Last Christmas {CONTEST ENTRY}

Not a day went by where Matt Flyzik didn’t think about that night. Every moment was burned into the back of his mind, constantly on replay. He had analyzed it so much that he could pinpoint all the seconds where he should’ve said or done something different, something that would’ve made everything all right. No, he had been so concerned about his job that he didn’t even think about his own happiness. He had rejected the one person he loved the most.
It was Christmas Eve, and Matt had been invited to the Christmas party at Alex and Lisa’s house. He almost didn’t go.He could handle the drunken antics of the boys, especially since that was usually a daily occurrence, but he didn’t want to deal with a whole house full of inebriated people he didn’t even know. He eventually decided he’d rather go to some ridiculous party than spend Christmas alone, but he was still apprehensive.
He rang the doorbell and stood on the porch awkwardly for a moment. He could hear festive music blaring from inside the house as he watched his own breath fog up the cold December air. The door swung open suddenly, and he was greeted by an already tipsy Alex. “It’s about damn time, Flyzik,” he had said. “Party’s been going on for over an hour.”
The older man grinned sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I got caught up in last minute holiday stuff.” That was a lie. He had been debating with himself on whether or not to actually show up.
There were small groups of people scattered throughout the house, either talking and laughing or dancing with some sort of alcohol in hand. Matt shoved his way through the crowd, desperately searching for a familiar face. He let out a breath of relief when he saw Rian, Zack, and Jack waving him over to where they were standing.
Rian greeted him with a smile and a friendly slap on the back. “Nice of you to show up, Flyzik. Jack’s been looking all over for you.”
He cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, curious and slightly worried. “Oh? Well, what’s going on?”
Jack, who was usually the most confident and vivacious person at any party, suddenly looked terrified and incredibly anxious. “It’s nothing, I just...I wanted to talk to you. Alone.”
“All right. Let’s go find somewhere to talk alone then,” Matt said, faking a smile and swallowing nervously. Why did Jack want to talk to him alone? He tried to assure himself that it was for advice on some problem, since he was always considered to be a father figure for the band, but something told him it wasn’t. Besides, this was Jack. Matt had such a soft spot for this tall lanky boy and his silly nature, loving every little piece of him. Wait, did he say love? He couldn’t love Jack! That would be weird and creepy.
Matt followed the head of skunk-like hair through the crowd and up the stairs, nobody seeming to care about their absence. Down the hall, third door on the left and Jack finally found a good place to talk, shutting the door quietly behind him. It was obviously a guest room with the bed and the lack of a full closet. Why here?
Jack sat down on the bed with a sigh, folding his hands and tapping his feet. “Listen...this is going to sound really crazy...”
Matt leaned against a dresser, trying to deduce what this was all about. “Come on. I’m used to crazy. Just tell me.”
The younger man shook his head. “It’s not that easy. I’ve been trying to say something for weeks but I can’t. I’m a coward.”
Now, Matt was incredibly worried. Something was wrong with Jack. “I’m your friend, and there’s obviously something wrong. Tell me.”
“I...I...” Jack began, running his fingers through his hair. “I’minlovewithyou.”
“I didn’t catch that, Say it again?” He asked.
Jack closed his eyes. “I’m in love with you.”
A blush crept across Matt’s face, and he honestly felt happy. After all, he had been trying to convince himself that he didn’t have any feelings for Jack for months now. He opened his mouth to confess, but stopped dead in his tracks. What would happen if he explained how he felt? Would they start dating? They couldn’t, could they? With Matt managing the band and all, how could that even begin to happen?
“Jack,” Matt began. He knew what he had to do, though he felt like saying it all out loud would strangle him. “I honestly hate to say this, but even if I did feel the same, it wouldn’t work. You’re technically my boss, and I’m just supposed to keep you in check. I feel sort of flattered...but I don’t feel that way about you. Besides, there’s the age difference and a whole bunch of other things...”
Jack locked eyes with him, nodding grimly. “I understand. I just thought you should know.”
Matt’s heart ached as he looked into the eyes of the younger boy, which were full of sadness and pain. Just what had he done? “Let’s get back to the party,” he said, trying to ease the tension in the room.
The two of them made their way back down the stairs, and Jack immediately made his way to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. Matt spent the rest of the night watching the lanky man knock back shot after shot, feeling nothing but regret and sorrow for what he’d done. He had broken the heart of someone he really cared about, so how was he supposed to live with himself?
It had been a year now since his night to remember. The past 365 days had been absolute hell, the whole band and crew being affected by it. Word had gotten around about what Matt had done, and nobody could look at him the same way they did before. He felt that by saving his job, he also fucked up his personal life. He just couldn’t win.
Matt had decided to resign from his position as tour manager as the band’s run of shows came to a close for the year. He had tried to convince himself that he was quitting because he was tired of touring...but he knew that most of the reason was because of Jack.
Now that it was Christmas Eve once again and since he no longer had the excuse of his job, Matt was going to make things right. His knuckles turned white from gripping the steering wheel so tight on the drive to Jack’s house. He was incredibly nervous, and yet excited for what was to come. The stars were aligned, and he could finally fix the mess he made, increasing his own happiness.
“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special.” Matt sang along with the radio, pondering the words to the song. Jack was his someone special this year. There was a nicely wrapped gift sitting in the passenger seat, a large bow stuck to the top of the box. Inside was a package of chocolates and a copy of a Blink-182 CD, Matt knowing that Jack would probably enjoy both of those.
He pulled into the driveway, putting his car into park. His heart drummed furiously against his ribcage, butterflies overtaking his stomach entirely. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed Jack’s present, practically jogging up the sidewalk to the front porch and ringing the doorbell, the song he had been listening to running through his head. He could hear voices and footsteps before the skunk haired boy finally swung the door open, looking surprised and confused.
“Flyzik? What are you doing here?” he questioned.
Matt shuffled awkwardly on the balls of his feet, shoving the gift into Jack’s hands. “First off, this is for you.”
“Oh, thanks. You didn’t have to get me anything,” he assured, rattling the present a little to try and guess what was inside.
Matt paused, pursing his lips in thought. Maybe this was a bad idea, but then again, what did he have to lose? “Look, Jack, this is going to sound ridiculous. In fact, you’ll probably get really pissed at me for it. I just...I want you to know that I lied.”
“What the fuck? Why are you telling me this?” he wondered, furrowing his brow.
The older man let out a sigh. “One year ago today, you told me you had feelings for me, and I shot you down. I told you I didn’t feel the same, but I lied. Of course I felt the same! I was just...scared. I didn’t know what would happen if I said yes, with you, my job, the band, or anything. This past year has been absolute torture because I know I made a huge mistake. I’m sorry I hurt you, Jack...but I’m here to fix it. Right here, right now.”
“Matt...I...I don’t even know where to begin...” Jack stuttered, dumbstruck.
“I don’t know what else to say except...Jack Barakat, I am completely in love with you,” Matt concluded. A face on a love with a fire in his heart... the song continued playing in Matt’s head.
Jack shook his head, gazing at the ground. “You’ve been lying to me for a whole fucking year. How did you think I would react exactly?”
A sheepish grin crossed Matt’s face. “I was hoping you’d react well.”
“I feel like I should be cursing you out right now, but I don’t have enough time to say all I want. Zack’s inside,” he said, nodding toward the house.
Another line of the song played. A man undercover but you tore me apart. Matt cringed, his heart beginning to ache. Of course Zack was over. He wasn’t stupid. He had noticed that after his rejection of Jack, Zack was always right there to comfort the lanky boy. The fans had called it Merrikat, and he was practically seeing it become real before his eyes. Matt had never felt so foolish as he stood there in front of the love of his life, knowing that he had missed his chance. “I see.”
Jack’s eye pinned to Matt’s immediately, gauging his reaction. He felt a little guilty, but also justice. Matt was finally going to get his payback for what he did. “I think you should go home.”
Matt nodded grimly, the damn song from the radio playing another line in his mind. Now I’ve found the real love, and now I found you’ll never fool me again! That was probably how Jack felt, he thought. “Right. I’ll get going.”
Jack waited until the older man was halfway down the sidewalk before speaking again, smirking to himself at his victory. “Merry Christmas, Flyzik.”
Matt froze, his shoulders tensing up. “Merry Christmas, Jack,” he choked out. He hurriedly rushed to his car, blinking back the tears forming in his eyes and ignoring the awful pain in his chest. Pulling out of the driveway, he pounded a fist against the dashboard. How could he be so stupid, to put himself on the line like that? He should’ve just let dead dogs lie.
“...but the very next day, you gave it away,” The song played again, so Matt turned off the radio entirely, speeding off toward the nearest bar. He needed a drink. He needed to not feel anything. The tables had turned on him, for he was the one now feeling the heart break.
He should’ve just stayed home.

Notes