Misery Business

Even after a couple of days, Victoria couldn’t mask her guilt. Lisa has made numerous attempts to hang with her―from breakfast to lunch to dinner―but Victoria made up an excuse for each of them. She couldn’t look her friend in the eye, let alone talk to her. She luckily never ran into her on the elevator for those days.

She wanted to tell herself that she didn’t enjoy her time with Alex. She wanted to tell herself it was her mind toying with her and he didn’t really love her again. “Tides brought me back to you …” He had said when they were intoxicated. But that was the point: he was intoxicated; it didn’t mean anything. Through her denial, she knew she couldn’t reject the butterflies that rushed to both their stomachs when they kissed, and not to mention how perfect Victoria had always fit in Alex’s arms.

She was in quite a predicament.

Sooner or later, she―and Jack as well―knew her and Alex would have to come face to face to figure out what to do. They couldn’t let Lisa find out; Victoria wanted to continue her friendship with her even through her guilt; and they couldn’t cheat. That left them with zero options. Hence why Victoria was dreading this conversation.

It was a lazy Friday day for her. Victoria called in to work and faked a sickness, not wanting to deal with the hustle and bustle of the Star Trek fans that weekend. (Though she couldn’t deny her being a die-hard Trek fan.) She had been laying around the whole day in a pair of sweats, watching Jack go in and out of the apartment because of Matt’s busy schedule for their recordings. She wished he could’ve stayed home that day so they could lay around together. He had really become a best friend to her, she realized.

By the time of three PM, she had grown bored, and when she was bored, she usually got hungry. She sat on her kitchen counter while eating scoops of her favorite Ben and Jerry’s ice cream flavor. Music played softly through her speakers, and just as one of her favorite songs in the entire world played―“Night Drive” by Jimmy Eat World―she heard someone knock on the door. She hopped down from the counter, set her tub aside, and felt her face fall as she opened the door.

“Can we talk?” Alex asked, running a hand through his dark fringe.

“I can’t stop you …” She muttered as she gestured for him to come inside.

Oh, fuck. No, no, no, she thought as they walked together into the living room. They didn’t even bother sitting on the couch, they knew this was serious.

“I didn’t really plan on what I was going to say once I got here …” He bit hard down on his lip, sighing. “I just … I don’t know what to do.”

“I was kind of wondering when you were going to come around to say this.” She threw him a small, but fake, smile. “And if you’re going to ask me if I know what to do, that’s a no.”

He sat on the top of the couch, surprising her by bringing her closer to him by her hips―a gesture she remembered well. He stared deep into her concerned hazel eyes, dreading what he had to say because he knew he didn’t want to. But he had to, there was no escape. Lisa couldn’t find out. Hell would break loose over the internet. He had to do this …

Pushing a few strands of her dark blonde hair from her face, he kissed her lips lightly. He fought the urge to go more with her, because of his hunger for her familiar touch. He leaned away, resting his forehead on her shoulder as she hung her arms down his neck with ease. “I can’t break up with Lisa,” he mumbled into her shirt.

She rested her chin on his head. “I know.”

He leaned away with a cocked eyebrow. “You know?”

“We literally have no options left, Alex.” She looked down. “And as much as it pains me like it did seven years ago, I have to let you go for the greater good.”

“You know I don’t―”

“I just need you to tell me why.” She interrupted, looking straight into his eyes. “I know that this would’ve never worked again with Lisa in the picture, but what is your exact reason why you can’t break up with her?”

He stood up, scratching the back of his head. He couldn’t tell her, at least not yet. Their reputation would be ruined before Lisa could even find out. “I can’t tell you.” He muttered.

She lifted an eyebrow. “Why?”

“I just don’t want to worry you.”

“What’s with the big secret?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “We were so close when we were together in high school, and suddenly that relationship was just thrown away with our feelings for each other. You know you can tell me anything, so why not now?”

“You know I’d tell you if it was that important to your rep.”

“Rep? What does my fucking rep have to do with this? I have no rep, Alex. Now why the secret?”

He knotted his hands in his hair. “Victoria …”

Silence enclosed the room, that was until Victoria uttered the words “Get out.”

He looked up at her confusingly. “What?”

“You don’t want to tell me anything anymore? Fine. I’ll disconnect myself from you once again. You can continue on with your relationship with Lisa, and she and I will still be friends, but any relationship with us―whether it be romantically or friendship―is done.” She pointed to her door. “Now get out of my place.”

He glanced at her fiery eyes, wanting to explain what Lisa could do to them if she found out and the consequences of him breaking it off with her. He couldn’t tell her yet. Someday she’d understand. He just didn’t want to lose Victoria again.

And as he walked out of his love’s apartment, he repeated the only words to make him feel better at a time like this: “If you love something, let it go.”

Notes

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