There Will Be No Christmas {CONTEST ENTRY}

Light sprinkles began to fall lightly from the dark Baltimore sky on a calm neighborhood. Anyone just looking at the area would get a sense of peace and happiness. Houses were decorated with smiling little snowmen and reindeer pulling a sleigh full of colorful presents. Every house in the neighborhood was decorated except just one. It was a smaller house at the end of the street, sitting there in solitude and you got a sense of despair from just looking at it. The light beige house stood out quite a bit amongst all the decorated ones and sometimes people even forgot someone lived there.

The person living there matched the house almost perfectly. A skinny brunette by the name of Alex was the person who called this place home. Currently, he was sitting in a chair by a window in the dining room and occasionally glancing out the window. His brown eyes that were once so bright and full of happiness were now dull and almost lifeless. Alex’s hair was messy and obviously hadn’t been touched by a brush in at least a week. He was a mess.

He hadn’t always been this way, though. Just last year Alex was happily decorating the house with his boyfriend, Jack, a goofy smile plastered on his face and a mug of hot chocolate in one of his hands. The brunette had always been the one who loved Christmas maybe a little too much. He would start decorating right after Halloween and ignored anyone who told him he was being ridiculous. But this year was different. This was Alex’s first Christmas without Jack since eighth grade.

Sometimes I wish we would have never spoken,

The brunette continued to gaze out the frosted over window, his cheeks stained with tears. Memories of Jack just kept floating through his head. He tried to push them away but as soon as he would finally stop thinking about one memory then another would pop into his head. Alex let out a shriek of pure agony and hit his head against the window hard. Every thought I have is about him. Please go away… The male thought as he tried to keep his sobs as quiet as possible.

Sometimes I wish we never met,

Jack died last year on Christmas day and Alex hasn’t been okay since. He still remembers every detail of that entire day. He remembers Jack saying he’s just going out to go get some more eggs for the cookies they were going to make. The brunette thought nothing of it and just kissed him a quick goodbye and said he loved him. When Jack didn’t return after thirty minutes, the skinny boy started to get worried. After twenty more minutes passed Alex decided to call Jack. He gave up after six attempts at calling Jack. Almost on cue, the home phone rang and Alex quickly jumped up off of the couch.

“Hello, is this Alex Gaskarth?”

“Y-yes it is.”

“It says that you’re the boyfriend of Jack Barakat. Is that correct, sir?”

“Yes it is. What’s wrong? What happened to Jack?”

“Jack was in a car crash and I’m sorry to say it was fatal.”

“W-what?”

“Jack was dead by the time to officers arrived at the scene. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“T-thank you f-for calling.”

“Have a nice evening.”

Any attempt the brunette had made at keeping quiet was now gone. He was shaking horribly and the tears just wouldn’t stop. Every time he thought about that memory he just completely lost it. Jack was his light in all the darkness, his safe place, the one person he loved more than anything, and most importantly, his best friend. Alex tucked his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. He sniffled a little before wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie. Well, it was actually Jack’s hoodie. Jack gave it to him back in tenth grade and he’s kept it ever since.

Jack’s death had broken Alex in so many ways it was unimaginable. The brunette had already suffered from anxiety that was spiraling into depression and Jack had been his safe place. Anytime he was feeling anxious or sad he would come to the lanky boy and instantly feel better. Now, he had no one. Sure, he had friends but he had completely isolated himself since Jack’s death. At first, people tried to talk to him and help him but he didn’t want any of it. Alex felt like it was his fault that Jack was gone and no one could convince him otherwise.

If I would have just told him not to go and that we could make something else he would still be here.

It’s all my fault.

All.

My.

Fault.

Alex had been dreading Christmas this year since January. He was depressed all the time but he knew it would just get worse in this wintery month and he was scared of what he would do. Christmas was once a time he loved and even looked forward to and now he hated it so much. The tall boy wished he could just sleep through this entire month. Actually, he wished he could just fall asleep and never wake up again.

The boy let out a shaky sigh before slowly standing up and making his way down the hallway and into what used to be his and Jack’s bedroom. Now, Alex just slept alone in a bed big enough for two. As he shuffled through the doorway, he made his way over to a dresser and opened the top drawer slowly. Letting out a deep breath, he bit his lip as he glanced through all of the pictures of them together and notes Jack had written to him. A smile came across his face as he spotted one of his favorite notes from Jack. He quickly unfolded the paper and laughed a little at Jack’s messy handwriting.

“It’s like a third grader wrote this.” Alex whispered with a weak smile on his face.

Dear Alex,

You mean so much to me, ok? Don’t ever forget that.

That was all the note said but it still made Alex tear up every time he read it. Jack had written this note after Alex had told him that he wanted to die. They weren’t dating yet but the lanky male still cared so much for the brunette. Alex remembered finding this in his locker after third period and just smiling so widely after reading it. Jack really was his savior.

As Alex stood there with the note in his hands, he got an idea. He turned around quickly and shoved the note back into the drawer before running into the closet. The male quickly found a pen and a piece of paper and wrote down something before glancing around.

“Dammit, I know it’s here.” He muttered as he tore through the closet.

Finally, after five minutes of searching, he found the little box he was looking for under a pile of some old Blink shirts. His eyes lit up for the first time since Jack’s death and a genuine smile came onto his face. Quickly, he folded up the piece of paper he had written on and grabbed the little box before running out of the closet. Alex grabbed a pair of Converse off of the ground and slipped them on before grabbing his keys off of the dresser and dashing out of the room. The brunette hadn’t felt this energetic since before Jack passed.

After he made sure he still had the paper and the box he was out the front door and getting into his car. He drove quickly, not paying any mind to the speed limit or other drivers. Alex had one thing on his mind and he wasn’t going to stop thinking about it until he got it done. After about three minutes of driving, he had reached a beautiful graveyard. Most people thought graveyards were supposed to look depressing but this one was quite the contrary. Bright flowers lined the gates and the ground, adding a touch of life to what would otherwise be dead. The flowers weren’t the only part that made this cemetery full of happiness. There was a large willow tree with a pond next to it right in the center of the entire cemetery.

The willow tree was always the focal point of every person’s visit to this particular cemetery. It was at least two hundred years old, probably older, and its long drooping branches hung over a lot of the graves. Its beautiful strands of leaves, that clung to every flexible branch, got picked off quite often by people wanting to decorate a loved one’s grave or just simply because they thought it was appealing. All of the small bushes and flowers that grew around the tree were just equally as lovely. Bright flowers of many different colors bloomed all around the bottom of the tree and some even found their way up the tree and wound themselves around the base.

Alex thought it was interesting that there was a willow tree in a cemetery considering its symbolism. Its branches bend in ways that a majority of other trees cannot do but they still don’t break. That sends the message that you should adjust with life instead of fighting it and the brunette thought that was a pretty powerful message considering where it was growing.

Once he had parked his car, Alex hopped out and quickly walked through the main gate and over to where the willow tree stood. A smile spread across his face once again as he turned away from the tree and towards Jack’s grave. The smiling boy remembered requesting this spot for Jack to be buried since it was right in front of the tree. He felt like the willow tree represented Jack in a way. Jack was always flexible with life and always adjusted to whatever was thrown at him. That was one of the many things Alex loved about him.

Dropping to his knees, he pulled out the small box and piece of paper and set them on the grass in front of the grave. He took a deep breath before turning around and pulling off a strand of leaves as gently as he could. As he turned back around, he wiped his eyes quickly before placing the leaves in front of the grave. He then opened the box that held a simple silver ring inside of it before picking up the paper. He quickly unfolded and reread what he had written.

I never forgot.

After Alex had folded the paper back up, he slipped inside the box and dug a small hole next to the grave. Placing the box gently in the soil, he covered it back up slowly before finally standing up. That was the one unspoken promise he had made to Jack. He would never forget how much he meant to Jack and even though he’s gone, Alex still hasn’t broken his promise and he never would. Jack deserved at least that one last promise.

There will be no Christmas, at least not for me. This year I’m all alone waiting for the spring.

The brunette still had a smile on his face as he began to walk away from the grave. His brown eyes finally had a sense of life back in them and his smiles were genuine. He stood there in front of the willow tree for a while just listening to everything going on in the world around him. Closing his eyes, he focused on all the various Christmas music playing and his smile grew. Alex had finally gotten it. Even though Jack wasn’t physically there and it felt like he had no Christmas at all, he still had all the memories and happiness Jack had left behind.

There will be no Christmas, no Santa, no sleigh but I hope you know, that through it all…

“I’ll never forget. Merry Christmas, Jack.” Alex said softly as he turned to leave the cemetery. Even as tears pricked at his eyes, a happy smile was left painted on his face.

I still wish you a happy holiday.

Notes

Eeep I really liked writing this for some reason cx Good luck to everyone else competing c: