quickly kissed her cheek, pulled on my Converse and left.
It it seemed like forever to get where I was going, but I found my way, scurried around the shop and bought what was needed.
The bad news? I had to go through a dingy alleyway to get home, and it was pretty darn scary. There were leaky gutters hanging from the brick walls, huge dumpsters that were overflowing and it wouldn't surprise me if there was dead rats lining the place.
I could see the end of it in sight, like a beautiful bright light leading the way to a better, safer, and cleaner place.
How wrong I was.
Jon on rounded the corner, walking closer to me like a big black shadow pouncing on its prey, a terrifying grin etched into his features.
"Gaskarth, my main man! It's been a while."
"Not now, Jon, please."
Wrong thing to say. I was thrown up against the wall, the shopping falling out of the bottom of the bag and rolling away from me.
"Now now, Princess," He sneered as if he knew that would both annoy and hurt me. "I haven't seen you in a while, I think it's time we spent some...quality time together."
With that, a short jab was delivered to my stomach and Jack's words running through my mind.
I hope Jon breaks your fucking arm or something!
You're just some pathetic church kid.
Jack was right. Who was I kidding? Smoking, motorbikes...band practice. Who was I trying to fool? All I'll ever be is Alexander Gaskarth; teachers pet, religious freak. Not 'Princess', not 'Lex". Not someone that people want to be around, I should stick with Patrick, get my grades and move on with life rather than dwelling on the past couple of months. But something inside of me was screaming at me to say sorry, to fling my arms around Jack's neck and just hold him there forever. But I can't, he's switched off from me, he doesn't care. And I don't think I've ever felt so unwanted.
It it was the next Friday afternoon and I was sat in last period, Music. Jack had turned up late as usual and sat the other side of the room, as far away from me as possible. How mature.
"Afternoon, guys!" Mr Amtrong...Billie...called out, catching the class' attention. "We've had a while to settle in to the class now and time to start talking about...exams!"
Everyone instantly groaned and Billie clapped his hands together, signalling that he wanted silence.
"Your final grade at the end of the year will be made up out of three parts; Theory, which we'll be covering in class, Performance, where you'll record you playing or singing a song, and Composition, where you'll have to write your own song, this part will be done both in and outside of the classroom, so c'mon guys, put the effort in at home too."
I tuned out the rest of the class, not being able to concentrate for more than ten minutes and darted out of the room as soon as the bell rang. I went straight to my locker, which was unfortunately the other end of the school, where Patrick was already waiting, leaning against it casually and tapping furiously on his phone.
Patrick meeting me at my locker after school was the new routine now that Jack and I weren't talking to one another. We'd walk back together too seeing as my place was on the same route that he walked anyway, not that I'd know after riding on a bike for so long.
"Hey Pat, whatcha doing?"
He carried on tapping, his mouth stretching into weird shapes and then he sighed in frustration, stopping what he was doing. "It's this new game I have, it's impossible!"
"New game?" I chuckled.
"Yeah, Flappy Bird."
"Flappy Bird? Sounds like a baby game..." I said, opening my locker and grabbing my bag, slinging it over one shoulder.
"It sounds easy....but nothing could be harder."
I smiled to myself, knowing Jack would have found that hilarious and making it sound sexual. No Alex, stop thinking about him, he left you.
Yeah, that would have been great advice if Rian and Jack himself weren't walking past me to leave. I shot Rian a weak smile, which he returned, but Jack merely held my gaze for a few seconds before dropping it and walking out of the door.
"C'mon, let's go."
Sell me out I'm yesterday's old news
Phrases left on paper
Black ink bleeding through
The pages where we made our history
Call me foolish
I feel helpless
-
Take me, show me
The corners of your empty room
The trouble we could get into
Just fake it for me
-
I'm finding me out
I'm having my doubts
I'm losing the best of me
I was now sat in my room, trying to get a start on the Music Composition, but I could barely put a verse together, and quite frankly it was pissing me off.
"For fuck's sake!" I whisper yelled to myself and threw my notebook across the room.
"Alex! Sweetheart!" My mom called from downstairs.
I leapt up from my desk chair and jogged down the stairs, finding her in the kitchen.
"Yeah?" I asked, hoping she didn't hear me swearing and throwing things.
"Could you pop down the the shop for me? We've ran out of a few things and I'm busy cooking dinner."
"Of course."
She handed me a list of the items and the money and I quickly kissed her cheek, pulled on my Converse and left.
It it seemed like forever to get where I was going, but I found my way, scurried around the shop and bought what was needed.
The bad news? I had to go through a dingy alleyway to get home, and it was pretty darn scary. There were leaky gutters hanging from the brick walls, huge dumpsters that were overflowing and it wouldn't surprise me if there was dead rats lining the place.
I could see the end of it in sight, like a beautiful bright light leading the way to a better, safer, and cleaner place.
How wrong I was.
Jon on rounded the corner, walking closer to me like a big black shadow pouncing on its prey, a terrifying grin etched into his features.
"Gaskarth, my main man! It's been a while."
"Not now, Jon, please."
Wrong thing to say. I was thrown up against the wall, the shopping falling out of the bottom of the bag and rolling away from me.
"Now now, Princess," He sneered as if he knew that would both annoy and hurt me. "I haven't seen you in a while, I think it's time we spent some...quality time together."
With that, a short jab was delivered to my stomach and Jack's words running through my mind.
I hope Jon breaks your fucking arm or something!
Notes
:(
Still miss this story so much :(
5/25/18