Weightless ~

I woke up with Jack still next to me. Perfect. Rodrigo texted me that he had something to take care of and that I was free for the day. Just perfect, I get to spend the whole day with Jack and the guys. I slowly got up and went straight to the kitchen where I made us some coffee and prepared a mini breakfast. I returned to the bedroom and sat down next to him. He was so cute when he was sleeping, I could watch him for hours. I slowly kissed him on the cheek which made him moan and sink his face into the pillow.

»Morning, I made coffee.« I said and layed next to him for a while. He was still very sleepy, he had his eyes closed, but he put his hand over me and pulled me closer. »What time is it?« he moaned out. »It's 9.30.« I replied, giving him a kiss on his nose. »Aren't you supposed to be at work?« »I have a day off.« I said and saw him grin with his eyes still closed. »Then that means we're staying in bed for at least an hour.« »Haha, sure babe… just have some coffee and breakfast before it gets cold.«

And we did, we had breakfast, coffee and went straight back to bed. I was practically in heaven since I came to San Diego. Jack gave me a feeling I never knew before. We were laying in the bed and talking. I was mostly thinking about Vic. When is he coming back? How is he? What am I going to do? I was single and me and Jack were far from official, but we started this band thing and I like being with him. I don't wanna stop. I put those guesses and questions in a little box in my head that I'm not opening before I have to. Jack was snuggled up my neck, I could feel his warm breath and his soft lips pressed against my skin.

»I have to tell you something.« he said and kissed my neck. »Go ahead.« I kissed his forehead and let him snuggle back up my neck. »First of all I wanna say thank you for trusting me and telling me stuff about your scars.« He slid over them with his finger, gently, barely touching the skin. »And second, I wanna tell you that I suffer from depression. People that I care about know it and now you also deserve to know it.« I was shocked, no joke. He seemed like the most caring, happy and fulfilled person I know. »Oh…« I said, almost whispered. »How severe is it?« That was my next question.

I know of depression, I've been reading a lot in the past due to my anxiety and panic attacks. I never took any pills for it, but I was lightly depressed for a while. »It's not that severe. I mean I take medication and all but not all the time, just on occasions when it hits me.« »How long have you been depressed?« He didn't hesitate telling me everything, he trusted me. And I was thankful to him for that.

»I think it all started when my dog died, when I was just a little kid. It was very frustrating for me. When I turned 15, my mom died and it got worse. It all just escalated in Junior High, when I came out. It was really hard for me. My dad understood and supported me, but people in school were mean. So it was all just pushing me over the edge.«

I was speechless. Jack was very good at hiding those things, like I said, I never would've thought he dealt with all this.

»I'm so sorry Jack, it must've been awful and heartbreaking…« »Thanks, and yes, it was horrible. But then again, your teenage years weren't heaven either.« I held him tight. »Hey, it's fine, I grew as a person. Very much. I met Rian and Zack in high school and we became friends instantly. Then we started getting together and playing and it all started going up for me. They accepted me being gay and now I met you. All I wish is that my mom was here to see me, to meet you and the guys and to see us play. I listened to music with her all the time.«
I felt bad. Not sorry for him, just bad. He was an amazing human being, he didn't deserve all that. Like Vic. Shit always happens to great people, I'm used to that too. »Well, I'm sure she would be very proud of you.« I said. »I hope so.«

Then we just kinda layed there in silence, with out eyes closed, caressing eachother. My phone vibrated three times – probably just some texts. I didn't touch the cell, I ignored it. I checked it later that day… I couldn't believe what I read.

Notes