Sit Back, Gotta Catch My Breath

I scrolled through my newsfeed to see what went on in the world while I was in the hospital. I got home just a couple hours ago. It's only been a few days since the incident, but I'm already starting to feel better.
My heart, on the other hand, wasn't in a very good condition. The look on Jack's face when I told him the truth was burned into my brain, and I saw it whenever I closed my eyes. And I've been having random panic attacks since that moment. It seriously sucks.
But what sucks the most is knowing that I lost the last something that meant anything to me. I sighed and looked at the bandage on my left wrist. What had I gotten myself into? I should have just told Broc to beat me up instead. It would have been a lot less complicated, and I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt I was dealing with right now. But, at least this way, Jack's life was spared.
I wanted to talk to Jack about it, explain everything, and maybe, just maybe, he would forgive me and take me back. But that was out of the question, unfortunately. I can't tell anyone about what happened. Not a soul. Because, if I do, Jack's dad is going to find out about our relationship, and who knows what he'll do?
After contemplating it for about another hour, I finally gave in. I grabbed my phone and selected Jack's contact and began typing.

To: Jack Barakat
Jack? Can we talk? Please?

I set my phone down and laid down. I stared up at the ceiling for a good while before my mum walked into my room. I looked over at her as she sighed.
"Just checking up on you," she said, before leaving again.
I shook my head to myself and continued staring at the ceiling. How could I have been so stupid? My parents are never going to trust me again. Never. So now they're going to be even more protective than they were before. Great. Just what I needed.
I sighed and rolled over on my side. What was taking Jack so long to reply? Then again, he probably didn't want anything to do with me anymore. He can't trust me, either. I'm just a terrible person that fucks up everything and messes with everyone's emotions. I rolled back over on my back and ran my hands through my hair as I groaned. Stop it, Alex. You don't need these negative thoughts.
That's when my phone vibrated. I picked it up quickly and read it.

From: Jack Barakat
What do you want?

My heart broke even more as I read the four words. Even through texting, I could hear the hurt in his voice. I took a deep breath and replied.

To: Jack Barakat
I wanted to explain.

From: Jack Barakat
Thought you said there really wasn't a reason...

To: Jack Barakat
I was just stressed out. But now that I'm calm, I want to explain.

From: Jack Barakat
Well, I'm kind of busy.

To: Jack Barakat
What are you doing?

From: Jack Barakat
Well, I'm TRYING to hook up with this girl.

I stared at the text in shock. He was already hooking up with someone else? A girl at that! Then he texted me again.

From: Jack Barakat
We can talk later. When I'm not busy. Bye.

I didn't even bother replying. Great. So, he's already moved on. Just what I needed piled on top of everything else going on in my head right now. Awesome. I pulled my notebook out from under my pillow and found an empty page before I started to write.

I admit I miss seeing your face, babe
Being alone is starting to take it's toll
I'm cold and it's getting old
I admit I should've made some changes
We were so smothered in love
We didn't have a chance to come up for air

What a waste
Where did the time go?
Where did our minds go?
I don't know
What's this place?
Where did our home go?
We won't know
I don't know

Too much of anything is too much
And too much love can be too much
We had too much time
Too much us
So we fought like tomorrow was promised

Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much

I admit I'm still watching the days go by
Sleeping alone is starting to break me down
It's cold but I should've known
I admit I made a few mistakes, babe
We were so caught up in love
We didn't have a chance to come up for air

What a waste
Where does the time go?
Where did our minds go?
I don't know
What's this place?
Where did my heart go?
We'll never know
I'll never know

Tears started to drip from my eyes and onto the page, but I just wiped my cheeks and continued writing.

Too much of anything is too much
And too much love can be too much
We had too much time
Too much us
So we fought like tomorrow was promised

Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much

I need to find a reason to feel
Like everything was meant to be let go
But take it slow
'Cause I can't be on my own

Too much of anything is too much
And too much love can be too much
We had too much time
Too much us
So we fought like tomorrow was promised

Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much
Too much, too much, too much, too much

I quickly closed the notebook and returned it to its place under my pillow. I laid back down, rolled over on my stomach, and burried my face into the bed as I began to sob. I had really lost him. I really fucked everything up. There really was nothing else. God damn it, Alex. Why are you so fucking stupid?
I grabbed my phone and re-read that text from Jack over and over.
Well, I'm TRYING to hook up with this girl.

Notes