I can’t help but smile and sigh in contentment as I look around the crowded van through bleary eyes. Jack is sprawled across the very back set of seats, snoring away as usual, Matt having been pushed to the floor when Jack’s constant foot twitching had begun to get on his nerves.

I was sharing the next set with Alex, him leaning his back against the side of the slowly moving vehicle; one leg stretched along the seat, the other bent at the knee resting on the floor, my back pressed to his chest, my shorter legs miming his, using the elder boy as my own human pillow. We had been dozing in and out of sleep for hours, one ear bus each as we share his iPod, listening to songs like our own personal lullabies.

Zack and Kurily were on the next set of seats, discussing who knows what in hushed voices being the only ones, except Rian who was driving us all through to the next state, who were still fully awake.

“You still tired, love?” Alex speaks softly over the humming of the highway, stroking the tips of his calloused fingers over my arm, goosebumps following their trail.

I nod silently, knowing that he can feel the movement against his neck, another sigh of happiness passing my lips as his arm re-tightens around my wait and I feel his head rest against mine in a sleepy haze. “You are really comfy.”

There’s a tiny laugh in return as he presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you, sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you, but in your dreams whatever they may be, dream a little dream of me.”

I’m brought sprinting back to reality from my daydream by a soft knock on the passenger window, a shattered looking Alex smiling softly at me as he crouches down to look through the glass, a small duffel bag in hand and a guitar case over his shoulders.

I clunk the trunk open before I exit my driver’s seat, embracing Alex without a word, just letting his hand grip at my hips as he tries to find purchase on my top, gripping it like his life depends on it.

“I’ve royally fucked up, Poppy.” He mumbles into the top of my head. “When did it all get so fucking hard?”

“Well, that happens but you adapt, don’t you?” I speak softly into his ear, hoping that he recognises his own advice again. “Come on, Lex.”

* * * *

“He’s asleep right now. I don’t know what happened with Lisa, Jack but it’s got to his head pretty badly by the looks of things.” I sigh into the phone as I stroke the dirty blonde hair from Alex’s closed eyes, my body daring to perch on the side of the bed as he sleeps the day away. “I’ll make sure that he’s back in Baltimore soon, okay?”

“Do you want me to come up there? I can shuffle things around and be there by Monday.” Jack for once sounds completely sincere and I can tell that the stress of his best friend breaking down is getting to him.

“I can take care of it, Jackalope. I think that he just needs a little break.”

“Just take care of him, okay? And yourself, I know how you and Alex are around each other; I don’t want either of you to end up hurt.”

“Things aren’t like that anymore.” I sigh, not really sure if I wish that they were.

When I had been back in Baltimore, Alex and I had spent probably an unreasonable amount of time together, it felt like it did when we had gone through a stage of ‘almost dating’. Jack had never been impressed with our ignorance towards each other’s feelings and downright hated us when we ‘broke it off’ (if you can even call what we had a relationship) and found it uncomfortable to be around each other, especially when I suddenly decided that college in Chicago was where I wanted to be.

“Things will always be like that, Poppy.” He sighs. “Just be careful.”

With that, he hangs up and I turn my attention back to Alex, rather than at how short I have bitten my nails in the four hours that Alex had been here.

“Is Jack panicking about us two potentially fucking again?” Alex’s sleepy mumble makes me jump and I reply with a shaky laugh as I try to calm my heart from the shock, smiling as he opens his eyes once again.

“You know how he is; he thinks that we can’t keep our hands off of each other or something.” I chuckle, offering him a hand as he struggles to sit up with his apparently dead arms.

“He’s just jealous because he has never gotten laid.” I snort and Alex practically giggles in return, shaking his head. “Thank you for taking me in like this, Poppy. I already feel better.”

“It’s not like you’re some homeless kid, Lex. You’re practically like my brother, I wasn’t gonna leave you at the train station.” I raise my eyebrows as I think over the conversation that we just had. “Okay, so maybe not my brother because that would be weird-“

“And incest…”

“And not to mention, just plain wrong.” I wink at him. “Feel like some food now? Then you can attempt to fill me in on what went down back in Baltimore.”

* * * *

“So, nothing brought it on? You hadn’t been unusually romantic or nice, or something?” I smirk as I take another mouthful of the noodles that were sitting on the table in front of me.

“I was literally out all day with Rian getting stuff for the house and then I agreed to her coming round to watch a movie, maybe even stay the night and she suddenly started being all clingy and ‘I can see myself marrying you, Alexander Gaskarth’. What really got me was ‘We should have a baby’.”

“How did you even reply to that?”

“I just asked her nicely to go home.” He shrugs. “I wasn’t exactly going to say, ‘Yeah, let’s start trying for a kid even though I’m only twenty-three, I’m not sure if I really love you and I was actually going to see if we could go on a break over this next tour’. That wouldn’t have gone down well at all.”

“I suppose not. Lex, I’m going to tell you this because I trust you, okay?” He nods quickly, meeting my eyes as I look up from my now empty bowl. “I really, really want to help you with the Lisa problems, but I’m biased. You know that I like you better as a person when Lisa isn’t around; I’ve told you this before. You’re not as careful.”

He nods. “Jack says that I’m less fun when Lisa’s around; he thinks that I pay too much attention to her judgement.”

“I just think that Lisa is more mature than the rest of us, I guess. She doesn’t like to be embarrassed while we tend to live off of the humiliation…”

He nods, staring back down into his noodles, stirring them around with his fork. “I guess that I should talk to her, right? That’s the only way that things are going to improve.”

I smile back gently. “You’ve finally figured it out.”

Notes