I leave my footprints for the evidence

Today is our last day in Baltimore and we have a funeral to attend today. I hate funerals. I hate the thought of a funeral, we get closer from putting someone in the ground or in an urn. But what if they never got closure, I mean is it fair for the living to get the closure? But anyways, I'll do anything Jon wants me to, cause he got my mother to be kinder to me. He asked me to go so I'll go, he asked me to speak so I'll speak.

I got up this morning around 11 and got dressed. Alana was already awake and talking to Jon. I put on my batman bra and a green day hoodie but no pants I kept my underwear on. I used to do this when I lived here too. Sure I didn't have to scars on my legs like I do now but whatever both Alana and Jon knew about those and the ones on my wrists. Currently we're down stairs just sitting in a comfortable silence waiting until we need to get dressed and head to the funeral.

I look up from my phone and around the room, Jon's asleep on the couch and Alana's on her phone. I smile and stand up. I had pants on now cause you should never answer the door for chinese food in your underwear. "Hey, we should go get dressed." I said to Alana stretching. "I brought my stuff down to the hall bath down here so you can get dressed up stairs." She smiled at me. "Alright then." I said and walked through to the up stairs.

I made it up the stairs and stepped into my room. Opening my suitcase I pulled out the only dress I brought up here. I pull off my hoodie and toss it to the other side of the room. I pull off my pants and toss them with the hoodie. I go to my bathroom and turn on my straightener.I stand there and wait for it to heat up. I look at my face in the mirror and make faces. I start to giggle standing there watching my tongue contort into different shapes until my eyes catch a glimpse of the skin on my hips.

It's stupid that I even started cutting but I did. My hips are covered, my upper thighs, and my wrists. All easily covered areas but I don't want them covered. I recovered from my habit years ago and I wear them proudly. I wear them proudly because I overcame all the obstacles that made me do those and I'm still here to talk about it. I ran my fingers over the scars that were still noticable but not as much as they were, the only time they're noticeable is when you touch them. You can feel where my skin healed all the self inflicted wounds.

My straightener beeps and I reach for it. I run it through my hair and finish that part then. Do my make up, the works go on my face and little red lipstick to finish it off. I step back into my room and stop dead in my tracks seeing a body sitting on the bed staring at me. He's wearing a suit and his hair styled in the same mohawk. "Hey." He says. I shake my head and continue walking to my suit case. I undo my bra and reach for my other on. I pull it on and change underwear. They match. I see Jack still staring at me.

"Hello?" He says trying to break this silence barrier I put up. I ignore him again and step into my dress and pull it up to my thighs. "I'm sorry." My head whipped around and looked at him. He stands up and takes a step closer. "What?" I ask. "I'm sorry." He said again, now standing in front of me. "Jack, I can't forgive you right now, alright. I have to go to this funeral and then back home and-" "I know what you have to do, and I knew you wouldn't forgive me just yet." I nod looking down at me sock covered feet.

I turn and move my hair out of the way. "Will you zip this?" I ask. "Uh, yeah." He says. I can feel his fingers take hold of the zipper, slowly pulling it up. I close my eyes and enjoy the silence and the slight touch he's giving my body. He finishes but his hands don't leave, his right hand takes the lightest hold of my right hip, rubbing circles with his thumb. "I have a question." He breaks the silence making my eyes flutter open. I slowly turn around to face him. "Shoot." I say, giving a smile.

"Those...scars. Did I. I mean was I like... did I make you do those?" He asked. How do I answer that? "No, just... a lot of stuff made me do it. But I'm clean now." I said giving a smile. He gives one back but it looks like he thinks it's hid fault and some of it is but he doesn't need to feel that way. I reach up and cup his left cheek with my right hand, still slightly scruff like I remember. "Hey, it's not your fault. I promise." Why did I say that? Of course it's his fault! He made me start that intoxicating habit!

I don't know if I love him the same anymore but I know I still feel something and I can't stand to see him like that. "Ok but I'm still sorry." I nodded and moved my hand from his face. I stepped back and got a look at him again, wearing a dark blue tie. I loved him in blue. I smile and pull off my socks and slip my feet into my flats.I grab my phone off the bed and check the time. "We should probably go." I said and made my past Jack and down my stairs.

I got to the bottom and everyone was in the living room. Alex, Cass, Zack and Rian. I waved and walked past them and into my kitchen, where Alana was sitting in her dress. Smiled and looked at me doing a double take. "Jesus, Paige. This is your mother funeral not a club." I laughed and went to the fridge and pulled out a beer. "This is the only dress I brought." I said in between sips. "Well, you look like a hoe." I laughed again and leaned across the bar staring at her. "Good." She laughed and smiled at me.

"Hey, are you both ready?" Jon asked walking into the kitchen. "Yes, señor." He nodded and I followed him and Alana out of the kitchen. "Alright, let's get this over with." Jon said. "I second that." I said following him outside. "Alright, who is riding with who?" Jon asked. "I'll drive anyone who wants to ride." Rian said. "Cool, I'll ride with you." Zack said. "I'll ride, too." Alana said and before I could call that last seat in Rian's car Alex did. "Yeah, I'll ride with Rian."

I rolled my eyes. "I guess I'll ride with you, señor." "Nope, I'm waiting for your Aunt to get here. Sorry." I turned to see the only person left was Jack. I took a deep breath in and walked over to him. "Can I ride with you?" I asked. "Yeah, of course." He said. The rest got into Rian's car and my step dad got picked up, as Jack ad I made our way out to his car. He unlocked it and we both slid in. I pull my seat belt over my torso and buckle it in place. I lean my head back against the head rest, closing my eyes.

I feel Jack pull out of my drive way. "Your Jack tattoo is cool, I never thought you were a tattoo type." He said breaking the uncomfortable silence. I moved my head opening my eyes and looked at him. "Yep, I changed a lot since the last time I saw y'all." "Like what?" He asked looked at me. His dark brown eyes, I could stare into forever. "Um... I have my belly, tongue, lip and nose pierced now." "Yeah, which is incredibly sexy by the way." This is a weird side of Jack, he used to be sweet and caring and shy but now he thinks he's hot stuff, not that I'm denying it cause he totally is.

"Thanks, you're not bad yourself." I said back. He leaned closer to me still both hands on the wheel. "You look gorgeous by the way." He leaned back to his half of the car. "Thank you." I leaned closer to his ear. "You look hot, too. I love you in blue." I sat back in my seat. And smiled at him but he wasn't paying attention. If he wants to try to get me all flustered, two can play at that game. I'm not the shy, quiet, quaint girl he once knew. I cross my right leg over the other letting it ride up a little higher, showing more of my thigh.

I turn and look out the window with an evil smirk on my lips. I turn back to look at him. "You know." I started and he looked over at me. "I have more than that one tattoo, that one just happens to be the biggest." He bites his lip but turns back to the road. "And w-where would the others be?" He asked, stuttering a little. "Hmm, I have one on my finger and one on my wrist, oh and there's one around my right nipple." I said. Jack took in a deep breath of air and choked on it.

"Your nipple?" He asked completely shocked. "Yep, and that one hurt like a bitch." I said. He looked over at me and down at my chest but quickly turned away thinking I wouldn't catch him. "You know, it's ok to look at them, they're bigger." I said squishing them together. I looked over at him, smiling devilishly cause I knew I was getting to him. His jaw was tight and he was breathing through his nose.

I smiled normally and cleared my throat. "So what's new with Jack Barakat?" I asked. He took a breath in and looked at me. "I-I'm obviously better at the guitar now." He laughed but I was mad. "Jack, you were always an amazing guitarist." I said furrowing my eyebrows. He turned and looked at me, giving me a grin. "Thanks." I reached over grabbing his right hand and holding it in between both of mine. I ignored the tingles and continued my talking.

"These hands are magic, they do wonderful things. I've tried to play some of your guitar parts, they're hard." He smiled at me. "Thank you." We stared at each other for a few seconds before I let go of his hand. "Welcome." I spoke. I leaned back in my seat as we pulled up to the building. We both got out and walked towards the doors. I looked at Jack walking next to me. I laughed a little. I stopped and he did too. "Come here, goofball." I stepped up to him and fixed his tie and collar of his black button up.

He stared down at me. "What?" I asked still holding his tie. "I haven't heard you call me goofball in so long." My smile melted and I cleared my throat and walked away from him and into the place. I walked past all the flowers and stuff and people were already saying last goodbyes to the body. I looked around and an open seat next to Alana is what I went for. It was on the end. I went over and sat down, Alex on the other side of her. They were so deep into their conversation they didn't even realize I sat down.

It started getting quieter when I heard the chair behind me squeak. "Paige, what did I do? Why did you leave?" I heard Jack whisper behind me. "Not right now." I said harshly, paying attention as someone stood up starting whatever you call this. "But Paige-" "Jack, not now." I said again, this time silencing him. I looked back up as my step dad stood up. I was lost in my own thoughts not paying attention to what he was talking about. It wasn't until Alana nudged my arm. "Do what?" I asked coming back down to earth.

"Go up there, it's your turn." She said. I stood up straightening my dress out and walking up to the podium. I stood there looking at all the face, most I haven't seen in years. "Hi, I haven't seen most of you in a long time. I returned home to be with my mother, most of you never understood how I could just leave and stay gone after she was diagnosed, but I did and I regret it. I should have been here but I wasn't and I can't change that." I continued to search the crowd for people who looked like they understood what I was saying.

"I uhh." I looked down at my hands playing with them on top of the podium. "Seeing my mom before she died was sad." I looked back up. "She was a frail, broken, needy woman when she never was like that in her life time. She was the strongest woman I ever met, after my dad left us she supported us, kept a roof over my head, got me everything I needed. I wasn't the easiest kid, but I got better and towards the end of her life she realized that and forgave me and I forgave her." I smiled at thinking these people don't know anything about who she really was.

"And well I guess that's what I wanted to say was remember her how she was before this started, before when she was herself. Not like this, she deserves to be remembered like that." I nodded finishing my speech and stepped off the riser. I walked past all the people staring at me and went into the front lobby. I sat on the floor, behind some flowers, with my back against the wall and legs crossed at the ankles in front of me. No one really knew that woman, no one except-

"Paige?" My eyes opened and around the corner came Jack. He kneeled down in front of me. "That was really sweet." He said. I nodded as tears began to well in my eyes. "I tried so hard up there, Jack. And people still stared at me like I was saying the wrong thing." I looked at his face, seeing the old Jack I loved. He sat next to me taking my left hand in his right. I pushed my head to his right shoulder and he laid his head atop mine. We used to sit like this for hours when either one of us were upset.

"And I wanted to tell them what kind of person she was but who would I be to take away their perception of that monster." I said out loud. "I know Paige. I know." Was all he said. I closed my eyes letting tears roll down my cheeks. I quickly moved grabbing a hold of Jack's neck wrapping my arms around it. His arms wrapped around my body pulling me closer to his chest. I cried sitting there. "The bruises and scars went away but the hurt remains. I hate that people don't know what she did to me."

I said on his shoulder. "You were always there, helped me through all of it, cared for me." I said looking up at his face. I bit my lip and stared for a second, his eyes soft like they once were and his features hopeful while mine were always dismal. We were good for each other back then. "I have to go, Jack." I said letting completely go. I stood up and so did he. "Let me drive you home." "No, I'll ask Matt or someone." I said quickly. Just then Matt walked out, I'm assuming to go to the bathroom. I walked over to him. "Matt, will you take me home?" "I got it, Matt." Jack said.

"No, please?" I asked. He huffed and looked at me. "Sure, give me a minute." He stepped into the bathroom. I walked to the door and before I could make it he grabbed my wrist. "Paige-" "Jack, it hurt so much when you stopped dealing with me. I realized I was annoying and clingy but damn it, I missed my best friend, my other half. Sure, I would have been hurt if we just drifted apart but YOU, you you just dropped me like I meant nothing. I couldn't handle that, just like I can't handle this right now." I said pulling my arm out of his grasp.

Matt came out and walked over to me. We walked out of the building and got into his car. Pulling out I looked at my face, wiping the mascara off my cheeks and out from under my eyes. "Are you-" "Yeah, I'm fine. I promise." I said as nice as I could to Matt. A few minutes later we arrived at my house. I got out and gave Matt a hug. "Bye Matt, thank you." "Bye, Paige." I smiled and walked away from him. Entering my house I kicked off my shoes and walked through the kitchen and into my back yard.

I sat on the side of the pool with my feet dangled in. I closed my eyes enjoying the wind and sweet smell of the Baltimore air. When two more feet made a splash in the pool sitting next to me. "Hey, sweet heart." She said. I looked at her and instantly leaned into her open arms. "Don't worry, we'll go home and eat grilled cheese and tomato soup for a week and you'll feel better." I laughed and leaned back up. "That's why we're best friends." I said to her.

"Yeah, yeah." We sat there enjoying the water. "So... you and Alex?" I asked. Instantly a blush crept onto her cheeks. "We don't have to leave tomorrow if you don't want to." I added. Her head whipped around and looked at me. "And that's why you're my best friend. Cause you would give me that option, but no we're leaving tomorrow cause we have one of 4 openings tomorrow and we have to be there." She said. I smiled and stood up, she followed. We walked up stairs getting ready for bed. Our flight is at 8:30 so we had to get up early tomorrow.

Notes

Comment please, that would be fantastic. I'm working on the next chapter now so... if you want me to update it say so. Thanks for reading! LOVES :P

Paige: http://www.polyvore.com/little_black_dress/set?id=109037070

Alana: http://www.polyvore.com/funeral/set?id=109053048